Joke Weapons #3: The Handicap Handwraps

[ForgettableNPC]

Well, it's been a while, for those of you who remember seeing these (Probably not, but never hurts to declare), so I think it's time for the third series of the Joke Weapons installment.

Previous Joke Weapons can be found here:
Joke Weapon #1: Healing Shiv (Same guy, honest, weird issue with DDO Forums a long time ago)
Joke Weapon #2: Shtick Stick

Now presenting the third in ForgettableNPC's Joke Weapons series...The Handicap Handwraps! (Name Pending)


Name: Handicap Handwraps

Weapon Type: Handwraps
Damage: 1d3 (1d2 if Halfling) - 1 (Due to Enchantment), Bludgeon

Critical Threat Range: 20
Critical Multiplier: x2

Attack Mod: +STR
Damage Mod: +STR


Enchantments:

-1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 Penalty to Attack and Damage Rolls.

Positive Energy Spike: This weapon is pulsating with positive energy. It deals an extra 2d6 points of positive energy damage on a successful hit.

Curse of Clumsiness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Dexterity.

Curse of Dullness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Intelligence.

Curse of Foolishness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Wisdom.

Curse of Frailty: Passive: -1 Penalty to Constitution.

Curse of Repulsiveness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Charisma.

Curse of Weakness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Strength.

Curse Vector: This item is a carrier of curses. It can apply them to your foes, but also to you - when you are damaged there is a small chance that you will have a Bestow Curse cast on you.

Overfocus: This item helps you focus your attention, but it makes you somewhat oblivious to your surroundings, causing a -10 penalty to search and spot.

Mind Turbulence: This property fills your mind with chaos, disrupting your thoughts and causing a -10 Concentration penalty.

Power Drain: This item reserves some of your power in order to function. You lose 30 maximum spell points (or up to 60 if you are a Sorcerer or Favored Soul).

Single-Mindedness: This item drives your magic towards chaos, and you cannot focus as well on the nuances of subtler spells, -2 DCs on your enchantment spells.


Description: These handwraps are of an unknown origin...they don't seem too strong, they feel like they could fall apart at any given moment, and wearing them would probably curse you multiple times over and have no beneficial effect on your combat prowess whatsoever...and yet you have a sudden urge to wear them and use them to conquer your enemies, just for bragging rights...plus, it'd make a decent drinking story.

[ForgettableNPC]

Also, are there any other Curse effect such as Unwieldy (-2 Dexterity) out there applying to different Ability Scores?

[SirValentine]

Name: Handicap Handwraps
...
Positive Energy Spike: This weapon is pulsating with positive energy. It deals an extra 2d6 points of positive energy damage on a successful hit.

Useful versus Undead!

[Certon]

37 Bladed Staff of Lord Overkill

+10 Enhancement Bonus
4[1d12] Damage (Blunt, Piercing, Slash); Crit 12-20 -- x5
Min Level 1

Sovereign Vicious: On successful hit, you take 10d10 untyped damage which cannot be prevented by any spell or effect, while your opponent takes 4d8 untyped damage.
100% chance of Glancing Blow
+100% Damage from Glancing Blows
100% chance of spell effect/proc from Glancing Blows
100% Doublestrike
On Hit: Mordenkainen's Disjunction (self)
On Critical Hit: Your opponent takes 100 untyped damage. You take 100 untyped damage
On Vorpal: Your opponent takes 1000 untyped damage. You take 1000 untyped damage
Unerring Strike: you do not automatically miss on a roll of 1, if it would otherwise be a hit

[TeacherSyn]

Well, it's been a while, for those of you who remember seeing these (Probably not, but never hurts to declare), so I think it's time for the third series of the Joke Weapons installment.

Previous Joke Weapons can be found here:
Joke Weapon #1: Healing Shiv (Same guy, honest, weird issue with DDO Forums a long time ago)
Joke Weapon #2: Shtick Stick

Now presenting the third in ForgettableNPC's Joke Weapons series...The Handicap Handwraps! (Name Pending)


Name: Handicap Handwraps

Weapon Type: Handwraps
Damage: 1d3 (1d2 if Halfling) - 1 (Due to Enchantment), Bludgeon

Critical Threat Range: 20
Critical Multiplier: x2

Attack Mod: +STR
Damage Mod: +STR


Enchantments:

-1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 Penalty to Attack and Damage Rolls.

Positive Energy Spike: This weapon is pulsating with positive energy. It deals an extra 2d6 points of positive energy damage on a successful hit.

Curse of Clumsiness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Dexterity.

Curse of Dullness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Intelligence.

Curse of Foolishness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Wisdom.

Curse of Frailty: Passive: -1 Penalty to Constitution.

Curse of Repulsiveness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Charisma.

Curse of Weakness: Passive: -1 Penalty to Strength.

Curse Vector: This item is a carrier of curses. It can apply them to your foes, but also to you - when you are damaged there is a small chance that you will have a Bestow Curse cast on you.

Overfocus: This item helps you focus your attention, but it makes you somewhat oblivious to your surroundings, causing a -10 penalty to search and spot.

Mind Turbulence: This property fills your mind with chaos, disrupting your thoughts and causing a -10 Concentration penalty.

Power Drain: This item reserves some of your power in order to function. You lose 30 maximum spell points (or up to 60 if you are a Sorcerer or Favored Soul).

Single-Mindedness: This item drives your magic towards chaos, and you cannot focus as well on the nuances of subtler spells, -2 DCs on your enchantment spells.


Description: These handwraps are of an unknown origin...they don't seem too strong, they feel like they could fall apart at any given moment, and wearing them would probably curse you multiple times over and have no beneficial effect on your combat prowess whatsoever...and yet you have a sudden urge to wear them and use them to conquer your enemies, just for bragging rights...plus, it'd make a decent drinking story.

I'm betting these wraps are bugged. A common problem.

Therefore, the wraps work in reverse, giving all the deficits as benefits!

[ForgettableNPC]

Useful versus Undead!

Yeah, I just can't seem to make a weapon that's fully useless against everything, had the same problem with the Healing Shiv.

I'm betting these wraps are bugged. A common problem.

Therefore, the wraps work in reverse, giving all the deficits as benefits!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there are a few bugs living in those wraps, too, just hope they don't dig into your skin and start laying eggs in there.

[Saekee]

I wonder if someone who is handicapped will take offense. Not me, just saying. Maybe come up with a better term?

[Seikojin]

I wonder if someone who is handicapped will take offense. Not me, just saying. Maybe come up with a better term?

Ok, so Handicapped Handwraps.

[ForgettableNPC]

I wonder if someone who is handicapped will take offense. Not me, just saying. Maybe come up with a better term?

Hence is why I said name pending.

Ok, so Handicapped Handwraps.

I thought of that, but that just seems more offensive, if possible. :P

[Rykka]

Hence is why I said name pending.



I thought of that, but that just seems more offensive, if possible. :P

Just call em the Handy-wraps. Nobody will know.

[EllisDee37]

Jokes aside, I think it would be really cool to have a positive energy weapon that had the following effects:

- Greater Disruption
- Positive energy damage on hit (EN/EH/EE varieties? Maybe 2d6/3d6/4d6?)
- Negative energy feedback damage on wielder every hit (Reverse vampirism/Boon of Undeath type effect: 1d6/1d8/1d10 for EN/EH/EE?)
- 20% fort bypass
- Silver
- Red Slot

A niche weapon, for sure, but could be sweet for an eldritch knight in undead form battling undead.

[Toro12]

Jokes aside, I think it would be really cool to have a positive energy weapon that had the following effects:

- Greater Disruption
- Positive energy damage on hit (EN/EH/EE varieties? Maybe 2d6/3d6/4d6?)
- Negative energy feedback damage on wielder every hit (Reverse vampirism/Boon of Undeath type effect: 1d6/1d8/1d10 for EN/EH/EE?)
- 20% fort bypass
- Silver
- Red Slot

A niche weapon, for sure, but could be sweet for an eldritch knight in undead form battling undead.

No way in the deepest depths of the 9 hecks should you ever be able to get them while I have to live with an EE weapon on my monk that only gives 1d3 for vampirism.
-----
Now if you wanted to argue for getting a healing curse effect from fist of darkness in undead form I could dig that.
And or a true vampirism effect that does the same things as vampirism warps for undead for , dig it.

[ForgettableNPC]

Jokes aside,

Get out. There is no room for seriousness here. The jokes shall not be cast aside! The jokes shall not be oppressed! They will throw off their restrictive yokes and chains and use them against you in a very hilarious manner!

[Saekee]

Niggardly handwraps? Ok, in the interest of humor, had to propose it given what has been posted so much lately...

[Certon]

Axe of Decapitation - On a roll of 20, followed by confirmation, the wielder of this weapon dies, no save. This death effect ignores all protections.

[Pank]

The true name of these handwraps should be The Turbine Rolls or something of the sort like the Turbines.