Is this poor etiquette?

[Uska]

A valid point but at the same time you have boiled this down to a simple physical act, to some guys it is just that but to some of us it's a physical mental and emotional bond, that can be more satisfying than anything else on earth. In the moment yes I was thinking with my little head but if I stopped and thought about it logically I would still probably chose her because she is more important to me than any one or anything else. There is no choice here, not for me.

A lot of the time you annoy me but in this thread I have a lot of respect for you. Your right there is no choice a real person is so much more important then a stupid game.

[Nysrock]

This has actually happened to me before. But since it seems that the majority of players are guys I just go with the honest approach.

"Sorry guys, been married 17 years and the wife wants to go to bed for some US time. No idea when this will happen again so I gotta bail"

Most guys, especially the married ones, understand that when she is in the mood you better get it while the gettin is good. Because Lord knows when that will happen again.

[Therilith]

What a lot of people don't seem to grasp is that the people you play this "silly game" with are, in fact, real.
Would you bail on a fishing trip/sporting event with your friends because your wife called and said she was horny? Well, you might. But it would be rude.

This "It's just a game, anything that happens in real life, no matter how trivial or stupid, is infinitely more important." attitude reminds me of the "games are for children, any adults who play them are clearly basement dwelling misfits." attitude that's been plaguing this industry for as long as I can remember.
Yes, it's a game. It's a game that's played over the internet, no less. Does that make it any less important or legitimate than any other hobby?

If your wife/husband can't respect that you are busy and get upset if you won't drop everything at a moments notice to tend to their every need, they might not be as great as you seem to think.

[Kalari]

Sorry that argument to me dont hold water yes there are real people you play with and it would suck to disappoint them. But they dont pay your bills, arent there to hold you are not in your personal life.

Seriously most people know even if its a power play that family comes before a game. Real people or not the person you love and choose to be intimate with should always be more important then ddo. If nont then why have a serious relationship? I dont think this thread is so much about nookie as it is about priorities. And no matter what your real life trumps the game if not then thats a big issue.

I love my guild mates to a point but they know if my family needs me Ive got to go and its the same for them. If your playing with decent adults who understand life happens and they can get another to fill in the raid then I dont see what the issue is. But you cant get a fill in wife/girlfriend no matter what those letters to penthouse says.

[Uska]

What a lot of people don't seem to grasp is that the people you play this "silly game" with are, in fact, real.
Would you bail on a fishing trip/sporting event with your friends because your wife called and said she was horny? Well, you might. But it would be rude.

This "It's just a game, anything that happens in real life, no matter how trivial or stupid, is infinitely more important." attitude reminds me of the "games are for children, any adults who play them are clearly basement dwelling misfits." attitude that's been plaguing this industry for as long as I can remember.
Yes, it's a game. It's a game that's played over the internet, no less. Does that make it any less important or legitimate than any other hobby?

If your wife/husband can't respect that you are busy and get upset if you won't drop everything at a moments notice to tend to their every need, they might not be as great as you seem to think.

Yes for my family or real life friends I would drop a game in a heart beat for just about any little thing. Something that happened to a co-worker recently brought that home to me, his daughter, her new fiance and her child visted for thanksgiving and on the monday afterwards on their way home their car was hit by a semi and all three were killed(this isnt just a story it really happpened) so life's to short to waste a chance to spend it with a love one for a game. Yes its much less important then just about anything else that exists.

[baddax]

Its about priorities I like ddo i just like Nookie WAY more.
For you guys that say that DDO is more important i think you need to think again.

[dkrypt]

If your wife/girlfriend expects you to perform on command like this, then you have serious issues with the balance of power in your relationship. Indeed, the wife/girlfriend who acts like this is almost certainly playing passive-aggressive games with you and you shouldn't be catering to that sort of behavior.

The easiest way to understand this issue is to imagine walking into your boss' office and telling him you have to leave work right now. If your excuse would pass muster with him, it's an acceptable reason to ditch out on other people unexpectedly.

"My son was just run over by a truck" is the kind of reason your boss would accept. "My wife is horny" is not.

I expect my wife to drop her non-work computer activity when I want her to. She expects the same from me. The decision to prematurely stop non-work computer activity rests with the spouse who needs the other spouse. All of the wonderful ddo players I've met, all added together and multiplied times infinity, do not rise to the level of my wife putting her hand on my shoulder and saying she needs me (for anything) while I play video games.

As for my job and boss, they provide for my life and the lives of my family. They are not equivalent to ddo in any way.

I do not mean to disrespect my ddo friends - many of them are very nice people. However I've befriended ddo players who, for the most part, have the same priorities as me. That works out well. Just seek out like-minded individuals to group with and everything will be fine.

[Maxwell1380]

Rl> Ddo Imo

[Hjarki]

Wow - not sure where to go with this one...Comparing DDO to your employment is putting DDO on a pedastal that it shouldn't be on. Being in a solid relationship involves compromise and understanding. And there are times in a relationship, especialy one that has children and job pressures etc. etc. where the person needs their partner either emotionally or physically or in a multitude of other ways. If that happens then it's DC for the win - and that's the relationship win....

When you make a commitment to another person, you should uphold that commitment. Even when the commitment is trivial and meaningless. Because it's not about the nature of that commitment, it's about the person. And people have value, even if the only time you ever interface with them is in a trivial setting.

[SoulDecay]

Man...

I just don't get it.

Family is more important than work. Now, one aspect of that is that I have to (Help. 2 income family) pay the bills, which the work does.

But I've flat out told my boss, and I will tell my next boss - if my wife calls because her car won't start, or the daycare calls because my son is running a fever or fell off the slide and needs stitchs, I'll see you tomorrow, if you're lucky.

It's never been a problem. I don't make a habit of it, but when it comes up, that's exactly what I do. If I can catch you on the way out so you know where I am, great. Otherwise, you'll get an email or a phone call when I get a chance.

On the other hand, it's rude for her to expect me to be at her beck and call. Just like it's rude for me to expect her to be at mine. Yeah, if she needs the trash taken out, or me to watch the munchkin for a few so she can escape from the screaming toddler, I'll make it happen. But it's about COMPROMISE. Maybe I need 5 minutes. Maybe I can tell the group I'm in that I need an AFK. Maybe I'm not on DDO because I saw the situation coming, and already volenteered to take the screaming toddler to the playground to let off some steam.

Family is first. But that doesn't mean that "I want some" is a valid need. That means that when I want a PS3, and she wants China for Thanksgiving, I let the PS3 slide. That means that when I disagree, sometimes I just keep my mouth shut because, what does it really matter if I go to a crappy county fair instead of having some "me" time? That means that I remind her how much she's appreciated, and try to inject random acts of kindness into the relationship... "Hey, let me cook tonight." "Here's some flowers, I haven't given you any in awhile." "If you're not in the mood tonight, no big deal." "Let me take the kid for awhile, he's been giving you hell this weekend.". Etc.

Love is about being selfless. That doesn't mean that you get to be selfish, and I get to play along. It means that we both need to make an effort to go out of our way sometimes to do for the other.

Demanding attention is selfish. Not dropping the activity that I am already involved in on your whim is not selfish, and doing so is codependant and emotionally destructive to both people. I have enough interpersonal and emotional issues (unrelated to my relationship with my wife) without adding more intentionally.

[whysper]

Wait, there is actually a discussion about this?

[Seven05]

Yeah, I can't believe you even had to ask. I mean, yeah sure if she was asking you to carry the laundry upstairs or do the dishes I can understand the question, but this? If you're lucky and she's the active type remember to only schedule raids for one week out of the month

[TheReapersSmile]

If a lady wants attention, you tend to the lady.

Nothing else is as important as keeping the household happy.

End of discussion.

[Kalari]

Seriously I cant believe there are some people who actually think that its wrong to put your significant other first. No matter what it may seem like its selfish for them to want you but at least you have that. I cant honestly believe anyone who has ever been in love or a serious relationship could even think that "sorry honey id prefer to raid with my online buds" is more acceptable then going and being with your significant other.

I know ive joked around in this thread but I seriously believe that real life always trumps game. Its a heck of a lot easier to make it up to your gaming buds about a missed raid then it is to your ole lady for saying no to her to gain some in game trinket or what not.

[Varr]

Please dear lord, I ask that I not be grouped with any of people in this thread that would leave a key role unfilled when there woman comes acalling........

Based on the resonses and number of half hours in a year......I'm not asking for much.....doesn't sound like she is making that request very often for most of these poor whipped bsatards.

[Anarkius]

If Momma's not happy, NOBODY's happy. End of discussion (well, IMO)!

This is wisdom passed down from generation to generation of men, if your father, uncle, grand dad, or whoever forgot to tell you; I'm glad I could pass the knowlledge on!

[Kalari]

Please dear lord, I ask that I not be grouped with any of people in this thread that would leave a key role unfilled when there woman comes acalling........

Based on the resonses and number of half hours in a year......I'm not asking for much.....doesn't sound like she is making that request very often for most of these poor whipped bsatards.

They can feel free to join any of my parties then, seriously I dont think its whipped at all but then again I am an ebil female type.

If I was with someone id drop in a heart beat to be with them my friends who I run with in game understand this and since most of them are in relationships can relate. Its not for everyone sure but Id prefer someone who honestly loved their partners and put them first over anyone who puts the game before their loved ones.

Besides whips are fun trust me on this

[pumagirl418]

asking female 'gamers' is not the same as asking non-gamers. first off i have to say most girls i know would have a fit over game time, because then their man is not there for them.

back to point, a lil somethin' somethin' is way more important than the game. and if ur buds can't understand then they aren't buds and well obviously aren't getting whats mentioned abover. rotfl

as a girl gamer there are somethings are more important and anyone who can't understand that, will be added to the dnp list. no one has made the dnp list for that yet

[Varr]

Removed for forum harmony.

[TheReapersSmile]

Removed for forum harmony.

Removed before it could be quoted too.

But it seems to me that you have become a slave to the game Varr.

And for the record: Having your priorities in the right place is not a weakness; it's a virtue.