OCD, a love of DDO, and mental health

[deeeathbladee]

I always advocated that games can bring out wonderful things from people, and DDO is no different. I've met many fun friends and had many laughs and joys throughout my many years playing this game and I wouldn't trade that for the world, because those emotional shared moments in games are so valuable. I always supported this game when I could, becoming VIP as soon as/whenever I could afford to almost like a banner of pride that I support this game and it's wonderful community.

But it's important to stay healthy, and lately I've found my passion and love poisoned by regret. Having played WoW I'm no stranger to cool things being no longer attainable, but DDO was less prone to that. My S1 HC story is a sad one, from dc death at lv.6 - feather fall death at lv.10 - danger room death at lv.14 (I never ran guild and found amenity in chest, but wandered around ship thinking I was safe) - and a final failed attempt at 4700 favor because of lack of time due to keep on the borderlands update.

And I've tried so hard to move past it, but at the time I was unemployed but now I have close to my dream job. Oddly, the scenarios leading to my dream job two months later weren't affected by HC, I could have done it, and I get this long unhealthy spiral of thoughts, mostly just "what if i did this", "what if I didnt help that person." and whenever I get lost down this train of thought I can't play the game or sometimes even reach out to the people I used to love playing this game with.

So, this isn't meant to be a complaint or demand for anything, just giving me the HC1 rewards would make it worse as it's the act of earning it. I've had to put down other games because of this trail of thoughts but I love this game enough to try and put words to my feelings and rise above. If anything I just wanted to thank you for reading this as I felt maybe exposing my sadness on an internet forum could possible provide some closure and I could move past this and maybe just get back to playing the game I love.

[C-Dog]

I remember having these thoughts when I was younger - I was lucky and simply outgrew mine, but I distinctly remember them.

It may seem like a huge jump, but one has to find a zen perspective for all that. You can go down countless rabbit holes of "What if?", but in the end, they're all just day dreams, 100% creations of your imagination. There is no "What if?", there is only "What is?"* - and you define that with your current actions. Past actions are past - you might as well ponder the minute actions of your parents and grandparents and ancestors before 1776 and before Rome and before modern man and before primates and before chordates and... and, yes, each detail made a difference, but in the end, in the Here and Now, it's all just "the past". The Present is what it is - we are here, nowhere else, so none of that matters now.

Find a way to make peace with that, to start. Then realize that your past actions are no different from theirs. Stuff happens - 500 years ago, 5 years ago, 5 minutes ago - we move on.

You got this.

GL!
o/


(* and even that is arguable from some Zen perspectives, but a diff discussion, and not readily productive re this topic. )

[Kistilan]

Forgive me, I've been away for over 8 years.

Is HC1 a Hard Core reward?

My interest is peaked. I'm percolating. Perhaps there's a reason to login and attempt something after all.

Thank you and remember The Tao of Pooh, "It is" (and do not say "what it is."). A thing that exists, exists. We're not omnipotent.

Willing it away is not part of the human nature, so accepting it and moving forward is the way.