Showing respect your fellow player

[Kawai]

Meh, no need for smackdowns.

Poster you quoted is just young and immature.

I do agree posts like that do take things back a step, instead of progressing forward. But, that is youth. They really think they have all the answers.

yea. must b.

...

First Month of playing.
Korthos.
learned how ta group, finally.
joined a pug.

totally flamed on mic.
1. being Ranger
2. carrying bow.
3. being elf.
4. being female
5. punted from group

yea, it was mostly me own fault.
all i did was kite & die back then.
*shrug

still ranger
still carry bow full time
and yea, still elf.
but, oh, whats this?
Achillesia... pwning that good ol'boy/grumpy-old-man community every day since figuring it out.

So, yea, i guess i m just young & immature ta carry a bit of a grudge against jerks such as.

------

meantime...
Guild has four grrls scattered within, including leader.
Channel has around 13 among lots great guys? i think?
all use mic's.
no griefs. just good peeps & good times.
anyone out there having probs?
come Thelanis, look us up.

o, & again... any of you who srsly still believe its all just bs?
g'head... watch 5 min of SSSniperwolf @utube...
see the kind of vocal abuse she takes every time she pwns a male.

hilarious, & accurate.
but hey... i guess she's just too young & immature to roll over and die.

[Faltout]

Except that nobody says such things.

They say other things, and you assume that's what they are "really saying".
"She was all like, I'm a woman and bla, bla, bla" is what I think you meant to say.

Thing is, how do you know what she was "all like" or "really meant"?
How do you know if someone is "being herself" when you don't know that person?

Sometimes when people have preconceived notions about a group they get what those people say all twisted and then judge that group, not by what they actually said, but by a twisted interpretation of what they think they meant.

When someone is trying to be someone else, this shows. Whether people want to notice it or not is their business, but if someone wants to notice that, he/she can.

Anyway, maybe I can state that a little better:
When I play DDO I don't speak "bro" language or "girl" language or "flirt" language. My discussions are not gender based. Anyone from any gender could have 'em. When someone comes into that discussion and expects special treatment because of the gender, when the gender doesn't matter, then this is annoying.

Btw, since I posted again, when you play a male toon, I'll call you "he" and when a female, I'll call you "she". No need to correct me. I will keep doing this, because you chose to play an opposite gender. If you don't like being called "he"/"she" then don't play an opposite gender.

[mkmcgw17]

My main alt is Seraphicus (Human FvS) from a very long standing guild SAGE. I have been a player on Devourer, EU Server since 2006. Most importantly, I am a female player (in Ghallanda).

Since my close-knit guild stopped playing, I have had the opportunity to meet many players through active pugging. I have made many new friends, formed my own close-knit channel of people whom I call friends in game. They show me respect 24/7, 365 days a year. Because, like them, I am a avid player in DDO.

I have many positive feedback, those people who have been kind enough to compliment, I will always remember you. And a woman's memory is rather long-standing; or dangerous as some might put it.

But sadly, I have had, also, slack thrown at me, simply because I am female. Let me cite some examples :

"You're a girl, what do you know"
"Go run along beach, that's what you're good for"

and some more which if printed here, would bring forth this post itself removed because they are just so low and disgusting.

Am I griefing ? Am I a feminist ?

I don't feel I am because I have put up with some of the most lowest RL people who feel that a woman is nothing more useful than being in a kitchen. P/S : I always retort with "Well if your woman's always in the kitchen then you definitely don't know what to do as a man".

I have had friends tell me :
"Oh just ignore them. Don't let them get the better of you or they win". or
"Is that it ? I thought it was serious when you said you were upset".
"To play the game you need to have a thick skin. Otherwise, don't play."

DDO (and any other MMORPG games) is dominated by majority male players. But, at NO point should we disrespect ANY other human being simply because of gender, race, sexual orientation, IQ level or age. Behind that computer screen IS a human being OMG.

I speak especially for the female players out there, who encounter griefing and slack just because we are female. All I can say is : hold your dignity high and be proud to be woman. Don't let a game or anyone else tell you otherwise.

Narrow minded callous comments callously passed targeted at anyone should never be dismissed, don't ignore how your fellow player feels, don't dismiss us "just-because".

It was only recently in a raid I encountered 2 such players that I decided to write this post; when no one else in that raid felt they wanted to stand up for me, not say anything at all in my defence. I am tired of being silent and unheard. I am woman, hear me ROAR !

2015 is approaching. Stay the REAL person you are, fellow gamers, be true to your principles, treat everyone with love and respect. We shouldn't need a forum thread to remind us to, but sometimes maybe we do. Stay real and have a good gaming 2015 ahead.

C.

Alts : Seraphicus / Caireen / Nehalennia / Cyhiraeth / Antiopeia / Atlanteia / Calliopea / Nefyn / Setlocenia

I've been playing five years and in my experience women are better players than men. They work better in a team and aren't so caught up in there own ego they forget what they're doing. I'm a male player by the way.

[elkorm]

Complacency or the "it's just a game" attitude is a very nasty trap. I have fallen to it a couple of times myself, ignoring the offender "just to finish the quest". Won't go over details, would be another of those "Hi my name is Elk - *crowd* Hello Elk" kind of thing. Will suffice saying that in retrospect I am ashamed of myself staying in those groups till the quest was done. Being ashamed is a good thing, I keep telling myself, and means you still have a conscience.

Respect (for the human being behind the keyboard) is to be shown for everyone and should never be confused with respect for the playing skills (or directional sense...right Sofianna!).

Hugs
Elk

[Braegan]

yea. must b.

...

First Month of playing.
Korthos.
learned how ta group, finally.
joined a pug.

totally flamed on mic.
1. being Ranger
2. carrying bow.
3. being elf.
4. being female
5. punted from group

yea, it was mostly me own fault.
all i did was kite & die back then.
*shrug

still ranger
still carry bow full time
and yea, still elf.
but, oh, whats this?
Achillesia... pwning that good ol'boy/grumpy-old-man community every day since figuring it out.

So, yea, i guess i m just young & immature ta carry a bit of a grudge against jerks such as.

------

meantime...
Guild has four grrls scattered within, including leader.
Channel has around 13 among lots great guys? i think?
all use mic's.
no griefs. just good peeps & good times.
anyone out there having probs?
come Thelanis, look us up.

o, & again... any of you who srsly still believe its all just bs?
g'head... watch 5 min of SSSniperwolf @utube...
see the kind of vocal abuse she takes every time she pwns a male.

hilarious, & accurate.
but hey... i guess she's just too young & immature to roll over and die.

Ok. Seems you missed what I was getting at.

The fact is here are some jerks in the world, of both genders. You had some male jerks to you in the past. But you posting like it's every male, or some kind of male disorder that causes some jerks to act like jerks and lumping together jerk and non jerk alike doesn't help any situation in a positive way. That's what I meant by taking a step backwards. It doesn't further anything positively. Most likely, the jerks laugh because they feel they "got" to you, while non jerks are offended you placed them into the same category as jerks just because they share the same gender.

If you want to call a spade a spade that is all well and fine, but making huge sweeping generalizations based on gender is not ok.

Hope that is made a bit clearer.

[darkly_dreaming]

The only real answer is to be the better person. If someone is a jerk, squelch them and move on. If a group is participating in behavior that you don't agree with, drop group and move on. Have difficulty joining a PUG that shares your play style/personality, post your own group and move on.

I, too, am a female player and have encountered some total jerks during my years playing DDO. However, I choose (most of the time, I might have told one or two exactly what I thought of them. Politely of course. Um hmm.) to not engage, and make sure they never pollute my play space again. The vast VAST majority of players I've encountered and enjoyed playing with were interesting, intelligent, and had a great sense of humor and I don't ever log on and think 'I wonder how many males are going to be ignorant jerks today'. It's very much about attitude, on both sides.

[Livmo]

Gender war may be a symptom related to:

http://www.yourdictionary.com/emotional-maturity

Emotional maturity is defined as how well you are able to respond to situations, control your emotions and behave in an adult manner when dealing with others.

Or lack thereof.

Sad to see the thread go south, but I'm sure the popcorn peeps are still diggin it.

[Kawai]

Ok. Seems you missed what I was getting at.

The fact is here are some jerks in the world, of both genders. You had some male jerks to you in the past. But you posting like it's every male, or some kind of male disorder that causes some jerks to act like jerks and lumping together jerk and non jerk alike doesn't help any situation in a positive way. That's what I meant by taking a step backwards. It doesn't further anything positively. Most likely, the jerks laugh because they feel they "got" to you, while non jerks are offended you placed them into the same category as jerks just because they share the same gender.

If you want to call a spade a spade that is all well and fine, but making huge sweeping generalizations based on gender is not ok.

Hope that is made a bit clearer.

of course. & bygones.
*shrug
i mean, i know ive a bit of #chip-on-shoulder, & admit @totally being smartassed in return sometimes, or, a lot...
but i think ive stated repeatedly its most deff NOT all people.
-its good & bad, like everyone else.
everyone has diff experiences, which form our opinions.

however... in gaming world, there is still mucho hostility @women.
why? only a Professor could attempt to answer that.

there is still good ways 2go.

[MeliCat]

Meh, no need for smackdowns.

Poster you quoted is just young and immature.

I do agree posts like that do take things back a step, instead of progressing forward. But, that is youth. They really think they have all the answers.

You mean Ykt. Yeah probably. But he's set an example here mimmicing the usual "wot people think" even if they don't say it.

The other example set by someone else in this thread I have tried to address by PM but they haven't "got it". That particular point is way more damaging to my mind. What is more this particular point that they have made directly contradicts the OP and was again addressed by the OP. Very disappointed in them as they perpetuate a standard that applies everywhere and continues the voicelessness. :/

[MeliCat]

Gender war may be a symptom related to:

http://www.yourdictionary.com/emotional-maturity

Emotional maturity is defined as how well you are able to respond to situations, control your emotions and behave in an adult manner when dealing with others.

Or lack thereof.

Sad to see the thread go south, but I'm sure the popcorn peeps are still diggin it.

The popcorn people are fairly toxic on any topic that goes near gender yes. I like that term for them Good choice.

I don't think it's [edit: just a blanket] emotional immaturity. Society conditions us from a very young age so people just don't see stuff when it's happening - there is a culturally conditioned blindness to things. I know for myself there has been all sorts of tiny bits of discrimination I've bought into and from time to time I have had "oh oops!" moments and have had to change my thinking. Ah well. Each of us has our own paths for growing up in all different parts of our lives at different rates.

Going old skool I think just the "Be excellent to one another" is just the best possible life motto.

[Braegan]

You mean Ykt. Yeah probably. But he's set an example here mimmicing the usual "wot people think" even if they don't say it.

The other example set by someone else in this thread I have tried to address by PM but they haven't "got it". That particular point is way more damaging to my mind. What is more this particular point that they have made directly contradicts the OP and was again addressed by the OP. Very disappointed in them as they perpetuate a standard that applies everywhere and continues the voicelessness. :/

Actually I meant Kawai. Sorry the way I worded it was confusing.

[Livmo]

The popcorn people are fairly toxic on any topic that goes near gender yes. I like that term for them Good choice.

I don't think it's [edit: just a blanket] emotional immaturity. Society conditions us from a very young age so people just don't see stuff when it's happening - there is a culturally conditioned blindness to things. I know for myself there has been all sorts of tiny bits of discrimination I've bought into and from time to time I have had "oh oops!" moments and have had to change my thinking. Ah well. Each of us has our own paths for growing up in all different parts of our lives at different rates.

Going old skool I think just the "Be excellent to one another" is just the best possible life motto.

Gender aside for a moment and regardless of the source, Bible or science, which both claim we are all related, I like Dr. Suess's Star Belly Sneetches, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sne..._Other_Stories.

It's not uncommon for people all over the planet to define themselves in this way whether its gender, religion, country of origin, state or town in US, HS you attended, etc. Allot of folks can only see, I am who I am, because of who I am not.

The human race is vexing in general, because I'm not sure where we are in a hurry to get to?

However, I do think it's unfortunate that we create barriers and such distinctions in our family. Gender has no bearing on game play or how well you play it. There will always be somebody better at it than you or I regardless of gender.

I think you made a fantastic point. Treat others how you would like to be treated. Be kind to one another and have respect. Or as you put it simply, ""Be excellent to one another".

None of us get out of this world alive.

[MeliCat]

""Be excellent to one another".

It's a Bill and Ted reference that I got slightly wrong - "Be excellent to each other" is the wording. Someone will be along shortly to post a picture meme

[Livmo]

[phillymiket]

Hey, glad OP found some form of resolution.
The guild in question has always been a real class act and I have great respect for them.
Without going into what should or shouldn't have happened in party, I think it is very forthright for the Leader to post here and apologize and it's also great that OP accepted said apology.

When someone is trying to be someone else, this shows. Whether people want to notice it or not is their business, but if someone wants to notice that, he/she can.

I guess i allow more for the possibility that I am mistaken.
Maybe you have a more keen insight into the human animal than me.
Or maybe your confidence in your judgement is so high because your insight is so dull.

Btw, since I posted again, when you play a male toon, I'll call you "he" and when a female, I'll call you "she". No need to correct me. I will keep doing this, because you chose to play an opposite gender. If you don't like being called "he"/"she" then don't play an opposite gender.

Ah ok sure, call me whatever you want.
This statement seems quite random to me and I have no idea what your point is.

I guess you are one of those people that finds a male having a female avatar or vice-versa strange in some way.
Sorry for you then. I guess you never picked Chun-Li either (what would people think?!?).

When you say "No need to correct me. I will keep doing this, because you chose to play an opposite gender.", does this mean even after you find out I am male (I have an extremely deep and unmistakably male voice and I use voice chat) you will still call me "She"?
Is this some form of punishment?
If so, for what crime?

[dunklezhan]

It's a Bill and Ted reference that I got slightly wrong - "Be excellent to each other" is the wording. Someone will be along shortly to post a picture meme

Yours has more elegance. I'm adopting it henceforth.

[Monkey-Boy]

Never apologize, it is a sign of weakness.

[MeliCat]

Never apologize, it is a sign of weakness.

Apologizing for the right things, taking ownership and trying to make amends is a sign of courage and character strength.

[Monkey-Boy]

Apologizing for the right things, taking ownership and trying to make amends is a sign of courage and character strength.

Nonsense.

The people who offended the OP did nothing wrong, apologizing to her is nothing more than caving in to a cyber-bully.

You don't apologize to those people, ever.

[Wh070aa]

Okay.
Let me explain something.

There are no women on the internet. This means gender does not mater, unless you bring it up. If you bring it up, you are likely attention *****, or expect special treatment. I am tired of people, expecting special privileges, just because of their gender, sexuality, or whatever. I had a player straight up say to me that she is a lesbian, and wants me to treat her differently because of it. Like why? I did not even ask her anything.

Also you need tick skin when you are on internet, or anywhere really. If someone insults you, and you rage, you can only blame yourself. I been told to shut up because "I don't know anything" plenty of times, with plenty of terms. So? I don't care.

Stop expecting special treatment because of your gender. Stop raging on trolls. That's it. Respect must be earned. A lot of women get respect, just because they are woman in real life, but when they need to build it up when they don't have bunch of horny males "respecting(/acting polite" to them because of their gender, they think that they are being discriminated against. Its not the case. You are being treated equally as anyone else.

I might be in the small part with all the white knights,feminists and SJW, but I know this is true. I played many games with women, and none of them got harassed, before doing something that ****ed people off. Any male would get harassed in same case too, but woman usually cant take even a little heckling. Those that can, and just play on, are respected. Those that start screaming -"I am woman, don't do this to me" want preferential treatment because of their gender, and are shunned, because of being worthless human beings, whose only worth is their gender.

Go ahead report me, and call me a harasser. I am just telling it as I see it.