Joke Weapons #4: Greasy Mop

[ForgettableNPC]

Greetings from VillageTown of GenericLand, this is ForgettableNPC here, with another one of those Joke Weapons that you know and love!

[And if you don't, well, let's see if I can convince my comrade Coyle (Neat, alliterations) to become even more squishy than he already is]

Previous Joke Weapons can be found here:

Joke Weapon #1: Healing Shiv (Same guy, honest, weird issue with DDO Forums a long time ago)
Joke Weapon #2: Shtick Stick
Joke Weapon #3: The Handicap Handwraps

And now for the fourth installment of the Joke Weapons series...the Greasy Mop! (As always, name pending)


Name: Greasy Mop

Weapon Type: Quarterstaff
Damage: 1d6 - 1, Bludgeon, Grease

Critical Threat Range: 10-20
Critical Multiplier: x1

Attack Mod: STR+
Damage Mod: STR+


Enchantments:

-1: This weapon is less well-made than normal, giving a -1 Penalty to Attack and Damage Rolls.

Impact I: The base critical threat range of this weapon is doubled. This does not stack with Improved Critical feat.

Grease Release: The head of this weapon is soaked in grease that just refuses to be cleaned out. This weapon, on critical hits, will cast the Grease spell under your feet which lasts 20 seconds. Any allies and enemies caught within the spell must make a DC 45 Reflex Save or become tripped.

Greasy Fingers: Ew, the grease has even soaked to the handle, making it hard to wield this weapon effectively, you get a -2 to Attack Rolls.

Grease (Spell): 5 Charges (Recharged/Day: 5) Caster Level: 1


Description: This mop, while being used to clean up last week's accident with the Bacon Wand at the Tower of the Twelve, accidentally became enchanted with the magical grease the janitor was attempting to clean up. No bucket of water could ever get rid of the grease embedded in the mop head, rather, it would just end up as a bucket of grease. The mop was thrown away due to its uselessness for cleaning, and it somehow ended up in the hands of a careless, simple-minded adventurer (namely, you).

Well, it might be a mop, but you guess you could still use it to hit stuff in the face. The magics emanating from the grease on the mop leaves you a bit unsettled, though...but I'm sure it's probably nothing.

[doubledge]

You fail to realize: DC 45 grease on a quarterstaff, on CRIT would become the absolute GOD of thief acrobats.

Not only are they immune to it, but they'd have CC out the wazoo, tripping things left and right.

The aoe grease would certainly hamper group play, but when it's the best lowbie cc tool of all time that DC 45 greases on a 17, you know you have a winner.

[ForgettableNPC]

You fail to realize: DC 45 grease on a quarterstaff, on CRIT would become the absolute GOD of thief acrobats.

Not only are they immune to it, but they'd have CC out the wazoo, tripping things left and right.

The aoe grease would certainly hamper group play, but when it's the best lowbie cc tool of all time that DC 45 greases on a 17, you know you have a winner.

Yeah, maybe I should have removed the DC entirely and just have it act like a regular, low-level grease spell.

[Saekee]

You fail to realize: DC 45 grease on a quarterstaff, on CRIT would become the absolute GOD of thief acrobats.

Not only are they immune to it, but they'd have CC out the wazoo, tripping things left and right.

The aoe grease would certainly hamper group play, but when it's the best lowbie cc tool of all time that DC 45 greases on a 17, you know you have a winner.

Plus a crit range of 10-20! Any staff build with a pair of easily acquired rock boots will take it in a heartbeat. I would get rid of the crit range--make it just on 20.

Add: Curse of Clumsiness (due to slipperiness)
On critical hit: Stench. Weapons with this property create a near paralyzing stench. On critical hits the target becomes nauseated, severely slowing its movement rate.
Ooze bane: The mop has the ability to absorb oozes, ochre jellies, puddings, and more. On vorpal hits that are confirmed as criticals, oozes are wiped from existance. If over 1000 hp, they take 100 hp damage.
Intimidate penalty (-6)
Curse of (charisma? what is it called?): -4 (which makes intimidate penalty even worse)
Fire resistance penalty: -10
On vorpal: covers enemy in grease, giving them above debuffs. Does not work on enemies with the Fire trait
Required Trait: Chaotic. All Lawfully aligned characters suffer 1 negative level until unequipped. (or maybe the other way around?)

This weapon is made of wood so it can be wielded by Druids.

[ForgettableNPC]

Plus a crit range of 10-20! Any staff build with a pair of easily acquired rock boots will take it in a heartbeat. I would get rid of the crit range--make it just on 20.

Add: Curse of Clumsiness (due to slipperiness)
On critical hit: Stench. Weapons with this property create a near paralyzing stench. On critical hits the target becomes nauseated, severely slowing its movement rate.
Ooze bane: The mop has the ability to absorb oozes, ochre jellies, puddings, and more. On vorpal hits that are confirmed as criticals, oozes are wiped from existance. If over 1000 hp, they take 100 hp damage.
Intimidate penalty (-6)
Curse of (charisma? what is it called?): -4 (which makes intimidate penalty even worse)
Fire resistance penalty: -10
On vorpal: covers enemy in grease, giving them above debuffs. Does not work on enemies with the Fire trait
Required Trait: Chaotic. All Lawfully aligned characters suffer 1 negative level until unequipped. (or maybe the other way around?)

This weapon is made of wood so it can be wielded by Druids.

Well this is meant to be a joke weapon, so I would tone down the positive effects a bit.

And I don't think the joke weapons in question should have a class/race/alignment requirement because where's the fun if only specific people can use it?

[Tholgrin_Stoneforge]

Grease Release: The head of this weapon is soaked in grease that just refuses to be cleaned out. This weapon, on critical hits, will cast the Grease spell under your feet which lasts 20 seconds. Any allies and enemies caught within the spell must make a DC 45 Reflex Save or become tripped.

This cracked me up.. If it were on par with a DC equivalent to lootgen items with similar-ish effects (Slowburst?) then it'd totally be viable as a random named item that people keep around for comedic effect.

That having been said... I WANT one!

Could you imagine how gratifying it would be to smack around an annoying boss - say, Whisperdoom - with a Greasy Mop while doing favor cleanup with a high-level toon?

TASTE THE CREEPY BACONEY GREASINESS!! TASTE IT!!!!

[Certon]

Bacon Wraps

+5 Enhancement Bonus
+Flaming
+Flaming Burst
+Flaming Blast

Greased Up: Wearing these wraps makes your body slippery, and immune to the effects of Earthgrab. In addition any critical hit with this weapon sets you on fire, doing 10d10 fire damage every 2 seconds for 12 seconds and also casts a Fire Shield (Hot) on you at level 20. On any vorpal strike, the Grease spell is cast on your location at level 20, and you are knocked prone for 12 seconds. This ability bypasses all types of knockdown immunity.

Flame Spatter: On a vorpal hit, all opponents around you are struck with hot grease, gaining the Greased Up ability for 30 seconds.

[cdbd3rd]

Plus a crit range of 10-20! ....

Yup, back the range back down to 19-20.

...

TASTE THE CREEPY BACONEY GREASINESS!! TASTE IT!!!!

/Adds name to list of I wantz one!'s