Your DDO Jokes!

[bergeau09]

Laugh & Laugh & Laugh..

Will try to dig ito my mind to find more myself

Hoss~

[Sirgleno]

since im the funniest in game i might as well kill your forum right away with some wee humor...

when is it time to smack a halfling.......
when he tells you your hair smells nice!!! when you figure that one out send me a tell on how hard you rolled around

About zero seconds, and instead of telling your presumption how hard I rolled, I'll refer you to my first answer to confirm how long I rolled around.

Clever humor, but over negated by selfabsorbediness.

[Kilbar]

What do you call 174,000 design flaws waiting to be exploited?

A Star Destroyer, of course! Turbine bans you for pointing out exploits!

[Gratch]

Q: My Parasitic Breastplate appears to have a flawed property. How tough is it to fix?

A: Why, it's in sanely easy!


P.S: That's an IN joke.

[carll78]

The Eric of the story is an optimizing-type gamer. Confronted with options, he will, given time, calculate the best solution. Otherwise he is "a superior gamer".

The game was run by Ed. Eric was playing a paladin. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred.

Ed: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill you see a gazebo.
Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?
Ed: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
Eric: How far away is it?
Ed: About 50 yards.
Eric: How big is it?
Ed: (Pause) It's about 30 ft. across, 15 ft. high with a pointed top.
Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.
Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
Eric: (Pause) I call out to it.
Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
Eric: (Pause.) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
Ed: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
Eric: I shoot it with my bow {rolls to hit}. What happened?
Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
Eric: (Pause.) Was it wounded?
Ed: Of course not, Eric! It's a GAZEBO!!
Eric: (Whimper.) But that was a +3 arrow.
Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would try. It's a @#$%!!* gazebo!
Eric: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
Ed: (Thoroughly frustrated.) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches and eats you.
Eric: (Reaching for his dice.) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin.

(after the laughter died other players explained to Eric what a gazebo was)

NPC at the entry of the quest The Sane Asylum.

I guess a dev also knew that old story while making that quest!

[ScarletIncubus]

NPC at the entry of the quest The Sane Asylum.

I guess a dev also knew that old story while making that quest!

Given that there's an area out in Ataraxia called "The Deadly Gazebo", yeah, safe bet

[carll78]

Given that there's an area out in Ataraxia called "The Deadly Gazebo", yeah, safe bet

Oh yeah! I forgot about that gazebo on top of the mountain! (I don't go out in Ataraxia very much...)

[bergeau09]

NPC at the entry of the quest The Sane Asylum.

I guess a dev also knew that old story while making that quest!

Good Job Gettin the ScreenShot! Fear the gazebo!

[ka0t1c1sm]

A guild airship crashes and sinks in the middle of the Thunder Sea. The only four survivors: a Kundarak dwarf, an Aerenal elf, a human from Stormreach, and a drow named xxxDrizztxxx, pile into a life raft, and drift for days.

The Kundarak dwarf pulls out a large bottle of mead, takes a swig, then tosses the still full bottle overboard. The human cries out "Why did you do that? You could have shared with the rest of us!". The dwarf replies "Where I come from lad, we have plenty of mead!".

The Aerenal elf takes some elvish bread from her robes, takes a small bite, then tosses the rest of the loaf overboard. The human again cries out "Why did you do that? You could have shared with the rest of us!". The elf replies "Where I come from good sir, we have plenty of waybread!".

The human from Stormreach ponders on that for a moment, then tosses the drow overboard.

[bergeau09]

A guild airship crashes and sinks in the middle of the Thunder Sea. The only four survivors: a Kundarak dwarf, an Aerenal elf, a human from Stormreach, and a drow named xxxDrizztxxx, pile into a life raft, and drift for days.

The Kundarak dwarf pulls out a large bottle of mead, takes a swig, then tosses the still full bottle overboard. The human cries out "Why did you do that? You could have shared with the rest of us!". The dwarf replies "Where I come from lad, we have plenty of mead!".

The Aerenal elf takes some elvish bread from her robes, takes a small bite, then tosses the rest of the loaf overboard. The human again cries out "Why did you do that? You could have shared with the rest of us!". The elf replies "Where I come from good sir, we have plenty of waybread!".

The human from Stormreach ponders on that for a moment, then tosses the drow overboard.

Clever.

[bigolbear]

upon entering evening star from ebberon for the first time a pale master happened uppon a chicken farm.

He had never seen chickens before, and marveled at the bizare birds.

He decided to perform some quick feild experiments upon these birds to see if they could be weaponised some how..

First he electrified one, then he froze one, then set one on fire.

Finaly raised each one from the dead and imbued them with the power to manipulate the element they died from.

The squawking in the hen house was very loud and got the attention of the farmer and his family - perturbed by this situation the farmer gathered a large mob of angry villagers(and EL piker himself)

Elminster said to the pale master - "Know ye not that tis illegal to harm chickens with magics in the realm of cormyr? it is one of our highest crimes. Ye sir ar guilty of FOUL SORCERY!"

[der_kluge]

How do you tell the difference between female and male warforged?

The males have ball-bearings.

[Tyrande]

One artificer joined a part of adventurers (ahem, Legends) for the fight to rescue Ana Brabender.

On the web, she asked, "how would you like your items?"
Pure fighter: Do you carry planar weapons?
Art: "Certainly, good?"
Pure fighter: Aye.
Ranger carrying o'pinion: Deadly please.
Art: "There you go."
[...about a dozen weaponized buffs later...]
Art: Anyone else good or deadly?

Ranger Blooms: I am now good AND deadly!
Fire Savant: Nah, I am deadlier, I can roast a spider...

Ranger: But I bet you can't make it dance when it jumps towards you; I can make that spider Rotiesierre on a stick while you roast it.

Palemaster wizard: But that ain't Foul Sorcery... Can I be good and deadly too so that I can cure stat damages too without running out of steam?

PM: You know what's real Foul Sorcery? I can turn you all into chickens and work with kobolds and a gazebo.

[bergeau09]

PM: You know what's real Foul Sorcery? I can turn you all into chickens and work with kobolds and a gazebo.

:')

[shores11]

My long time elven companion whom I've quested with for many a year. I pray that Paladine give me the strength to stay on a rightious path but I so look forward to her bending over to disable a trap.

I posted this a long time ago it contains some humor and morale fortitude decisions from a paladins perspective called the Book of Tantris (Tantris is my paladin). I like your post it brings a nice touch to the game.

[gphysalis]

How many casters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two:
A wizard to hold it
and a cleric to turn it.

[dynahawk]

New loot "The Wedding Ring" Gives the wearer permanent "Removal of Freedom of Movement"

[bergeau09]

New loot "The Wedding Ring" Gives the wearer permanent "Removal of Freedom of Movement"

OMG .. one of the best one so far!

[bergeau09]

(Tantris is my paladin). I like your post it brings a nice touch to the game.

Thank you

[Nestroy]

First thought of the elder Dragon upon seeing the heroic Knight arriving in full plate mail: Oh no, not again canned food!
And what´s a Dwarf in full Dwarven Plate Mail called by dragons? Iron Ration.