Your DDO Jokes!

**bergeau09** · 03-16-2013, 02:13 PM

I wan't to hear them,

Please write the # of the joke before writing it so we can keep the count,
I'll start ;

#1 How do dwarf call Elven wine?
Grape Juice!

Your turn now!

Hoss~

**wyldeweeman** · 03-18-2013, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by bergeau09

I wan't to hear them,

Please write the # of the joke before writing it so we can keep the count,
I'll start ;

#1 How do dwarf call Elven wine?
Grape Juice!

Your turn now!

Hoss~

since im the funniest in game i might as well kill your forum right away with some wee humor...

when is it time to smack a halfling.......
when he tells you your hair smells nice!!! when you figure that one out send me a tell on how hard you rolled around

**bergeau09** · 03-20-2013, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by wyldeweeman

since im the funniest in game i might as well kill your forum right away with some wee humor...

when is it time to smack a halfling.......
when he tells you your hair smells nice!!! when you figure that one out send me a tell on how hard you rolled around

omg ahahaha your post is full of win

**Sonos** · 03-20-2013, 06:50 PM

#3 An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.

The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.

The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.

The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

**9Crows** · 03-20-2013, 07:05 PM

Two mages sit in a bar and talk about their greatest spell failures. The first mage: "Once I managed to turn myself into an orc right in the middle of an elven city."
Says the other mage: "That's laughable. Once I wanted to cast light in a library and get it mixed up with fireball."

Suddenly the table says: "You think thats bad..."

**9Crows** · 03-20-2013, 07:22 PM

The Eric of the story is an optimizing-type gamer. Confronted with options, he will, given time, calculate the best solution. Otherwise he is "a superior gamer".

The game was run by Ed. Eric was playing a paladin. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred.

Ed: You see a well-groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill you see a gazebo.

Eric: A gazebo? What color is it?

Ed: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

Eric: How far away is it?

Ed: About 50 yards.

Eric: How big is it?

Ed: (Pause) It's about 30 ft. across, 15 ft. high with a pointed top.

Eric: I use my sword to detect good on it.

Ed: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.

Eric: (Pause) I call out to it.

Ed: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.

Eric: (Pause.) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

Ed: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!

Eric: I shoot it with my bow {rolls to hit}. What happened?

Ed: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

Eric: (Pause.) Was it wounded?

Ed: Of course not, Eric! It's a GAZEBO!!

Eric: (Whimper.) But that was a +3 arrow.

Ed: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would try. It's a @#$%!!* gazebo!

Eric: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.

Ed: (Thoroughly frustrated.) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches and eats you.

Eric: (Reaching for his dice.) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my paladin.

(after the laughter died other players explained to eric what a gazebo was)

**wildbynature** · 03-20-2013, 08:16 PM

how many clerics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he doesn't change the bulb. He casts cure light.

**Kawai** · 03-20-2013, 09:40 PM

OK...
so... a Bug, an Exploit, and a Glitch walk into a bar...

(stop meh if u have heard this one)

oh, whatever... Earl --read it anyway.

anyway, so, a Bug, an Exploit, and a Glitch ---walk into a bar!

The bartender, knowing something foul is afoot, immediately pulls his celli out and calls for help.
There is no answer at Stormreach 9-1-1.

Disgusted, he shakes his head and closes his eyes while typing:
/advice what can i do about this glitch, exploit, and bug in my bar?

silence.

...with great resolve, the Bartenders mind whirls and whirls until he suddenly remembers and smacks himself in the forehead!

dashing up the stairs, and into the old abandoned room on the left, he looks around for what feels like an eternity until suddenly, there it is!

the trusty, yet ancient old Searchlight Beacon!

he hefts it up with all his might, and stumbles hurriedly up the other flight of stairs to the roof access.

after shaking and banging on it he is surprised when suddenly -it starts to work, and a bright beacon is now shooting through the night sky!
illuminating brightly on the darkened cloud cover is the unmistakable image of the Turbine logo.

He is in awe.

After a few moments, sure enough, as he had counted on... a whoooooshing sound rises from out of nowhere, and he makes out a streak of light blurring in from the Northern Skyline, just over the Market Tent.

Now, a brightly colored, masked-and-caped crusader is standing right here before him!

a long, silent, uncomfortable moment passes between them before the figure speaks.

"Hehwo, i Fedder! Fedder da Thun!"

the bartender, taken aback and speechless, points frantically down at the room below them.

---in a flash, Fedder is gone and streaking down the stairs.

Great commotion ensues, and the Bartender winces at the sound of the carnage.
then, curiously creeping down the stairs until he can see, he witnesses the Giltch dissolve into an ashen pile at Fedders feet!
he continues to stare in sheer disbelief as the Exploit is hammered into submission, brutally, over and over until a group of brave pubgoers sooth Fedder and bring him to his senses.

The room now clear... the Bartender cautiously approaches our panting Hero and wipes his brow carefully for him....

"Woww Great work, Mr Fedder!" he blurts out happily while patting him on the back.
"Awesome job, just awesome... but...
"...what about the Bug?"

Fedder snaps his head and glares at him, studying him furiously!
his eyes squint, searching for any sign of betrayal...

Finally our hero shrugs and walks casually toward the door.

"There no bugs!" he stammers loudly while opening the door...

then, sadly... his face goes blank and a slight drool forms at the corner of his mouth...

"Have u theen mah bayball? he mumbles quietly to no one in particular as he steps out into the night...

The end.
and they all lived happily ever after.

**Memnir** · 03-21-2013, 01:36 AM

In Soviet DDO, chest loots you.

**bergeau09** · 03-21-2013, 07:31 AM

Woot, will pass some rep!

-

A one-man short PuG in need of a rogue go in a bar and call out :
Hoyé Hoyé, we are here to recruit a faithful rogue!

3 pure rogues stand up faster than lighting,

The first rogue, then the second, and the last, say in this order,

#1 Me Me, choose me! I'm an Assassin, I'm good at killing!
#2 No, choose me! I'm a mechanic! I'm good at trapping!
#3 Hey guys! I'm free, choose me! I'm a Acrobat. I'm good at.. humm...

^^

**gphysalis** · 03-21-2013, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by Memnir

In Soviet DDO, chest loots you.

That's called a Mimic

Do you have a Soviet Mimic picture?

**Memnir** · 03-21-2013, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by gphysalis

Do you have a Soviet Mimic picture?

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**nikos1313** · 03-21-2013, 10:31 AM

A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a Duck under his arm, his wife answers the door "what's this?" The warrior replies "this is the dragon i've been shaggin'" The angry wife shouts "That is not a Dragon that is a duck" The warrior looks at her and says "I wasnt talking to you''!!

**Sonos** · 03-21-2013, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by bergeau09

Woot, will pass some rep!

-

A one-man short PuG in need of a rogue go in a bar and call out :
Hoyé Hoyé, we are here to recruit a faithful rogue!

3 pure rogues stand up faster than lighting,

The first rogue, then the second, and the last, say in this order,

#1 Me Me, choose me! I'm an Assassin, I'm good at killing!
#2 No, choose me! I'm a mechanic! I'm good at trapping!
#3 Hey guys! I'm free, choose me! I'm a Acrobat. I'm good at.. humm...

^^

... Then a wizard pops in and says, "I'm a wiz-rogue"...

"You're hired!"

**Bacab** · 03-21-2013, 10:56 AM

Drow

**Bacab** · 03-21-2013, 10:57 AM

"We value our VIP players."
-Turbine

**Stormraiser** · 03-21-2013, 02:38 PM

Things smell differently for a halfling in a crowded bar.

Stormraiser

**~spathic** · 03-21-2013, 07:33 PM

Q: How many does it take to run Ghosts of Perdition on elite?
A: Enough to break the ice.

Q: Why are the Sahaugin on Korthos always happy?
A: Nobody gets off the island without beating them off.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lag.
Lag who?
.
.
Lag who?
.
.
Anyone else leashing here?
.
.
Knock Knock
Sigh, who's there?
Lag
Lag who?
.
.
Lag who?
.
.
<Ding>

**bergeau09** · 03-21-2013, 09:23 PM

Woot woot, Keep 'em coming!

Hoss~

**gphysalis** · 03-21-2013, 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by Memnir

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That is an amazing pic.

Here's my joke:

Three gimps were telling their best stories about piking.
The first described following a barbarian, who cleaved a path through his foes.
The second described following a cleric, unintentionally kiting mobs through a blade barrier.
The last described following a monk, who he saw leap through the air as he fell into the lava.

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