Things a Medic hears

[flynnjsw]

I have a couple I can add.

I was working in the OR at NMCSD (Naval Medical Center San Diego) as an Anesthesia Tech. As NMCSD was one of the 3 biggest hospitals, we did it all in that OR; Cardiac, Neuro, Ortho, General, pretty much everything. The messiest were always the Ortho cases. Any time you saw the surgeons in their "space suits" you knew it was going to get messy. The foulest had to be a necrotic bowel that came over from the ICU. We were connected to the ICU by 1 hall, and we could smell it coming from halfway down the connecting hall.

Now the time I spent with the Marines was an entirely different experience. Usually with them it was " Doc my **** is broke" which could mean just about anything.

[Film]

A group of friends put together a whitewater rapids trip on the Lower Laurel Highlands. We packed our cars for the trip and convoyed three hours to our cabin. Upon arriving at the cabin, I decided a wiffle ball bat fight would be fun and leaned into the back of a buddy's raised Dodge with a bologna cut exhaust that extended beyone the bumper.

I turned quickly to defend myself from an attack and everyone just stopped moving and gazed. I sliced my knee open from one side to the other. The skin folded down and looked like I had a giant smile on my leg. It was barely bleading but it had cut clean through at about 6-8" length and cauterized (sp?).

I called the TRI-CARE nurse helpline to get permission to go to the ER. (those older military types will remember this fiasco)

The nurse told me which Hospital to go to and told them that I would be coming for some stitches. Upon arrival the Triage Nurse stated that it would be a while as a chainsaw accident victim had come in before me. Apparently the gentlemen had a very small nick in one finger and needed 2 stitches to close it. Yes, 2!

I had my leg bandaged so he did not see the severity of the cut. The nurse said to take of the bandage in the waiting room. I politely told him that I did not want to gross anyone out in the waiting room and would rather do it in the Triage room. He had the look of "Oh great, another chainsaw accident!"

I said, "Your call!" and disbandaged. At which point he covered it immediately and I was taken into the ER immediately. I lucked out as an on call plastic surgeon was called in for the chainsaw guy. I had asked during the procedure if I would be able to still go rafting the next day. He used 24 internal stiches and then closed the outside with another 24 just to make sure it would hold. A wonder bread bag, some 100 mile an hour tape, and a full leg brace later I was in the raft going down some 3-4 category rapids.

Moral to this story: Don't take wiffleball bats on a rafting trip!

[cardmj1]

I worked as a crash crew fire fighter but would sometimes go out with the general first responders. Here are a few shorts for you:

911 gets a call for shortness of breath from a woman and she stops talking while we were on route. Front door unlocked, thank goodness! We enter and find this absolutely beautiful woman dressed in panties and a corset lying on the floor next to the phone. She is still breathing but it's shallow and so we throw an oxygen mask on her. She becomes alert and is very sweet and kind. Upon examining her, we found the corset was a "bit" snug. We get her to upright position so that we can "loosen" her corset because it's a dual zipper and laces on both sides. That sucker was not coming off, so my partner takes one side with the scissors and my crew chief takes the other. All of sudden, RIP and POP. One side totally breaks open and it pop back hitting the crew chief on either side of his face leaving nasty zipper bruises that last for almost a week. That beautiful woman was about 275lbs tucked into a size 10 corset.

Get a call from a concerned woman stating her 4 year old son is having severe lower back pain. We arrive the little guy is running around the house with the dog having a good old time. We start questioning the Mom and she said just listen. Chirp, Chirp, Chirp. CHIRRRRP. ***? The kid had swallowed a bird whistle and it was stuck "at the end of his digestive track". Mom could not catch the dog and dog was chasing the whistle and boy was running from the dog. She "needed help" catching one or the other. And yes, the kid's name was Dennis.

This is my buddies story but I giggle everytime he tells it:

Cop calls in a need for a fire truck and 2 ambulance. This is never a good call. They get on scene and find a convertible red mustang and 5 women trapped inside. No accident, no blood, just 5 drunk women stuck inside their mustang. Better yet, five 300+lbs women who most Americans would recognize from the special Birthday cards that you often find in stores like Spencer's. To extricate them from the vehicle, 7 bottles of Baby Oil and 3 bottles of suntan oil had to be generously applied and then pulled out. He still gets flower and cards every year for his birthday from each one them.

[Eladiun]

This Is My Buddies Story But I Giggle Everytime He Tells It:

Cop Calls In A Need For A Fire Truck And 2 Ambulance. This Is Never A Good Call. They Get On Scene And Find A Convertible Red Mustang And 5 Women Trapped Inside. No Accident, No Blood, Just 5 Drunk Women Stuck Inside Their Mustang. Better Yet, Five 300+lbs Women Who Most Americans Would Recognize From The Special Birthday Cards That You Often Find In Stores Like spencer's. To Extricate Them From The Vehicle, 7 Bottles Of Baby Oil And 3 Bottles Of Suntan Oil Had To Be Generously Applied And Then Pulled Out. He Still Gets Flower And Cards Every Year For His Birthday From Each One Them.

Omg...rofl

[cardmj1]

Omg...rofl

Yep, my buddy got married about 3 years after this call. His wife makes sure that the cards (and sometimes photographs) are sent to the fire station for the bulletin board.