Bless The n00bs, Every Single One

[smithtj3]

I keep coming across these, "Dear n00bs, stop playing DDO because no one likes you" threads and to be honest they've become substantially more irritating and moronic than the n00bs they chastise. Don't confuse this with a hatred of lamenting n00bs and their n00bish feats of n00bery, those make people roflcopter.


This is legit.


To demand that the n00bs never be allowed to play again? To require that all players conduct years of extensive study, research, and planning before rolling their first characters? This is a grave mistake. We need these n00bs. . . probably more than ever now because with this rising level of seriousness and apparent mandatory dedication, DDO is feeling less and less like a game and more like life.


This is not a game, it's horrible.


I salute all the n00bs out there that think that fear is the greatest effect since greasing their own PUG. I commend anyone who thinks 8 con is normal (charisma is what the ladies want anyway). I will congratulate every sorc I see in full plate, every SOB wearing that purple pirate hat (aka The Crown of King n00b (wear it with pride)), and, **** it, all those crazy mo fos tumbling everywhere they go while wearing a top hat (you know you look good).


For the shorties.


I rue the day that the n00b populace is banished from DDO. If, one day, in part two of The Shroud a wizard is not killed while trying to do extremely important mob recon. . . on mobs we're going to have to fight regardless of what the hell is up there, I'm throwing in the towel (that 12 year old is the real reason I have one charge of Raise Dead on my Greensteel bow (DDO needs you around Steven, Jacob, Francis or whatever you name is! You turn 13 next month!).


and yes, this is exactly what puberty is like.


If on some dark eve while running The Hound of Xoriat, a warforged barbarian does not systematically kill every single one of the puppies with lethal and relentless dedication despite repeated pleas to cease and a lengthy pre-raid lecture on why puppies need snuggling and love (not swords and stabbing), I will delete my account and call my mother to let her know I'm moving back into the basement.


You must snugg. . . okay, you can kill this one. Gross.


Let us raise our glasses of whatever drink we bought in the tavern after that VOD wipe (all they do is regenerate SP, what does a gangster need to do it get tore up in Eberron?) to all the intimirogues, melee sorcs, buffing rangers, battle clerics, and any others I've forgotten out there jumping through that final portal of Tempest Spine before the beholder has even hit the ground.


And for all those who have TR'd 80 hojillion times, haven't seen the sun in four months, and are still adamant that the apparent growth in DDO's inexperienced player base is destroying the game's culture and community, why don't you have any friends?


Easily besting your other records of binge drinking and lonliness


Seriously, you've been playing this game since 2006 and you still can't find anyone who wants to play with you? The only mistake the n00bs seem to have made is not knowing before accepting your join request is that you find no joy in life. It took me all of 45 minutes to figure out that joining/making a PUG translated to good chance of hilarious failure. That's why we joined guilds, to provide that assured progress. You don't see rich people sleeping in boxes, reheating discarded Arby's sandwiches over trash can fires, and complaining about how the poor are bleeding America dry. They're up in their pent houses, sleeping on beds made from extinct animal pelts, eating orphan hearts, and complaining about the poor where we don't have to hear them.


Keep going, all the way to the top.

[Cylinwolf]

Keep going, all the way to the top.

One does not simply ____ into Mordor.

[Draccus]

Post of the Year.

[DFraser]

Let me get this straight you are saying there is a place in DDO for my cleric that can not jump across the disks in bounty hunter (okay thats all me not him). I hope to find this magical place, because we all need a ROFLCHOPER.

[Kawabonga]

Refreshing and most welcome. Let's not forget the important things in life.

+1 to you good sir!

[Kalari]

Dear Turbine

Hello I am a newly crowned awesome forum poster, I keep seeing your meanie vets saying Noobs are bad. Now to me Noobs mean all new players and not the seriously hopeless mess quests up and dont listen types that they are really venting about. So Im donning my shiny role play armor and firing up my mad photo shop skills to call all ya'll out. Im hear to say love thy noob whether they be the person who picks up items told not to touch then lie and say they dont have it. To the person who runs ahead starting the big fight before every ones ready. Or even better the dude whose cat hit the altar in part 4 of the shroud while the clerics were shrining. Yes I am defending them against the mean tyranny of the ddo vets. Lets face it this game could benefit from such noobs I mean who will make the skilled players feel skill? So in closing Everyone should listen to me because I can make long winded threads with plenty of pictures, oh yes I am that awesome.

Love super forum noob ^_^.

[Limey]

"If, one day, in part two of The Shroud a wizard is not killed while trying to do extremely important mob recon. . . on mobs we're going to have to fight regardless of what the hell is up there"

Yes, why is this done every shroud?

+1 for post btw

[smithtj3]

Dear Turbine

Hello I am a newly crowned awesome forum poster, I keep seeing your meanie vets saying Noobs are bad. Now to me Noobs mean all new players and not the seriously hopeless mess quests up and dont listen types that they are really venting about. So Im donning my shiny role play armor and firing up my mad photo shop skills to call all ya'll out. Im hear to say love thy noob whether they be the person who picks up items told not to touch then lie and say they dont have it. To the person who runs ahead starting the big fight before every ones ready. Or even better the dude whose cat hit the altar in part 4 of the shroud while the clerics were shrining. Yes I am defending them against the mean tyranny of the ddo vets. Lets face it this game could benefit from such noobs I mean who will make the skilled players feel skill? So in closing Everyone should listen to me because I can make long winded threads with plenty of pictures, oh yes I am that awesome.

Love super forum noob ^_^.

I thought momentarily of actually deconstructing this myriad of almost whimsically childish mockeries but I realized by the closing line of your ramblings that all I could really be certain of was that you saw the pictures. Thusly, since words seem to escape your cognition, here is another picture to tantalize your imagination:



Cherish it always. Also, lighten up.

[Kalari]

I thought momentarily of actually deconstructing this myriad of almost whimsically childish mockeries but I realized by the closing line of your ramblings that all I could really be certain of was that you saw the pictures. Thusly, since words seem to escape your cognition, here is another picture to tantalize your imagination:



Cherish it always. Also, lighten up.

Oh wow it took you awhile to think up a response and a pretty picture to. Your veiled attempts to insult long term players in defense of hapless noobs didnt go unnoted buddy and was the main reason for my sarcastic post. But sure it makes you feel better saying that those who have no time for Noobs have no life, you insult my cognitive skills as well I bet your just full of vast superiority. I guess your life is so together to that instead of spreading your peace hope and love garbage outside youd spread it in the game forums to the hopeless degenerates who just needed your spirited advice.

Whatever your a noob and you can either keep on attacking with these pointless picture threads or play the game. But mark my words you go rounds with me im not going to duel you in a photo shop face off no im going to call you as I see you. You see Ive never pretended that im better then anyone I know I play this game a lot and that I have major malfunctions. I dont spread peace hope and love messages to make me feel better about having this game as a major hobby nor do I feel right forcing others to play any way then how they feel. Instead of putting up corny threads about how Vets need to stop treating people bad why dont you play help out as best as you can and see that in game is far different then the forums? But no that would steal your posting thunder wouldnt it? Your thread was over days ago you should have really let it die. And I dont think I have to tell you what you can do with your picture But im sure with your vivid imagination you can take a gander.

[PyrosianFelicity]

Well...
I thought it was clever and funny

And a good point, too. Other people can only bother you as much as you let them, why not relax and have a good time in bad groups? If you're in the mood to really get some progress, get going with a guild group instead.

[kurglar]

When your in a PUG you never know where the person is from, what their skill level is, or how well they work in a group as opposed to soloing. So in my experience it isn't the noobs fault if:

1) they can't read or listen well because english is their second language.
2) your mic is too low or not working at all.
3) the leader is not taking the time to make sure the group knows the do's and don'ts of the quest.

Granted the only raid i've done so far has been Tempest Spine (which i've lost count how many times) but in my experience; when the leader takes the time to explain the parts of it as we go it has never been a fail, but when they don't it has been.

So next time, before someone jumps ahead to the boss fight or tries opening the trapped chest, maybe someone should find out if the WHOLE group understands what's ahead and what's expected of them. 2 or 3 minutes of "group" communication at the beggining of the quest might just save you from a fail. Just my 2 cents.

[Thechemicals]

Hi im a noob. I play alone now.

[~jradnut]

Really nice job. And already drew one hot-pocket munching troll outta the woodwork. *grin*
Would +1 rep you but, sigh, could only hurt, lol.
Altogether a pleasant and funny read. Tyvm

[Phidius]

"If, one day, in part two of The Shroud a wizard is not killed while trying to do extremely important mob recon. . . on mobs we're going to have to fight regardless of what the hell is up there"

Yes, why is this done every shroud?
...

It adds to the chaos and joy when the Devil ports to the center of the maze because they got a glimpse of the person who was assigned crystal duty.

The groups who don't assign someone to wait at the crystal don't have to worry about it - but they don't pre-scout the mobs anyway. They pull everything at once and kill it all.

The "waste of time" here is waiting until all the trash mobs die before pulling the 4 lieutenants, but it beats wiping in the average PUG.

[redraider]

+1 rep big time. Well done OP, well done!

[Blackfire1]

*worships*

Best Post EVER. I laughed so hard I wet myself. >.<



-n00b for life

[Rav'n]

Can I get a link to all the "Dear n00bs, stop playing DDO because no one likes you" threads please?

Thanks

[BrinLondo]

(**DDO I didn't read the ToS***)

Hi Kalari,

Hey thanks for coming on and just be total utter uber I3itch to the OP! You certainly proved his/her point with his post. I sort of wish players like you had characters icons like: (_0_) so that we can spot you better! In PnP your PCs would've met with "accident" long ago.

On the plus side, admitting you have "major malfunctions" is the first step to recovery. Here's hoping you fall down all 12 steps of your recovery plan!

Cheers!

[Kalari]

(**DDO I didn't read the ToS***)

Hi Kalari,

Hey thanks for coming on and just be total utter uber I3itch to the OP! You certainly proved his/her point with his post. I sort of wish players like you had characters icons like: (_0_) so that we can spot you better! In PnP your PCs would've met with "accident" long ago.

On the plus side, admitting you have "major malfunctions" is the first step to recovery. Here's hoping you fall down all 12 steps of your recovery plan!

Cheers!

Thanks I do what I can especially to all you poor new forum goers who think the game is just full of vets who dont help just shun all of you poor me's

as you should know by now your attempts at insults fall a bit short, the only reason I bother to even respond to threads like this is because its fun to see how many new bloods think they can put a chink the into the mean armor I surrounded myself with on these forums.

You know I was new before this boards were always full of people who had high opinions of themselves. Instead of making countless threads telling people to change who they are I played the game and developed my own personality. I realize we have all types so instead of flooding the forums with junk about how to play I suggest ideas because I know the game is not like the forums.

So call me ***** any other name you can think of the op is off base and the people his grand message is trying to reach are laughing at him you and any other person trying to scream "LOOK AT ME" while they run their 100th shroud or Abbot. So yeah I decided to parody it because its like me creating a thread telling NOOBs to learn how to play better. I dont bother because a person is going to be how they wish to be and unless I pay for their subs I have no right spouting to them how to behave, heck if I didnt birth them I have no right.

But you and your moral committee keep on enjoy yourselves make yourselves feel better for being on the bottom end. This thread lost its it factor when it took the op a few days to respond and he posted a picture of a pony lol. So do yourself a favor quit defending him and let the thread die because with my main system down I have more then enough time on my hands to trade rounds and as you already put Im not a nice person.

[Glenalth]

If on some dark eve while running The Hound of Xoriat, a warforged barbarian does not systematically kill every single one of the puppies with lethal and relentless dedication.

Oh god, why did I never think of this. I now know exactly what I'm doing next guild run.