POV: High School Drama - Was what I did right?

[XxLegitSaixX]

"Hey dad!"

"Ya?"

"I lost my iPod to 2 big mean kids today, all my friends were around me, they were making a big deal about it and made a lame fake excuse that they lost the exact same one, they said they'd give it back tomorrow if I give them the receipt and well.. Im thinking of making a photocopy of it and showing him one, if he gives it back then fine, if not i'll go and tell the office, what do you think?"

"..... [1 hour rant on why I should never bring my iPod, other useless things like why you should be careful and giving me morals]"

"Ok so your cool with the idea?"

"[Unknown]."

I'm so dead..

[lord_of_rage]

Ok I know this community is very mature, and im sure all of you have gone through this at least at one point in your life.


This is my last resort to asking for real life help, but i'm sure some of you can tell me some good advice...

It started as a fine day, lunch started and were glad to be out of our boring seminars. As we come out we listen to our iPods, I recently purchased a new iPod Nano around 2 days ago and I am a diehard fan of it, ok so as we were listening two tall kids came around us, they looked intimidating and buff. As a high schooler you really aren't mean to be 6'1" and sort of.. Bullying kids who look weak. So these two kids come by, they say "Hey my bro here Chris lost an iPod the other day." Now I know this kid, he goes on my bus and we talk every now and then if not frequently, he's pretty cool with me. So he comes with this new kid, taller then him, around 6'4" and he rudely grabs my iPod and takes it to his clutches.. Now at this point, all my friends crowd around me, outnumbering him to around 12 and it's a big circle. We keep yelling at him and he finally said "Aight, you can have it back tomorrow when you show us the receipt if it really is yours." So at this point, they both leave, and i'm standing there... "What the 'ef just happened?" All my friends just say to bring the receipt and stuff and my girlfriend was like "Are you really gonna let him go?" And everyone said i'm not going to get it back... I felt soooooo trashy...

I felt afraid to even ask the campus guards...

Afterschool on the bus I met one of the two kids.. For around 12 minutes I was in a serious face, almost grim as if someone died and kept telling him that my dad would:

Call the cops

Call the principle

Come to the campus and ask him himself and make a big deal out of it with the campus guards

By this time, his ice broke, he was scared for his dear life right when I said cops... "Alright man, i'll TRY, wait not try, I WILL get it back to you tomorrow but just try to bring the receipt cause the other kid won't let me get it, just tell your dad not to go crazy, this was a joke but I didn't think it'd be this serious."

I know that he was scared after all this because:

His face CRUMPLED...

He actually called the other kid and told him to bring the iPod back

[Btw, my dad would NEVER do any of those.. He would either yell at me for being an idiot or at the most, call the school office for support...]


Ok but here are my questions to you guys...

What possibly could bringing the receipt tomorrow do for them? Usually I would think that they could take that and claim it as their own bought product, but again, i'm not sure.

What should I do next, because I still haven't told my dad about it, his reaction is going to be terrifying...

Thanks for all the help if you offer any, I hate these real life situations where you can't really get out but to BS the truth out of them...

+1 It takes balls to to post something like this looking for feedback. I respect that. My question is where were those same balls when the situation happened? As Kist and others have said. If you make yourself a target you will lose. If you allow yourself to be intimidated you lose. What are they going to do to you? Kick your ass? Ok so you heal. Other than some pain you dont lose anything. But by being bullied you lose dignity and self respect. If they had the balls themselves it would have been one of them not 2+. So they needed numerical superiority to come up with enough guts to confront you.

1. Do not ever make yourself a target. Hold your head high. Carry yourself with confidence. Look your opponents straight in the eyes. Most agressors like that do not like eye contact. It causes them to lose focus. Because you are basicly calling them out non verbally. You are saying you are confident and committed. You might be out classed but do not ever think that way or you lose. It goes to point 2.

2. Mindset. Mindset can and has trumped size and skill time and time again. How much farther are you willing to go than the other guy? Most people think a fight is a fight. There are rules and all that. Wrong. The only time there are rules in a fight is when you are in a ring, on the mat, in the dojo, or an area designated as a training area. The moment you step out of those examples there is only one rule. You walk away from the altercation and your opponent does not. You use whatever you have to your advantage. You will get hurt. Very few real fights are one sided. It comes down to to willpower and heart. If you want to walk away youll do what it takes.

3. Never fight on school grounds if you can avoid it. There are too many complications that can come of it.

4.Fighting should be your last resort to the situation. But if it happens then drop the dude like a bad habbit. If you hit the ground with more of his people than yours either go defensive, or take the closest opponent down brutally. The leader in a multipule opponent fight needs to go down first it breaks their will and causes the followers to lose moral.But be agressive and maintain control. If you lose control you lose the fight.

Now that said and done. Here is what I would do.

Hey dad this is what happened. Here is how I plan to resolve the situation. If I cant then I will come to you for help. This shows ownership for what happened. It also shows balls

What I would do is. Photocopy the reciept. Grab your chosen witnesses and confront the agressor. Tell him you want your ipod back that he had no right to take. That it can be done two ways. He can A. Hand it over and be done with it between the two of you. Or B. Youll take your witnesses and the photocopied reciept to principal and get your ipod back that way.The only people you will show the reciept to are the faculty. But make it clear that one way or another you will get YOUR IPOD back. If he says no tell him he made his choice and imediately head to the principal or security gaurds. Do not bluff. Set your conditions and act accordingly.


You need to control your situations. Maintain situational awarness and set yourself up in positions thats are advantagious to you and not to your opponent.If you establish yourself as a hard target the risk vs reward becomes a huge negative. Now step up get your ipod back and keep us updated.
'Good Luck.

[Noctus]

The two bullies stole your ipod.

You have many witnesses.


---> Very dumb move from them. You are on the save side authority wise.


Sensible solution: (but with the small by-taste of being a little un-courageous)
* Dont give them any credibility in giving in to anything they demand.
* 1st tell your father about that.
* Then call the police and report the theft. Yes, it is that easy. The facts are clear. If you show them that you are not an "easy target" further attempts at bullying will be much, much less likely.




Hardball solution: (which much better and longer lasting positive effects on your self-respect)
Or you can start a fight about that. Preferably with friends you bring. Where key is not even winning, but hurting the others hard enough that they learn that the loot/hurt ratio is not a positive one if they target you. Key is putting up a fight and not being tagged as a sissy. If you win, excellent. Now you´ve got a reputation. If you loose you can still apply Sensible solution. If you dont defend yourself you will always be shoved around and your further school years will not be fun.

Even if you get bruised, that will heal in weeks. If you cower in fear and give in to their demands, you will regret that for the rest of your live.

[Stormanne]

If it comes to trading blows with the guy, a quick tip that my sifu told me years and years ago...

If your opponent can't see, he can't fight
If he can't breathe, he can't fight
If he can't stand, he can't fight

While simplistic in nature, it definitely tells you where to aim...

[Josh]

My uncle gave me the best advice of my life when I was in school.


Soon as you find yourself in a position where you're getting bullied - take the fight to him. You may lose, and it's gonna hurt, and there will likely be trouble from the school.

However, bullies look for weak targets. Even if you lose, he'll know that to mess with you again will mean another fight, and will likely look elsewhere for his fun.


The only time I'd recommend NOT following this is if the school you go to is small and most of the kids are related to one another... That can make for a long 4 years of HS.


***


Alternatively, absolutely bring it to the attention of the school execs. Heck, they probably have the incident on record since most schools any more have cameras everywhere. This will at least bring this person's activity to the attention of the powers there, and after enough reports may get him removed from the school.

Only you can decide what's right for you.

This is good advice. Not only is it applicable here, but as you go on in life it never stops being relevant.

Never, ever allow someone else to take advantage of you. If you allow it once, rest assured you will allow it to happen again. It's like quitting. Quiting is a learned behavior. If you quit once, you'll quit again.

Stand up for yourself, and things will work themselves out. People that bully only understand and respect one thing...the application of force.

Good luck.

[Lorien_the_First_One]

The two bullies stole your ipod.

You have many witnesses.


---> Very dumb move from them. You are on the save side authority wise.


Sensible solution: (but with the small by-taste of being a little un-courageous)
* Dont give them any credibility in giving in to anything they demand.
* 1st tell your father about that.
* Then call the police and report the theft. Yes, it is that easy. The facts are clear. If you show them that you are not an "easy target" further attempts at bullying will be much, much less likely.

This.

[PolarisNC]

You know first, i'm going to the office tomorrow and starting a deal there, "My iPod got stolen, and they make up lame excuses, here is my proof that I in fact did buy it, I want it NOW, oterhwise i'm going to the cops."

This is your best course right here. If you try to retrieve it from the bully tomorrow, you are still playing HIS game. The only things you will get that way are BS excuses why he can't give it back right now, or a fight. This needs to be your game, not his. Tell your father, bring a copy of the receipt to the school authorities, and bring names of witnesses. (Trust me - don't try to bring 12 witnesses into the office to all talk to them all at the same time. I teach high school, and that does you more harm than good. Just bring a list of the witnesses with you.)

Regarding the suggestions of martial arts training, that may well be a good long-term solution if you think this could be more than one-off incident. It obviously isn't going to get your Ipod back.

Good luck!

[Consumer]

If only this was posted on 4 chan.

If it comes to trading blows with the guy, a quick tip that my sifu told me years and years ago...

If your opponent can't see, he can't fight
If he can't breathe, he can't fight
If he can't stand, he can't fight

While simplistic in nature, it definitely tells you where to aim...

Don't listen to this TMA rubbish, if theres 2 guys getting ready to fight you find help or walk the opposite way. Especially if they are bigger than you and you have no training, it would take one person to grab you and you have already lost.

As for the lifting weights guy, just because you think your strong does not mean you can fight.

Internet Badasses ftw.

Call the police or you principle or whoever can settle the situation non violently.

[Lorien_the_First_One]

If it comes to trading blows with the guy, a quick tip that my sifu told me years and years ago...

If your opponent can't see, he can't fight
If he can't breathe, he can't fight
If he can't stand, he can't fight

While simplistic in nature, it definitely tells you where to aim...

I have a Brown belt in Judo (don't laugh, it won me every fight I was in as a kid, Judo is only gentle when you want it to be), and a small amount of training in Krav Maga (Israeli military hand to hand training). I also helped teach self defense classes for girls.

Everything you say above is correct. But you forgot a key and very important lesson. Do not engage in a fight that you aren't COMITTED to win and KNOW you will win. If you hesitate engaging will make things worse for you.

Sure, if he can't see he can't fight. A strike to his eyes will stop him from fighting and leave him vulnerable - keys are one of the most effective ways to do it - but are you prepared to blind someone?

Choke holds are very hard to maintain if you aren't trained, but even untrained a strike to the neck can temporarily incapacitate someone - but it can also crush their windpipe - are you ready for that?

If you stop, if you fail that strike, you will have engaged the bully and they will then turn on you. Plus, if you strike first, you may give them the legal right to beat the **** out of you in THEIR defense. Zero tollerance policies in some schools, plus "reasonable force" limits on self defense may also **** you even if they strike first.

If your life is in danger - use every tool at your disposal.

Acting tough over an ipod? Call the police.

[Mockduck]

I don't believe in violence. If the guy's dumb enough to steal your iPod, who's to say he's not dumb enough to stab someone who tries to fight him for it? No point losing a life over an iPod.

[Gol]

I could not disagree with this more. It has little to do with fixing the issue and just makes you more of a punk. It not only allows bullies to thrive, it forces you to have a life without the things you want in it. You are doing nothing here but allowing bullies to win.

First, I'm glad you live in a bubble. I went to college across the street from weekly homicides in a large urban environment. Dragging that **** around is akin to wearing a big fat "hey, rob/shoot me please" neon sign. Take that punk attitude and shove it. Common sense says it's just reckless endangerment (given the appropriate environment) on your behalf.

To address the OP...

As with dealing with Forum trolls and arguing on the internet, so goes dealing with bullies in RL. Never argue with them on their terms. They've already proven they have complete disregard for any common social contract in the first place. Attempts to deal with them WILL prove to be futile.

Take your friends to the school office first thing in the morning. Don't even bother with a receipt. The testimony of witnesses is worth ten times more. If the school fails to do anything about it, file a police report for theft. Their parents will get so mad at them for having the police hounding them, they'll never do it again.

As soon as school is out, sign up for a martial arts program that focuses on neutralization of threats, not injuring them. You'll benefit from it in way more ways than I can even begin to post about.

[Consumer]

As soon as school is out, sign up for a martial arts program that focuses on neutralization of threats, not injuring them. You'll benefit from it in way more ways than I can even begin to post about.

These courses make the person taking it feel over confident in their ability to defend themselves, they contain little to no live sparring and teach techniques that are hard to apply when faced with resistance.

Please everyone stop giving martial arts advice when it’s not necessary or accurate.

Stick to advice like contacting the police, Lorien and MockDuck have the right idea.

[Kistilan]

These courses make the person taking it feel over confident in their ability to defend themselves, they contain little to no live sparring and teach techniques that are hard to apply when faced with resistance.

Please everyone stop giving martial arts advice when it’s not necessary or accurate.

Stick to advice like contacting the police, Lorien and MockDuck have the right idea.

Seriously?

I'm not arguing against Lorien or Mockduck's advice, but Gol's was very useful too.

Does he have to be specific? Will you only accept an MMA-technique or Gracie Jujitsu?

Martial Arts give competent people a sense of confidence because the techniques can work. Moreso, the confidence gained is visible to guys that are going to pick an easier target. It's not about using any of the techniques -- it's about not needing to use them. Confidence is compelling.

In a world where an 8 year old boy can fight off a pedophile at the van door and save his 4 year old sister (and collect DNA from his tiger strikes under his fingernails), you'd think you'd have a little more faith in a martial art teaching how to effectively strike an assailant. A little 8 year old boy with no martial arts training whatsoever kicked the living **** out of a pedophile a few days ago and saved his little sister -- and you say a trained person becomes overconfident?

I don't want to get into your personal life, and maybe you're not into violence, but martial arts give many people the strength they need to do what that little 8 year old boy did.

[RoboVanguard]

All the advice given is appropriate for various situations. The important thing is to do something that causes friction. Bullies don't like to be met with resistance of any sort, no matter how large or small. So, just to tie things up, you should just do something, anything, that doesn't coincide with the bully's plan. As soon as you do something unexpected, he'll back down.

[Consumer]

I don't want to get into your personal life, and maybe you're not into violence, but martial arts give many people the strength they need to do what that little 8 year old boy did.

Ill give you an example from my life.

When I was 15 I had been training boxing for about a year, I was on my way home from school and was stopped by a mugger, the guy has a knife in his hand and asks for my ipod and money. Do I proceed to get into a fist fight with an armed person? No, I gave him the ipod and and the couple quid I had on me. Once I got home I phoned the police and told them what had happened, about half a year l8er the guy ends up in court and goes to jail for more than a year.

As for MMA or Gracie techniques I'm not even going to get into it, if you want to discuss in PMs thats fine. If someone needs online advice about martial arts they should try a martials arts forum not a forum for a computer game.

[Scarecrow9]

i say pull out your vorpal greatsword and see if he wants to mess with u then.....

[Kistilan]

Ill give you an example from my life.

When I was 15 I had been training boxing for about a year, I was on my way home from school and was stopped by a mugger, the guy has a knife in his hand and asks for my ipod and money. Do I proceed to get into a fist fight with an armed person? No, I gave him the ipod and and the couple quid I had on me. Once I got home I phoned the police and told them what had happened, about half a year l8er the guy ends up in court and goes to jail for more than a year.

As for MMA or Gracie techniques I'm not even going to get into it, if you want to discuss in PMs thats fine. If someone needs online advice about martial arts they should try a martials arts forum not a forum for a computer game.

Your example absolutely makes sense! When confronted with lethal force, I would rather give the goods away too than risk a knife or gun. I think you're mostly concerned with people that don't know how to apply their common sense, which is commonly lacking, ironically. Any good dojo instructor is going to enforce the idea of using your head before you decide to use your martial art.

FWIW: I'm not an MMA or Gracie practitioner. I know bits and pieces of Israeli, but my focuses have always been Hapkido, Tae Kwon Do and Muay Thai. I have no desire to speak with you about any philosophies -- my mailbox is full as it is.

[Kistilan]

i say pull out your vorpal greatsword and see if he wants to mess with u then.....

This IS the advice one would expect to find on a fantasy role-play gaming forum.

I concur. I say go for a called shot to the hand, disarming the assailants weapon (or forcing him to drop the ipod in this case).

...and then in a deep raspy voice say, "Noob.... I, am your father..."

You'll have him crying "No!" like a sissy in moments.

[XxLegitSaixX]

Ok my dad was cool with the plan, he insits on not taking anymore ******** from these kids and just driving me down to the office and dealing with the problem there.

My dads worries are:

My witnesses would back down once there like, the office is going to interrogate [Im sure they'd stick up for me, but
who knows.]

It is OURS and technically they should drop down and surrender the iPod otherwise pay for it, OR my dad was thinking, what if they just keep passing the iPod around and keep thinking of new ways to keep on hiding it, and he is also really ****ed because finals are coming up and school is about to END in one more week and he forked out 163$ for that thing. So I doubt my dad is going to back down, and I won't either, I got the balls to do this now. This game is mine, i'll keep you updated tomorrow when I get home, let's see if this situation is going to go to the cops or it's just going to stay neutral and everything ends well.

[Beherit_Baphomar]

I obviously come from a different background than most of the people on this forum.

Going to the principle or police would cause untold grief and increase the bullying ten fold. Snitching just isn't done, no matter what. It's just not done.

I'm not saying the advice is bad, it's not, but you'd be looked down on by more than just the bullies if you were to snitch.

My advice would be you shouldn't have let it happen in the first place. And once this is sorted you need to work on that.

Good luck.