Is this poor etiquette?

[Tyrande]

[...]
I guess my question is, in this situation am I a jerk for leaving the raid to be with my lady? I'm just curious as to what the community thinks and if your one of those players that still think girls have cooties don't bother responding to this post your to young to understand the dilemma anyway.

Schedules would fix this. If it is an emergency, family comes first.
If it is not, explains to the family that you have already scheduled your time with them and ask them to respect your time.

[tunabomber]

Dude I totally know where ya coming from. I'm married and my wifey calls this my stupid game. I tell her if your so ready get over here and start. Multitasking at its best hehe. if you have a leather chair thou put a towel down first My guildies dont worry bout such things as pretty much all of us have kids and wives and what not,its just a game. No game is worth more than your family,its just a great escape from reality.

[Soulken]

Real life>silly game just say the real life calls unexpectedly I would understand that from a pug and from a guildie even more so.

[Perspicacity]

Dating is more like an orb...

You have no idea, I was on a date with the girl once, went out to a nice restaurant, I got us in to a really nice club on opening night, very exclusive, invite only. Then we went back to my place and made out for like an hour and just as I was about to make my move of all people my mom calls on the phone!

She looks at the clock and says "O, it's getting late I gotta go." Tells me the next day in an email, "sorry if I lead you on but I didn't really feel a spark." Lead me on? That's the understatement of the century! you had your tongue down my throat for like an hour, if that's what you do with guy when you don't feel a spark I'd like to see what you do with guys when you do. Talk about chaotic aliment!

[Shamurai]

I'd say make her roll /roll d100 vs the party to see who gets the time..

No seriously... I'd leave mid cast or mid swing for some *wink wink* time.

[Cathimon]

There's over 3 billion women on Earth and I'm sure that yours isn't the sexiest. You're still a man if you turn down her offer when you are busy with other things. I think you've more chances of losing your wife if you go to Iraq than if you go to a 2 hours raid once a week on the family computer. Or maybe tell your Guild that at the St-Valentine you don't go fight dragons...

I don't really get your point, the players in your Guild are humans too and probably got other priorities and not only the ''special times'' you're referring to. If my tennis or golf partner would leave in middle of the games all the time for that particular reason, I'd probably change partner. Wouldn't you?

[Eleia]

Real life is always more important than a game, no matter how much fun you may be having. Also, unless you are in a guild full of real life friends, never forget, no matter how much you may like them, they're just not important as your real life friends and family.

Guilds come and go, people come and go, games come and go, and raids will always be there.

As far as what to say, it's no one's business save yours and your girlfriends. Do you think she would appreciate it if you told people online that you were leaving for a bit of fun? Maybe she wouldn't care, maybe she would. It does come across as disrespectful imo.

Just say real life calls, and log out. If anyone has a problem with it, those aren't the people you want to be playing with anyway.

BTW, if you are in a key role like main healer, make sure your guild has a few backups. If they don't...go get some, and insist they be put in the guild. No one should be the only <insert class here> in a guild...it's too much to ask of one person.

[Zlingerdark]

Ladies, ladies! It is not about "getting it on." It is about control and attention. My wife does the same thing except it is never about wink-wink. It is about "I am playing that stupid game again." It really comes down to waggro control. Wives and girlfriends simply do not like being ignored, although it is perfectly fine if they do that to you!

In a nutshell guys do not care, as long as they are having fun. Fun playing DDO? Great! Fun spending time with your wife? Great! What bugs me is that my wife just does it to annoy me. She thinks she is "helping" somehow. She is no way a gamer, nor is she a computer person. She has this thing against technology in general. She won't even own a cell phone! So seeing me glued to the computer, just annoys her to no end, which in turns causes her to interrupt me and annoy me without warning. It is this reason alone why I am always hesitant in joining groups, PUGs or Guilds. Invariably in 30-60 minutes I am sure to be waggroed at least once.

But then for me to solve this issue, I allot my time to coincide with her favorite TV shows, or when she is reading a book. Even then I still cannot get her to understand that while this is "only a game" it is still rude to just bail on your group as well. They are people too! Would you just hang up the phone in mid-sentence just because your wife "needs" something? No. You tell her, "Hey! Can't you see I am on the phone?"


Real life is real life. If you play DDO, then that too is part of your "real life". It is no different than going bowling 2 nights a week, or playing baseball, or cards with friends and family. Just because folks are on the other side of a computer via internet connection, doesn't mean they are not real, or that they are deserving of any less respect than any other of your "real life" friends.

[flynnjsw]

There's over 3 billion women on Earth and I'm sure that yours isn't the sexiest. You're still a man if you turn down her offer when you are busy with other things. I think you've more chances of losing your wife if you go to Iraq than if you go to a 2 hours raid once a week on the family computer. Or maybe tell your Guild that at the St-Valentine you don't go fight dragons...

I don't really get your point, the players in your Guild are humans too and probably got other priorities and not only the ''special times'' you're referring to. If my tennis or golf partner would leave in middle of the games all the time for that particular reason, I'd probably change partner. Wouldn't you?

Do What? I am curious as to where the OP mentioned Iraq?

AS far as the OP, My wife has not quite learned that my online games don't have a pause or a save button. Whether it's to help make dinner, take the dog out, or get a little, she is great at interupting me. Then again I typically play with a dedicated group of RL friends.

[Anarkius]

Ladies, ladies! It is not about "getting it on." It is about control and attention. My wife does the same thing except it is never about wink-wink. It is about "I am playing that stupid game again." It really comes down to waggro control. Wives and girlfriends simply do not like being ignored, although it is perfectly fine if they do that to you!

In a nutshell guys do not care, as long as they are having fun. Fun playing DDO? Great! Fun spending time with your wife? Great! What bugs me is that my wife just does it to annoy me. She thinks she is "helping" somehow. She is no way a gamer, nor is she a computer person. She has this thing against technology in general. She won't even own a cell phone! So seeing me glued to the computer, just annoys her to no end, which in turns causes her to interrupt me and annoy me without warning. It is this reason alone why I am always hesitant in joining groups, PUGs or Guilds. Invariably in 30-60 minutes I am sure to be waggroed at least once.

But then for me to solve this issue, I allot my time to coincide with her favorite TV shows, or when she is reading a book. Even then I still cannot get her to understand that while this is "only a game" it is still rude to just bail on your group as well. They are people too! Would you just hang up the phone in mid-sentence just because your wife "needs" something? No. You tell her, "Hey! Can't you see I am on the phone?"


Real life is real life. If you play DDO, then that too is part of your "real life". It is no different than going bowling 2 nights a week, or playing baseball, or cards with friends and family. Just because folks are on the other side of a computer via internet connection, doesn't mean they are not real, or that they are deserving of any less respect than any other of your "real life" friends.

ya wanna try and explain that to my missus???

[Xionanx]

Here's the situation, lets say your in a raid, more over lets say your in a guild raid where a degree of loyalty is expected AND your in some integral roll like mane healer or something and your girlfriend or what have you walks in and says she want's... hmm, how do I word this on a forum that kids read... you know... she wants the only thing that would make most guys like us even consider bailing on a guild raid half way through, you know what I mean. *WINK WINK*

This is a toughy because on one hand any guy who would put any video game above a real woman has no business calling himself a man but at the same time dems ya boyz you can't bail on em for a woman can ya?

What's the right course of action here, bail on your guild or lose your girlfriend? Another thing to consider is if your one of the guild members on the other side of this and you guildy bails on you because his GF wants some action what is an appropriate response?

To compare notes lets put this question to the ladies, and I know there are some ladies who play DDO, what do you do if your man walks in the room and he wants some "Special time" while your in a guild raid? I suspect that the most popular answer will be something along the lines of, "never gonna happen cause hes in the raid with me," but I doubt that's a blanket situation so assume for this scenario that he's not and he's feeling randy baby, yeah!

I personally would say sorry guys duty calls and bail on the raid, but I have known guys who've told there ladies to bugger off, and I mean like all rude to, "Cant you see I'm in a raid woman?!" kinda thing. Naturally they got dumped. No surprise there, he had it coming, I mean no woman likes to be second place to a computer.

I guess my question is, in this situation am I a jerk for leaving the raid to be with my lady? I'm just curious as to what the community thinks and if your one of those players that still think girls have cooties don't bother responding to this post your to young to understand the dilemma anyway.

Simple:

Ask yourself has she ever turned you down when YOU wanted some action?

If yes, then sorry I'm busy, maybe when I'm done.
If no, then bail on your buddies and give as good as you get.

Reasoning:

Your friends/guildies/etc are a non factor as far as I'm concerned. As has been pointed out before friends come and go; thats especially true for MMO guildies. I can count on 0 fingers the number of guildies I still talk to from WoW, FFXI, Lineage 2, AOC, Aion, etc.. As such they should accept that real life trumps game EVERY time someone has to bail on them NO MATTER THE REASON. If you cant accept that then you have some growing to do.

With that only 2 people that matter in this instance are the guy and her! As I pointed above its a matter of how you are treated and how you WANT to be treated. Everything you do with your partner has repurcussions, and I mean EVERYTHING! For something as simple as not turning your head to listen to what shes saying you could end up making her feel less important. If she feels less important to you, everntually YOU will be less important to her.

So give as good as you get or as good as you WANT to get and you'll die a happy man!

[kchaz]

no question...RL first all else 2nd...and when it comes to RL nooky, guildies are just gonna have to live with it

[CE2JRH123]

I can't believe you even need to ask the question. This game has tens of thousands of players, at least. I only have seven girlfriends.

Or was it eight?

[Kalari]

I dont like the thought of it being a power struggle what I got from the Op's post his girlfriend was just feeling frisky. Nothing wrong with that and any one who calls you a buddy even a guildy will understand nookie always trumps the game even raiding.

If they say different they are grumps who are probably not getting any.

We had a guild mate turn down his wife when she offered one night to run with us and lately he has not been playing much you do not want to lose a power struggle like that you end up with no gaming and no nookie.

You can always make it up to the guild heck roll up a healer and promise to heal every other raid but never neglect the girlfriend/wife it will save you headaches in the long run.

As to the husband aggro thing lol I think I would have had more problems with fighting him about keeping his hands off my loot.

[SoulDecay]

They're not mutually exclusive. If they are, you have a problem.

Tell your SO you'll be with them when you can. Then find a good stopping point (end of quest, as soon as you can find a replacement, "now" if you're non-essential, whatever.).

If your guildies don't understand leaving after this run, or getting a replacement, boo on them.

If your SO doesn't understand waiting 15 minutes, then... you have bigger problems.

Especially since the raids (at least, the ones I've done. Admittedly, that does not include Titan, Abbot, or Tower, as of yet.) are pretty fast. Hour at MOST, so if you're midway through, 30 minutes isn't so much...

[Varr]

My word is my bond.....if I join a raid and it begins......I've committed to 11 other people to fill a role.

Sex is not a real life emergency, tell her to take a bath, grab a glass of wine, slip into something tasty and get a head start on her own.

Complete raid and then go remind her who is boss....

Before raid starts, bail.....one it is on, follow thru on your commitment unless a real emergency occurs......she will wait or she should be sent packing.....not like she is unaware she is with a computer gaming nerd.

[Strakeln]

You don't drink your orange juice with dinner?

I've seen that episode of Seinfeld. Things did not work out in George's favor.

It takes you an hour to mix and enjoy a savory orange-flavored drink?!

15 minutes to unroll the garden hose, half an hour to mix and enjoy, 15 minutes to roll the hose back up

Wow strakeln only an hr? I be killed if it was that short.

Technically only a half hour (see above). Anything longer and the dogs start scratching at the door wondering what the hell is going on in there.

WOW!! You got that kinda stuff scheduled? Whatever happened to spontaneous interaction?

Marriage.

[dkrypt]

Try discussing it with your significant other beforehand so that when it happens, you don't need to agonize over a decision.

Discuss being afk with your guildies too (before it happens). They should know that you may have real life interruptions - you don't have to go into details about intimacy etc - "gf/wife" or "fone, mom" both provide enough detail for me.

I go afk for phone calls from family and almost any wife issue (urgent or not). Some guilds wouldn't take me on raids. Oh well. My wife cooks really well for me, and they don't. I'm not jeopardizing that

[Zlingerdark]

ya wanna try and explain that to my missus???

Hey I didn't say I didn't have the SAME problem as the OP. Just saying! Hehe.

[Zlingerdark]

They're not mutually exclusive. If they are, you have a problem.

Tell your SO you'll be with them when you can. Then find a good stopping point (end of quest, as soon as you can find a replacement, "now" if you're non-essential, whatever.).

If your guildies don't understand leaving after this run, or getting a replacement, boo on them.

If your SO doesn't understand waiting 15 minutes, then... you have bigger problems.

Especially since the raids (at least, the ones I've done. Admittedly, that does not include Titan, Abbot, or Tower, as of yet.) are pretty fast. Hour at MOST, so if you're midway through, 30 minutes isn't so much...

Now tell THAT to my wife! LOL.

I have done exactly that, but when she has a mind for me to do "something" she wants it NOW. Waiting 5 minutes generally puts her in a real sour mood. So, yes, "Sorry folks I gotta go. Be back later perhaps..."