Let me ask my Guild Leader -- In Game Advice, Boast Debunking and DDO Info.

[Keiran]

Would you like to join my guild? All are welcome!

Ahem...screenshots or we don't believe it...

[Memnir]

Ahem...screenshots or we don't believe it...

Of course I have a screenshot, silly. Who'd believe me otherwise that all are welcome! You'll notice, we even invited Smelly Bill! We're that welcoming!












Fun Search!
Can you spot the kid with the cool shoes and the kobold in my guild? Can you find Dancing Jill or the noob who does not know which way is up? How about the player who is so frustrated by lag he's ripped his own head off? We welcome everyone!

[Glorious]

Dear guild leader,

I am a big fan of your teachings...can you please tell me.....

Why everytime I hit an ooze with my battleaxe I get 2 oozes and then 4 oozes and then 8 oozes and so on....why won't they just die? Was there an eldritch ritual that impregnated my battleaxe with ooze sperm or something that was part of a patch I didn't read the release notes for?

And why do my party members get so ****ed off that there are now 16 oozes where there was only 1 - I tend to group with only Warforged characters...

Help!

[Arlith]

You'll notice, we even invited Smelly Bill!

THAT'S HIM! THAT'S THE **** DIRTY DORF THAT TOUCHED ME! KILL HIM!! GET HIS SHOES!

Eww.. Never mind. He stinks. Wait until he is passed out and throw a firewall on him.

On a side note:

Dear Guild leader,

The other night I had a dream all my female toons came to life, beat the **** out of me and made me dance nekked on the bar in threnal. I am thinking of taking them down to the depths of darkness with a party dirty dorfs and going afk. Is this wrong?

P.S. have you ever woke up with a platinum piece in your drawers?

[eowilson]

What causes people to fly up in the air in the subterrane icy loot run?

Can a VoD Orthon still hit you when you stand directly behind them?

Is it currently better to run DQ on normal, not elite, for raid loot?

[Inspire]

I recently trade my +3 Holy Burst Silver Khopesh of Greater Evil Outsider Bane(Greensteel graphic) for a +1 Wounding Rapier of Puncturing. Since M9 has completly gimped WP weapons I now want to trade back. Throughout the entire trading process I even had my fingers crossed but he still wont trade back! Doesnt everyone know that when your fingers are crossed it dosent count?

Could you please inform everyone of this well known rule?

[Rayzorlew]

YOU are IGNORANT! There I said it.
PIXA

When I read this....I immediately thought you were my ex-wife.

Does this mean from now on I need to post in the lfw section?
PIXA

Then I read this and realized....No your my next ex-wife! Hey pixa, how you doin?

[Rayzorlew]

Well welcome back to another fine day of "Let me ask my Guild Leader."
Lets get right to the posters......

Dear Guild Leader,

Can I be a Legionare for a post?

And if so, would you let me post a question?

And if so, is it true that I can gather Invader tolkens from a harbor quest?

And if so, do you think I can solo it as a level 3 bard?

And if so...

Yes anyone can be a legionare.
Invaders is a video game from the 80's pwesiela, so just go to the nearest cheesy mall arcade and give the guy behind the counter a dollar. In return he should hand you four tokens for the game....
Soloing that quest with a level 3 bard is doable, but you might wanna splash in a level of barbarian 1st. That way when they are all facinated, you can run into the mob with a greataxe and finish them off all.

IF 1+1 = 2, and 2+2 = 4, does broccoli + arcanearcher + rangedrangerwithalightningIIbow = gimp? (:O I might be serious this time...)
btw whats a google and can I blame it for everything wrong in my life?

Whoa!!
Who the hell told you 1+1 = 2, and 2+2 = 4?
Does a +1 resistance cloak and a +1 resistance ring add up to +2 resistance?
NO IT DOESN”T!!!

Now unless you have gone to the marketplace and done the quest…”Tossing Baudry’s salad” you have not retrieved the favor to get “+3 deneithe sturdy broccoli”. So until you do….Yes, you are a gimp!
So just go to the marketplace and spam in general….”I need to toss Baudry’s salad” and I’m sure someone will help you receive your favor.
Also googles are worn during swimming and while flying an aircraft, so unless you’re a Olympic swimmer or a fighter pilot….NO you can’t blame them for everything wrong in your life.

This is just heartbreaking ROFLMFAO.

Dear clays guildleader

When i join a lfm dat says "have a clue" dose that mean i need a clue to enter the quest*?
Where do i buy clues, i haven´t seen any in da potato chip store.
Can i loot clue and what q is bestest for clues?

Well Gleipner having a clue is the key to this game.
When we “Walk the Butcher’s Path” in the “The Sunken Sewer” to “Retrieve the Stolen Goods” taken from “The Smuggler’s Warehouse”. It takes “Sacrrifices” to earn our “Redemption”. It can be “An Explosive Situation” trying to “Bring the Light” to “The Enemy Within”, but “Where there is Smoke” we need “to Purge the Heretics” who have taken “The Captives” and “Caged Trolls”. Then and only then can we “Walk the Butcher’s Path” and learn “The Store House’s Secret”.
I hope this will “Freshen the Air” for you Gleipner my friend….

I've been having problems with my guild and friends lately and can not figure out why. Several times here as of late I've been asked what command to type to find their bind location, and I simply tell them to type /death. I immediately get yelled at when they of all things find out where they are bound to. Why are they so mean to me when I simply give advice?

Sometimes Gor nice people are just taken for granted in this mean, mean world.
One thing you might try is have them hit their “R” button, then their character should automatically run to their “bind point”.

[DoctorWhofan]

Of course I have a screenshot, silly. Who'd believe me otherwise that all are welcome! You'll notice, we even invited Smelly Bill! We're that welcoming!












Fun Search!
Can you spot the kid with the cool shoes and the kobold in my guild? Can you find Dancing Jill or the noob who does not know which way is up? How about the player who is so frustrated by lag he's ripped his own head off? We welcome everyone!

THe Deformed head guy in the lower left must be Clay.

[Rayzorlew]

Dear guild leader,

I am a big fan of your teachings...can you please tell me.....

Why everytime I hit an ooze with my battleaxe I get 2 oozes and then 4 oozes and then 8 oozes and so on....why won't they just die? Was there an eldritch ritual that impregnated my battleaxe with ooze sperm or something that was part of a patch I didn't read the release notes for?
And why do my party members get so ****ed off that there are now 16 oozes where there was only 1 - I tend to group with only Warforged characters...
Help!

First of all Glorious, the ooze are made up of 1 part hydraulic fluid and 2 parts motor oil, and they are created from a Warforge mastering his off hand weapon. So I’d watch who I played with.
Secondly, any interaction such as hitting an ooze with your battleaxe stimulates the ooze, causing them to immediately reproduce. When facing ooze you must play dead! Just type /sleep and soon they will just wonder off and leave you alone.

Dear Guild leader,

The other night I had a dream all my female toons came to life, beat the **** out of me and made me dance nekked on the bar in threnal. I am thinking of taking them down to the depths of darkness with a party dirty dorfs and going afk. Is this wrong?

No…no it’s not. BTW…my main is a Dwarf named Womp, just send me a tell.

P.S. have you ever woke up with a platinum piece in your drawers?

No. Sorry, it’s more like a "roll" of platinum pieces….

What causes people to fly up in the air in the subterrane icy loot run?

Bad Mexican food.

Can a VoD Orthon still hit you when you stand directly behind them?

I don’t think so, let me check……….
@^^&%!!!!
Well I’m still not sure, but I now know my wife can slap the hell out of me when I try to stand directly behind her, and tap it with my greatclub!

Is it currently better to run DQ on normal, not elite, for raid loot?

No you run that ……on hard baby.
BTW: Never trust a woman with 6 arms, 6 armpits and only 2 teets

I recently trade my +3 Holy Burst Silver Khopesh of Greater Evil Outsider Bane(Greensteel graphic) for a +1 Wounding Rapier of Puncturing. Since M9 has completly gimped WP weapons I now want to trade back. Throughout the entire trading process I even had my fingers crossed but he still wont trade back! Doesnt everyone know that when your fingers are crossed it dosent count?

Could you please inform everyone of this well known rule?

Dude!!
For the love of DDO baby dragon Jesus….I’ve already kicked you from the guild, now you want your friggin kopesh back? Well tough!!!
….and no, playing with your fingers crossed simply makes you suck and hit multiple keys. DUH!

[Memnir]

Dear guild leader...

After a night of "recreational web surfing", many of my keyboard keys are slightly sticky to the touch, and my mouse resembles a glazed doughnut. It was hard to control myself, since it was the part with the midgets and the ponies... stuff just got positivly everywhere!

It's impacted my gameplay too. Today during a quest, my Run Forward key got stuck down, and I caused a quest failure in VoN 2 running off the edge as soon as we zoned in, due to the viscous build up.

Next time I watch the circus online, is there anyway I could keep my cotton candy and over-buttered popcorn mess off the keyboard? Man, licking the cotton candy off your fingers just makes a crazy goo that covers everything! And that butter... when it gets a little dry it's almost like the paste the weird kid ate in second grade. Except, ya know - it's yellow. I love the circus, and could watch it every night, and it would never lose it's magical charm!

As a follow up, how come everybody looks at me funny when I try to explain this rather silly problem?

[Pwesiela]

Dear Token Guild Leader,

Is there no end to your brilliance? I read your inspired guidance and I'm dazzled. Simply dazzled. So much so, that I seemed to loose control of myself and spewed cherry coke all over my keyboard. How did you achieve this nirvana?

By the way, you'll be receiving the summons for my lawsuit for involuntary deliberate negligence shortly. Please tip the process server.

[Lewcipher]

Why do people always get upset when I'm on my cleric in the hound? All I'm doing is getting rid of those stupid pink hats the little dogs are wearing! Just a little greater dispell so we can kill them! I don't understand the anger. I thought this quest was about kill counts.

[Rayzorlew]

Dear guild leader...
Next time I watch the circus online, is there anyway I could keep my cotton candy and over-buttered popcorn mess off the keyboard?

Two words for you Mem: Jelly belly<---"link"
Popcorn and cottoncandy flavored jellybeans!!!
They Rock!!!

[Rayzorlew]

Dear Token Guild Leader,

Is there no end to your brilliance? I read your inspired guidance and I'm dazzled. Simply dazzled. So much so, that I seemed to loose control of myself and spewed cherry coke all over my keyboard. How did you achieve this nirvana?

Are you by chance a HOT ASIAN CHICK trying to get in my pants.....cause I'll let you in them!!!

By the way, you'll be receiving the summons for my lawsuit for involuntary deliberate negligence shortly. Please tip the process server.

Fine...You can find me in game on my main toon, Inspire.

[Rayzorlew]

Why do people always get upset when I'm on my cleric in the hound? All I'm doing is getting rid of those stupid pink hats the little dogs are wearing! Just a little greater dispell so we can kill them! I don't understand the anger. I thought this quest was about kill counts.

I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
Lew, your the cleric in that quest...your one and only job, seeing your the closest thing to a veterinarian as we have in Stormreach, is to run head first into the arse of that big ***** (female dog people, settle down ) and tie her toobs. Don't kill her puppies, the rest of the party need to find them good homes.
Friggin newbsauce, god!

[Pwesiela]

Are you by chance a HOT ASIAN CHICK trying to get in my pants.....cause I'll let you in them!!!

Who? Me?

[Inspire]

Dude!!
For the love of DDO baby dragon Jesus….I’ve already kicked you from the guild, now you want your friggin kopesh back? Well tough!!!
….and no, playing with your fingers crossed simply makes you suck and hit multiple keys. DUH!

*clears throat*

I was recently booted from my guild for making a 11Sorcerer/ 5Wizard/ 4Barbarian Halfling Dragonmarked Illusion/ Conjuration spec'd Greatclub user...

[Pyromaniac]

*clears throat*

I was recently booted from my guild for making a 11Sorcerer/ 5Wizard/ 4Barbarian Halfling Dragonmarked Illusion/ Conjuration spec'd Greatclub user...

Should have made a TWF club wielder not greatclub spec, that's why

[Pyromaniac]

Dear guild leader,

I'm trying to make a zuber defensive character, but the game won't let me dual wield shields? How do I convince the development team that this should be a known issue?