Retail Therapy!

[Zanthos]

At the end of a particularly tough week at work and home, the wife comes to me and says “I think I need some retail therapy”

Her self-diagnosis was not only her proposed way to blow off some steam but a subtle way to attain my blessing. Thinking quickly I said “babe, I think that this is a really good idea”

Wife: “Really? Are you sure?”
Me: “Of course, you need some time to yourself”

What I was really thinking is that if she left I could put our daughter to bed and have hours of uninterrupted game time. It worked great! My 2 yo daughter went right to sleep and the boys were entertaining themselves. There was nothing standing between me and blundering through Stormreach.

After running a few quests, I called my wife to tell her how much trouble my daughter was giving me and that I was focusing all of my attention on getting her settled in for her nap.

Wife: “Is there anything I can do?”
Me: “Well, I was really hoping to get in some quality game time today.”
Wife: “ok babe, I will take care of everything when I get home so that you can play.”
Me: “Wow, thank you. You are awesome.”
Wife: “it’s ok, you deserve it for taking care of the kids while I blow off some steam. Do you need me to get anything for you while I am out?”
Me: (smiling evilly) “I could use some more ‘Dew’.
Wife: “ok, I will be home soon and then you can play as long as you want.”

Man I love it when she goes shopping!

[Jay203]

ehehe
~evil grin~

[Yajerman01]

good show man, good show!

My wife unfortunately knows better but will take advantage of me when im on DDO and drinking frosty alcoholic beverages cuz I usually say ,"yeah sure" to whatever she asks not really listening.

then the next day I see very expensive items, I get into an argument, but it is short lived when she says, "I asked you last night and you said , yeah sure!!"

End of discussion.

[Strakeln]

Wife: “ok, I will be home soon and then you can play as long as you want.”

This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

[woundead85]

This is HUGE!!!
Insta-Rep!

Most of my wife-stories don't include kids, for I am not a father yet...
But...
Played long into the night, wife's off to her mother's for a weekend (I don't like her mother, so I stayed). I'm stuffed with beer, yearning for smoke. I come out to the balcony, where I usually attend my needs of that kind, nearly crawling... I love beer Since I never smoke inside the house, and I hate the smoke inside, I swing the door shut behind me only to hear a 'click' of the one-sided lock! The balcony is closed (very big window with bars) and it's third floor anyway. My eyes grew as the size of my ashtray.
Some inner drunk voice shouted: 'You're f***ed for the weekend!'. My sober half of the spinal brain said: 'Not gonna eat for a couple of days, and you've got that gym-machine here. You always wanted to start to work out, you fat a***ole.'
I had a smoke. Darkness grew around me. All of a sudden I see a hand coming from the side of the balcony window. 'This is it, I'm nutcase without being hungry yet.'
Hand: 'Aren't you asleep yet?'
Pause
Hand: 'Listen, my wife's sleeping. You mind dropping me a cigarette?'. Sound of glass breaking in the back of my head.
Me: '****, Mike, you gonna drive me nuts!'
Mike (my neighbour): 'Shh! You gonna wake my wife! You know she doesnt let me smoke...'
There goes a very long conversation about me being screwed.....
Then I propose Mike to drive to another city (about 20 km) to wake my mother-in-law at 4AM, ask her to wake her daughter - asked by my best friend! - get the keys to appartment, and free me!

It's being hard to write all of this, while being unable to translate my language's very funny nuances, but trust me - I laughed when I got out, but still shiver every time I go out to smoke.

[Gawna]

This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

Dude, if these hos could learn to s*** d*** under a desk, we could finish a quest without everyone going afk 9347209384 times. My brand of wife aggro is, "Get on your cleric and heal my ass and I'll let you in the back door later."

[Belwaar]

Dude, if these hos could learn to s*** d*** under a desk, we could finish a quest without everyone going afk 9347209384 times. My brand of wife aggro is, "Get on your cleric and heal my ass and I'll let you in the back door later."

lol...I just thought about Rick...

[Belwaar]

This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

OMG! I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...

[babygirl]

I'm glad to have nothing b*tching at me but myself

[Rabbi_Hordo]

OMG! I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...

Bel, ask him about the bacon quote sometime...or hit me up in-game...I think I've got it in the bio for one or two of my toons it was that funny.

[Belwaar]

Bel, ask him about the bacon quote sometime...or hit me up in-game...I think I've got it in the bio for one or two of my toons it was that funny.

I NEVER see you in game sir...and I always look.

[Rabbi_Hordo]

I NEVER see you in game sir...and I always look.

AHA! Well, if the toon has an HORD_______ name it's probably me. LOL
I'm on Hordiva or Hordazzle most of the time lately.

[Strakeln]

OMG! I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...

There's actually a bit more to that story if you're bored.

As a few around these boards have seen, I'm fond of playing harmless (or intended to be harmless) pranks on people. When I was maybe 14 or so, I didn't get along with my youngest brother (like anyone ever does!). One day he was being particularly difficult, so when he was downstairs, I went into his room, enabled parental control, and blocked Cartoon Network... pretty much the only channel he ever watched.

I went to bed giggling, expecting to hear a lot of complaints the next day. But I didn't hear a peep, and soon forgot what I had done.

...Until two weeks later, when the cable guy showed up at the house to fix the problem of one room not getting Cartoon Network. I thought for sure he'd figure out what happened and I'd be in trouble (when it came to someone tinkering with electronics, the culprit was always known). So when no one else was around, I showed him what I did and we both had a hell of a laugh. I re-enabled the channel, and he didn't rat me out

Now, fast-forward about 15 years. I'd nearly exhausted my bag of favorite pranks on my wife, to the point that I'm on my third incantation of scotch-taping the sink hose. I need some new tricks. Well, around this time we were moving out of an apartment and into our first house, so I had to order new cable service. As I was setting things up, parental control scrolled by, so I figured, hey, why not? ...then promptly forgot that I had disabled Lifetime and Oxygen.

About a week later, Mrs. Qwijy complains about the cable not working and that I need to call the cable service...

edit: While Mrs. Qwijy has good humor about my pranks, I've found that one of my dogs seems to revel in being tricked. So some of the pressure is off the boss now

[Belwaar]

there's Actually A Bit More To That Story If You're Bored.

As A Few Around These Boards Have Seen, I'm Fond Of Playing Harmless (or Intended To Be Harmless) Pranks On People. When I Was Maybe 14 Or So, I Didn't Get Along With My Youngest Brother (like Anyone Ever Does!). One Day He Was Being Particularly Difficult, So When He Was Downstairs, I Went Into His Room, Enabled Parental Control, And Blocked Cartoon Network... Pretty Much The Only Channel He Ever Watched.

I Went To Bed Giggling, Expecting To Hear A Lot Of Complaints The Next Day. But I Didn't Hear A Peep, And Soon Forgot What I Had Done.

...until Two Weeks Later, When The Cable Guy Showed Up At The House To Fix The Problem Of One Room Not Getting Cartoon Network. I Thought For Sure He'd Figure Out What Happened And I'd Be In Trouble (when It Came To Someone Tinkering With Electronics, The Culprit Was Always Known). So When No One Else Was Around, I Showed Him What I Did And We Both Had A Hell Of A Laugh. I Re-enabled The Channel, And He Didn't Rat Me Out

Now, Fast-forward About 15 Years. I'd Nearly Exhausted My Bag Of Favorite Pranks On My Wife, To The Point That I'm On My Third Incantation Of Scotch-taping The Sink Hose. I Need Some New Tricks. Well, Around This Time We Were Moving Out Of An Apartment And Into Our First House, So I Had To Order New Cable Service. As I Was Setting Things Up, Parental Control Scrolled By, So I Figured, Hey, Why Not? ...then Promptly Forgot That I Had Disabled Lifetime And Oxygen.

About A Week Later, Mrs. Qwijy Complains About The Cable Not Working And That I Need To Call The Cable Service... :d

Edit: While Mrs. Qwijy Has Good Humor About My Pranks, I've Found That One Of My Dogs Seems To Revel In Being Tricked. So Some Of The Pressure Is Off The Boss Now :d

That, sir, is quality. My favorite prank is putting soda cans in the freezer, at the office, before I leave for the weekend...

[Strakeln]

That, sir, is quality. My favorite prank is putting soda cans in the freezer, at the office, before I leave for the weekend...

Office Pranks? OOOOOH!

Story time with Strakeln, gather 'round, younguns! (BTW Zanthos this seemed like a thread themed around "silly", so I hope this doesn't count as hijacking):

I was bored last week, had about half an hour to kill at work with nothing to do. I noticed that most horizontal surfaces at my desk were covered with an inch of dust, so I figure that wouldn't be a bad way to kill some time.

I started with the overhead credenza, moving all the tschotskes from one side to the other, when I notice one that looks like a cellphone or something. I open it up, it's a calculator/clock with a company logo, but doesn't appear to be working. Flip it over to the back and notice the little pull-tab that is breaking the battery connection (for shipping). Yank the tab, and the **** thing starts playing "Yankee Doodle" loud as hell.

I press every button available, it only got louder and switched to some other song.

So I do what I consider the obvious next step - start beating the thing into submission. With a few whimpers, it finally fades into the darkness. I then walk over to a friend's desk to explain the commotion. While there, I drop the thing into his trash.

Half an hour later, my buddy comes up with the tschotsky. Apparently it cast death pact on itself, as it was now emitting a soft ticking sound that was quiet enough to go unnoticed until background noise subsided... at which point the non-stock ticking sound became very annoying.

Naturally, I took the alarm clock/calculator thingy and hid it inside the frame of another coworker's fan. I also put a note in there accepting blame for the prank... on behalf of my other coworker

The next day, I hear the prank victim laughing as he tells my coworker "good one". It didn't take long for him to hear the sound, but it took three people about half an hour to find the source (it was finally found after someone whacked the fan and the calculator thingy fell out, lol).

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Another story from the same day:

We have blue trays from the site cafeteria that we can use to bring back food to our desks. People have a tendency to collect these trays and forget to return them. So one job of the facilities manager is to harass people who are hoarding blue trays.

Naturally, I collect them in my desk until they reach a critical mass, then I drop them off at other people's desks when they aren't looking

So I'd been doing that a lot lately with the same coworker that I blamed for the calculator-prank thingy (let's call him Bill). Sure enough, the facilities manager had pulled him aside and given him a talk. So that day, instead of dropping trays off at his desk, I dropped them off at another friend's desk.

Three hours later, that friend stops by, giggling like a schoolgirl. Tells me that "Bill" dropped a bunch of blue trays off at his desk, but he'd outsmarted "Bill" by staying around until he left, then returning all of those trays to Bill's desk. The same one who had just been talked to by the facilities manager about his blue tray problem.

Meaning, of course, that I played a prank which parlayed into a secondhand prank by proxy. Multiple layers of fun there

[Jeannie]

Three guys are sitting around in a bar talking about what do when they come home late and they don't want to wake their wives and get yelled at for being out so late.

The first guy says he turns the car off a few houses down the street, coasts up to his house and just parks in the driveway so the garage door won't make noise. Then he sleeps on the couch so he can say he got home earlier and fell asleep watching TV.

The second guy says he always gets undressed in the kitchen, that way if the wife wakes up he can say he just got up to go to the bathroom.

The third guy tells them they have it all wrong and that when he gets home late as soon as he gets in the door he yells "Honey, I'm home, I'm h*rny, and I saved all my lovin' for you!" he said you can hear the fake snores all the way down the hall!

[Belwaar]

Another story from the same day:

We have blue trays from the site cafeteria that we can use to bring back food to our desks. People have a tendency to collect these trays and forget to return them. So one job of the facilities manager is to harass people who are hoarding blue trays.

Naturally, I collect them in my desk until they reach a critical mass, then I drop them off at other people's desks when they aren't looking

So I'd been doing that a lot lately with the same coworker that I blamed for the calculator-prank thingy (let's call him Bill). Sure enough, the facilities manager had pulled him aside and given him a talk. So that day, instead of dropping trays off at his desk, I dropped them off at another friend's desk.

Three hours later, that friend stops by, giggling like a schoolgirl. Tells me that "Bill" dropped a bunch of blue trays off at his desk, but he'd outsmarted "Bill" by staying around until he left, then returning all of those trays to Bill's desk. The same one who had just been talked to by the facilities manager about his blue tray problem.

Meaning, of course, that I played a prank which parlayed into a secondhand prank by proxy. Multiple layers of fun there

/wipe tears away

OMG that one is awesome!

[SneakThief]

Naturally, I took the alarm clock/calculator thingy and hid it inside the frame of another coworker's fan. I also put a note in there accepting blame for the prank... on behalf of my other coworker

The next day, I hear the prank victim laughing as he tells my coworker "good one". It didn't take long for him to hear the sound, but it took three people about half an hour to find the source (it was finally found after someone whacked the fan and the calculator thingy fell out, lol).

This one's right up your alley

[Zanthos]

The post was all about having a good time. Thank you for the prank ideas.

My poor wife....

[Gawna]

I'd nearly exhausted my bag of favorite pranks on my wife, to the point that I'm on my third incantation of scotch-taping the sink hose.

What is scotch taping the sink hose? I think Big Daddy might need to be the victim of this one.