The Actual Really Real Cleric Archetypes [Really (or just a parody)]

[Accelerando]

First, there are not four clerical archetypes, but three:

* Healme Now Cleric
* WT* Where are my Heals Cleric
* Great now we have to wait for a real cleric Cleric





Here then are my ratings, systems, etc. I do not present them as perfect, of course, as these are merely my opinions -- I offer them as a competing vision to ZomgIloveHealing's and anyone else's.

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Archetypes of Clerics
As mentioned above, there are three clerical archetypes, as defined below:


Great now we have to wait for a real Cleric Cleric - Defined as a cleric who's primary focus is melee and buffing to assist with his combat. Consistantly joins groups who are obviously looking for a healer only to declare that he is not a primary healer. Although quite capable of crowd control or healing, their focus tends to be on making people drop group to reform after waiting 40 mins for a proper healer only to fill the last spot with one of these lazy pikers. Defining Characteristics: Quicken, Not Doing Any Real Damage, Power Attack, splash Paladin/Fighter/Barbarian/Ranger/Sorcerer/Bard/Wizard/Monk/Whatever else struck their fancy after water works....

WT* Where are my Heals Cleric -- This type of cleric excels at not using the keyboard. The primary point of differentiation from other archetypes is the usage of a trackball mouse to slowly click on each individual party member and then the heal button. They have very little ability anything except apologizing to the party after a wipe and being a cheerleader. These archetypes are experts at using such phrases as, "Well at least we tried" and "We'll do better next time guys!",
Defining Characteristics: Slowness, Turtle Like Speed, ADD, Eschew Materials

Healme Now Cleric -- This type of cleric merely heals party members and keeps them alive and not whinging or whining. They have little ability for melee combat, but instead they just sit there and hit F-1 to F-12 + various combinations of Num 1-8. Occasionally they offer up other spells like lesser restoration or remove disease but generally not without much ado from the afflicted victim.Many of these have Empower/Maximize for god only knows what reason because they never use them, and quicken to help them take care of large groups of paper tanks and low con tempest builds.
Defining Characteristics: Divine Vitality, Divine Healing, Going AFK, Empower Healing, Extended Phone Calls, Hide In Plain Sight During Non Peak Grouping Hours..

Categories of Measurement:

Copying ZomgIloveHealing's scheme, I believe the really super true categories of evaluating a cleric archetype are as follows.

* Healing Ability
* Attention Span
* Sobriety
* Healing Ability
* Operating Expense (Inexpensive to Party With)


Applying the metrics to the above categories then, using Whydontyouhavepots's schema of points by rank (1st = 3pts, 2nd = 2pts, 3rd = 1pt), we have the following: (In case of ties, I am awarding 2 pts to both)



Offensive Ability

Great now we have to wait for a real Cleric Cleric Over 1000

WT* Where are my Heals Cleric /squelch add Healzforfun

Healme Now Cleric You Killed Something!!1One!

etc... that was fun.

[DoctorWhofan]

THanks and... wait a minute! I use the mouse to heal!! So you are mocking me cuz I'm left handed????????

[Accelerando]

THanks and... wait a minute! I use the mouse to heal!! So you are mocking me cuz I'm left handed????????

I am also left handed and therefor I like you. We are now friends.