Fav things to do at work

[Scarsgaard]

Sneak up on people at the water cooler and scare them

When they ask for help, an answer or an over ride/authorization, say "NO"

Answering questions like what did you do on the weekend, answering "crack and *****s"

Answering "how are you today" questions... "great its almost Friday" and on Friday with a "Great it's Almost Monday."

Getting the nicest stapler in the building, taping your name to it and NEVER letting anyone EVER touch it... even better, carry it with you everywhere, to lunch, the bathroom... and I mean everywhere

Forget to do up your zipper and see how long it takes before someone notices... ***tee hee he***

Have hot phone sex

hmmm... I'll think of more stuff that I'm not going to say I do, but hypothetically speaking...

[Ironforge_Clan]

Scars I'm glad you don't work for me although I find your suggestions hilarious!

[VonBek]

Getting the nicest stapler in the building, taping your name to it and NEVER letting anyone EVER touch it... even better, carry it with you everywhere, to lunch, the bathroom... and I mean everywhere

Mine's red. I keep it on top of a stack of ... TPS reports

Ignore interoffice mail. Tell everybody "If it's important, it'll be in my e-mail." Leave out-of-office on.

[Bobbyd]

Yeah ah...i believe that him and entire staff of human resources would be best of friends.


Scarr... what did you do now...

For me....

Fourm surf and deligate my work to others....

[Ironforge_Clan]

Yeah ah...i believe that him and entire staff of human resources would be best of friends.


Scarr... what did you do now...

For me....

Fourm surf and deligate my work to others....

Um isn't that a given for all of us? Oh hold on got to minimize while pee-on comes to ask question....lol.

[Scarsgaard]

Yeah ah...i believe that him and entire staff of human resources would be best of friends.


Scarr... what did you do now...

For me....

Fourm surf and deligate my work to others....

Actually, I'm a SVC with a large firm in the Acronym Development and Implementaion Division. My role is to create Acronyms, and the strategies for deployment in the workforce.

For example... once upon a time there were Cashiers and Tellers... now we have CSRs... soon it will change again. Do you know why? It's quite simple actually, as the world changes and the need for cheaper labour becomes more and more important for increasing profits for shareholders... we have to start with breaking the Human Spirit. So, if you were once called a Teller, and now you are a CSR, (or even better a Barcode)... it becomes easier to pay you less, fire you, outsource your role and so on... in other words... I create the concepts that make other people's lives hell. On the bright side, I get free cookies and pizza on Wednesdays

[Lizzybrat]

I don't work.

Neener Neener Neener.

[Dorthin_Othortin]

when im helping a customer and another customer starts to say what they want without me first even acknowledging them....i like to get finished with the first customer and then look at the second and act as if they just walked up....hi, can i help you.....

being a manager i like to really mess with my younger employees (the 16-20yr old crowd) like tell them to take out the trash or some really crummy job when a group of their friends walks in the store

i like to put at least $100 in loose 1 dollar bills in the register after i count it down just so the day manager has to recount all those bills :P

i like to return faxes sent to our fax number (you know those completely random faxes like buy insurance or your business has a billion dollars in credit, etc) with their own flyer and a huge smiley face x'd out with a message at the bottom saying something to the effect of "we dont need credit at this time, WE HAVE PLENTY OF CASH! thanks for calling!" or "we dont need anymore insurance at this time, but when the next major hurricane rolls through we may contact you!"

[Scarsgaard]

I read an article about someone who liked to wear Red Shirts and then visit Target on their lunch hour... when a customer would ask for help the person said they'd keep on walking, balatantly ignoring the customer... from my understanding, she/he had seen a lot of folkes running to thne store manager complaining about this person, thinking they were a really rude employee

[Byzantian]

when im helping a customer and another customer starts to say what they want without me first even acknowledging them....i like to get finished with the first customer and then look at the second and act as if they just walked up....hi, can i help you.....

LOL! Thats funny dude

When i get a Delivery man rock up like that i just say,
where the #$%* R Your Manners?

[VonBek]

I read an article about someone who liked to wear Red Shirts and then visit Target on their lunch hour... when a customer would ask for help the person said they'd keep on walking, balatantly ignoring the customer... from my understanding, she/he had seen a lot of folkes running to thne store manager complaining about this person, thinking they were a really rude employee

There's a video "out therre" of an organized blue shirt ar Best Buy day. Bob Dobbs lives, apparently.

[PaintHorseCowboy]

Get that squirtgun you have stashed from your time as a little kid, you know, the one that looks identical to the German machine pistol from WWII, only without the flourescent orange tip they put on them now, and go to the base post office.

Watch the clouds. Which is really kind of interesting when viewed from above.

Go TDY and change the leather tag on my flight suit from my actual name to my TDY name: Willie Likkerklit.

Harrass flight attendants, I mean flight engineers. Same thing, right? WHERE'S MY COFFEE YOU SLACKER!

Laugh at my copilot's idea of dumping a big 5-gallon bucket full of little pieces of hard candy out of the aircraft while in flight. "But it's for the little kids!" Uh...yeah. This is the Chinook version of a Cluster Bomb, otherwise known variously as a Candy Bomb or a Cluster ****-Up, capable of peppering every kid in the school yard with hard candy going hundreds of miles per hour and leveling them all in one single pass. Way to win hearts and minds. They're gonna wanna be an insurgent just to get payback for this one.

Construct a small catapult/trebuchet capable of launching raquet balls across the flight planning room.

Remember that the "hot" flight medic you are looking at is really only average at best when your perception isn't skewed by 18 straight months of "sunshine and sand." And also remember that baggy flight suits can make mentally undressing them a lot more fun. Actually, this isn't really fun, it's sort of depressing.

Opening the mail and realizing that someone loves you so much, they sent you a big bottle of "Listerine", which happens to go really well with that can of coke you stole from the DIFAC (Dining Facilty)/mess hall. [There Scar, happy? I helped propogate your Accronyms].

Coming back from leave to find that your buddies have taken a spare soccer ball, some dust goggles, your PT gear, and an inflatable candy cane and placed you on your bunk in a compromising position. And laughing even harder when you look a little closer and find they've opened one of the issues of Western Horseman you had lying around to what amounts to a centerfold page. (That's what I get for harrassing my flight engineers I guess.)

[Scarsgaard]

When I was a teen working at a certain restaurant... name not mentioned I used to tell the cooks "hey man you got something right by your eye", just after they handled jalapenos.. so funny watching them cry

We'd have the dishpigs grab the big bucket from the top shelf, and watch as it spilt old fryer oil all over his head

Grab the waitresses hands from the inside of the beer cool and growl loudly when they went to get a beer... ***tee hee he***

I was awful to work with when I was young

[gorloch]

I work at a preschool taking care of two year olds. Confused faces are easy to achieve at this age. And yes we have water fights inside the building and a whole bunch of fun. Tiring my job may but but it is never dull and boring. And doesn't it scare you to know that I am the one bringing up the next generation of children.

PIXA

[Uamhas]

I find interesting and innovative new ways to stuff my 3 year old in the freezer. He's a tricksy little booger, he keeps getting out.

[binnsr]

...

sounds similar to my own ..

Cooking popcorn in front of the microwave antennas (one of my buddies NCOs actually cooked a cornish hen, but we thought that was pushing things a bit) with a fishing rod.

Sending the new private off to the supply room for a box of grid squares..

ehh.. who am I kidding, I was the LT .. that was always my NCOs doing fun stuff like that

Now I sit in a dull office and wishing I had a red swingline stapler..
that and set my MS Communicator note to random sayings that I find online..

[Uamhas]

I don't work.

Neener Neener Neener.

How did I miss this the first time through???
Shhh Mo. You work, you just don't get a paycheck... well, unless you count your hubby's wallet... but that's different.... um.. yeah.
*bright smile*

I remember what it's like to leave the house to work!

I remember once upon a time I had a uniform (mostly prison blues w/bellbottoms)
I remember testing out what I'd heard about seagulls and Alka Seltzer on lunch break.
I remember sending that bosun's mate out for 100 yards of flight line.
I remember writing up a requisition for an overhead buffer.
I remember an ensign scratching his head and saying, in perfect seriousness, "The O.F.F. button is broken. Operating Frequency Full won't enable when I toggle the switch during preflight checks."
I remember being told to keep my cover on and the sleeves on my borrowed flight suit (which wasn't baggy, being a little better endowed than the actual owner, Paint) rolled down right before we landed in Egypt... something about harems and mehndi...
I remember tying down an A6 and smirking to myself when our guest's pilot stepped up into the wind and took the helmet off... and left every man watching with wood when a full head of bonde hair came tumbling out atop a very feminine face and form. (she did it on purpose, lol)

Our birds weren't nothing anyone else would claim, we were just in the people/cargo moving business... but I loved those C9s- loved crawling around in the guts of them, loved catching and launching them... Could do without washing them tho.

Nuff outta me.

[lostinjapan]

In a company I worked at for a very long time before I moved to Japan, practical jokes were the daily thing.

1. Had an Exchange admin working under me who kept posters of Jan Brady up around her desk and demanded everyone (not in our department) call her Jan (her name was Michelle).
2. The CIO's administrative assistant routinely brought little bowls of green Palmolive to inter-departmental meetings and soaked her fingers while the meeting was going on.
3. We (IT) shared a breakroom with Marketing, split down the middle. For a week we made it a point to get to work very early and make their coffee (decaf instead of regular), then that Friday I brought in some espresso and made that instead. You should have seen them bouncing off the walls. :P
4. For April Fool's day one year, all the heads of IT turned in their resignations to the CIO, saying we'd (all) decided to leave to form our own company. When he figured out what day it was he laughed his butt off with the rest of us.

There's a thousand more, but you probably get the idea.

Currently I'm taking a break from working, but my daughter starts kindergarten in 2 weeks so I'll be heading back to the job market soon. Hopefully my new employers will be like my old.

[Tryp]

You know, funny you should post this because I just got this in my e-mail today (again...for about the 500th time lol). But here's some of my favorites. I've actually done a few...I'll leave which ones to your imagination.

** Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

** Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky". "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Sport."

** Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

** Every time someone asks you to do something, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

** Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

** Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

** Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."

** Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."

** Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

** Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

** Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

** Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

** Dont use any punctuation

** Use, too...much; punctuation!

** At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

** Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard."

** Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do."

Sorry...I was bored and feeling colorful.

[Arlith]

My role is to create Acronyms, and the strategies for deployment in the workforce.

Oh, so you work with the military.