WarChimps Market Report

[WarChimp130]

Good afternoon and welcome to WarChimps Market Report. Some of you may remember my market reports from Fernia, and after a long hiatus do to contract disputes with the Coin Lords, I am making my return!

Buyer Beware! A batch of spoiled Irian Jelly Cakes has been circulating on the Auction House. Consuming the Jelly Cakes will still cause a resurrection, however the recipient will also be stricken with a bad case of E. Coli. Many people have come to refer to these as Irian, the eternal day of vomiting Jelly Cakes.

The Agents of Argonneson have issued a warning for a piece of fraudulant treasure. The item known as "Jorgundals Cod Piece" has been popping up all over the trade scene. It is claimed that this piece of equipment when warn will grant the strength of a giant, however it is merely grants several charges per day of Stinking Cloud. One unlucky buyer was quoted as saying, "its not fair, I wanted Jorgundals Strength and all I got was Jorgundals Smelly Balls."

BUY NOW! Greater Undead Bane weapons are hot hot hot, with the news of the Black Abbot seeking to finally undo all of StormReach! These puppies are selling like Jelly Cakes! A spokesman for the Black Abbot was quoted as saying "Unnnngghhhhhhhh." A non-zombie spokesman could not be reached for comment unfortunately.

The Coin Lords have been in heated discussion about lowering the taxes collected on items sold at the Auction House. One Dragon Scale salesman said "Its about time! How the heck am I supposed to make a profit by price gouging people for scales when the Coin Lords are price gouging me?!"

In the real estate market, speculators are buzzing about the property owned by a group known as "The 12." What was once thought to be an unexplored area of vast danger and wealth for those willing to brave it, has turned out to be the development ground of Stormreachs first Gated Retirement Community. Disappointment for adventurers has turned into exuberation for the Elder Beholder from the Waterworks. The Elder Beholders was quoted as saying "The whole purpose of the invasion was to find someplace to rest my tired old eyes, I've been floating for 3 Millenia. I'm just looking forward to being able to play shuffle board without those darn kids trying to steal my Optic Nerves, sick punks!"

A raiding party of 12 Adventurers got the surprise of a lifetime last night. While trying to disable the Stormreavers Doomsday device unsuccessfully, the party got quite a relief. Instead of exploding in a fiery death and being globally embarrassed, they were treated to an explosion of Confetti and Sparklers for being the 1 Millionth Raiding Party to attempt to thwart the Reaver. All were served Tasty Ham and Dirty Kobolds, and given a shopping spree in the big tent in the marketplace. Oddly, none of them wanted anything from the big tent.

The proprietors of MMOBay were arrested last week for a myriad of corruption and extortion charges. The group was then found guilty, and executed by Irian the Eternal Day of Vomiting Jelly Cakes. There tombstones were inscribed with "Here lies mxgghghssttvv, born 2006, died 2007, hated for all eternity."

Thats all for this edition of WarChimps Market Report! Join us next time, and remember...

25 White Dragon Scales from the AH - 2,500,000 Platinum.
White Dragon Armor from the GiantHold - 25 Scales.
Realizing the Armor will probably be obsolete by the next major Mod - Priceless
Realizing you look like a giant Marshmallow - Hilarious

There are somethings Platinum can't buy, for everything else there is ungodly prices on the Auction House.

[Casta]

Iv missed these reports.

and its 25 scales

[WarChimp130]

Iv missed these reports.

and its 25 scales

LOL, fixed. You can tell I've never gotten the White Dragon Armor.

[GramercyRiff]

Good stuff Chimp.

[WarChimp130]

Good stuff Chimp.

I did a few of these last year, but they have apparantly been devoured by the forum gods

[Malachi_Stormlight2]

Ha nice to see the return of chimps market reports lol..

[Casta]

LOL, fixed. You can tell I've never gotten the White Dragon Armor.

Neather have i but im working on it, at the rate im going i should have it about a week after its worthless.

[jsni]

As a frequent purviewer of the AH and these forums, that was refreshing. Thanks for taking the time to write that up!

[Yavool]

well done warchimp! i've missed those reports! LoL@Unnnngghhhhhh!

-yav