Recently I came across this...it has helped my marriage extremely

[Galacticus]

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us...

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, cars or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

[Roman]

Your wisdom is vast! This makes me want to rent a Kung Fu Movie. I'm guessing you have, at least, hit the 10 year marriage mark.

[Galacticus]

Your wisdom is vast! This makes me want to rent a Kung Fu Movie. I'm guessing you have, at least, hit the 10 year marriage mark.

14...


V&M

[Zenako]

My wife of 20 years says point 1 is wrong about the 16 colors. That 16 is an exageration, it is more like 8 colors....if that....

[GovtMule]

My wife of 20 years says point 1 is wrong about the 16 colors. That 16 is an exageration, it is more like 8 colors....if that....

Nope. We have at least 16... "its blue. well not blue blue... but blue" and "I'd like it green... Like green green"

[sephiroth1084]

Blue, green, yellow, brown, black, red, orange, white, pink, purple, tan, gray are 12 colors. Then they can be light, dark, and sort of, so that'd be 48 colors we recognize! Who knew?

[Magnus_Arcanis]

Blue, green, yellow, brown, black, red, orange, white, pink, purple, tan, gray are 12 colors. Then they can be light, dark, and sort of, so that'd be 48 colors we recognize! Who knew?

Quit telling people!

Sides, tan is a thing people do to their skin not a color. Gross.

[Borror0]

Then they can be light, dark, and sort of, so that'd be 48 colors we recognize! Who knew?

Remind me of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

"I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia."

[Anarkius]

Please pass this information on to my wife of only 7 years, i am having trouble training....i mean convincing her of these truths.

[Arianrhod]

The Man Rules


1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Just a couple comments here....in case you didn't know - men approach the toilet from the front; they can see if the seat is up or down, and fix it without thinking about it. Women don't appreciate the unpleasant surprise in the middle of the night. If you want to change the rule to "always check first", make that clear from the beginning. If your girl accepts that, you may have a winner

And mauve....it's the color of mind flayers. Any miniature painter knows that Wanna know what mauve looks like, just go check Fred out

[baylensman]

On rule 1 about the toilet seat. In 53 years i've managed to sit down on the toilet once, yes once without looking. I learned real quick (it's a man thing).

As far a rule 1. Men can read minds! It just that we are not bilingual in the reading area.
If a man walks into a bar filled with other guys sits at the end of the bar orders a beer and stares at the bar, He wants to be alone to think. When a woman does the same she is Moody and wants to be alone, Moody and wants to be comforted, Moody and wants to ***** about something, Moody and wants someone to compliment her hair, Moody and you get the point....

[Lorien_the_First_One]

My wife of 20 years says point 1 is wrong about the 16 colors. That 16 is an exageration, it is more like 8 colors....if that....

Brown
Blue
Red
Black (wait my wife says that's not a colour)
White (wait my wife just objected again)
Green
Cyan (only know that from ink jet cartridges)
Magenta (see above)
Purple
Orange

Um... looks like your wife is right, 8.

My wife laughs when I use other man-colours like "blueish", "redish", "brownish" and suggests names that I can't remember as a substitute.

[branmakmuffin]

Sides, tan is a thing people do to their skin not a color. Gross.

If it's a color, it's "really, really light brown."

[ShaeNightbird]

Men can see colour?

[Psyk0sisS]

I (a male) work at a hospital with a ratio of about 25:1 (women:men). I printed a few copies and placed them about...the women were crackin up (except the one about being fat LOL). One nurse said it's a good thing I didn't show that when I started working here or they mighta hated me.

Good times thanks!

[Sirea]

The Man Rules
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

I dunno, didn't Columbus want to go to Asia and ended up in the Bahamas instead?

[sda3]

Good stuff. Gave me a nice morning laugh.

[Draccus]

You missed a major one:

1. Wearing a low-cut blouse and a push-up bra removes your right to complain about guys staring at your boobs.

[SneakThief]

I dunno, didn't Columbus want to go to Asia and ended up in the Bahamas instead?

So are you saying you DON'T wish you could get lost and end up in the Bahamas?
I wish that every day ... LOL

[tihocan]

This is disturbingly realistic