A Tough Job

[Aspenor]

I'm like ridiculously uber bored at work for long periods of time recently at work, so I started working on this. Lemme know what you think if you want. I'm not trying to win any awards, but hey I can post this for your enjoyment and use the boards for free hard drive

A Tough Job

“By the spawn of Vulkoor” gasped the small drow elf as she shimmied down a cramped, sooty brick smokeshaft in House Phiarlan. The lithe elf froze in terror as a dislodged chip of mortar bounced loudly on the hearth below. Focusing her attention on her keen ears, she listened closely for the sound of the wizard stirring below.

“Curse the shadows,” she whispered, she had always disliked thieving from those that command magic. This one was no different, she regretted her pact with the smelly dwarf more every moment, but it was hard not to take a job that paid as well as he had promised. She had been informed that the chimney would be the only access point to the apartment that she would find unwarded. So far, so good. However, she was only a quarter the way down. She did not intend to have her night ruined by carelessness. Seated on her own foot against the brick, other leg extended to prop against the other side of the shaft, she gingerly reached in the small pouch on her belt and produced a small, glowing orb the size of an egg.

“That cursed halfling better have made this soulstone proper,” she thought, knowing the power of the mage staying in the apartment below. She looked at it a moment, wondering what kind of devil had been trapped within the shard. “No matter,” she shrugged, a tool is a tool. She lowered it down the shaft on a thin length of silken cord, with a small net weaved into the end of the line. It would be a painful experience to trigger a ward cast by Aspenor Breldulin, and many wards require life energy to trigger. At least using the shard, she would have the ability to escape if the shaft were warded.

Holding her breath, the thief watched the air below her for traces of released power. She could see no disturbances or twinkles of light, and, thankfully, there were no explosions. The soul-shard came to rest quietly at the bottom of the shaft. Indeed, the dwarf had been right, this might be easier than she had thought. The wizard must either have been lazy, or too confident in his own reputation to ward the chimney.

Still, no sense in getting lackadaisical and getting caught, or worse, so Aerren pulled out a pair of worn, black sheepskin gloves. The palms of the gloves were worn as smooth as river rock, but as she placed the palms against the featureless wall of the shaft she felt the gloves adhere to the stone as though they had sovereign glue on the palms. With a soft grunt, the nimble elf threw her legs up over her head, and she felt the soles of her black leather shoes do the same. She had paid good gold to have these items enchanted to stick to any surface, no matter how smooth. With another grunt of effort, she began to work her way down the shaft, facedown

After several minutes of silent effort, the rogue found herself at the bottom with light flowing into the shaft around her. She paused at the bottom of the shaft, slowly and carefully allowing herself to peek into the apartment. It was empty, for the moment. “Fantastic,” she thought, “now for the fun part.” She quickly dropped to the hearth, landing lightly and perfectly silently on her feet, performing a subtle twist in the air to land facing out. The moment her knees bent from the impact, she rolled out of the chimney and into the apartment, the soot on her tunic and breeches releasing in a small cloud. So fast she was hardly more than a blur of black, she found the shadow of the bed, and just like that, wasn’t there.

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The tavern was a loud, smoky, and exuberant place. Aspenor felt just at home, the songs, the jeers, and the food reminded him of his more innocent years, over a century before. Things had changed. He had responsibilities. His soft finger caressed the jewel in his robe, and he felt the power inside tingling on his fingertip. What was this jewel? Why is it so important? Elsyvvell had given it to him to protect, but why had she seemed so concerned? She rarely showed such emotion.

Aspenor nursed his Ghallandan distillate from his corner table, keeping the entire tavern in front of him. Elsyvvell had said the jewel must be kept safe, but must remain in Stormreach where it could be easily retrieved if needed. He felt like a target, waiting for the wolves to come to him.

“Need another, sir?”

The elf looked up from his drink at the waif of a serving girl, smiled, and shook his head. “Thank you,” he said, “but I must keep a clear head.” The girl smiled and moved on to the next table, leaving Aspenor to his thoughts.

The wolves were gathering. The screen dweomer he had cast on the stone to prevent scrying triggered in the back of his mind. In retaliation, he quietly whispered words of power and destroyed the divination link with a snap of his fingers.

Somebody wanted the stone very badly, probably more than one person. “The next few days are going to be very interesting,” whispered the wizard as he drained the last of his drink, stood, and began to make his way to his room. Very interesting, indeed.

[Aspenor]

Reserved

[Aspenor]

Again

[Aspenor]

Reserved again

[Aspenor]

and one more time for posterity.

[Cowdenicus]

Good start old man.

[Beergut]

It makes me feel nice inside - like I'm young again.

[Oreg]

Honest critique?

I hope so....

descriptives and narratives are very good. But the conversation (in quotes only) seems clunky. Each of the 3 paragraphs starts with a short muttered phrase then descriptive. I guess it's this aspect that makes me say "clunky".

A very good start nonetheless. I look forward to reading more.

[Aspenor]

Honest critique?

I hope so....

descriptives and narratives are very good. But the conversation (in quotes only) seems clunky. Each of the 3 paragraphs starts with a short muttered phrase then descriptive. I guess it's this aspect that makes me say "clunky".

A very good start nonetheless. I look forward to reading more.

Yeah, I'm aware that could use a bit of a touch-up. Thanks for the honesty

I was struggling with format, simply because of all dang lessons from English classes, and I'm somewhat new to narrative type writing. I'll page through some fantasy novels at home and fix 'er up a bit.