The DDO Chronicle: Issue 350

[Oliveyew]

https://www.ddo.com/sites/default/files/DDO-Chronicle-Template-2017_51.png (https://www.ddo.com/en/news/ddo-chronicle-issue-350)
Thank you for reading the DDO Chronicle! Don't forget to reply below to the Chronicle Comment for your chance to win 500 DDO Points. We'll select a random winner after Noon Eastern on Thursday, September 19th. Good luck!

[Arkat]

Certainly not, "I'm OK - You're OK".

This sounds like a repeat question, btw.

[The_Human_Cypher]

Mostly trashy novels from the 1970s and early 80s.

[rabidfox]

A book titled "Our house, in the middle of our street"

[Saekee]

It’s the cover, parchment and binding materials you need to worry about

[mbartol]

Probably some scorched ones.

[Fnordian]

Aside from the usual selection (e.g., Unstable Alchemical Solutions, Polywogs, Polymorphs & Transmogrifications, Casual Demon Conjuring, Creating and Navigating Inter-dimensional Portals, Becoming a God in Three-to-Five Days, Hosting a Cucumber Sandwich Party, etc.), there would be a sizable selection of books containing indecipherable runes that shift around on the pages and slowly drive the reader insane, several ancient tomes possessed by spirits, and a very large and heavy steel-bound volume that's locked up tight, inscribed with eldritch symbols and decorated with crayon doodles of pandas.

[Hazelnut]

Aside from the usual selection (e.g., Unstable Alchemical Solutions, Polywogs, Polymorphs & Transmogrifications, Casual Demon Conjuring, Creating and Navigating Inter-dimensional Portals, Becoming a God in Three-to-Five Days, Hosting a Cucumber Sandwich Party, etc.), there would be a sizable selection of books containing indecipherable runes that shift around on the pages and slowly drive the reader insane, several ancient tomes possessed by spirits, and a very large and heavy steel-bound volume that's locked up tight, inscribed with eldritch symbols and decorated with crayon doodles of pandas.

Inside of which is the complete "My Little Pony" series.

P.S. you made me laugh Fnordian, you deserve to win.

P.P.S. This counts as my entry into the contest. If I win, I'm keeping the points.

[dsmwhiteknight]

Definitely some book about Xoriat!

[Memnir]

What kind of books would you expect to find in a mad wizards library?Xor (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xorn_(Dungeons_%26_Dragons))n porn.

[btolson]

The kind that fly.

[Lanadazia]

if its a REALLY mad wizzard he prolly has a huge collection of hentai. thats art btw!

[Velenfein]

DDonomicon

[Jerevth]

The Soul Jar. Making better vessels of your vassals.
Polymorphic Ambitions: Dire Diversity Edition.
Command Slime: Greasing your way up the ladder of advancement.
Confessions of an Elder Brain

[AlmGhandi]

Roget's Thesaurus

[Suggestion]

The Care and Feeding of your Hydra.

[Egilson]

There are no books in the Mad Wizard's library. There haven't been any since the Charming Thief came to visit.

Why did you think the Wizard is Mad?

[Dragonlover333]

Books that repeat themselves but were written with the hope they'd be long enough to prevent people from noticing.

[MrXaatXuun]

Mad Wizardry for Dummies Vol 1-8

[Thar]

Dummies guide to casting fireball.

[ForgettableNPC]

Probably one of those living books that are kept in cages and are liable to bite your fingers off.

[Scuddy]

The complete collection of Mad magazine.

[UurlockYgmeov]

anything but books.

[krzyysiek098]

Books like "It's easier than you think. Become a wizard in 10 days".

[Propane]

Collections from Scrolls R Us! Reelly good ones..

[alancarp]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Planes.

[C-Dog]

"I'm OK, you're toast"

[PurpleTimb]

No books. That's why he's mad; someone stole all his books!

[Dark_Helmet]

Books without pictures.

Oh wait, that would make a barbarian mad....

[Katalissa]

I'll check my bookshelf and let you know...

[wiliamsane]

coloring books from xoriat .. mostly finished

[Requiro]

Books about politicians… What else can made Wizard mad?

[Feal]

Animated books!

[EnragedBears]

A book about Tax

[PublicEnemy]

Probably Twilight and Fifty shades of Gray

[Rendron]

Books are so awsome

[guzzlr]

Mad Libs Spellbooks!

[Eric_the_Dead]

The Necro-Comic-Con

For the Pale Master who wants to make a splash in San Diego each year.

[Renvar]

Hopefully some good books on Anger Management.

Also:
The 7 components of highly effective spellcasting
Who Moved My Phylactry? An Amazing Way to Deal with Changes in Your Tomb and in Your Un-Life, by Prince Raiyum. Foreword by Aurgloroasa

[cdbd3rd]

Too many books to list, but way back in the back where the oldest of the oldest are stored away...

"Early Illustrated Primer on the Procedures of Concealment and Invisibility."



https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/47/a0/ab47a035f32e5d4751ad941992d9d398.jpghttps://i.pinimg.com/236x/a4/d0/f3/a4d0f34c925c2798149c43b8793e657f--children-atto.jpg

[Dime_407]

Hungry books. Shelves and shelves of hungry books, and surprisingly no mad wizard to be seen.

[Fedora1]

Anger Management for Dummies.

[LightBear]

Anniversary Gifts Of A Roaming Journey Man: Free for only 19.95!

[Enoach]

A collection of used Mad Libs

[GoldyGopher]

I don't know, but I know who to ask....

https://media.dnd.wizards.com/styles/product_tabletop_left/public/images/product/PsqeYFr25s.png

[ThomasMink]

Hmmm... sounds like a familiar question. Though I think when it was asked before it was more about objects instead of books.. or something.. because I laid out the components needed to become a lich in 2e.

ANYWAY.. books.. I assume you mean other than his spellbook? I dunno. Anything and everything probably.

[FuzzyDuck81]

After some very cautious & respectful requests, the wizard sent me a scroll with the following message:

Firstly, I dislike the term 'mad'. I'm not mad, I'm differently sane. Some might also call me paranoid, but is it really paranoia when there are actual invisible demons who want me dead, adventurers who want to steal my secrets & those rats, who whisper in the walls and JUST WON'T SHUT UP?! Of course not, I'm merely taking appropriate precautions. A colleague once mentioned knowledge being stored "on the web", which while on the surface appears to be a good idea as there are many creatures to protect my books from unwanted intruders, the sticky secretions could also cause pages to become stuck together - I get enough of that as it is with the apprentices researching succubi & alu-fiend binding rituals - and if that makes you miss a couple of critical steps, your next apprentice's first job will be mopping up the remains of their predecessor who'd accidentally summoned up something that clearly found them crunchy & good with ketchup. But I digress. No matter how many times you ask & whatever you promise, I will not reveal my library's secrets! The treasures there are vast & the knowledge within would shatter your miserable mind! But fine, I will give you one tiny taste of my power and magnificence, one small nugget of information; I PREPARED EXPLOSIVE RUNES THIS MORNING

The remainder of the note is scorched, blackened & anything else it may have contained is illegible. Now I need to go and visit a healer for burn treatment.

[ahpook]

What kind of books would you expect to find in a mad wizards library?


Art of the Deal? Audacity of Hope?

[Brandwynn]

How to basket weave your own soul jar in ten easy steps....

[Dulcimerist]

Books containing every issue of the DDO Chronicle so that he can reuse questions from old issues in case he can't think of a new question for new issues of the DDO Chronicle.

[peng]

Stat tomes. Because M.A.D. (https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Multiple_Ability_Dependency)

[Traffik]

How to make sure you remember the spells you're trying to memorize for Dummies

[Aelonwy]

Blue Magic, from the Encycolpedia Arcana. Please use hand sanitizer after handling. Not responsible for loss of soul to succubi, reader beware.

[Jango-EX]

Books from Xoriat, I guess

[byzantinebob]

If I can reliably predict what is in a "Mad" Wizard's library, then either he is not really mad or I am also mad. I don't like where this going...

[Vyrzain]

Old spell books that mad wizard has colored in : )

[Rawcats]

Certainly not any Harry but whole p***y Potter books!

[xberto]

magic books

[Hawkwier]

My Top 10...

Merlin: My Life as a Stone.(M. Jagger)
Wizards of the Coast and Further Inland: A Complete Geographical Guide to Finger Wigglers (abridged) (D Attenborough)
A Magician's Guide to Why I hate Frankie Boyle, Canadians, and other people .(J Sadowitz)
The Hobbit (J R R Tolkien)
Why Melee are Doomed (J Fraser, pvt.)
The Sane Guide to Brexit (anon.)
Dude, Where's my Luggage? (S Rincewind)
The Wizard of Oz (S Smith)
A True History of Wizards (Law, Baxter, Bremner, etc. al.)

(Yes, that's right, there are nine. I'm mad. And a Wizard. Humour me. :))

[The_Apocalypse]

Several books with titles like "for Dummies" and "How to" manuals; Torture for Dummies, Necromancy for Dummies, Embalming for Dummies, How to Make Friends (with Corpses), How to Raise Armies (of Undead), Your Familiar and You, The Big Bang (A Lesson in Evocation), etc....

[Grandern_Marn]

Who's Who in Mad Wizards

[John3000]

crazy guess : ..................... Spellbooks ? :rolleyes:

[gravisrs]

A Song of Ice and Fire

[Hakushi]

Many spellbooks coming from unknown Xorian sources.

[Miahoo]

Books full with blank pages.

[Tyrande]

Thank you for reading the DDO Chronicle! Don't forget to reply below to the Chronicle Comment for your chance to win 500 DDO Points. We'll select a random winner after Noon Eastern on Thursday, September 19th. Good luck!

[/CENTER]

Mad Wizard's library book?

Book of Wizardry Enchantment: How to make pets and influence dragons, Volume I

[Kulothar]

Algebra

[Luchyz]

DDO rule revisions on AD&D with supplements.

[Kuraci]

Cordovan's unabridged emails. The hard copy.

[d1l2pagal]

1.This hardback tome entitled “Kriptografi” details common ciphers and methods of decryption and is written in a rather archaic form of Dwarven.

2.A work bound in soft leather is titled “Lorebook of Pigments” and discusses the ingredients of magical inks, how best to obtain and prepare them and acceptable substitutes.

3.This thin and unmarked book is a spellbook no more than twenty pages long. The only spells scribed inside are common cantrips, but the spellbook is still worth 75 gp to a neophyte wizard.

4.Written in flourishing script and titled “The Complete Draconic Lexicon,” this sizable dictionary is for the Draconic language and includes detailed etymology.

5.A tablet of gray stone sits at the end of a bookshelf. One side of it is carved with ancient practices and instructions for binding outsiders.

6.The words “Genealogy Infernal: The Intermingling of the Great Lords and Mortals,” are stamped across the cover of this book. Inside are family trees of the half-mortal children of devils and their descendents.
7.Titled “Mage Illeswyte’s History Arcanum,” this sizeable tome is cased in heavy leather and records the known facts of wizardry’s origins and development.

8.More a tightly bound stack of papers than a book, this work bears the heading “The Ancient Mysteries of the Alabaster Tower.” A quick perusal reveals it is a cheap work of fiction.

9.A burlap cover protects a collection of iron sheets strung together with chains. Each sheet is embossed with a unique diagram which a DC 20 Knowledge (planes) reveals is used for planar travel.
10.This neatly handwritten journal details a wizard’s attempts to create new spells. Her methods are methodical and well documented it’s a useful guide for any spellcaster looking to devise new magic.
11.“The Lost Divinities” is a book on the topic of deceased or vanished deities. It records the historical facts of their fall as well as further speculation and theory.

12.This battered, untitled treatise discusses spell-enhancing diagrams that work on the principle of ‘arcane resonance.’ A DC 15 Knowledge (arcana) check reveals it as completely fraudulent.

13.Once an atlas of a remote location, this book has a hole hollowed out inside. An ornate, but functional, cold iron dagger is concealed within.

14.“The Roll of Spells” has countless pages covered completely with tiny, precise text. It lists the names and effects of thousands of spells.

15.Inside of a scroll case is a series of papers on theoretical aspects of arcane magic, speculating on its underlying principles
.
16.An old but well maintained history book is kept inside a wooden box. It appears unremarkable, but a DC 20 Appraise check reveals it as a collector’s item worth 250 gp.

17.Titled “The Arcane Consequence,” this moderately-sized book discusses the direct and indirect effects of spells and the morality of magic, emphasizing caution and forethought.

18.An untitled bestiary with thick parchment pages has a focus on a wizard’s interests, listing harvestable components and magical uses of numerous creatures.

19.This slim, white leather book bears the title “A Plea for Necromancy.” It addresses prejudice against necromancy and necromancy’s useful applications.

20.“The Origin of Magic” contains a wide variety of myths that explain how magic came into the world.

[Merfyn]

Thousands of each, sometimes with pages removed or replaced:

Sudoku that don't add up correctly.
The Conscience of a Liberal (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Conscience_of_a_Liberal), Mein Kampf (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mein_Kampf), and Iacocca: an Autobiography (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iacocca:_An_Autobiography).
Runes & hieroglyphs of horrifying nature which roughly translate to, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"... prior to driving the translator insane.

[Brekian]

How to blow up your apprentice in 10 days or less

[Twitchafied]

Dr Suess "1 Spell 2 Spell"

[TheOilSpot]

https://www.ddo.com/sites/default/files/DDO-Chronicle-Template-2017_51.png (https://www.ddo.com/en/news/ddo-chronicle-issue-350)
Thank you for reading the DDO Chronicle! Don't forget to reply below to the Chronicle Comment for your chance to win 500 DDO Points. We'll select a random winner after Noon Eastern on Thursday, September 19th. Good luck!



"How to do your taxes - and 10 other mysterious trivialities"

because we all know taxes take magic to do properly.

[Breezwyn]

"Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds"
The expurgated version. The one without the gannet.

also...

"Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying"


Look them both up! They're excellent books!

[DDO_Addict]

I don't know, but every book has the last page torn out!

[Mellaina]

didnt know this existed.
now i am reading it every time.
this community is great

[Jabbathacutt]

A collection of fighting fantasy and choose your own adventure books.

[gilstar9]

Mad Magazines of course.

[Entil]

"Around the World in 80 Days"
Wait a minute... That is impossible, the world is flat!

[Letu]

Who are you calling a MAD Wizard? Me, Me of ME??!!

[Salm]

“Charm Spells: How to Win Friends and Influence People “

[Nigel137]

“The Principia” - Isaac Newton
“Relativity” - Albert Einstein
“A Brief History of Time” - Steven Hawking
“The Principles of Quantum Mechanics” - Paul Dirac
“On the Origin of Species” - Charles Darwin
“Treatise on Thermodynamics” - Max Planck
“The Feynman Lecturers on Physics” - Richard Feynman

Impossible to remain sane after reading all that.

[Roberdt]

Self halp books.

[LucasMacKinnon]

You would find the Necronomicon.

[ChocolateThunder]

Self-authored D&D Dungeon Master's Guide and Player's Handbook. It might take madness to see the Truth of your world.

[CPDK9]

Books related to the casting and researching of spells.....is this some sort of a trick question

[Zavolar]

12 entry diary of a loved one.

[Ratgash]

Lot of mad libs!

[Oliveyew]

The complete collection of Mad magazine.


Congratulations, you have won this weeks contest! I'll pm you a code.