Hirelings... the fine print

[Mobiusss]

Each hireling comes with a brief bio that sometimes lets you know what you will end up with ahead of time. But wouldn't it be cool if they also came with a little blurb about how they REALLY are deep down inside?

Something like this:

Laerathor: I'm moody, surly, and I know it

Wyoh: Why-oh, why-oh, why-oh am I dead even though I still have 1400+ spell points left?

Hesha the Stern: I could really do some damage in this fight, if only I could run fast enough to reach it.

Herta: Get out of my way so that I can hit something.

Sadiele: I'm a butterfly! Hit something here, run 50 paces over there, hit something else...

Tanya Brightstone: Must...consume...spell points!

Larafay Do'rret: Boom-shakalaka-BOOM! Nuff 'said :p

Caraneth Myar: Convinced she speaks in a Beavis & Butthead voice "Fire, heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh"

Andaro: Let me see, 15 of them, all CR34 or better...yeah, I can take them!

[FranOhmsford]

Iessin: Dangnabbit! GH me already!

Tarlov: I'm clearly specced for Ranged so where's my Bow?

Albus: Can someone tell me why I took Toughness instead of Quicken?

Garrett: Nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest, nobody heals you half as good as me, baby I'm the best!

Erytheia: How did I get to Lvl 27 again? What am I doing in Grandmaster of Flowers?

Kurik: Whoever stole my Sword; I'll find you!

Barrage: GH me he says, Recon me he says, Haste me he says, Firewall that Hobgoblin he says, Does he think I don't know what I'm doing?

Duerim: Memo to Self: Buy more Mass Deathward Scrolls.

Shadow: Memo to Self: Must go see Artificer Trainer and get me one of those Rune-Arms.

[moomooprincess]

I like where this thread is going. Too bad I have nothing to contribute on this.

[Mobiusss]

Albus: Can someone tell me why I took Toughness instead of Quicken?

How could I forget my old friend Albus!

Albus: Heal coming! Wait for it.... Wait for it...

[FranOhmsford]

Here's some more:

Merenon: Suck it up....Can't you see I'm busy here?

Lalisa: Let there be Light!

Tempys: LeeeeeRooooooy!

Klin: My baby! Coochie Coo, Let Daddy kiss it better.

Ayron: Gak! Can I get a Res please boss.

Anthem: Must....Smash.....Box!

Flower: Oh you're dead? Good!

Mikayl: Next life I'll be a Paladin....And they'll still only want me for DDoor!

Vilgo: Undead? Where? Let me at em Boss!

[RoberttheBard]

Fergus: I'm coming to cast that ... Hey, a butterfly.

Larafay is my little nuker, it's the only reason I bring her along, and she's good at it, if there are enough shrines...

[Culver.Civello]

Lol.

These are funny, cause they are true. XD

[FranOhmsford]

(Say): Mekwi Therzyl says, 'Our enemies shall freeze and burn!'


Has anyone told him he doesn't have any Fire or Cold Spells?

His actual casting rotation seems to be FoD, Shout, Disco Ball and Magic Missiles {possibly Chain or Force}. {He has Horrid Wilting on his bar but not on his spam rotation}

[Aletys]

ROFL ... oh, so, so true. You guys made my day. :D

+1

[Paleus]

Arnal Swarts: Did I get my name because of the barmaid at The Leaky Dinghy or the one at The Rusty Nail?

[FranOhmsford]

Arnal Swarts: Did I get my name because of the barmaid at The Leaky Dinghy or the one at The Rusty Nail?

You just had to ruin it?

Arnal Swarts is a clear play on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Nonesuch2008]

Dheran Giles: No, no NO! Not THAT way!!!!

Lanalos Oakwood: Methinks his last name describes what his head is made out of.

Rovegar Half-axe: No kneecap shall be spared from his mighty wrath!

[FranOhmsford]

Luna Trap? What trap? Oh that trap I disabled 30 seconds ago you mean?

Nedry What do ya mean I'm not an Air Savant? Oh that's why I'm always out of Mana?


Oh and it really hasn't been Wyoh's day:
http://i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b559/ChaseWolf/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg (http://s1291.photobucket.com/user/ChaseWolf/media/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg.html)

Wyoh: Gak!
Me: Albus throw Wyoh a res would ya?
Albus: What again Boss? Oh if I have to.

[Mobiusss]

Isadora Ironclaw: Yes, I have one of the most tactically advantageous spells out there, but I would *never* dare cast it without you telling me to!

Mhm that's Wyoh alright, but at least she used up her pool of sp this time.


Oh and it really hasn't been Wyoh's day:
http://i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b559/ChaseWolf/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg (http://s1291.photobucket.com/user/ChaseWolf/media/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg.html)

[Powerhungry]

Isadora Ironclaw: Yes, I have one of the most tactically advantageous spells out there, but I would *never* dare cast it without you telling me to!

Mhm that's Wyoh alright, but at least she used up her pool of sp this time.


http://i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b559/ChaseWolf/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg (http://s1291.photobucket.com/user/ChaseWolf/media/ScreenShot00100_zpsat8fbzbl.jpg.html)

Yep - that's Wyoh and she did use up he sp pool. If you look at the party log, she died 8 times too. Yep, that's Wyoh

[Kompera_Oberon]

Grobbin Halfhitch - You hired me specifically for Trap the Soul? But I spent all my mana on Meteor Swarm!

Owlbear Defender- I am certain that I cannot find the lever you're telling me to pull. It's right in front of me? Where???

-also-

Owlbear Defender- Yes, I don't fit through doors. Get used to summoning me through them if you expect to see me in this fight. And I also take up enough room to be hit by multiple spike traps, lol.

[Nestroy]

Arnal Swarts: Did I get my name because of the barmaid at The Leaky Dinghy or the one at The Rusty Nail?


You just had to ruin it?

Arnal Swarts is a clear play on Arnold Schwarzenegger.

May the S(h)warts be with you?

I would not sign Arnie. I would go more to the tunes of something more naughty like wharts on the backside - a reference to that hires face ^^.

Rita ir´Kennish (or whatever that girl is named): Grease is no party buff? But it has been soo much fun! Bwah!

[Grynberg]

Miklayl - this guy should wear a blue, pointy hat with "WIZZARD" written on it. Fits thematically, since he only knows one spell and is otherwise useless :)

[FranOhmsford]

Miklayl - this guy should wear a blue, pointy hat with "WIZZARD" written on it. Fits thematically, since he only knows one spell and is otherwise useless :)

Nice!

[Casareena]

laughing at these posts SO true too! xD

[FranOhmsford]

Isadora Ironclaw: Yes, I have one of the most tactically advantageous spells out there, but I would *never* dare cast it without you telling me to!

Are you talking about Blade Barrier by any chance?

None of the Hires with BB will cast it by themselves - The Devs made sure it's not on their spam rotation.

And if they did cast it by themselves you can be sure they'd never put it in the right place and would be out of SPs 1/3rd of the way to the shrine!

The biggest problem I find though with hires with this type of spell - One they can't target someone with unlike say Firewall - is that by the time they catch up there's no point telling them to cast it {Implosion has the same problem in quests where you're on the run - It works great in stand your ground style spawn spots though while BB doesn't because the hires don't have 1) The DCs or 2) The SPwr to make not having DCs less of an issue}.

Still - Before the Devs stole her Maladroit Mace {possibly a Morningstar} and replaced it with a generic elemental mace I actually preferred Dora the Explorer to Natasha or Althea so long as I didn't require DVs or Deathward - Her melee Dmg was actually pretty decent for a Cleric Hire unlike Althea who won't even step into Melee for fear of breaking a nail!}.


Althea: That's ok Boss, Just let me worry about your Health.

Natasha: You want more DVs? I want a Shrine! Stop wasting your mana!

Nina: What? You don't like my spell choices? Do I look like I care? Here....have a Mass Aid and stop complaining.

Iss a Dora z' Explorer: No I don't have Deathward, No I don't have DV, I'm here to beat on bad guys and if you stop whining I might just throw you a heal.

[Strider1963]

Albus and Garrett---- why should I hit you with a fast heal spell, when I can cast a mass heal that takes forever and ever and we both die in the middle of it?

[FranOhmsford]

Albus and Garrett---- why should I hit you with a fast heal spell, when I can cast a mass heal that takes forever and ever and we both die in the middle of it?

The best thing about the new hire UI box was being able to switch off Mass Heal on Albus - But of course that lasted all of a week before the bugs made the whole box untenable!

[fangblackhawk]

cant for get they all whip out that union card and say break time over here.... that battle you are in is inrefering with our union required break..... it was in the deal when they taught us dim door we get more breaks......

some how Why-o wyho got the union rep job and it was all over from there

[FranOhmsford]

cant for get they all whip out that union card and say break time over here.... that battle you are in is inrefering with our union required break..... it was in the deal when they taught us dim door we get more breaks......

some how Why-o wyho got the union rep job and it was all over from there

Wyoh's issue has always been squishyness....there's plenty way squishier than her {Fayden, Jatrina, Ayron} but she is more well known thanks to being the only end-game Cleric hire for so long {pre Albus}.
But one thing she's not scared of is getting into a fight - maybe she should be a bit more cautious.

I'll tell you who they made Union Rep for the Hires: Maloren!

[Danemoth]

Sigil: Party balls for everyone. Especially the undead!
Toad: You want stones kin? Too bad Im casting missiles here!

[FranOhmsford]

Sigil: Party balls for everyone. Especially the undead!
Toad: You want stones kin? Too bad Im casting missiles here!

Sigil oh poor Sigil - He's actually not a bad caster hire....In fact he's one of the better caster hires!
Unfortunately he's one level higher than the Uber Caster Hire with the Holy Trinity of Spells you want on a Caster Hire - Barrage!

Sigil: I know I'm no Barrage but give me a shot and I won't let you down....Please!

K'Zurth: I used to be fire specced but everyone thought I was exploiting so now I just Neg everything and grab all the aggro without doing any actual damage....That'll teach em! Whoops...Need a res here boss?

[memloch]

Grobbin Halfhitch - You hired me specifically for Trap the Soul? But I spent all my mana on Meteor Swarm!

Owlbear Defender- I am certain that I cannot find the lever you're telling me to pull. It's right in front of me? Where???

-also-

Owlbear Defender- Yes, I don't fit through doors. Get used to summoning me through them if you expect to see me in this fight. And I also take up enough room to be hit by multiple spike traps, lol.

That last one is so right on!

[Nonesuch2008]

I think Fran started this theme-within-a-theme with his tribute song to Garrett.

Larafey could probably do with a personalized version of The Scorpions "Rock You Like A Hurricane". Would suit her style :cool:

However, Wyoh has inspired me in a different manner, so with apologies & thanks to Harry Belafonte for the use of "Day-O", I give you...

Wy-Oh

Wyyyyy-Oh! Wyyy-eee-eee-Ohhh!

Instead of questing, shoulda drink a'rum
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Hit one orc, then the rest of 'em come!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

There was a six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Took a big swing when she shoulda RUN!!!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me death count
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Dying with all me spell points is just no fun!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Daylight come, and she wannn' go home...

[FranOhmsford]

I think Fran started this theme-within-a-theme with his tribute song to Garrett.

Larafey could probably do with a personalized version of The Scorpions "Rock You Like A Hurricane". Would suit her style :cool:

However, Wyoh has inspired me in a different manner, so with apologies & thanks to Harry Belafonte for the use of "Day-O", I give you...

Wy-Oh

Wyyyyy-Oh! Wyyy-eee-eee-Ohhh!

Instead of questing, shoulda drink a'rum
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Hit one orc, then the rest of 'em come!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

There was a six foot, seven foot, eight foot, BUNCH!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Took a big swing when she shoulda RUN!!!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Come, Mr. Tally Mon, tally me death count
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Dying with all me spell points is just no fun!
(Got another rez and now she wan' go home)

Daylight come, and she wannn' go home...

Lol:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQXVHITd1N4

[fangblackhawk]

Lol:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQXVHITd1N4

https://youtu.be/HMcHbh6HBDk < lol note the tiny link here

[Mobiusss]

Sigil: Party balls for everyone. Especially the undead!

This one is especially true *facepalms

Lots of good creative input on these, and I do have that song stuck in my head. Makes you wonder though, when the dev's read this thread, are they laughing, chuckling, facepalming or all-of-the-above? :p

[Casareena]

I want to know how many dev's sang this song or whistled it reading this thread...Oh and Dev's, HAVE you read this and taken note...funny as these posts are about the different hires, their behaviour while questing not so much >.>

[Greyhawk6]

All Clerics:

"Wound? Oh that scratch? must cast HEAL not Cure Light...only thing that'll do the trick"

"Rest shrine? Oh that thing? I thought it was a sculpture"

"Oh look, a trap....must...walk...over....it"

All Mages:

"Sorry, I'm out of mana...I know its only the second room.."

"Look over there...those guys seem bored, think I'll fireball them"

"What? Sorry I cant hear you due to fighting these guys in melee, 2 rooms away..."

All Fighters:

"Oh you mean fight them? I thought you wanted me to guard him, seemed funny since he's a guard"

"What lever? Oh this? Seriously, you cant pull this??"

"So basically you brought me along to open doors and pull levers?"

[FranOhmsford]

All Clerics:

"Wound? Oh that scratch? must cast HEAL not Cure Light...only thing that'll do the trick"

"Rest shrine? Oh that thing? I thought it was a sculpture"

"Oh look, a trap....must...walk...over....it"

So true!


All Mages:

"Sorry, I'm out of mana...I know its only the second room.."

"Look over there...those guys seem bored, think I'll fireball them"

"What? Sorry I cant hear you due to fighting these guys in melee, 2 rooms away..."

Did that last one somehow make it's way here from a zergers are bad thread? Or did you leave your hire behind?


All Fighters:

"So basically you brought me along to open doors and pull levers?"

Pretty much!

If the Melee Hires {Fighters, Barbs, Paladins and Ranger. NOT the Rogues...They actually do decent DPS} were any good this might change but for now once you're out of Korthos Melee hires are literally worthless other than Mikayl for DDoor and the odd Str Rune/Lever.


P.S. All Rogues:

What? You want me to disable that trap? Wait will you while I kill these 30 mobs!