Click Decline - Don't be scared.

[Empireworld]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)

[Musouka]

Agreed. It's the most annoying thing about pugging to me. I can always ignore people, but trying to join something then waiting 10 minutes thinking the leader might be AFK just to get a 'You were declined because the group was filled message' is terribly annoying.

[xanvar]

I agree. I don't often Pug but when I do I prefer to either be accepted or declined not left in limbo.

[Thrudh]

I agree as well...

It's very rude... Just decline me...

What I hate is, there's a LFM up that I really want to do (need the favor, rare quest that doesn't get run a lot), and there's a secondary LFM that would still be fun, but not my first choice.. So I don't want to jump the gun, and join the secondary LFM... maybe you're just afk...

Note that sometimes I need to log off and get another character for that second LFM... nothing like watching that second LFM fill because I was waiting for a response from the first LFM.

Please just hit decline, so I can go join the other LFM...

If you're afk, I kinda understand (I don't go afk when filling a group, but there are sometimes reasons to go afk)... If you're there, either accept or decline me, so I can move on.

[KillEveryone]

There are a few times when the leader is zoning in to an area and your request doesn't go through.

Sometimes I've accepted and the person didn't appear in my party and they re-requested. They were most likely jumping into a different area when that happened.

That all said....

I agree. I don't like it when people call me chad.

[xman26]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I have you now, trapped in that forever not knowing state of limbo. Am I joining or is he going to leave me not knowing. I am the LFM King and I will never give up what I'm planning to do. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Seriously tho, it is out right annoying.

[Grenada]

I agree with this, but I doubt this will change. Not all that many people actually read the forums (some dont even know they exist...).

[arjiwan]

I agree with this.

Well, people are rude. What can I say.

I really hate it when they do that.

[Kahless_of_Cannith]

/signed

I'll send a tell if I haven't gotten a response back in a reasonable amount of time.

[JollySwagMan]

I admit I do sometimes post a group and go afk, but I specifically state so in the LFM. This is for unpopular quests that I might end up completing by the time anyone hits the LFM. After clicking accept I make sure and state which lfm it was, in case they were hanging on a couple groups.

In general if I get more hits on an LFM than the party has room for, I try and send a /tell to players that get declined, and let them know that others were interested so they might be able to form their own group relatively quickly.

[Sarisa]

Annoys the hell out of me.

[Limey]

Yes it is a bit annoying but it doesn't bother me, I just assume it's a decline after about 20 secs and click join on another lfm...

I thinlk what some of these people are doing (as I've heard them say in group) is creating a list then cherry picking when they want.

[katana_one]

Yes it is a bit annoying but it doesn't bother me, I just assume it's a decline after about 20 secs and click join on another lfm...

^ This.

[lhidda]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)

Agree.

I also want the invite to expire automatically after lets say 30 seconds. Better if you can choose, when your invite expires.

[somenewnoob]

Aye, very annoying. I usually send a quick tell if nothing happens for a minute or two.

[Setin_Myways]

Not sure I agree with this, but i do not necessarily disagree. If i am posting a pug, i might not except someone right away because I am looking for a certain mix. perhaps you are not exactly what i want, so I will wait to accept. If you are not what i want, i will decline you.

What if you have a request to join and someone in the party says ' i might have a guild member that wants to join' Should i accept the person that just requested or let them wait while I find out if the guild member is coming? I personally would rather take someone that someone knows, because pugging is so hit and miss as it is.

when i am joining groups, i will normally ask to join several groups that fit what i need to do and go with the first one to take me. I ask if that is rude, to ask to join more than one group at a time, because i am sure, and it happens ot me, that you click accept and find the other person has joined a group already.

I tend to send tells too. If I have someone that i am unsure of, or waiting on another party members guildy, i will send a tell and say what is happening.. but sometimes you do not have the time... posting a pug as my cleric, i get plenty of requests to join, but on my fighters, not as much.

[-Satureon-]

Happened so much times and agree with the OP.
I just 'invented' defensive mechanism to avoid same things like this:
1. send tell to the grp leader after 1 min
2. don't sacrifice more than 5 mins to wait for an lfm so move to the next or whatever you want
3. blacklist the leader if you like

My list prolly very long.^^

[Sarisa]

What's worse is when you get ignored, no tells, no replies; so you go do something else solo and get accepted 5 minutes later. Then I'm expected to stop whatever I'm doing now to accommodate the leader.

If you're going to let someone rot in the queue, at least have the decency to send them a tell that you're considering them.

[tihocan]

/agreed, if you don't want me, decline me so I can move on
If you need a couple mins to sort spots or something, that's fine, but a tell would be appreciated :)

[Thrudh]

Yes it is a bit annoying but it doesn't bother me, I just assume it's a decline after about 20 secs and click join on another lfm...

Yeah this is what I do now too

[Samiusbot]

I also liked to be declined vs left hanging.

But wait 30 secs or so and see if a message is incoming before deciding to decline or not that crazy mutt mix that hits your lfm. See if it is someone that knows his/her stuff and what role they are wanting to fill.

I like to “save my spot” and send a tell vs get a tell out and get a sorry filled reply before trying to join...

[donblas]

I, too, agree with OP.

If I don't get a prompt reply I pop into another quest to solo. If they eventually decide they can't get anyone better than my toon and accept me as a poor last choice it's too late - they can't boot me while I'm in a quest.

[Razcar]

It would nice if there was a way to recall an application for an LFM. It has happened several times that I have applied, didn't get a reply, shrugged and instead started soloing something, or the same quest. Then it is a bit irritating for all involved if I get accepted when I'm in the middle of something else.

An even easier solution would be to always show the "So and So wants to invite you to your party, yes or no"-box, even if you have applied to a group and the leader accepts.

[Phidius]

Sometimes, the leader has the "Accept Invitations" mini window up, diligently watching for someone to request a spot, when a name flashes into the list and before you can hit "Accept" (or Decline, even) the name drops out of the list again.

I used to presume that it meant that they had clicked multiple LFMs (mine was the last), and a previous group accepted them. This happened while I was getting a group flagged for the DQ, and I received a tell from the 2nd group leader that their friend was still waiting to hear if they were accepted or not.

If we (myself included) want people to man-up and click the Decline button, we need to set the example by sending a tell to the party leader after a short waiting period.

(Tell): Phidius tells you "Did my request go through?"

or even

(Tell): Phidius tells you "Man up and hit Decline already!"

[fluffybunnywilson]

Every once in a while, I hit an LFM and don't get a response. After a minute, I jump into another quest solo and most of the time I get the autodecline because of a full party after a few minutes.

But twice in the past month, I've been part way through whatever quest I started to solo and I end up in a party because the leader finally hit accept on my application. Well at that point, I'm already in a quest, so that party that didn't take me for more than 5 minutes can find someone else. I'm busy.

The really funny part was that both leaders were mad that they had to reform the party because I wasn't willing to recall out of my quest for their convenience.

[knightgf]

The best fix for this would be to simply make the request expire after a while. This already is in effect for personally inviting people, why not make it for LFG's?

[Aliss7]

For the love of all that is holy... please just let me able to remove my request to join an LFM. Seriously.

[grayham]

Highly annoying. Also, you need tough skin at first not to take these things a tiny tiny bit personally..

"What? I meet the entry requirements! Level! Class! Is it my name?? Can they smell me from there? Do they know I'm drunk?! How?!!!!" (tears out and stomps on webcam in a fit of paranoia)......

[ProdigalGuru]

For the love of all that is holy... please just let me able to remove my request to join an LFM. Seriously.

HOLY LOVE, BATMAN!


I agree with the above, and the OP, even though it doesn't happen to me that often.

[Aztek]

/agreed, if you don't want me, decline me so I can move on
If you need a couple mins to sort spots or something, that's fine, but a tell would be appreciated :)

agreed BUT also agreed with people who say you can just as easily send the leader a Tell to know for sure so you can plan. I can wait sometimes and don't want to do any other groups so i'll sit in limbo. at other times, I move on because i dont' feel like waiting or send a tell saying "hey i got a shot at getting in here or not really?" sometimes they get flooded and didn't see your request or missed it because they aren't good mutli-taskers.

so to recap:
LFM leaders, send a tell if you're leavign someoen in limbo
LFM joiners, send a tell if you're not sure and getting anxious.

... It takes two to Tangleroot. err Tango. If you send a tell and get no response (even late if the leader was AFK) that's justtttttt rude.

[hermespan]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)

Then keep on movin'. If the group leader isn't firing on all cylinders do you really want to be in the group in the first place?:cool:

[hermespan]

HOLY LOVE, BATMAN!


I agree with the above, and the OP, even though it doesn't happen to me that often.

It doesn't keep you from joining another group. Just join one; it cancels out the first request when you get accepted to second group.

[Alektronic]

Have any of you guys every actually posted a group though? I'd say about 60% of the time I hit the decline button, I get spammed with either 1) join requests from the same player in question or 2) litany of abuse as to how "noobish" I am for not accepting person X.

I still will continue to show courtesy by hitting either decline or sending a tell (there's still the 40%), but for those of you "others" reading this thread... don't be a booger. I may be a noob cuz I don't want 4 bards in my raid, but I also don't want to get notes from the peanut gallery for every decline that I hit. Be nice guys. Really. Blacklists are like prisons. Overcrowded, with many there "doing time" for truly minor offenses:D.

[Astraghal]

I've had someone not only reject or ignore my join requests, but ignore any subsequent tells or mail I've sent them attempting to get to the bottom of the matter. The fact that I don't really know the person and haven't to my knowledge ever run with them, makes it even more bizarre. But ya, if you're going to decline someone, at least have the stones to hit the decline button, or at least respond when asked what the issue is.

It's amazing what a polite and civilized tell can achieve.

[elixer1]

Accept or Decline, don't leave people hanging.

Also, if you get declined, don't throw a hissy fit and send numerous tells explaining how uber your clonk build is.

My clonk regularly gets turned down for PUGs because he's "not a true healer" or not "good dps". It's an unfair stereotype, but I understand why I may not fit everyone's party composition. (fyi, I'm not a true healer, and my dps is good, but not best, but I'ma good guy to have in a party as a backup cleric, and better than average dps)

[fluffybunnywilson]

I've had someone not only reject or ignore my join requests, but ignore any subsequent tells or mail I've sent them attempting to get to the bottom of the matter. The fact that I don't really know the person and haven't to my knowledge ever run with them, makes it even more bizarre. But ya, if you're going to decline someone, at least have the stones to hit the decline button, or at least respond when asked what the issue is.

It's amazing what a polite and civilized tell can achieve.

The nagging /tells that come after a decline are the primary reason why people don't hit decline in my experience.

You got declined. Accept it and move on. No need to /tell afterwards. You think that you belonged in the party. The party leader didn't.

[Kokanee]

I agree that most would happily take a Decline.

However, a good number of players take a Decline as a personal offense.
Yes, some people will take it personally and spam tells and get so offended they might not join an LFM posted by you ever.:eek:

So what I do is send a tell explaining the reason I'm not accepting. Yes it takes more time and work but at least you are less likely to hurt anyone's feelings.;)

[Kirachan]

I rarely get tells if I decline people. But then I try to keep my LFMa accurate and am not very biased in my choices, so I don't need to decline often. But I also always prefer to be declined if they plan not to take me.

I guess it might be the other way around. People get irritated and defensive if they get declined, because so few people bother to do it and they feel if they get declined there must be a personal reason, like being blacklisted, or an prejudice against their build, class-mix whatever. They don't consider the possibility, that the leader might just not need their role anymore.

[camels]

There are a few times when the leader is zoning in to an area and your request doesn't go through.

Sometimes I've accepted and the person didn't appear in my party and they re-requested. They were most likely jumping into a different area when that happened.

That all said....

I agree. I don't like it when people call me chad.



hey chad!

[Phidius]

It doesn't keep you from joining another group. Just join one; it cancels out the first request when you get accepted to second group.

Nope, I've been declined from one after being accepted in the other. What's really satisfying is when the first group tries to accept me after the current group I'm in are finishing our second raid :D

[Empireworld]

It doesn't keep you from joining another group. Just join one; it cancels out the first request when you get accepted to second group.

No but what sucks is after about 10 mins has passed and I am deep into a solo quest I finally get invited into the group. Then the leader throws a fit because I won't leave my quest to leave his party.

I would like to see a timer on this. After 30 secs it should turn off so I can move on and start questing.

[zwiebelring]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)
+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1

The most annoying thing ever.

[zex95966]

If it's just a random party invite most times I decline, sometimes not.
I think it's much ruder to just invite random people.

I hate walking through any town and all of a sudden someone just randomly invites me.

[KoboldKiller]

Agreed this is a bit annoying.

I run Rangers a lot and I find this happens to me more often when they have only melee classes listed. Many times I'm pretty sure they leave me hanging because they are hoping a "real" melee class clicks on their LFM as 95% of the time I get the "party is full" message a minute or two later.

So this goes to another part of this discussion, if you DON'T want a specific class take it off the list as I find that just as annoying.

[Rumbaar]

I agree, they say you can just go on. But why be so scared to click decline.

Though in busy times it can be hard to get all notification to decline. But most times it's just them being lazy.

[MrWizard]

You have started a party. Thats great! You are looking for people to join you on your quest.

I click the Join button and..... .... ... Nothing.

You don't say Accept and you don't Decline me either. You just leave me hanging in a limbo.

If you don't want someone click Decline. Really we won't get mad. We just want to move on to the next party. :)

Sure would be great if it worked that way...but in reality it never does.

If you put up an lfm and decline someone, whether right away or just thinking about it you will get tells from that person....
Asking why declined? Whining or yelling at you for the decline. They will go balistic if you do not stop what you are doing and respond to them. Sometimes they become stalkers.

It can ruin your entire gameday having a crazy person freaking out on you for the decline. It is a personal insult to that person. I have seen many times where they get their guild to send tells...or join the group and grief us...

It is a nightmare.


On paper, it is great to do that, in reality you are poking a really angry sleeping hungry pitbull by responding by a decline.


Now, the one way it will usually work is to again stop whatever you are doing...politiely send them a tell explaining why you do not need their character (wrong class, level, waiting for a guildie, etc).
This 'usually' works but can again cause a texting argument over your decision and that you are dead wrong..

And then we go back to stalking.


I suggest sending a tell to the party leader if you really need to get in that quest and nothing has come back in decline or accept yet. Politely just saying you would love to come... Maybe they are afk.
After a minute or two, go on your business and forget about it.

I know this sounds insane, but you will see...people can become psycho stalkers and they might not stop for a while...it can get ugly.

I say, ignore and move on as a leader unless you are prepared for craziness.


There needs to be a 'cancel' join request....that is for sure.

[MrWizard]

I've had someone not only reject or ignore my join requests, but ignore any subsequent tells or mail I've sent them attempting to get to the bottom of the matter. The fact that I don't really know the person and haven't to my knowledge ever run with them, makes it even more bizarre. But ya, if you're going to decline someone, at least have the stones to hit the decline button, or at least respond when asked what the issue is.

It's amazing what a polite and civilized tell can achieve.

And here is the other side.
You get declined and feel like you would want to know why. From your viewpoint it is not such a bad thing is it?

But look at it from the leaders point of view..
Busy LFM, many people clicking..he/she has to have a big conversation with everyone they decline?

What if they are already in the quest and fighting.

Just as many get offended for not being declined and left in limbo many leaders get offended by /tells asking them why.

That is usually when some leaders will just hit 'squelch' for that person. Not that they hate them, but to stop the tells and the repeated joins.

It is a very tough gray area of politeness and depends which side you are on.
No matter what someone does, it is going to offend or bother people.

When I get a decline, I just move on, and personally I would rather the leader not feel like he has to send me a tell why. But many leaders are afraid not too.

I just wish them luck and say NP.

[muffinlad]

How I avoid having to decline people- I don't like doing it, so-

When pugging- I just accept anyone who applies, pretty much regardless of build, in order. I usually only narrow down on the last slot or two (if you need both a healer and a rogue and don't have one).

When I set for my last two slots, I pretty much decline anyone who is not who I want/need- though for the most part, this does not happen that often.

How do I avoid the "known" problem children from joining my pugs? I already have them /squelched. I don't want to be "Father" of the "Declines", but sometimes you do have to make the hard call, and from a personal perspective I don't care for being left out in a limb.

That being said, I also prefer a straight up decline from someone rather than a "/tell you only have 400 hp on that cleric you will never survive learn to build characters noob" message either. Asking if I am healing spec'd is fine, that's the leader's job- but take a step back if you think that offering someone build advice before you decline them is really helping.

Regs,

muffinstuff

[zwiebelring]

What if they are already in the quest and fighting
Put status quo of the group in the LFM like, uh, in progress or anything. Again, just lack of communication which freaks out people.

[Astraghal]

And here is the other side.
You get declined and feel like you would want to know why. From your viewpoint it is not such a bad thing is it?

But look at it from the leaders point of view..
Busy LFM, many people clicking..he/she has to have a big conversation with everyone they decline?

What if they are already in the quest and fighting.

Just as many get offended for not being declined and left in limbo many leaders get offended by /tells asking them why.

That is usually when some leaders will just hit 'squelch' for that person. Not that they hate them, but to stop the tells and the repeated joins.

It is a very tough gray area of politeness and depends which side you are on.
No matter what someone does, it is going to offend or bother people.

When I get a decline, I just move on, and personally I would rather the leader not feel like he has to send me a tell why. But many leaders are afraid not too.

I just wish them luck and say NP.

I mean in the cases where it's obviously a personal grudge, going back to an old forum or trade chat disagreement that I'd completely forgotten about, but that person hasn't. I just want to get to the bottom of it and move on hehe.

[Battlehawke]

Some people just don't get it... They can't hit "decline", can't type, can't talk, can't complete a quest....sometimes there is a bug....but usually it's laziness, rudeness, or lameness.....

[Velexia]

It's my fault. I question people when they decide to decline me.

"Yeah, so you are a Rogue, and I am a Rogue. That's a reason to decline...? You sir, bring shame to the Rogue class."

;)

[Falco_Easts]

Every once in a while, I hit an LFM and don't get a response. After a minute, I jump into another quest solo and most of the time I get the autodecline because of a full party after a few minutes.

But twice in the past month, I've been part way through whatever quest I started to solo and I end up in a party because the leader finally hit accept on my application. Well at that point, I'm already in a quest, so that party that didn't take me for more than 5 minutes can find someone else. I'm busy.

The really funny part was that both leaders were mad that they had to reform the party because I wasn't willing to recall out of my quest for their convenience.

This gets my vote. If they aren't willing to hit accept or reject they can reform. Bonus points if they are in progress and left you hanging for 5+ minutes.


If it's just a random party invite most times I decline, sometimes not.
I think it's much ruder to just invite random people.

I hate walking through any town and all of a sudden someone just randomly invites me.

We aren't talking about blind invites but people who do not hit accept or reject when you request to join a party from a LFM.
Ignoring blind invites is more then acceptable.

[AMDarkwolf]

this act of letting people sit in lfm request list until they fill is beyond rude, and for the first time in 2+ years, my squelch list is getting use.

I have started to place people on this list if you will let me sit in your lfm until it fills(within reason, if im the last to click and it fills within a minute later, that don't count, but when you got 2 ppl, takes u 45 min to fill, and u don't accept me in that time, even though I 'double checked' i actually DID try to join....)

Seems a new trend, this 'not gonna deny cuz thats hurtful so will just pretend they don't exist' thing. Stop it.

I would ask others who experience that 'let them wait' thing also do the squelch idea, and inside a month see if it makes any difference.

[zex95966]

We aren't talking about blind invites but people who do not hit accept or reject when you request to join a party from a LFM.
Ignoring blind invites is more then acceptable.


mmm well in that case when I am the leader, the reason I decline will probably be obvious. If it says that I'm looking for a healer, I don't wanna get a request from a pure barbarian. Those are the only times I ever reject someone though without explanation (explanation is already in the LFM)

Now on the reverse side, I would like to know sometimes why I get rejected when it's NOT so apparent. I feel like they are looking down on me when that happens - I don't reject anyone unless as I said, the explanation is apparent. If it's not, then I will /tell them.

I mean it can't be that hard to /tell them really.

[MeliCat]

For simple quests I'll wait a minute and if I get no response I'll send the leader a tell something like "I guess that's a 'no' then" which lets them know I have taken this as a decline and are planning or doing other things.

For a raid I realize things can get quite manic with people swapping and checking and the leader trying to construct a group of 12. So the only tell I might send will be related to my build/skill. Eg "not dark no WW, can do roids" and I'll usually just accept it if I don't get in even if I have waited. It's nice though when the leader sends you at least a sorry we filled tell.

[AMDarkwolf]

mmm well in that case when I am the leader, the reason I decline will probably be obvious. If it says that I'm looking for a healer, I don't wanna get a request from a pure barbarian. Those are the only times I ever reject someone though without explanation (explanation is already in the LFM)

Now on the reverse side, I would like to know sometimes why I get rejected when it's NOT so apparent. I feel like they are looking down on me when that happens - I don't reject anyone unless as I said, the explanation is apparent. If it's not, then I will /tell them.

I mean it can't be that hard to /tell them really.

Again its not 'I nerdrage when u deny me' its 'Deny me already, don't let me sit in your 'pending requests' list for 30 min'

[Eilierie]

I've been biting my lip for 3 pages now.....

It seems there's a lot of sensitive [people] on here.

My god, seriously its just a game number one.

Number two if you are going to be getting in a group you can't be [unaware] that it takes several minutes to put things together.

Before everyone does or doesn't jump down my throat for what I've said there are several people who have said something to the effect of "within 30 secs" or "in a minute". My god you sound [very impatient].

Okay, I know that was mostly unnecessary but I had to get it off my chest.

I know from the perspective of someone who puts up LFM's daily and still being fairly noobish I usually ask the people I've already accepted whether or not the person asking to join is a good match for us and this quest. That usually takes a few minutes. I've never left anyone hanging for more then 3 minutes however.

[Empireworld]

Again its not 'I nerdrage when u deny me' its 'Deny me already, don't let me sit in your 'pending requests' list for 30 min'


Yep :) Hopefully they will figure it out. Or Turbine will give us a timer / Accept box.

[biggin]

On the other side of it, when your filling a raid you sometimes are dealing with your own guild, channels, different vents, etc. Sometimes I may still need a DPS slot but don't know if person (x)'s toon is off timer, waiting to finish a raid, and all other types of situations that sometimes require a slower fill. There are also certain guilds I don't trust and I won't fill a raid with just a huge group of pileons unless I have at least 3 or 4 other people I can trust to herd the cats.

Bottom line, I don't hit an LFM and hold my breath until I'm accepted. I grab my ship buffs, get to the quest entrance, if they haven't hit accept by that time I go find something else to do.

[Vikkus]

A timer or an opt out button would be nice.

[zwiebelring]

Screw timers, guys, really, just decline or tell or do! something.

[Ungood]

as others have said, I give around 30 second to a 1 min before I just jump another LFM. sometimes not even that long, if I don't have a good feeling about the group I just clicked join for.

As for when I run an LFM, I try (if I get too distracted I might miss someone) to either accept or decline, and if I decline, I try to send a tell explaining why.

If the group is filling fast, I might just miss someone, and in that case, well they are not waiting more then 30 second to a min anyway before they are declined or accepted.

[danotmano1998]

I've had some interesting experiences pugging.
I put up my LFM and when folks click in, I hit accept.
I don't care what class they are, or if I've partied with them before.
I don't research their DDO pages, scour the forums or consult black lists.

I put up my LFM. I get texts saying "so and so" wants to join. I click accept. When the list fills, we go in. If it's slow filling, we go in after I get nothing for over 2 minutes or so.

This is really easy. I don't understand why so many ppl get dramatic over this!
If I click in to join a group and don't hear anything back for a couple of minutes, I move on.
If I get accepted, I do the quest the best I can.
If I get declined, I move on and do something else.

Why do people spend so much time obsessing over this?
It's not a high school popularity contest. At least, it shouldn't be. It's just some like-minded adventurers banding together to do something that would be difficult or impossible to do alone.