Mom's and DDO

[ArchStriker]

Hey I'm a teen, and I'm wondering, why do moms hate ddo/dnd. My mom married a dnd player, my dad he doesnt play it anymore though. My mom absoultely hates that stuff, such as creativity and refers to it as, join the real world. You know the mom excuse. So who can answer the agelong question. Why do mom's hate dnd?
-ArchStriker

[Uska]

Depends on how much of your time its taking and if its affecting your school I had the same problem with dnd in high school 30 years ago. Make sure you show her your doing fine in school and have other interests.

[KillEveryone]

My mom liked DnD. She actually played it some.

It isn't so much that it is mom, more like how people think.

Some people don't care for the creative side of things and think that the way you are being creative could be better spent with a more traditional form of creativity like playing music or painting while others will encourage that area to develop using whatever means their child enjoys..

[Therigar]

Your mom might be more in tune with the media world and the negative publicity that has been associated with D&D over the years. She might also be more in tune with her hopes for you once you become an adult.

That reflects itself in being the one who seems more interested in your choice of friends and activities. It also sometimes shows in her seeming more interested in your school work and overall success in the things you do.

It may seem annoying but it is probably driven by her genuine love for you.

D&D (and DDO) are not real life. Your mom is correct. You have to show that you are mature enough to know that too. If your priorities are the things that will help you to be a good adult and a productive part of society able to take care of yourself, then you will know how much time you can really afford to spend on DDO.

As Uska says, if your grades are high, your friends are upright, you are staying out of trouble and you are not neglecting social and family interactions -- you should be alright. If not, then your mom probably is right to object.

[Zenako]

mmmm, not every family is like that....my teenager rolls her eyes at Mom and Dad when we get to playing DDO...like today with all the snow shutdowns around here...She is off reading books like Davinci Code and sketching out characters for a book she is helping to illustrate on her snow day, while her folks slog thru Made for Order and Relic...

[7-day_Trial_Monkey]

Hey I'm a teen, and I'm wondering, why do moms hate ddo/dnd. My mom married a dnd player, my dad he doesnt play it anymore though. My mom absoultely hates that stuff, such as creativity and refers to it as, join the real world. You know the mom excuse. So who can answer the agelong question. Why do mom's hate dnd?
-ArchStriker

The comment, join the real world, makes me think it's not just a d&d thing.

I've often met people who have no interest in any type of fiction (book, movie, game) that is not 100% based on reality. They refer to anything else (fantasy, sci fi, etc..) as being solely for little children.

[Hecate100]

Not all moms are like that. I love DDO and my kids play it too. They have to do their homework first, though.

[Mr_Tank]

Hey I'm a teen, and I'm wondering, why do moms hate ddo/dnd. My mom married a dnd player, my dad he doesnt play it anymore though. My mom absoultely hates that stuff, such as creativity and refers to it as, join the real world. You know the mom excuse. So who can answer the agelong question. Why do mom's hate dnd?
-ArchStriker

She saw this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHdXG2gV01k

[DrenglisEU]

For me DDO, PnP has always been a counterweight for my proffession where facts are the only thing that matter.

[S1gma]

I'm a Dad and sometimes feel like perhaps your Mom does. For me it is a matter of time management. First things must come first. My son is a little younger and sometimes we have to put the foot down and pull him away from Wizards 101 because his homework isn't done. Homework, chores, family time (ie dinner together), extracurriculars (soccer, piano, whatever), friends. ALL of that needs to be healthy and complete before time should be spent on something that is, after all, a game. I end up playing once a week for about four hours. I'm jealous of everyone I see leveling up faster than I am, but I cannot spend more time because of my other obligations. If you fulfill your obligations (to your Mom's expectations, not yours) then perhaps what you do in your free time will be less of an issue.

Good luck.

[Ryan220]

Not all moms are like that. I love DDO and my kids play it too. They have to do their homework first, though.

I wish I'd married you!

Instead I married a bitter and twisted PC and man hating control freak who still doesnt understand why I cant 'pause' DDO



To the OP - choose your wife cafefully or you'll end up in the same boat when you're older

[Nysrock]

She probably was made to read this when growing up. http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp I know my buddies parents had the priest give them this. I'm glad to say that reason won out though and he still plays to this day. :)

[Demeron]

Hey, me and my Wife we both play DDO our oldest Son plays too somtimes. Simpel Rule is RL first so Homwork and stuff.............what make me more scared is that he Like WOW more..............

[cpito]

A Mom here and I love DDO and PnP.

I think it has less to do with hating DDO/DnD and more to do with simply not knowing squat about it and therefor understanding even less. Unfortunately, the only time DDO/DnD/mmorgp's in general are ever given news time is when it is relation to something bad. You'll likely not be seeing Katie Couric talking about the benefits of social gaming anytime soon.

[Zigana]

Not all moms feel the same! My son is a huge gamer--just like me and my husband! We all have our own computers and play a variety of games, and each have our own DDO accounts. While he still has chores and homework and what not to do every day, he is pretty much allowed to spend his free time doing what ever he likes, which often times includes playing DDO. I think the key to it is, he also makes sure he hangs out with his friends playing non-console/computer games as well as hanging out with the rest of the family, doing dinner and family night, etc. As long as there's some balance in there and it's not 100% gaming, I'm happy to let him enjoy it during the times he wants to.

[Jiirix]

My mom asked the school’s psychotherapist what was wrong with me when my friends and I started to play D&D at the age of eleven. Our boyscout leader was only 4 years older than us and we had some unforgettable adventures at the campfire or on rainy afternoons in the attic. He was a great dungeon master and was keen on surprising us with scary sound effects and riddles. But most of the time we were doing the normal scouts stuff, lots of healthy hours in the nature. I earned my pocket money doing paper routs and had mostly B+ at school. I was even doing altar services at church to please my parents and won some major cubs with the team I was in. Didn’t help, my mom hates D&D…mercilessly. Reading books for days - OK, watching TV all evening, OK, playing some racing games at the PC – OK. That are things normal boys do. BUT NOT THAT UNORMAL THING I DON’T UNDERSTAND WITH WITCHES, MONSTERS AND FANTASY. We don’t have a strange boy… so you won’t play strange games, what will the neighbours say. (actually other moms brought us pancakes when we played in their attic/ basement) Someday we were to old for the boyscouts and my friends started playing shooters and I went on with Baldur’s Gate, cause I like it more then “HEADSHOT”.

Now I have my first job after finishing university, earn good money, have a new car, a nice condo downtown, a big flatscreen and a lovely girlfriend that hates D&D. Beat me, I can’t say why. She is sitting in front of our new TV every evening and gets angry when I play D&D twice a week. I am allowed to play once a week and when she is not at home. I guess it’s the same problem like my mom’s. It doesn’t fit into the picture of the representable son/ husband. My mom don’t want the neighbours to say I was playing spooky things and my girlfriend don’t want her girlfriends to say I was a nerd. I am at the gym twice a week, choose my clothes carefully and don’t eat fastfood at all. But fantasy games are a nerdy thing in their opinnion and even the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter hype didn’t change that. I am a nerd then for gods sake, but a sporty, handsome and happy one. Cause D&D is happiness for me and was from the beginning. It’s not the only thing I am enjoying, but one I don’t wana miss ever.

[Geodude07]

My mom asked the school’s psychotherapist what was wrong with me when my friends and I started to play D&D at the age of eleven. Our boyscout leader was only 4 years older than us and we had some unforgettable adventures at the campfire or on rainy afternoons in the attic. He was a great dungeon master and was keen on surprising us with scary sound effects and riddles. But most of the time we were doing the normal scouts stuff, lots of healthy hours in the nature. I earned my pocket money doing paper routs and had mostly B+ at school. I was even doing altar services at church to please my parents and won some major cubs with the team I was in. Didn’t help, my mom hates D&D…mercilessly. Reading books for days - OK, watching TV all evening, OK, playing some racing games at the PC – OK. That are things normal boys do. BUT NOT THAT UNORMAL THING I DON’T UNDERSTAND WITH WITCHES, MONSTERS AND FANTASY. We don’t have a strange boy… so you won’t play strange games, what will the neighbours say. (actually other moms brought us pancakes when we played in their attic/ basement) Someday we were to old for the boyscouts and my friends started playing shooters and I went on with Baldur’s Gate, cause I like it more then “HEADSHOT”.

Now I have my first job after finishing university, earn good money, have a new car, a nice condo downtown, a big flatscreen and a lovely girlfriend that hates D&D. Beat me, I can’t say why. She is sitting in front of our new TV every evening and gets angry when I play D&D twice a week. I am allowed to play once a week and when she is not at home. I guess it’s the same problem like my mom’s. It doesn’t fit into the picture of the representable son/ husband. My mom don’t want the neighbours to say I was playing spooky things and my girlfriend don’t want her girlfriends to say I was a nerd. I am at the gym twice a week, choose my clothes carefully and don’t eat fastfood at all. But fantasy games are a nerdy thing in their opinnion and even the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter hype didn’t change that. I am a nerd then for gods sake, but a sporty, handsome and happy one. Cause D&D is happiness for me and was from the beginning. It’s not the only thing I am enjoying, but one that I don’t wana miss ever.

I just finished writing a paper on abuse males get in relationships and man did I pick the wrong forum topic to read after that. I cant help but be like "you should be able to do what you enjoy and compromise!" or her getting angry over you doing something you like could be abuse! but thats just because I have just been reading about how a bunch of things like that built up can mean abuse.....but you sound like you have something good.

anyways the trouble is so many people think DnD isnt just for nerds but is for losers. They think its some weird sex satanic thing. The annoying part is they never try it or look at it and forget you may be fit as a fiddle. While I wouldnt say that going to the gym twice a week is "sporty" it is healthy. (If you go out and play sports games with your buddies then I would say that is sporty but thats just me nitpicking because I hold those definitions rather sperate) You sound quite healthy though and fit and like any normal human being you like more than a generic loadout of expected things.

The problem is people are always so ready to accept other peoples ignorance instead of actually teach/learn or defend something. Your girlfriend should actually look at what DnD is and defend it, instead of letting her friends ignorance and assumption that it is nerdy take hold. Plenty of "cool" people play Dnd because it is about imagination, worlds and the mind. It is the oldest form of entertainment just packaged in a different way. Some people will play odd games, but others will play ones that are rich in story and development.

Balance is still the most important thing in life...

[dunklezhan]

My son's mom doesn't hate DnD, she goes and plays with our friends every wednesday.

My son's dad doesn't hate DDO, he plays it daily except on wednesdays when our other friends come round and we play tabletop Shadowrun.

Yeah, my son's parents are pretty **** cool.

[Philibusta]

Hey, me and my Wife we both play DDO our oldest Son plays too somtimes. Simpel Rule is RL first so Homwork and stuff.............what make me more scared is that he Like WOW more..............

"Do your English homework first, son, or your DDO forum posts might end up looking like...mine..."

......

....I can't be the only one that sees the irony there.

[Jiirix]

I just finished writing a paper on abuse males get in relationships and man did I pick the wrong forum topic to read after that. I cant help but be like "you should be able to do what you enjoy and compromise!" or her getting angry over you doing something you like could be abuse! but thats just because I have just been reading about how a bunch of things like that built up can mean abuse.....but you sound like you have something good.

anyways the trouble is so many people think DnD isnt just for nerds but is for losers. They think its some weird sex satanic thing. The annoying part is they never try it or look at it and forget you may be fit as a fiddle. While I wouldnt say that going to the gym twice a week is "sporty" it is healthy. (If you go out and play sports games with your buddies then I would say that is sporty but thats just me nitpicking because I hold those definitions rather sperate) You sound quite healthy though and fit and like any normal human being you like more than a generic loadout of expected things.

The problem is people are always so ready to accept other peoples ignorance instead of actually teach/learn or defend something. Your girlfriend should actually look at what DnD is and defend it, instead of letting her friends ignorance and assumption that it is nerdy take hold. Plenty of "cool" people play Dnd because it is about imagination, worlds and the mind. It is the oldest form of entertainment just packaged in a different way. Some people will play odd games, but others will play ones that are rich in story and development.

Balance is still the most important thing in life...

Sporty/healthy: I We just moved here, haven't found a new team jet

Nerd/ Looser: You are right, nerd is still to positiv, it's looser :)

Abuse: I think it’s not intentionally most of the time. “Thou shalt have a better…” That’s the intention of most moms. And my girlfriend is using the same tricks on me again. She pretends to protect me form bad influences. If I would start smoking she would make the same face she does when I game. And I can’t prove her wrong, cause we both know enough people who had a serious problem with MMOs. And so does her friends. Explaining doesn’t help, I tried.

Balance: That you are happy with your life is the most important thing in life for me. If you life a happy but imbalanced life, that's OK for me. Most science is done by imbalanced people scarifying most of their time for one big question. But that’s how the big questions are answered. I prefer my job with good work/life balance, but everybody is different. Concentration on something you can’t make your living with is bad. Like gaming all day but not studying game design in order to get paid for your passion one day. Better let gamers do the job, those marketing people will only do an other dungeon siege…doh.

[bryanmeerkat]

She is sitting in front of our new TV every evening and gets angry when I play D&D twice a week. I am allowed to play once a week and when she is not at home. My girlfriend don’t want her girlfriends to say I was a nerd. I am at the gym twice a week, choose my clothes carefully and don’t eat fastfood at all. But fantasy games are a nerdy thing in their opinnion and even the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter hype didn’t change that. I am a nerd then for gods sake, but a sporty, handsome and happy one. Cause D&D is happiness for me and was from the beginning. It’s not the only thing I am enjoying, but one I don’t wana miss ever.

Well she sounds like a keeper !

[Nysrock]

Well my wife HATES D&D, DDO and any other games I could name. I started playing MMO's back when Ultima Online first came out and she hated me playing that too. Finally after many years of hearing her complain I found the solution. She started getting interested in scrapbooking and stampin-up so I built her a craft room. Now she spends so much time and money in there that she no longer complains about my time spent playing DDO. :D

And for any old school gamers, how many of you played these games back in the day?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4c/Pool_of_Radiance_Coverart.png/250px-Pool_of_Radiance_Coverart.png

http://www.mobygames.com/images/covers/large/977984754-00.jpg

[twix]

My parents were never big into fantasy or video games or anything of the kind but were always supportive of what i enjoyed doing. They even bought me 4 or 5 PnP books one Christmas and those arent cheap. I also was quite the juvenile delinquent as a kid so im guessing they were ready to support anything i wanted to do as long as it didnt involve them picking me up from the police station or getting kicked out of yet another school :D lol

I guess what im trying to say is you could definitely have a worse interest and your mom should be happy that you found something you enjoy. Of course if you spend every waking minute playing ddo i can understand a parent not liking the game much.

[Phidius]

... Now I have my first job after finishing university, earn good money, have a new car, a nice condo downtown, a big flatscreen and a lovely girlfriend that hates D&D. Beat me, I can’t say why. She is sitting in front of our new TV every evening and gets angry when I play D&D twice a week. I am allowed to play once a week and when she is not at home. I guess it’s the same problem like my mom’s. It doesn’t fit into the picture of the representable son/ husband. My mom don’t want the neighbours to say I was playing spooky things and my girlfriend don’t want her girlfriends to say I was a nerd. I am at the gym twice a week, choose my clothes carefully and don’t eat fastfood at all. But fantasy games are a nerdy thing in their opinnion and even the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter hype didn’t change that. I am a nerd then for gods sake, but a sporty, handsome and happy one. Cause D&D is happiness for me and was from the beginning. It’s not the only thing I am enjoying, but one I don’t wana miss ever.

Run. Tail between your legs if you have to, but run.

[PNellesen]

Of course if you spend every waking minute playing ddo i can understand a parent not liking the game much.

Yeah - it's really, really easy to get sucked into a game like DDO, no matter what age you are. If that's the case in the OP's situation, then Mom is probably just (understandably) worried that it's all he/she's doing. If OP has other interests (sports/music/something) and grades are ok, then he/she might want to point that out to Mom (in a non-smart-a** manner, of course ;) )

[Wrendd]

One thing you migt consider is having your mom sit with you at the computer while you run a few quests with your guildies/friends. If she can see what the game is about (basicly) and the type of people you are hanging out with, that might ease her fears a bit. But, before you do this, make sure the people that you are going to "bring home to mom" are the type of people that you WANT to meet your mom.

Avoid the guys that go off on a profanity laden rant when someone pulls the boss early and also avoid the person who makes crude jokes (no matter how funny you might find them). Even if they are good people that you run with often you might want to introduce your mother to a more "normal" sort of person on the game. I would also suggest that you inform the people that you will be grouping with of the situation so they can moderate their language if necessary.

If the group that you usually run with is cool with it, you might even have them speak directly to your mother, either on voice chat or just in text. Hopefully, once she knows that you are not doing anything but hanging out with some friends on a video game she will calm down a bit.

BUT, you also have to do what several people above have suggested. Make sure you live a balanced life, be sociable, active in other areas, get the best grades that you can, and show that you are developing into the sort of person that your parents are assisting you to become.

One other thing that has crossed my mind... does your mother object because it is D&D, because it is On-Line?, because it offends her religious views? or is it a combination of all of this? It is also possible that she will never "like" what you are doing and the best that you can hope for is a minimal level of tolerance for your hobby. I hope that is not the way it works out, but in some cases that is the best you can hope for.

Good luck.

[unionyes]

I'm not a mom, although I am a dad (with five kids, so an expert at least in quantity of parenting if not quality).

A big part of growing up, and an important part, is to rebel against your parents. It's natural to want to forge your own way, and as you reach the age where you start to make more of your own choices, you will naturally start to choose differently than your parents.

Just as naturally, your parents will want to influence those choices because they want what is best for you.

For the most part, the actual things being decided aren't the issue (with some exceptions, like drugs, drinking excessively, gang activity) but the pushing of boundaries is.

On one of my daughter's hockey teams, there is a kid who has a mom who doesn't support his hockey playing, and would rather he play the violin more. Also on that same team is a kid who plays hockey to fulfill a parental 'sport requirement' and would rather be playing and composing on his piano. Both kids parents are full of statistics and studies about why music/sport is more important to a kids development than sport/music.

Basically, your Mom hates DDO at least in part because she thinks you can be doing better things with your time. You probably like DDO, at least in part, because when you play it you are taking control of your time and your life in some fashion.

When it seems like you can't handle it any more because she is hassling you about playing DDO, just remember it's far better than if she were to say she didn't care because when you are 18 you're out the door.

[ArchStriker]

Run. Tail between your legs if you have to, but run.

Hey Phidius....Y O U D I D N ' T R E P L Y T O M Y F R I E N D R E Q U E S T ! ! ! ! L O L

[cdbd3rd]

My mom liked DnD. She actually played it some...

Same here. Homework was never an issue as it was done before I even got home. (We had these cool things called "Study halls" back in my day, when there was a class period set aside for doing - now just imagine this - Homework.) :) But yeah. When our group had special games, like on someone's birthday, or school holidays, she'd fix homemade taco's or something that helped make game days/weekends even better.



Hey, me and my Wife we both play DDO our oldest Son plays too sometimes. Simpel Rule is RL first so Homework and stuff.............what make me more scared is that he Like WOW more..............

So true. Schoolwork and chores first. Then game on.
Sadly, my boy has also been drawn in by the dark side. His friends went, then so did he. Walked away from both DDO and LOTRO. :(
So I make his mother pay pay for the WoW stuff. My C'cards are still set for the Turbine ones, trying to 'persuade' him back to the light. :)



Now I have my first job after finishing university, earn good money, have a new car, a nice condo downtown, a big flatscreen and a lovely girlfriend that hates D&D.....

Not meaning to over-simplify by my cropping, but the key word there is "girlfriend". Take the warning signs to heart. If it is truly your car/condo/TV, remind her where the door is next time she gets 'difficult'. What she has to offer you at this point is available elsewhere, from more open-minded girls.


Run. Tail between your legs if you have to, but run.

(See previous.) No, don't run. Point. ;)

************


OP: Some folks are simply raised to hate the game, biased by what has been told to them as they grew up. Gonna take some work, but work with mom showing her that you can handle responsibility and gaming. Is easier with PnP gaming where it has more tangible benefit (Socializing / math & literacy skills / etc).
Parent(s) absolutely will notice if you make an effort to assure all homework & chores are completed before you dive into a game, even if they don't say it out loud. Be patient and shelf the 'teen attitude' when confronted, and you'll see a change. I'd bet on it.

.

[Resindog]

She probably was made to read this when growing up. http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp I know my buddies parents had the priest give them this. I'm glad to say that reason won out though and he still plays to this day. :)

Ahhh yes, I remember these. I loved arguing with the nutty anti D & D/heavy metal PMRC freaks back in my early teens. Even when I was 13 I never could understand how someone could make it to middle age without understanding what context and irony were.

[Robi3.0]

She probably was made to read this when growing up. http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp I know my buddies parents had the priest give them this. I'm glad to say that reason won out though and he still plays to this day. :)

I think the most telling thing about your link is the preacher looks like David Hasslehoff if David Hasslehoff were a child molester.