Things a Medic hears

[Wrendd]

I am a little bored here at work today, so I thought I would pass the time by relating a couple things that I have heard while working as a medic.

Let me first give a little background. I have been a paramedic for about 13 years, I was trained in Daytona Beach FL, worked for 10 years in Charlotte NC at MEDIC, and then worked for almost 3 years in Pinellas County FL (Sunstar). Both Charlotte and Pinellas County (which includes St. Petersburg and Clearwater, among others) are very busy systems with a wide range of patients.

Recently I accepted a job as a private contract paramedic and am currently in Tikrit, Iraq at COB Speicher. I now do mainly occupational injuries and illnesses, which is a far cry from being a street medic in a major urban center. The temperature here is only 117 today (44ish centigrade) which is actually not as bad as it has been. It has hit 140 here, which is pretty extreme.

Today at the clinic a person had the complaint of (and I am NOT making this **** up): "I almost got bit by a mouse" It was all I could do to not burst out laughing. Several loud "guffaws" were heard from one of the other rooms here, but no one will fess up to it. I am still unsure of what medical treatment he thought he needed for "almost" being bitten by a mouse. I would have expected the average person who accepts a job in IRAQ of all places to be prepared to deal with a little hardship, but apparently I was mistaken.

Many years ago I was working the night shift in Charlotte. at around 0300 (3am for you non-military time keeping folks) we were called out for a general illness. Normally we refer to these types of calls as "Basic Service" or BS (yes, that kind of BS). We found a 35 year old male in bed with the the chief complaint of (and I quote): "Every time I lay down to go to sleep I feel like I am lapsing into unconsciousness". This tool actually insisted on being transported to the hospital, and medics n most areas are not allowed to refuse transport to anyone that requests it, for any reason. We tried to explain to him that sleep was natural, and something GOOD. I think my exact words were along the lines of "You are 35 years old... PLEASE tell me you have gone to sleep before NOW!" When we got to the hospital and gave the RN the report she just looked at me like I was crazy, to which I replied "I could not make this **** up if I tried".

Another one... again, aout 0300. Called for a pregnency emergency. Most Pregnency emergencies are Basic Service calls (I think you are catching on now), and this one was better than most. we found a woman standing at the corner of the road, she was obviously preggo and had 2 suitcases and a bag with her.. We pulled up and asked why she called. She responded "I need to get downtown and taxi cabs don't take medicare" "hmmmm....ummmm...uhhhh..ok m'am, just step up into the ambulance". She gave us name of Betty SMith or some such, an address that did not exist and requested transport to the downtown hosptal (Carolinas Medical Center). I am 99.999% positive that everything she told us about herself was a lie. When we got to the hospital she jumped out, walked in the triage doors, by the time we grabbed out computer and followed her in, she was exiting out the front doors and walking to the road, where a car was waiting for her. Those are your tax dollars hard at work.. an ambulance ride starts at around $350 and goes up from there...

If anyone is interested I can go on for hours, so let me know if you want some more :)

[Eladiun]

Yes please

[biggin]

Absolutely.

[Chris79]

One story I heard once whilst I was at work - apparently this patient below was taken to a hospital that doesn't do obstetrics.

Paramedics bring in a lady 'with abdominal pains' fairly straightforward....

Triage takes the handover...

Abdominal pains in a band across the abdomen......describes as 'tightening'.... every 2 minutes
Also patient states has been getting abdominal swelling for last 8 months
Also not had a period for same amount of time....
But she is not pregnant bcos she says she isn't...

*sigh*

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

I am a little bored here at work today, so I thought I would pass the time by relating a couple things that I have heard while working as a medic.

Let me first give a little background. I have been a paramedic for about 13 years, I was trained in Daytona Beach FL, worked for 10 years in Charlotte NC at MEDIC, and then worked for almost 3 years in Pinellas County FL (Sunstar). Both Charlotte and Pinellas County (which includes St. Petersburg and Clearwater, among others) are very busy systems with a wide range of patients.

Recently I accepted a job as a private contract paramedic and am currently in Tikrit, Iraq at COB Speicher. I now do mainly occupational injuries and illnesses, which is a far cry from being a street medic in a major urban center. The temperature here is only 117 today (44ish centigrade) which is actually not as bad as it has been. It has hit 140 here, which is pretty extreme.

Today at the clinic a person had the complaint of (and I am NOT making this **** up): "I almost got bit by a mouse" It was all I could do to not burst out laughing. Several loud "guffaws" were heard from one of the other rooms here, but no one will fess up to it. I am still unsure of what medical treatment he thought he needed for "almost" being bitten by a mouse. I would have expected the average person who accepts a job in IRAQ of all places to be prepared to deal with a little hardship, but apparently I was mistaken.

Many years ago I was working the night shift in Charlotte. at around 0300 (3am for you non-military time keeping folks) we were called out for a general illness. Normally we refer to these types of calls as "Basic Service" or BS (yes, that kind of BS). We found a 35 year old male in bed with the the chief complaint of (and I quote): "Every time I lay down to go to sleep I feel like I am lapsing into unconsciousness". This tool actually insisted on being transported to the hospital, and medics n most areas are not allowed to refuse transport to anyone that requests it, for any reason. We tried to explain to him that sleep was natural, and something GOOD. I think my exact words were along the lines of "You are 35 years old... PLEASE tell me you have gone to sleep before NOW!" When we got to the hospital and gave the RN the report she just looked at me like I was crazy, to which I replied "I could not make this **** up if I tried".

Another one... again, aout 0300. Called for a pregnency emergency. Most Pregnency emergencies are Basic Service calls (I think you are catching on now), and this one was better than most. we found a woman standing at the corner of the road, she was obviously preggo and had 2 suitcases and a bag with her.. We pulled up and asked why she called. She responded "I need to get downtown and taxi cabs don't take medicare" "hmmmm....ummmm...uhhhh..ok m'am, just step up into the ambulance". She gave us name of Betty SMith or some such, an address that did not exist and requested transport to the downtown hosptal (Carolinas Medical Center). I am 99.999% positive that everything she told us about herself was a lie. When we got to the hospital she jumped out, walked in the triage doors, by the time we grabbed out computer and followed her in, she was exiting out the front doors and walking to the road, where a car was waiting for her. Those are your tax dollars hard at work.. an ambulance ride starts at around $350 and goes up from there...

If anyone is interested I can go on for hours, so let me know if you want some more :)

All I can say to this is tell me about it. I am an ER doc in Boston and quite familiar with the types of people you describe. I think every Emergency Department in every hospital ought to redo their signs to bold and underline the word "Emergency and Trauma." Someone gets a sniffle on a Sunday, they go to the ER. They get a boo boo on their knee, they come to the ER. I literally had this pathetic woman yell at me because she was not being treated fast enough. Apparently her "back pain" (drug seeker) was far more important than the two teenage boys who decided to shoot each other over god knows what.

I hate having to make people wait who are there for legitimate reasons due to the rediculous behavior of some people. Like you, we do not get to turn people away. We can fast track them but they still get our time.

I do love my job. For every a*hole that wastes our time, there will be someone who desperately needs us. That is why I go to work. I must say though that it is far nicer now that I am no longer a resident.. I am not always given those patients with bizarre items that they, ehem, claim to have "fallen on" :p

[taurean430]

One of my favorite patients ever was the 19 year old woman who was triaged for 'abdominal pain.'

Since this is a frontline medical discussion, in my time insofar as an ER nurse, this usually translates to the aforementioned 'Basic Service' situation. To all of our amusement, this one was not the case. So, here is this lady complaining of abdominal cramping and accompanied by weight gain and lower extremity swelling which has gotten worse with time. Suffice to say, 0.5 seconds into her exam, the doctor and I look at each other and chuckle. We noticed the same thing at the same time... this lady was crowning.

We try to explain to her that she's been pregnant, and is now delivering a baby. She screams at an ungodly volume that filled the entire ER, "... I'm not pregnant!" Needless to say, we prep her as best we could, (she refused any and all medications yet demanded immediate treatment). Within 5mins, we have her ready for the event and I am standing there facepalming because this lady swears in that same obnoxious/loud/angry voice that she is not pregnant and refuses to push or contract. I start to walk out of the room with the doc to forumlate a game plan when it hits me...

So, I turn to her and say in my most loud and obnoxious tone, " Yes, you are pregnant!" To which she rears up and continues to exclaim that she isn't. This went on for about 10 mins or so while she delivered a healthy baby boy. She wouldn't even look at the child, and swore we were trying to trick her.

In a nutshell, people are crazy. But I'll never forget her red faced visage yelling at me while bringing a really unfortunate kid into the world, lol.

By far though the strangest case I've been part of so far was the cowboy... Now that was some mess right there. I'll continue if the story is interesting.

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

One of my favorite patients ever was the 19 year old woman who was triaged for 'abdominal pain.'

Since this is a frontline medical discussion, in my time insofar as an ER nurse, this usually translates to the aforementioned 'Basic Service' situation. To all of our amusement, this one was not the case. So, here is this lady complaining of abdominal cramping and accompanied by weight gain and lower extremity swelling which has gotten worse with time. Suffice to say, 0.5 seconds into her exam, the doctor and I look at each other and chuckle. We noticed the same thing at the same time... this lady was crowning.

We try to explain to her that she's been pregnant, and is now delivering a baby. She screams at an ungodly volume that filled the entire ER, "... I'm not pregnant!" Needless to say, we prep her as best we could, (she refused any and all medications yet demanded immediate treatment). Within 5mins, we have her ready for the event and I am standing there facepalming because this lady swears in that same obnoxious/loud/angry voice that she is not pregnant and refuses to push or contract. I start to walk out of the room with the doc to forumlate a game plan when it hits me...

So, I turn to her and say in my most loud and obnoxious tone, " Yes, you are pregnant!" To which she rears up and continues to exclaim that she isn't. This went on for about 10 mins or so while she delivered a healthy baby boy. She wouldn't even look at the child, and swore we were trying to trick her.

In a nutshell, people are crazy. But I'll never forget her red faced visage yelling at me while bringing a really unfortunate kid into the world, lol.

By far though the strangest case I've been part of so far was the cowboy... Now that was some mess right there. I'll continue if the story is interesting.

Oh, did he "somehow" choke himself with a lasso? lol

[taurean430]

All I can say to this is tell me about it. I am an ER doc in Boston and quite familiar with the types of people you describe. I think every Emergency Department in every hospital ought to redo their signs to bold and underline the word "Emergency and Trauma." Someone gets a sniffle on a Sunday, they go to the ER. They get a boo boo on their knee, they come to the ER. I literally had this pathetic woman yell at me because she was not being treated fast enough. Apparently her "back pain" (drug seeker) was far more important than the two teenage boys who decided to shoot each other over god knows what.

I hate having to make people wait who are there for legitimate reasons due to the rediculous behavior of some people. Like you, we do not get to turn people away. We can fast track them but they still get our time.

I do love my job. For every a*hole that wastes our time, there will be someone who desperately needs us. That is why I go to work. I must say though that it is far nicer now that I am no longer a resident.. I am not always given those patients with bizarre items that they, ehem, claim to have "fallen on" :p

Did they 'fall' onto a potato, cucumber, or carrot?

Our personal best was a Helman's Mayonaise Jar (6oz). Not only did I not know they made them in that size, we had an interesting discussion whilst checking out the initial x-rays. ;)

[systemstate]

By far though the strangest case I've been part of so far was the cowboy... Now that was some mess right there. I'll continue if the story is interesting.

Dude. Seriously? You can't finish a post with something like that and just leave us hanging! For god's sake, spill it man!

[taurean430]

Oh, did he "somehow" choke himself with a lasso? lol

Not exactly...

When I was still a tech, I worked in this very slow paced level 2 facility. It was located right next to a rather large and popular retirement community. Needless to say, not much happened that was exciting past priapism (haha viagra) and bumps/scrapes.

One night, while we were bored to tears, (we had one patient who was there basically for no medical reason), a co-worker and I step out into the ambulance bay to have a smoke. Now the door is coded, so there is no way into that area without passing through the main floor or using the touchpad. But here is this guy standing in front of the door at a distance. He says nothing. Needless to say, curiosity got the best of us and we walked up to him to find out why he was there. As we are getting closer, we notice he's swaying back and forth. It was really creepy...

Long story short, we get to him and he's obviously cyanotic. He says, " I think I need some help..." and goes down. We coded him right there. As I later learned, we lost him a couple of days later in the ICU. But no one could figure out how in the heck he got there to begin with. The rest of the time I was employed there, I checked that door twice an hour out of sheer paranoia.

[Wrendd]

My old partner and I actually assigned a name to this call: "The Comedy of errors" so that should let you know up front what this is about.

This turned out to be a lot longer than I was expecting, so be prepared to read a bit, but I think this was one of the most amusing things I have ever seen on a call (I have a warped sense of humor, as most medics do). Also, there are several medical terms in here and I have attempted to clarify as much as I can.


Call was for (I think) a "Heart Problem" at an assisted living facility, 74ish male, pale, cool and diaphoretic (sweaty). Lights and sirens on, running to the call after not getting our food from McDonalds (again). We went to the wrong building at the facility, we went to the skilled nursing side but quickly realized our mistake and went to the right building. Happens occasionally, no big deal. Pt was sitting on the side of his bed and he was about as pale as anyone I have EVER seen, almost as whilte as casper the ghost. He is VERY wet from sweating and it is cool in the room (this is diaphoresis, it is a sign of poor perfusion, or early shock). His Blood Pressure (BP) sucked, but I do not remember what it was. Heart rate was 160. Normal rate shold be 60-100 with 80 the average. 160 is bad, but not quite yet BAD BAD. On the EKG he is in a rhythm of atrial fibrilation, that means that the top 2 chambers of his heart (atria) are quivering like jello and not pumping blood into the lower parts (ventricles). This is a common occurance with the elderly. The problem here is that this pt has no history (Hx) of a-fib and is not currently medicated for it.

Since the top of his heart is not pumping effectively that means the blood in the atria is not flowing well, and when blood sits still it tends to clot... clots in the heart are BAD MOJO. if that clot moves from its relatively safe spot in the atria to somewhere else.. if it lands in another part of his heart it is a heart attack, in the brain it is a stroke and in the lungs in is a pulmonary embolus (PE). all 3 of these can be life threatening.

While we are examining him we notice that his heart rate has converted on its own to NSR (Normal Sinus Rhythm, what it should be). This is good.. but it also means that our possible clot might now be on its way somewhere BAD. My partner looks at me and he points at the side of the EKG where we keep our de-fib pads (the shock paddles you see in the movies, but we now use sticky pads that stay on the pt instead of paddles you have to hold on them). While I am getting them ready my partner is asking this guy what hospital he wants to go to.. the converstaion goes kinda like this.. "WHat hospital do you prefer sir?" "I really don't want to go to the hospital" "I know, I don't like hospitals much either, but sometimes you need to go, and right now you REALLY need to go", "but I don't want to go to a hospital" (at this point we just pick him up and put him on our stretcher, he is going whether he realizes it or not), "you NEED to go", "But I don't WANT to go", but you need to go NOW, not later, NOW", but I don't want to to to the............" insert REALLY REALLY bad heart rhythm here.

The pt went into V-Fib, which is the 2nd worst heart rhythm there is, this is the one you shock (as opposed to movies, you DO NOT shock a flat line). The pads are already on the pt, so I charge the EKG to 150J (we use bi-phasic electricty on our monitors if any other medics are reading this they wll know what I mean). I say "CLEAR".. the fireman on scene with us (there are 5) has a death grip on the stretcher..."CLEAR".. still holding onto the metal...."CLEAR!!!". my partner has to almost pry the rookies hand off the stretcher.. and ZAP. we shock the patient. (prior to the shock, in V-Fib a pt has no pulse and no respirations, that is clinical death, so this guy just died)

In 13 years as a medic this is the one and only time I have seen this, but I swear on my soul it happened.. The pt raised up and in a shaky voice says "W...WHh... What happened?" I looked right at him and said "Your heart stopped... but it's working now". At this point the fire captain (who I thought had been around a while" looks at my partner and says "Is he sick?" .........my partner replies "He was dead 30 seconds ago, you don't get much sicker". so we load this poor guy into the ambulance and have 1 fireman in the back with us in case the defication hits the oscilation, and we have a fireman drive the ambulance to the hospital.

We have now been in route for about 5-7 minutes, we are very busy, but the dude is still talking to us.. the fireman driving says "Uh guys.. I'm lost". My partner turns halfway to him (and you really should have seen the look on his face" and says "you're WHAT?!?" we look out the back window and see the Charlotte skyline getting smaller... the driver went the wrong way on the interstate.

So we get him turned around and we are hauling a$$. We call this "high flow diesel" or a "dielsel bolus". Our pt is currently sporting a heart rate of 24. This is BAD. the rhythm is called idioventricular, which is basicly a dying heart rhythm. the pt is currently CTD (Circling The Drain) but is conscious, alert and talking to us saying he feels fine, his BP is something like 122/60 which is absolutely INSANE considering his rhythm. umm..ok... lets just haul butt and not mess with him.. anything we do might kill him, but put your game face on and be ready.

We arrive at the hospital and take him inside to the critical room and all the craziness begins. MDs and RNs doing a lot of the same stuff we did, asking the same questions and this little old man looking completely normal with a really bad heart rate/rhythm. So we leave the main treatment room and work on our report. We finish up and are walking out the big double doors back to the ambulance. A Cardiologist sticks his head out of the main room and says "HEY! Medic, was this guy really in V-Fib?" Without turning around my partner replies:

"Nah doc, we lit him up just for the hell of it"

[taurean430]

Oh, I forgot to mention about that guy. Yeah, cowboy hat, spurs, chaps, and loaded .45 pistol on his hip. Very creepy.

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

Oh, I forgot to mention about that guy. Yeah, cowboy hat, spurs, chaps, and loaded .45 pistol on his hip. Very creepy.

Nothing like weirdos showing up int he middle of the night.

[Wrendd]

We responded to a multi-vehicle MVC (Motor Vehicle Collision) with ejections and entrapment. That means that at least 1 person was thrown out of the vehicle and another was stuck in a vehicle and would require extrication. That always makes fireman happy to hear, because they get to play with all their toys, like the "jaws of life" and saws-alls. Most fireman are proud to say that nothing in this world is "fireman proof" and that they can tear apart just about anything if allowed to do so.

We get on scene, I think we were the third or fourth ambulance. Lots of wreckage, could not really even decide which car was which or what they actually were before the wreck. We are directed to our pt by scene command. It is a early 20s male. he is on a backboard with c-collar in place (c-collar holds your neck still and along with the backboard is to keep someone with a possible neck or back injury from causing additional damage by moving/being moved). His clothing has been cut away and is underneath him on the backboard. He has a bruise to hi abdomen, which may or may not be bad. As it stands he is still considered a "priority 1" due to a death in the vehicle he was riding in, possible blunt force to his abdomen and because he had to be extricated. But he appears to be fine and his vital signs are good. A cop comes up to us and gives us th pt's wallet, saying "I got this out of his back pocket, make sure you keep it with him". So we do.

We put him in the truck and start heading to the Hospital. We start IVs, examine him from head to toe, EKG and all that jazz... he is fine so far. Quiet but polite and more than a little shaken up. We do not tell him that his friend in the car with him is DOA. That is someone elses job and I do not want to get involved in that. We have an uneventful ride to the hospital and turn over pt care with no incident. Our only concern, which is mirrored by the docs is his stomach, which may turn out to be an issue but was stable for the 10 minutes I was with him.

About 5 hours later, at our end of shift, we are called into the supervisors office. We are asked if we searched the pt before we transported him. I said no, the pt was already exposed and secured to the backboard by fire and our field supervisor, we recieved their verbal report and continued on with a focused exam but did not search his clothing. We were then asked about the pts wallet. I informed our supervisor that the wallet was handed from PD to me and that I then handed the wallet to the pt and he held on to it for the entire ride to the hospital. I was then informed that we were supposed to search his clothing. I told them that I am not a cop (anymore) and that the pt was already exposed and there was no reason for me to search his belongings. Apparently when they got the pt to the operaating room (still on out backboard and with his clothing underneath him) *2* loaded Glock 40's fell out of his pockets. a search of his pants also revealed several baggies of an undisclosed fine white powder.

While I still think that the fireman and the cop should have found the weapons and the baggies, but I learned my lesson well. I always do at least a quick pat down of any patient that gets in my ambulance. I have gotten my a$$ kicked back there before, but I do not get paid enough to get shot.

[Minttunator]

Brilliant stories, thanks for sharing! :D

[Yskuma]

Liking the stories!

[Eladiun]

My sister is an ER nurse in Providence and insists on telling me the strange objects in strange places stories despite my repeated requests to stop.

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

There are a couple of shows on Discovery Health or TLC (one of those) that present stories like these. I watch them every now and again. Untold Stories of the ER? I think thats one.


You like stories? This will make my fellow men cross their legs.

About 2 years ago this 23 year old man walked in around 2am. He was clearly in some discomfort due to prolonged urinary retention. In my examination I found that he was very rigid despite clearly not being aroused. I immediatly figured this douch wad inserted something into his urethra. Yep, 2 AAA Batteries. So not kidding.

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

My sister is an ER nurse in Providence and insists on telling me the strange objects in strange places stories despite my repeated requests to stop.

You don't understand, we need to share. :p

[Eladiun]

You don't understand, we need to share. :p

You successfully made me cringe and cross my legs. :eek:

[Tymoriel_Ayreweaver]

You successfully made me cringe and cross my legs. :eek:

Told you. How do you think I felt having to remove it?

[Schmoe]

Oh, I forgot to mention about that guy. Yeah, cowboy hat, spurs, chaps, and loaded .45 pistol on his hip. Very creepy.

What state were you in?

[taurean430]

What state were you in?

Arizona (Go figure) :P

Strangest part was the place where we were is considered Metro Phoenix. Not many horses or ranches around if you know what I mean. But yeah, there are some laws now on the books thanks to bad behavior that disallow one to go near a health care facility with your armaments. It's not unusual however for me to have to 'lock up for safekeeping' someone's firearm.

[Eladiun]

Told you. How do you think I felt having to remove it?


That one made me throw up in my mouth a little...

[Missing_Minds]

You don't understand, we need to share. :p
It is your form of therapy for all the.... messed up stuff that happens with your profession.

By all means, keep them coming.


That one made me throw up in my mouth a little...
Weakling. I want to know what tool they used to remove the offenders. The more I know about all the little torcher devices, I mean tools, on that metal tray they have, the less fearful I'll be.

[Yazston_the_Invoker]

Weakling. I want to know what tool they used to remove the offenders. The more I know about all the little torcher devices, I mean tools, on that metal tray they have, the less fearful I'll be.

Heh...I was figuring they either squeezed them out like toothpaste out of a tube, or they peeled it like a banana. Oddly enough, neither method made me cringe as much as the original medical problem that made them necessary. :D I can't think of how you could use a tool to extract them...there can't possibly be enough space left in there to get a tool around the batteries, can there??? And they gots to be slippery...ever try to remove a AA battery from a device when it's stuck good in there...you just can't unless you hit it REEEEEEAL hard, or get something wrapped around it and yank! :p


LOL...I just love tryin to type this up while at work...just sooooo wierd... :D

[Missing_Minds]

get something wrapped around it and yank!

*just.... grins* at work, huh?

[LordRavnos]

These are the reasons I loved my time working with the NYPD. The stories you hear are well worth the mental scarring if any. Keep em coming

[biggin]

Heh...I was figuring they either squeezed them out like toothpaste out of a tube, or they peeled it like a banana. Oddly enough, neither method made me cringe as much as the original medical problem that made them necessary. :D I can't think of how you could use a tool to extract them...there can't possibly be enough space left in there to get a tool around the batteries, can there??? And they gots to be slippery...ever try to remove a AA battery from a device when it's stuck good in there...you just can't unless you hit it REEEEEEAL hard, or get something wrapped around it and yank! :p


LOL...I just love tryin to type this up while at work...just sooooo wierd... :D

Hahahahaha. I just thought about how when batteries get stuck and you take the back off the remote and slam it in your hand a few times to jar them loose.

[Eladiun]

Weakling. I want to know what tool they used to remove the offenders. The more I know about all the little torcher devices, I mean tools, on that metal tray they have, the less fearful I'll be.

Yes... I've been know to get woozy at the sight of other people blood. Oddly enough I'm fine with my own...

[Elspethalta]

I work in a small town clinic that often doubles as an ER because pt refuse to go to the hospital because the co-pay is cheaper at the clinic. Often we just deal with people and when we can call the ambulance and make them come in and take them away. My favorite story is this:
One day a 70ish old gentalman comes in (without an appointment of course) complaining of abdominal pain and constipation. Clinic RN brings him back to the room to triage and get some history. Pt has been constipated for 7 days with no sucsess at...... doing the deed and is now in a lot of pain. He has in the last 24 hours drank 48 ounces of prune juice, taken 4 laxitives, drank miralax (stuff you use to clean you out of a colonoscopy), and done 2 enemas at home. She tells hime that the best place for him is most likely the hospital at this point because we do not have much we can do for him at the clinic. He insists he just needs to see a MD. She tells him to sit tight and she will go talk to one of the providers. She leaves the room and waits to talk to a doc. About 5 mins later we all hear this explosion sound and a scream and all go running. (this is the part that you non medical people might want to stop reading at) About 5 feet from the door there is an over powering smell of BM. We all hit the door running, open the door, open the bathroom and just stopped..... BM EVERY WHERE!!! Up the walls about 4 feet, all over the floor, and the toilet is over flowing... In the middle is this poor man, he looks up at us and says... "I'd like to go to the hospital now." After he was gone we all couldn't stop laughing it was just so absurd.
Post script We made the new girl clean the room up, she quit a week later.
Man burst, BURST his colon.... Never heard of it before or after.

[phalaeo]

Very interesting stories, one and all. Keep going if you wish- you can't gross me out if you try. :D

I'm not in the medical profession, but we get quite a few numbskull moments f out own in Horticulture. At my last job as a curator of a Botanical Gardens, I was required to go up and answer visitor questions about their plants. Can't tell you how many people would start to tell me that they can't seem to keep XYZ plant alive-- upon being asked how often they were watering it, the response inevitably is a blank stare followed by "Oh, I need to WATER it????"

/facepalm.

[AyumiAmakusa]

There are a couple of shows on Discovery Health or TLC (one of those) that present stories like these. I watch them every now and again. Untold Stories of the ER? I think thats one.


You like stories? This will make my fellow men cross their legs.

About 2 years ago this 23 year old man walked in around 2am. He was clearly in some discomfort due to prolonged urinary retention. In my examination I found that he was very rigid despite clearly not being aroused. I immediatly figured this douch wad inserted something into his urethra. Yep, 2 AAA Batteries. So not kidding.

Why in the world would people do that?

[gott_ist_tot]

I can remember my friend's first day 'in the field'. He had some serious second thoughts as he was carrying a severed foot someone just forgot to bring to ambulance together with the patient.

Anyway, he decided to keep the job, and hardened a lot through the years.

I think my facorite story is when they were called to a place of an accident - a man got hit by a tram. Turned out he died on spot. When police were called they arrived on the scene a bit angry as their shift was coming to an end, and it looked like way too much of a work. Accidentaly the tram tracks denoted a border between 2 police stations' jurisdiction. So, they took the corpse, and (witnessed by the ambulance team) hauled it over to the other side of the tracks...

[Wrendd]

A few small snippets while I wake up, I will try to remember another long one later.

A doctor was having all the medics in the ER come over to an x-ray viewer and showing us the most absurd x-ray he had ever seen... a person had *inserted* and entire Pert Shampoo bottle, plain as day on the x-ray. Chief complaint was low grade lower back pain from an MVC... so the insertion was not even bothering him.. apparently he had forgotten about it.

A pt had a cockroach enter and become stuck in her ear, so in the time honored fashion of treating yourself she drank a lot of beer, then decided to drown the offending critter inthe same beer by pouring it in her ear. This upset her boyfriend who promptly assaulted her.

There is very famous homeless person in charlotte who is very rude to, well, just about everyone, especially medics who have to take him to the hospital. He falls often and passes out on the side of the road prompting a good samaritan to call 911. we when get to him and wake him up to see what is wrong he gets agitated, but we can not just leave him there (no matter how much we want to). He has earned the name "Drunken Master Whoo-flung-poo" from his habit of not removing his pants for a BM and then reaching into his pants and throwing it at us when we disturb him. I am so glad I no longer have to deal with him.

Another famous alcoholic was always the most pleasant and considerate person when he was wasted, I mean he was just fun (silly but fun) and was always understanding about why we had to take him to the hospital. Partly because he was so well known at the hospital everyone there would come by to talk to him.. Finally Social Services forced him into a nursing home (he was over 75) to clean him up and get him the help he needed. That was when we found out that when he was sober he was a real jerk, really really rude and nasty. He was in the facility for almost a month before he died. the common thought was that he had pickled himself with all the alcohol and once the perservative was removed.....

[Wrendd]

Was going to write up another story today, but my mind is mostly frazzled... I think it is the heat. Anyway, I will leave it up to some of the other medical types till tomorrow and I will try to get something on here then. Even if I am the only one who reads it, it gives me something to do :)

[ganondalf]

I have a friend who is a med student currently. I asked him what the strangest thing he's seen so far was.

What he told me was pretty....out there. A man with a suction fetish got a bit too intimate with a vacuum cleaner and had his jacket stolen by the fan blades.

[Yazston_the_Invoker]

I was thoroughly enjoying this thread and am hoping that the OP has more interesting stories to add. (or others)

I'd try some, but Computer techs don't get stories as interesting as these...

[Missing_Minds]

Yes... I've been know to get woozy at the sight of other people blood. Oddly enough I'm fine with my own...

*nods* I may tease you about tools, but I'm not about to tease you about the sight of fluids and what have you. I may not get why you have that... affliction (I don't know what better to call it) but I also don't see it as a joking matter either.

And keep the posts coming all. :)

[Wrendd]

When I was first getting started in EMS I worked with a partner who was fine with other people's blood (and all other fluids and chunks) but the sight of her own blood would make her pass out. Was kinda funny.

I also know several medics that we call "sympathetic pukers" meaning that when a patient blows chunks, so do they. it can be messy working with them because emesis (vomit) is not an uncommon thing in the back of an ambulance.

(Beware, the following is kinda nasty, read at your own risk) (Nothing obscene or offensive, just gross to many)

Personally, I have only thrown up once in my 13 year career (on the job that is). We had an elderly female (like 80-90) from a local SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility, ie. a nursing home) the pt had a VERY swolled abdomen which was firm to the touch. The RN at the facility stated that the pt had not had a bowel movement in several days and they thought she might have a blockage that needed treatment. The pt was non-verbal with advanced dementia, so we could not get any information from her. Her vitals were fine and she appeared in no acute distress, so we loaded her up and began transport to the ER. We were on the interstate when the pt "burped" at least that is what it sounded like, then about 100cc of emesis came out of her mouth. but the emesis was actually "bowel contents" that had been blocked for so long and built up to the point that the came out up top. I choked out to my partner "LIGHT IT UP" and attempted to do something for the pt. I failed for a bit. I actually opened the 2 rear doors of the ambulance to get fresh air in, and promptly vomited all over the car behind us. I feel bad about it, but the look on that guys face (the care behind us) was absolutely PRICELESS. I am surprised that I did not cause a major wreck. I then treated the pt as best I could and we got her to the hospital. Then we took the ambulance back to HQ and tried to clean it. Then we just got a different ambulance and went back to work.

The only thing that gets me queasy anymore are hand injuries. Just something about them makes we "weak in the knees". I can deal with severed limbs, multiple gunshot wounds, stabbings and all that stuff, but 1 nail through someones hand and I wimp out. Just about every medic I know has something like that, some it is feet, some their own blood, for me it is hands.

[flynnjsw]

I have a couple I can add.

I was working in the OR at NMCSD (Naval Medical Center San Diego) as an Anesthesia Tech. As NMCSD was one of the 3 biggest hospitals, we did it all in that OR; Cardiac, Neuro, Ortho, General, pretty much everything. The messiest were always the Ortho cases. Any time you saw the surgeons in their "space suits" you knew it was going to get messy. The foulest had to be a necrotic bowel that came over from the ICU. We were connected to the ICU by 1 hall, and we could smell it coming from halfway down the connecting hall.

Now the time I spent with the Marines was an entirely different experience. Usually with them it was " Doc my **** is broke" which could mean just about anything.

[Film]

A group of friends put together a whitewater rapids trip on the Lower Laurel Highlands. We packed our cars for the trip and convoyed three hours to our cabin. Upon arriving at the cabin, I decided a wiffle ball bat fight would be fun and leaned into the back of a buddy's raised Dodge with a bologna cut exhaust that extended beyone the bumper.

I turned quickly to defend myself from an attack and everyone just stopped moving and gazed. I sliced my knee open from one side to the other. The skin folded down and looked like I had a giant smile on my leg. It was barely bleading but it had cut clean through at about 6-8" length and cauterized (sp?).

I called the TRI-CARE nurse helpline to get permission to go to the ER. (those older military types will remember this fiasco)

The nurse told me which Hospital to go to and told them that I would be coming for some stitches. Upon arrival the Triage Nurse stated that it would be a while as a chainsaw accident victim had come in before me. Apparently the gentlemen had a very small nick in one finger and needed 2 stitches to close it. Yes, 2!

I had my leg bandaged so he did not see the severity of the cut. The nurse said to take of the bandage in the waiting room. I politely told him that I did not want to gross anyone out in the waiting room and would rather do it in the Triage room. He had the look of "Oh great, another chainsaw accident!"

I said, "Your call!" and disbandaged. At which point he covered it immediately and I was taken into the ER immediately. I lucked out as an on call plastic surgeon was called in for the chainsaw guy. I had asked during the procedure if I would be able to still go rafting the next day. He used 24 internal stiches and then closed the outside with another 24 just to make sure it would hold. A wonder bread bag, some 100 mile an hour tape, and a full leg brace later I was in the raft going down some 3-4 category rapids.

Moral to this story: Don't take wiffleball bats on a rafting trip!

[cardmj1]

I worked as a crash crew fire fighter but would sometimes go out with the general first responders. Here are a few shorts for you:

911 gets a call for shortness of breath from a woman and she stops talking while we were on route. Front door unlocked, thank goodness! We enter and find this absolutely beautiful woman dressed in panties and a corset lying on the floor next to the phone. She is still breathing but it's shallow and so we throw an oxygen mask on her. She becomes alert and is very sweet and kind. Upon examining her, we found the corset was a "bit" snug. We get her to upright position so that we can "loosen" her corset because it's a dual zipper and laces on both sides. That sucker was not coming off, so my partner takes one side with the scissors and my crew chief takes the other. All of sudden, RIP and POP. One side totally breaks open and it pop back hitting the crew chief on either side of his face leaving nasty zipper bruises that last for almost a week. That beautiful woman was about 275lbs tucked into a size 10 corset.

Get a call from a concerned woman stating her 4 year old son is having severe lower back pain. We arrive the little guy is running around the house with the dog having a good old time. We start questioning the Mom and she said just listen. Chirp, Chirp, Chirp. CHIRRRRP. ***? The kid had swallowed a bird whistle and it was stuck "at the end of his digestive track". Mom could not catch the dog and dog was chasing the whistle and boy was running from the dog. She "needed help" catching one or the other. And yes, the kid's name was Dennis.

This is my buddies story but I giggle everytime he tells it:

Cop calls in a need for a fire truck and 2 ambulance. This is never a good call. They get on scene and find a convertible red mustang and 5 women trapped inside. No accident, no blood, just 5 drunk women stuck inside their mustang. Better yet, five 300+lbs women who most Americans would recognize from the special Birthday cards that you often find in stores like Spencer's (http://www.spencersonline.com/). To extricate them from the vehicle, 7 bottles of Baby Oil and 3 bottles of suntan oil had to be generously applied and then pulled out. He still gets flower and cards every year for his birthday from each one them.

[Eladiun]

This Is My Buddies Story But I Giggle Everytime He Tells It:

Cop Calls In A Need For A Fire Truck And 2 Ambulance. This Is Never A Good Call. They Get On Scene And Find A Convertible Red Mustang And 5 Women Trapped Inside. No Accident, No Blood, Just 5 Drunk Women Stuck Inside Their Mustang. Better Yet, Five 300+lbs Women Who Most Americans Would Recognize From The Special Birthday Cards That You Often Find In Stores Like spencer's (http://www.spencersonline.com/). To Extricate Them From The Vehicle, 7 Bottles Of Baby Oil And 3 Bottles Of Suntan Oil Had To Be Generously Applied And Then Pulled Out. He Still Gets Flower And Cards Every Year For His Birthday From Each One Them.

Omg...rofl

[cardmj1]

Omg...rofl


Yep, my buddy got married about 3 years after this call. His wife makes sure that the cards (and sometimes photographs) are sent to the fire station for the bulletin board. :D