KingOfCheese
07-19-2010, 11:28 AM
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has just issued a new public health alert: pandemic Dungeon Fever
This new disease is spreading across the country at an alarming rate.
Thomas Frieden, the CDC Director, was quoted this morning at a press conference:
"Dungeon Fever, a health condition defined as the playing or use of Dungeons & Dragons related products, has reached a crisis level in the U.S. and is spreading to other nations. We have been monitoring this condition since the mid-1970s. While always present, we felt that the spread was manageable. That is until now."
"With the emergence of MMORPG's (for those not familiar with the term, it is similar to a virus), DDO in particular, Dungeon Fever is running out of control and we fear it may overtake the population."
"Dungeon Fever itself is a minor condition, with signs and symptoms typically limited to sleep deprivation, reduced fertility, and obsession with half-orcs. For the DDO variety, there is also a frequent need to replace the ASDW keys on infected people's keyboards."
"However, once infected, Dungeon Fever can lead to more severe diseases. While studies are still being conducted, there has been an association with devil worship and other tomfoolerly. Of greatest concern however, and one we all must be vigilant in fighting, Dungeon Fever can lead to a devastating and debilitating condition known as LARPing."
This new disease is spreading across the country at an alarming rate.
Thomas Frieden, the CDC Director, was quoted this morning at a press conference:
"Dungeon Fever, a health condition defined as the playing or use of Dungeons & Dragons related products, has reached a crisis level in the U.S. and is spreading to other nations. We have been monitoring this condition since the mid-1970s. While always present, we felt that the spread was manageable. That is until now."
"With the emergence of MMORPG's (for those not familiar with the term, it is similar to a virus), DDO in particular, Dungeon Fever is running out of control and we fear it may overtake the population."
"Dungeon Fever itself is a minor condition, with signs and symptoms typically limited to sleep deprivation, reduced fertility, and obsession with half-orcs. For the DDO variety, there is also a frequent need to replace the ASDW keys on infected people's keyboards."
"However, once infected, Dungeon Fever can lead to more severe diseases. While studies are still being conducted, there has been an association with devil worship and other tomfoolerly. Of greatest concern however, and one we all must be vigilant in fighting, Dungeon Fever can lead to a devastating and debilitating condition known as LARPing."