totmacher
03-30-2010, 02:11 PM
Handee: Why didn't you bring any weapons, something more advanced? Don't you have, uh, epic vorpals? Show me a piece of future technology.
Larry: You go naked. Something about the field generated by a living sack. Nothing dead will go.
Handee: Why?
Larry: I didn't build the ****ing thing!
Handee: Okay, okay. But this warforged, if it's metal...
Larry: Surrounded by living tissue!
Handee: Right. Now, why were the other two women killed?
Larry: Most of the records were lost in the war. Tink knew almost nothing about Temp's mother. Her full name, where she lives. They just knew the city. The Tinkinator was just being systematic.
Handee: Uh-huh. Okay, now let's get back to...
Larry: [interrupts] Look! You've heard enough! I have answered your questions! Now I have to see Tab!
Handee: I'm afraid that's not up to me.
Larry: Then why am I talking to you? Who is an authority here?
Handee: Please, I...
Larry: [interrupts again] Shut up!
Larry: [looks into the monitor]
Larry: You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her! That's what he does! It's *all* he does! You can't stop him! He'll wade through you! He'll reach down her throat and tear her ****in' lesser heart of wood out!
Larry: [being restrained]
Larry: Let go of me!
--
Tab: Larry. Why me? Why's it want me? Is it because I'm gay?
Larry: There was a forum war. A few years from now, all this, this whole place, everything, it's gone. Just gone. There were survivors. Here, there. Nobody even knew who started it. It was the trolls, Tab.
Tab: I don't understand.
Larry: Defense network trollbots. New... powerful... hooked into everything, trusted to grief it all. They say it got smart allecked, a new order of trolltelligence. Then it saw all people as a threat, not just the ones on the other side. Decided our fate in a microsecond: epic griefing.
Tab: Did you see this war?
Larry: No. I grew up after. In the ruins... starving... hiding from F-T's.
Tab: F-T's?
Larry: Forum-Trolls. Hi welcome spam bots built in automated factories. Most of us were rounded up, put in camps for orderly trollsposal.
[Pulls up his right sleeve, exposing a mark]
Larry: This is burned in by laser scan. Some of us were kept alive... to work... loading forum accounts into dumpsters and incinerators. The disposal units ran night and day. We were that close to going out forever. But there was one man who taught us to fight, to storm the wire of the Argo boards, to smash those metal motherlovers into decent wholesome postings. He turned it around. He brought us back from the brink. His name is Temp. Tempshot Roopants. Your son, Tab, your unborn son.
---
The Tinkinator: [picking up shroud items] The greensteel repeating heavy crossbow.
Danny: That's New Zealander. You can go pump or sheep.
[Hands The Tinkinator a crossbow]
The Tinkinator: The epic sos, with laser sighting.
Danny: [Hands The Tinkinator a epic sos] These are brand new; we just got them in. That's a good greatsword. Just touch me in my naughty parts, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bolt to go. You can't miss. Anything else?
The Tinkinator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Danny: Hey, just what you see hija.
The Tinkinator: [Looks around] The mineral 2 khopesh.
Danny: You know your weapons, buddy. Any one of these is ideal for home defense. So uh, which will it be?
The Tinkinator: [Pointing the greensteel crossbow towards the door] All.
Danny: I may close early today. There's a 15-day wait on the epic weapons but the noob cannon you can take right now.
[Takes out forms]
Danny: and you have to fill these out too.
[Sees The Tinkinator loads her curse word filter]
Danny: You can't do that.
The Tinkinator: Wrong. *%#&%$&#$*#$*#
[Shoots Danny]
Larry: You go naked. Something about the field generated by a living sack. Nothing dead will go.
Handee: Why?
Larry: I didn't build the ****ing thing!
Handee: Okay, okay. But this warforged, if it's metal...
Larry: Surrounded by living tissue!
Handee: Right. Now, why were the other two women killed?
Larry: Most of the records were lost in the war. Tink knew almost nothing about Temp's mother. Her full name, where she lives. They just knew the city. The Tinkinator was just being systematic.
Handee: Uh-huh. Okay, now let's get back to...
Larry: [interrupts] Look! You've heard enough! I have answered your questions! Now I have to see Tab!
Handee: I'm afraid that's not up to me.
Larry: Then why am I talking to you? Who is an authority here?
Handee: Please, I...
Larry: [interrupts again] Shut up!
Larry: [looks into the monitor]
Larry: You still don't get it, do you? He'll find her! That's what he does! It's *all* he does! You can't stop him! He'll wade through you! He'll reach down her throat and tear her ****in' lesser heart of wood out!
Larry: [being restrained]
Larry: Let go of me!
--
Tab: Larry. Why me? Why's it want me? Is it because I'm gay?
Larry: There was a forum war. A few years from now, all this, this whole place, everything, it's gone. Just gone. There were survivors. Here, there. Nobody even knew who started it. It was the trolls, Tab.
Tab: I don't understand.
Larry: Defense network trollbots. New... powerful... hooked into everything, trusted to grief it all. They say it got smart allecked, a new order of trolltelligence. Then it saw all people as a threat, not just the ones on the other side. Decided our fate in a microsecond: epic griefing.
Tab: Did you see this war?
Larry: No. I grew up after. In the ruins... starving... hiding from F-T's.
Tab: F-T's?
Larry: Forum-Trolls. Hi welcome spam bots built in automated factories. Most of us were rounded up, put in camps for orderly trollsposal.
[Pulls up his right sleeve, exposing a mark]
Larry: This is burned in by laser scan. Some of us were kept alive... to work... loading forum accounts into dumpsters and incinerators. The disposal units ran night and day. We were that close to going out forever. But there was one man who taught us to fight, to storm the wire of the Argo boards, to smash those metal motherlovers into decent wholesome postings. He turned it around. He brought us back from the brink. His name is Temp. Tempshot Roopants. Your son, Tab, your unborn son.
---
The Tinkinator: [picking up shroud items] The greensteel repeating heavy crossbow.
Danny: That's New Zealander. You can go pump or sheep.
[Hands The Tinkinator a crossbow]
The Tinkinator: The epic sos, with laser sighting.
Danny: [Hands The Tinkinator a epic sos] These are brand new; we just got them in. That's a good greatsword. Just touch me in my naughty parts, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bolt to go. You can't miss. Anything else?
The Tinkinator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Danny: Hey, just what you see hija.
The Tinkinator: [Looks around] The mineral 2 khopesh.
Danny: You know your weapons, buddy. Any one of these is ideal for home defense. So uh, which will it be?
The Tinkinator: [Pointing the greensteel crossbow towards the door] All.
Danny: I may close early today. There's a 15-day wait on the epic weapons but the noob cannon you can take right now.
[Takes out forms]
Danny: and you have to fill these out too.
[Sees The Tinkinator loads her curse word filter]
Danny: You can't do that.
The Tinkinator: Wrong. *%#&%$&#$*#$*#
[Shoots Danny]