Retail Therapy!

[Zanthos]

At the end of a particularly tough week at work and home, the wife comes to me and says “I think I need some retail therapy”

Her self-diagnosis was not only her proposed way to blow off some steam but a subtle way to attain my blessing. Thinking quickly I said “babe, I think that this is a really good idea”

Wife: “Really? Are you sure?”
Me: “Of course, you need some time to yourself”

What I was really thinking is that if she left I could put our daughter to bed and have hours of uninterrupted game time. It worked great! My 2 yo daughter went right to sleep and the boys were entertaining themselves. There was nothing standing between me and blundering through Stormreach.

After running a few quests, I called my wife to tell her how much trouble my daughter was giving me and that I was focusing all of my attention on getting her settled in for her nap.

Wife: “Is there anything I can do?”
Me: “Well, I was really hoping to get in some quality game time today.”
Wife: “ok babe, I will take care of everything when I get home so that you can play.”
Me: “Wow, thank you. You are awesome.”
Wife: “it’s ok, you deserve it for taking care of the kids while I blow off some steam. Do you need me to get anything for you while I am out?”
Me: (smiling evilly) “I could use some more ‘Dew’.
Wife: “ok, I will be home soon and then you can play as long as you want.”

Man I love it when she goes shopping!

[Jay203]

ehehe
~evil grin~

[Yajerman01]

good show man, good show!

My wife unfortunately knows better but will take advantage of me when im on DDO and drinking frosty alcoholic beverages cuz I usually say ,"yeah sure" to whatever she asks not really listening.

then the next day I see very expensive items, I get into an argument, but it is short lived when she says, "I asked you last night and you said , yeah sure!!"

End of discussion.

[Strakeln]

Wife: “ok, I will be home soon and then you can play as long as you want.”This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

[woundead85]

This is HUGE!!!
Insta-Rep!

Most of my wife-stories don't include kids, for I am not a father yet...
But...
Played long into the night, wife's off to her mother's for a weekend (I don't like her mother, so I stayed). I'm stuffed with beer, yearning for smoke. I come out to the balcony, where I usually attend my needs of that kind, nearly crawling... I love beer :) Since I never smoke inside the house, and I hate the smoke inside, I swing the door shut behind me only to hear a 'click' of the one-sided lock! The balcony is closed (very big window with bars) and it's third floor anyway. My eyes grew as the size of my ashtray.
Some inner drunk voice shouted: 'You're f***ed for the weekend!'. My sober half of the spinal brain said: 'Not gonna eat for a couple of days, and you've got that gym-machine here. You always wanted to start to work out, you fat a***ole.'
I had a smoke. Darkness grew around me. All of a sudden I see a hand coming from the side of the balcony window. 'This is it, I'm nutcase without being hungry yet.'
Hand: 'Aren't you asleep yet?'
Pause
Hand: 'Listen, my wife's sleeping. You mind dropping me a cigarette?'. Sound of glass breaking in the back of my head.
Me: '****, Mike, you gonna drive me nuts!'
Mike (my neighbour): 'Shh! You gonna wake my wife! You know she doesnt let me smoke...'
There goes a very long conversation about me being screwed.....
Then I propose Mike to drive to another city (about 20 km) to wake my mother-in-law at 4AM, ask her to wake her daughter - asked by my best friend! - get the keys to appartment, and free me!

It's being hard to write all of this, while being unable to translate my language's very funny nuances, but trust me - I laughed when I got out, but still shiver every time I go out to smoke.

[Gawna]

This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

Dude, if these hos could learn to s*** d*** under a desk, we could finish a quest without everyone going afk 9347209384 times. My brand of wife aggro is, "Get on your cleric and heal my ass and I'll let you in the back door later."

[Belwaar]

Dude, if these hos could learn to s*** d*** under a desk, we could finish a quest without everyone going afk 9347209384 times. My brand of wife aggro is, "Get on your cleric and heal my ass and I'll let you in the back door later."

lol...I just thought about Rick...

[Belwaar]

This is where too many men go wrong. The correct response to a statement like this is as follows:

"Listen, woman, I'll be playing for as long as I want, whenever I want. Do I need to block the Lifetime channel again to drive my point home?"

OMG! :eek: I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...:p

[babygirl]

I'm glad to have nothing b*tching at me but myself :D

[Rabbi_Hordo]

OMG! :eek: I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...:p

Bel, ask him about the bacon quote sometime...or hit me up in-game...I think I've got it in the bio for one or two of my toons it was that funny.

[Belwaar]

Bel, ask him about the bacon quote sometime...or hit me up in-game...I think I've got it in the bio for one or two of my toons it was that funny.

I NEVER see you in game sir...and I always look. :o

[Rabbi_Hordo]

I NEVER see you in game sir...and I always look. :o

AHA! Well, if the toon has an HORD_______ name it's probably me. LOL
I'm on Hordiva or Hordazzle most of the time lately.

[Strakeln]

OMG! :eek: I haven't laughed that hard at something Strake said....ever...:pThere's actually a bit more to that story if you're bored.

As a few around these boards have seen, I'm fond of playing harmless (or intended to be harmless) pranks on people. When I was maybe 14 or so, I didn't get along with my youngest brother (like anyone ever does!). One day he was being particularly difficult, so when he was downstairs, I went into his room, enabled parental control, and blocked Cartoon Network... pretty much the only channel he ever watched.

I went to bed giggling, expecting to hear a lot of complaints the next day. But I didn't hear a peep, and soon forgot what I had done.

...Until two weeks later, when the cable guy showed up at the house to fix the problem of one room not getting Cartoon Network. I thought for sure he'd figure out what happened and I'd be in trouble (when it came to someone tinkering with electronics, the culprit was always known). So when no one else was around, I showed him what I did and we both had a hell of a laugh. I re-enabled the channel, and he didn't rat me out :)

Now, fast-forward about 15 years. I'd nearly exhausted my bag of favorite pranks on my wife, to the point that I'm on my third incantation of scotch-taping the sink hose. I need some new tricks. Well, around this time we were moving out of an apartment and into our first house, so I had to order new cable service. As I was setting things up, parental control scrolled by, so I figured, hey, why not? ...then promptly forgot that I had disabled Lifetime and Oxygen.

About a week later, Mrs. Qwijy complains about the cable not working and that I need to call the cable service... :eek::o:D

edit: While Mrs. Qwijy has good humor about my pranks, I've found that one of my dogs seems to revel in being tricked. So some of the pressure is off the boss now :D

[Belwaar]

there's Actually A Bit More To That Story If You're Bored.

As A Few Around These Boards Have Seen, I'm Fond Of Playing Harmless (or Intended To Be Harmless) Pranks On People. When I Was Maybe 14 Or So, I Didn't Get Along With My Youngest Brother (like Anyone Ever Does!). One Day He Was Being Particularly Difficult, So When He Was Downstairs, I Went Into His Room, Enabled Parental Control, And Blocked Cartoon Network... Pretty Much The Only Channel He Ever Watched.

I Went To Bed Giggling, Expecting To Hear A Lot Of Complaints The Next Day. But I Didn't Hear A Peep, And Soon Forgot What I Had Done.

...until Two Weeks Later, When The Cable Guy Showed Up At The House To Fix The Problem Of One Room Not Getting Cartoon Network. I Thought For Sure He'd Figure Out What Happened And I'd Be In Trouble (when It Came To Someone Tinkering With Electronics, The Culprit Was Always Known). So When No One Else Was Around, I Showed Him What I Did And We Both Had A Hell Of A Laugh. I Re-enabled The Channel, And He Didn't Rat Me Out :)

Now, Fast-forward About 15 Years. I'd Nearly Exhausted My Bag Of Favorite Pranks On My Wife, To The Point That I'm On My Third Incantation Of Scotch-taping The Sink Hose. I Need Some New Tricks. Well, Around This Time We Were Moving Out Of An Apartment And Into Our First House, So I Had To Order New Cable Service. As I Was Setting Things Up, Parental Control Scrolled By, So I Figured, Hey, Why Not? ...then Promptly Forgot That I Had Disabled Lifetime And Oxygen.

About A Week Later, Mrs. Qwijy Complains About The Cable Not Working And That I Need To Call The Cable Service... :eek::o:d

Edit: While Mrs. Qwijy Has Good Humor About My Pranks, I've Found That One Of My Dogs Seems To Revel In Being Tricked. So Some Of The Pressure Is Off The Boss Now :d

That, sir, is quality. My favorite prank is putting soda cans in the freezer, at the office, before I leave for the weekend... :eek: :D

[Strakeln]

That, sir, is quality. My favorite prank is putting soda cans in the freezer, at the office, before I leave for the weekend... :eek: :DOffice Pranks? OOOOOH!

Story time with Strakeln, gather 'round, younguns! (BTW Zanthos this seemed like a thread themed around "silly", so I hope this doesn't count as hijacking):

I was bored last week, had about half an hour to kill at work with nothing to do. I noticed that most horizontal surfaces at my desk were covered with an inch of dust, so I figure that wouldn't be a bad way to kill some time.

I started with the overhead credenza, moving all the tschotskes from one side to the other, when I notice one that looks like a cellphone or something. I open it up, it's a calculator/clock with a company logo, but doesn't appear to be working. Flip it over to the back and notice the little pull-tab that is breaking the battery connection (for shipping). Yank the tab, and the **** thing starts playing "Yankee Doodle" loud as hell.

I press every button available, it only got louder and switched to some other song.

So I do what I consider the obvious next step - start beating the thing into submission. With a few whimpers, it finally fades into the darkness. I then walk over to a friend's desk to explain the commotion. While there, I drop the thing into his trash.

Half an hour later, my buddy comes up with the tschotsky. Apparently it cast death pact on itself, as it was now emitting a soft ticking sound that was quiet enough to go unnoticed until background noise subsided... at which point the non-stock ticking sound became very annoying.

Naturally, I took the alarm clock/calculator thingy and hid it inside the frame of another coworker's fan. I also put a note in there accepting blame for the prank... on behalf of my other coworker :D

The next day, I hear the prank victim laughing as he tells my coworker "good one". It didn't take long for him to hear the sound, but it took three people about half an hour to find the source (it was finally found after someone whacked the fan and the calculator thingy fell out, lol).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another story from the same day:

We have blue trays from the site cafeteria that we can use to bring back food to our desks. People have a tendency to collect these trays and forget to return them. So one job of the facilities manager is to harass people who are hoarding blue trays.

Naturally, I collect them in my desk until they reach a critical mass, then I drop them off at other people's desks when they aren't looking :D

So I'd been doing that a lot lately with the same coworker that I blamed for the calculator-prank thingy (let's call him Bill). Sure enough, the facilities manager had pulled him aside and given him a talk. So that day, instead of dropping trays off at his desk, I dropped them off at another friend's desk.

Three hours later, that friend stops by, giggling like a schoolgirl. Tells me that "Bill" dropped a bunch of blue trays off at his desk, but he'd outsmarted "Bill" by staying around until he left, then returning all of those trays to Bill's desk. The same one who had just been talked to by the facilities manager about his blue tray problem.

Meaning, of course, that I played a prank which parlayed into a secondhand prank by proxy. Multiple layers of fun there :D

[Jeannie]

Three guys are sitting around in a bar talking about what do when they come home late and they don't want to wake their wives and get yelled at for being out so late.

The first guy says he turns the car off a few houses down the street, coasts up to his house and just parks in the driveway so the garage door won't make noise. Then he sleeps on the couch so he can say he got home earlier and fell asleep watching TV.

The second guy says he always gets undressed in the kitchen, that way if the wife wakes up he can say he just got up to go to the bathroom.

The third guy tells them they have it all wrong and that when he gets home late as soon as he gets in the door he yells "Honey, I'm home, I'm h*rny, and I saved all my lovin' for you!" he said you can hear the fake snores all the way down the hall!

[Belwaar]

Another story from the same day:

We have blue trays from the site cafeteria that we can use to bring back food to our desks. People have a tendency to collect these trays and forget to return them. So one job of the facilities manager is to harass people who are hoarding blue trays.

Naturally, I collect them in my desk until they reach a critical mass, then I drop them off at other people's desks when they aren't looking :D

So I'd been doing that a lot lately with the same coworker that I blamed for the calculator-prank thingy (let's call him Bill). Sure enough, the facilities manager had pulled him aside and given him a talk. So that day, instead of dropping trays off at his desk, I dropped them off at another friend's desk.

Three hours later, that friend stops by, giggling like a schoolgirl. Tells me that "Bill" dropped a bunch of blue trays off at his desk, but he'd outsmarted "Bill" by staying around until he left, then returning all of those trays to Bill's desk. The same one who had just been talked to by the facilities manager about his blue tray problem.

Meaning, of course, that I played a prank which parlayed into a secondhand prank by proxy. Multiple layers of fun there :D

/wipe tears away

OMG that one is awesome! :D:D:D

[SneakThief]

Naturally, I took the alarm clock/calculator thingy and hid it inside the frame of another coworker's fan. I also put a note in there accepting blame for the prank... on behalf of my other coworker :D

The next day, I hear the prank victim laughing as he tells my coworker "good one". It didn't take long for him to hear the sound, but it took three people about half an hour to find the source (it was finally found after someone whacked the fan and the calculator thingy fell out, lol).

This one's (http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/b278/)right up your alley :D

[Zanthos]

The post was all about having a good time. Thank you for the prank ideas.

My poor wife....;)

[Gawna]

I'd nearly exhausted my bag of favorite pranks on my wife, to the point that I'm on my third incantation of scotch-taping the sink hose.

What is scotch taping the sink hose? I think Big Daddy might need to be the victim of this one. :D

[Aussieee]

While we are at it I will try to give you all a good laugh as well.

I was with my bf(now my hubby) in a bar, we were having a good time and drinking. Soon our drinks needed a refil,so I went to the bar to get some more. I noticed a guy stearing at me but didn't say anything. He started talking to me and asked me if I wanted a drink. I just said no thanks but he kept insisting. So then I said ok can I have 2 them LOL. He got me 2,I took them said thanks and I left LOL. I went back to my hubby and told him what happend we were laughing so hard when I saw the guy walking around and looking for me. You should have seen his face when he saw me with a guy.:o:D

[Strakeln]

What is scotch taping the sink hose? I think Big Daddy might need to be the victim of this one. :DYou know how some kitchen sinks have that sprayer off to the side, with a retractable rubber hose?

Take that sprayer, squeeze the trigger, and use a band of scotch tape to keep the trigger squeezed. Push the hose back into the hole and aim the nozzle towards yourself.

Now, when Big Daddy comes into the kitchen and uses the sink, he gets a free bath!

For full effect, time the taping so that the free bath occurs just before your target leaves for work. That's a real crowd pleaser right there :D

Edit: Be warned... 3 out of 10 times this prank backfires, you forget about it and end up getting a free bath

[Affrogate]

Oh strak your EVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

[Strakeln]

Oh strak your EVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!I suspect there will be many spouses unhappy with ole Strake this week. :D

[Dymond]

Probably not as funny as Strakes office joke but one time we played a prank by taping one of those christmas tree air fresheners under the bottom of my techs desk. It was banana flavored and it REEKED. We told everyone around him to play dumb if he said anything. So he kept saying 'what the hell smells like bananas??' but when he called over a co-worker and asked them if they could smell it, they would reply 'I don't smell anything.' This went on most of the day and we were covering our mouths with our hands to keep from laughing out loud when he kept mumbing 'god dammit I know I smell bananas!' Finally somebody came by his desk that wasn't in on the joke and said 'dude why does your cube smell like bananas?' At that point we couldn't keep it in anymore and we all started just laughing.


Another thing you learn really quickly at our company is NEVER EVER leave your computer unlocked if you walk away from it for more than 10 seconds. If your lucky you'll just come back to your desk surrounded by co-workers looking for the brownies because 'you' just sent out an email saying you had some at your desk. If the culprit has more time you'll end up with either the David Hasslehoff 'puppies' poster or the Krispy Kreme girls as your new desktop.

[Gawna]

You know how some kitchen sinks have that sprayer off to the side, with a retractable rubber hose?

Take that sprayer, squeeze the trigger, and use a band of scotch tape to keep the trigger squeezed. Push the hose back into the hole and aim the nozzle towards yourself.

Now, when Big Daddy comes into the kitchen and uses the sink, he gets a free bath!

For full effect, time the taping so that the free bath occurs just before your target leaves for work. That's a real crowd pleaser right there :D

Edit: Be warned... 3 out of 10 times this prank backfires, you forget about it and end up getting a free bath

ROFL I'm just waiting for Big Daddy to go to bed! Hopefully he'll still give me his hose after he gets squirted. :D

[Raegoul]

Hi Welcome

[Aussieee]

Hi Welcome
LOL you must have been using something in the last week;)

[Dark_Helmet]

You know how some kitchen sinks have that sprayer off to the side, with a retractable rubber hose?


Prank for the wife: Celophane under the toilet seat (just before going to bed is ideal).

..enough said ;)

[Harncw]

This is HUGE!!!
Insta-Rep!

Most of my wife-stories don't include kids, for I am not a father yet...
But...
Played long into the night, wife's off to her mother's for a weekend (I don't like her mother, so I stayed). I'm stuffed with beer, yearning for smoke. I come out to the balcony, where I usually attend my needs of that kind, nearly crawling... I love beer :) Since I never smoke inside the house, and I hate the smoke inside, I swing the door shut behind me only to hear a 'click' of the one-sided lock! The balcony is closed (very big window with bars) and it's third floor anyway. My eyes grew as the size of my ashtray.
Some inner drunk voice shouted: 'You're f***ed for the weekend!'. My sober half of ***snip****
smoke.

I was in a simlar pickle several years ago... but I had no one to call...

the ashtray went through the sliding glass window.

[Redgar]

Here is a good one I still do from time to time.

1. Create and Folder on the persons desktop.
2. Take a screen shot of desktop.
3. Set screen shot as background.
4. Move all icons to created folder.

Soon you will here something on the line of "WHAT THE HE??"

They will click and click on the icon they know was working :P.

""Be warned: If the leave to get someone, change it back quickly :P"

[Cuchilo]

Taiwan is a target rich environment for an old classic... Every female in the country carries an umbrella at all times. They protect the lovely white skins from the sun ya see. Now, when they walk into a store, the office, home, etc, there is usually an umbrella stand at the door (nobody steals stuf here). For classic fun, simply throw a handful of small objects into an umbrella, stand back and wait. Coins are great at a store, all the shrapnel you don't want to put in your wallet.

One of my co teachers is a real female dog, so I take great pleasure in quietly dumping a packet of peanuts into her umbrella every month or so. She gets paranoid for a week or so, checking carefully, but inevitably her guard drops,and the peanut bandit strikes again!

On a slightly more cruel, deprived and Khyberesque level, we were real b@st@rds in high school... A favorite trick in the changerooms at the swimming pool was to wire a battery to the footplate and backwall of the urinal... Grade A Bang for your Buck if you are looking for screams.

[Strakeln]

On a slightly more cruel, deprived and Khyberesque level, we were real b@st@rds in high school... A favorite trick in the changerooms at the swimming pool was to wire a battery to the footplate and backwall of the urinal... Grade A Bang for your Buck if you are looking for screams.When I was young and had no sense,
I took a whiz on an electric fence.

It curled my hair and rattled my balls,
and made me **** my overalls!

[Storme]

A simple office prank i pulled last year... that went rather bad...
(But i didn't get caught thankfully!)

2 lovely, intelligent gals i worked with were often targeted for being "blonde" and all that implies..
They were good friends and arrived to work together every day..
They faced each other across back to back desks, lcd screens back to back...
just begging for the DVI cables to be swapped, but nothing else...
Like most people, log on is an automatic response and barely observed anymore, and then first thing you do is open outlook for your daily emails.. again a static corporate desktop with fixed icons and nothing untowards... (although i personally would have notived unusual mouse movement at this point, they probably put it down to start up lag)

Think about the process, even though they were watching each others screen, it all looked relatively normal > login > double click outlook icon > wait for outlook to load..
So no real alarms going off at this point... (I personally rarely look at my login name - i just input my password, its habit...)

However I was not counting on the fact that 1 of the girls had a tonne of emails in her inbox from the OTHER girls boyfriend...
Yes, it turns out she was having a very discriptive and torid affair with the other girls boyfriend...

Suffice to say the battle that ensued in the office that day diverted there attention from the screen switcheroo I had pulled (and promptly fixed as soon as no one was watching...)And to this day no one has wondfered how they got to see each others emails...

I haven't pulled that trick again....:rolleyes: