You might be a NOOB if......

[Asirin]

I come across several requests from players grouping with me everyday.Rick ..they ask...(thats my name) how is it possible to become a noobier noob than you?

Well my friends your prayers are answered as I will reveal my top ten ways of becoming not just a newb (new player) but a UBER NOOB (played since gamma (or is it alpha?) and still worthless)
Feel free to add any noobtastics rules yourself (make a top ten if you are creative enuf)

10. Be sure to make your charachter name Ineedheals or Manasponger that way youll be sure to be able to group with just about anyone.

9.Please do inform the Stormcleave group upon joining that you are short of time ...hence the party will have to run by your schedule (15 minutes)and not their own...this will make all players very happy (some might even give you a ride to your dentist appointment).

8.Always YELL at your cleric. LOUDLY too.Sometimes all the fast and furious healing of the other party members they are doing causes them to lose focus on the most important member ..you (on the other side of the map).

7.There is no such thing as a smart player without voice.Feel free to talk down to them all you want as some cannot type fast enuf to reply to your wondrous and witty statements.

6.Never ever carry any type of support potions for yourself (expecially extra wands and heal/rez scrolls for a downtrodden cleric)Clerics are all rich anyway and would be insulted if you offered them the goods inside a quest where it matters or removed your own fatigue from your rage with a lesser restore pot.

5.Dwarven barbarians are the ONLY true class to play(be sure to roll 8 different versions with the same similiar name)...every other class revolves around them and are only there as support(and be sure to "educate" those lvl 16 casters on the proud tradition of expected barb buffs.)

4.Never post a difficulty on any LFM.Be sure to be REAL VAGUE like "Gianthold quest for exp" (possibly Madstone elite or any quest that would make you feel comfortable joining my Madstone elite group)

3.Feel free to post in your bio what player you have killed and how much damage you have done on a crit.This is very pertinent information relating to your current charachters backgroud.

2.No matter what never ever communicate in party chat or voice .Your utter silence is expected throughout the quest ensuring that your cell phone call and guild chat will utterly make the quest devoid of any social experience.

And the number one way to tell if you might be a noob is........drum roll.......

1.Post on forums complaining about others style of play and not changing and adapting your own style to fit theirs.

Thanks and please take this post as the humorous drivel it is.

[Deaths_ward]

#11: Sit on your lovely voice chat microphone, and fart randomly through out a stormcleave quest.

#12: During previously mentioned Stormcleave quest, never wait for anyone. Just run ahead, and B***h when they weren't good enough to keep up with your most powerful Armor Class of 9 (With your 8 dex, because honestly who uses Dex.)

#13: Build Warforged Barbarian with absolutely no levels in wizard or sorcerer, and take the Heavy Fortification feat that makes you immune to healing then demand that the sorcerer in the group respec his spells to repair you, and your 'l337n355'.

[penumbra]

/golfclap

i really like #9. reminds me of the first time i ran SC ever. jumped in a party that was running n/h/e. normal was 12min. hard 14 min. and elite 22 min. :)

[Aranticus]

3.Feel free to post in your bio what player you have killed and how much damage you have done on a crit.This is very pertinent information relating to your current charachters backgroud.

yay! ima noob

[aldan]

# 12: When a plan goes bad, just say that was the most stupid plan I have ever done even though I didnt voice my own opinion and leave the group in a tough quest.


#13: Join a group that says "need an elite opener" then ask "Where is this quest"

#14: Run a naked caster, firewall everything in an open area, then after dying 4 times "just say I am having an off day".

#15: After joining the Vulkoorim quest in the desert which is tough to get to, get halfway done and say, "My guild needs me", then promptly leave.

#16: You finally hit level 7 Bard, you hear another Bard in the group playing music and you ask "How do you play songs"?


#17: Say you have soloed the hardest quests in the game and dont tell anyone how many hundreds of pots and recalls you needed to complete the quest, then go on the forums and tout your uberness and berate people for saying the quest is hard when you can solo it.

[MysticRhythms]

#18. Create a guild. Cap at least 4 characters. Beat all of the raids and amass a large deal of wealth and raid loot. Create a new character and, when levelling it in pugs, endlessly remind your party about how many capped characters you have, how much loot you have and how your cleric always keeps other people healed so why can't they?

[JTsays]

#19: When the cleric says 'I'm heading back for that shrine" after blowing all his mana keeping sir noob's butt alive, this is just a secret code for run ahead again and aggro everything just like last time but without a healer. This makes for a fun challenge!

edit

nice list gang, I like #5 best so far.

[Elleron]

20. Make sure you have enable voice chat (off) - that way the party can talk to you, but you hear nothing.

[KoboldKiller]

21. Your alt's name is Einan, Orcrist, Ashlin, Beetlebrox, KoboldKiller.

*All of which are mine.

[MysticRhythms]

22. You use the word "toon."

[MysticRhythms]

23. Your sorcerer has Finger of Death and Phantasmal Killer taking up 90% of your hotbars.

[MysticRhythms]

24. Your guild bought you two wound-of-puncturing rapiers and you insist that your TWF-Barbarian is using DPS to kill things.

[MysticRhythms]

25. You think an AC of 50+ is "useless."

[MysticRhythms]

26. You think Bard is a soloist's class.

[Tin_Dragon]

27. While shield walling a door, you decide running behind the cleric is the best place to be.

[nakedfatguy]

28. Making a list on a forum making fun of other people to make yourself feel superior.

[ThrasherGT]

29. Join a group with Your 7th level cleric and ask questions like "eagle's splendor is a good spell, right?"

[ThrasherGT]

30. You realize after finishing "let sleeping dust lie" that You were wearing Your underwater action ring the whole quest instead of Your +5 protection ring..............

[Naturelaughslast]

awwww no sense of humor? would expect one from a person who's forum name is nakedfatguy? lol

[Asirin]

28. Making a list on a forum making fun of other people to make yourself feel superior.

If you had even bothered to read half of the post you would have noticed that feeling superior is not my intent at all.The list was made to make a few people laugh (those that get it) and hopefully point out a growing trend of ignorant gameplay that will end up running off players and destroying this game.Hopefully this list will make a few people think a lil more on how to interact with others and mebbe make Pick-up Grouping a more pleasant experience for everyone.

[Ryd16]

28. Making a list on a forum making fun of other people to make yourself feel superior.

I'm thinking that "Tongue in Cheek" is being missed here.....
BTW it IS funny. the only people that should feel bad are the people that don't take this clever way of saying "enough" or "wise up" and actually do something about it.
Personally I think that they are humerous but am quite sad that I had to be singled out with the massive amount of firewall/bad day example :(

Ryd

[ThrasherGT]

22. You use the word "toon."

Toon. Character. PC. Avatar. Player. all the same to me....................:D

[Impaqt]

38: You've Aliased "ZOMG!! HEALZZZZZ HEALZZZZZ"

[Strakeln]

20. Make sure you have enable voice chat (off) - that way the party can talk to you, but you hear nothing.Funny, in many cases it makes little difference whether the voice chat is on or not... :rolleyes:

[JTsays]

#31 or 39:

You're nice new fat stack of cure mass moderate wounds is..........inflict.

[Yuesu]

#32. Your Cleric has to give the Barb and the Rogue cure pots to do the swim in The Crucible.

#33. You spend an entire run complaining about all the relics you still have to get to be Gianthold Tor ready.

#34. Complain about the cost of dying after bragging about some item you bought on the AH for $400,000 plat.

#35. Posting a bow with a +3 on the AH with a higher bid and buyout then a bow with a +1.

#36. Getting upset, cursing out the leader of the group, and then leaving group because they went a different way to complete a quest.

[MysticRhythms]

37. If I've heard stories about your EQ/WoW/SWG characters in great detail after completing one run through "From Beyond the Grave."

[roadkill525]

38. if yer fourm ID is roadkill525

[cappuccino]

#38.5 - During WW section 2 of part 1 going AFK (for a minimum of 20 mins for a "smoke break") after rescuing Arlos just far enough back from the exit to ensure it doesn't complete! :eek:

[Rissten]

38. If you assume everyone in a lowbie party are brand new to the game you might be a noob!

[cm2_supernova]

#38.5 - During WW section 2 of part 1 going AFK (for a minimum of 20 mins for a "smoke break") after rescuing Arlos just far enough back from the exit to ensure it doesn't complete! :eek:

AGHHH!!!! I hate that!

[Impaqt]

#35. Posting a bow with a +3 on the AH with a higher bid and buyout then a bow with a +1.
.


ACtually, +3 Bow do indeed have a slightly higher value now because of the Arcane archer Enhancments....

[RavenStormclaw]

#40 Doing the swim in Tempest Spine and suddenly wondering why you have a black breath meter and 8 hp instead of 280 and realizing you're wearing you wisdom ring while your UA ring is still in the backpack.

[Ricter]

If you had even bothered to read half of the post you would have noticed that feeling superior is not my intent at all.The list was made to make a few people laugh (those that get it) and hopefully point out a growing trend of ignorant gameplay that will end up running off players and destroying this game.Hopefully this list will make a few people think a lil more on how to interact with others and mebbe make Pick-up Grouping a more pleasant experience for everyone.

It may not be your intent, but threads like these tend to quickly degrade into making of people who have differing opinions than your own.

[roadkill525]

41. you might be a noob if you have ever worn a tubetop to a funeral ho... no wait that was redneck

you know I'm starting to think noobs are just the computerworld's version of rednecks... might explain why no matter how long I play a game I'm always a noob

[unionyes]

If you cling to that +3 longsword and leave that +1 acid longsword in your pack, because it's just +1 after all............

[MysticRhythms]

42. If you tell me your stats. Repeatedly. Especially on characters that you aren't playing at the time.

[MysticRhythms]

43. You need me to hear about your accomplishments. Again, repeatedly.

[akla_thornfist]

#43 you jump off the ramp in the twelve forgeting that you dont have your ff item on and go splash in the lava and die, wasnt me i swear:o

[roadkill525]

If you cling to that +3 longsword and leave that +1 acid longsword in your pack, because it's just +1 after all............

now I'm guessin this proves me a noob. I don;t have a +3 or a +1 acid lognsword yet... but if I did I would use the +3. 10% better chance to hit and +2 dammage vs 1d6(average 3.5) acid dammage per hit?

I would go for the 10% more hits then 1.5 dammage per hit. thought it prolly cause I don't know anybetter.

[brshelton]

If you cling to that +3 longsword and leave that +1 acid longsword in your pack, because it's just +1 after all............

ya i use duel +4 rr picks over a +1 burst pick.....

[Beherit_Baphomar]

5.Dwarven barbarians are the ONLY true class to play(be sure to roll 8 different versions with the same similiar name)...every other class revolves around them and are only there as support(and be sure to "educate" those lvl 16 casters on the proud tradition of expected barb buffs.) - This one is fact. Nothing n00b about it. Plain ole fact.


3.Feel free to post in your bio what player you have killed and how much damage you have done on a crit.This is very pertinent information relating to your current charachters backgroud. - This is one of my favourites.

[Bombalo]

- This is one of my favourites.
Dont forget that it is always against the monsters that take double damage from that paticular element cause gawd how am i supposed to be effective against anything else?????

[Beherit_Baphomar]

Dont forget that it is always against the monsters that take double damage from that paticular element cause gawd how am i supposed to be effective against anything else?????

(Combat): You're Cone of Cold hit Fire Mephit for 12393838 damage
(Combat): You're Cone of Cold Did So Much Damage I Recommend Copying And Pasting This In Your Bio.

[MissErres]

now I'm guessin this proves me a noob. I don;t have a +3 or a +1 acid lognsword yet... but if I did I would use the +3. 10% better chance to hit and +2 dammage vs 1d6(average 3.5) acid dammage per hit?

I would go for the 10% more hits then 1.5 dammage per hit. thought it prolly cause I don't know anybetter.


If DnD math still makes your brain bleed a year and a half later... GUILTY!!!

[unionyes]

If DnD math still makes your brain bleed a year and a half later... GUILTY!!!

I never was so good at math.......

Those who prefer a +.5 damage average are completely missing the two best things about an acid sword, the fact that it is green and drippy and the fact that when you kill stuff with it, it makes a hissing sound and the mob dissolves into little green flecks. To me, that's worth a lot more than .5 damage averaged.

You would probably rather wear +5 Mithril Chain than a really cool looking set of +2 Hide with a boar's head for a chest plate, too. :)

[Beherit_Baphomar]

+2 Hide with a boar's head for a chest plate

Owlbear.

Its an owlbear.

[Ranger57]

#44 As a cleric, you excitedly extended buff everyone in your party, wasting most of your mana, then are told that the beholders you are about to face in Von 2 cast dispell ....

(honestly, I didn't actually do this ...)

[Kris_P._Letus]

i didnt read a single post in this thread, but i am COMPLETELY offended by it. how DARE you call other people n00bs!! what, you think your bet.....bah, who am i kiddin. i love these kinds of threads. makes me feel better bout:


30. You realize after finishing "let sleeping dust lie" that You were wearing Your underwater action ring the whole quest instead of Your +5 protection ring..............

ALWAYS happening to me!!! all during the quest im saying to myself "self (cuz thats what i call me when im talking to me) self, why are you getting hit so much more then normal?? mobs must REALLY hate me today!!" then i get done, go to a new quest, look for my ua item, cant find it, then notice its equipped. D'OH!!!


another favorite thing of mine is;

#45 playing my wf barb, when a wizzy or sorc join and i ask them if they carry repair and they say no, they dont heal wf. then they show up and they ARE a wf. (maybe its just me, but self healing would be AWESOME....) WT.F??!

[krud]

#46. Throwing down a max/emp firewall on a bunch of mobs, and then standing 20ft away admiring your work. (btw - why does a caster need displacement or stoneskin?)

[MysticRhythms]

47. You actually use the word "noob" and spell it with two o's or 0's.

[MysticRhythms]

48. You use the words "gimp" and "leet."

[nakedfatguy]

If you had even bothered to read half of the post you would have noticed that feeling superior is not my intent at all.The list was made to make a few people laugh (those that get it) and hopefully point out a growing trend of ignorant gameplay that will end up running off players and destroying this game.Hopefully this list will make a few people think a lil more on how to interact with others and mebbe make Pick-up Grouping a more pleasant experience for everyone.

i guess its ok for you to poke fun at people, but not for me to poke fun at you for poking fun at other people. You see what you've done now? Theres entirely to much poking going on around here...

[MissErres]

i guess its ok for you to poke fun at people, but not for me to poke fun at you for poking fun at other people. You see what you've done now? Theres entirely to much poking going on around here...

Always poking going on in the wrong place...

[Akhad_Durn]

49. If you aren't using 11 or more hotbars already. :-P

[MysticRhythms]

50. You log more hours playing DDO weekly than the average person does at a full-time job and tell people that finding Mithril Full Plate +5 and +2 Tomes is a snap.

[unionyes]

Owlbear.

Its an owlbear.

You are also a noob if you don't know the difference between a boars head and an owl bear head.

Edited to add yes, it is an Owlbear........

[Turial]

51. You release from a quest to find youself bound in some obscure out of the way spot (tangleroot gorge) when everyone else is bound in merdia.

[MysticRhythms]

52. You built your Sorcerer to have the Warmage spell list.

[MysticRhythms]

53. You use the word "dorf" in place of the word "dwarf."

[Darkwolf1071]

#54. Taking your uber-haggle bard to the weapon vendor to drop about 20 weapons and realizing afterwards you were wearing your Golden Cartouche and not your +13 Haggle Necklace.

[Darkwolf1071]

#55. Trying to jump from one trog-sniper position to the other in the room with the seal in it in Coal Chamber; realizing you don't have your FF item on and doing a perfect 10 landing in the lava pool and dying.

Really. I meant to do that. Felt a bit chilly.

[EKKM]

Owlbear.

Its an owlbear.

How do you know it's not the head of a giant owl?

[Elaril]

I do every one of the UB3R N3WBZ things listed on this thread, but it's ok, because it's me.

I'm special, my mommy told me so.

[penumbra]

53. You use the word "dorf" in place of the word "dwarf."

hey! come on! hey now, none of that... :) i used to say dorf in neverwinter nights (multiplayer), but i actually got to RP some in that game. ;)

[JUJAMAKILL]

My favourite N00b story of all time was asking the capped cleric how many rez scrolls he had for the quest to see
if he needed more only to be told he had none cause his UMD wasnt high enuff to use them. As bad as my
brother not knowing his ranger coluld use cure wands till after he got to lvl 12. Well maybe not that bad.

[TreknaQudane]

#56. You think I care how many things you've killed so far after managing to blow your entire mana bar/potion supply/clerics mana five minutes into a half hour long quest.

[Saaluta]

57. When even though you've played the game since beta, you still can't solo ww part 2 without dying at least once...

58. When you can't put togther a group with your cleric cause people have heard about you...

Not that either of these things have ever happened to me...errr....more than once per character :D

Saal :)

[MysticRhythms]

59. You play pure-classed Paladins.

[Wizzly_Bear]

60. youve drowned in the harbor....more than once

61. you dont know where stk is

62. you think a stat is useless

63. you dont use trip/sunder on your melee

64. you rolled a bard with no perform skill

65. you went drow for your haggle bot

[Kerrn_Siff]

now I'm guessin this proves me a noob. I don;t have a +3 or a +1 acid lognsword yet... but if I did I would use the +3. 10% better chance to hit and +2 dammage vs 1d6(average 3.5) acid dammage per hit?

I would go for the 10% more hits then 1.5 dammage per hit. thought it prolly cause I don't know anybetter.

n00b!!

:)

j/k

[CrimsonEagle]

66.

Every stinking single time you run Durks Got a Secret, you forget about that stupid stinking fire trap and die!!!! **** you fire trap...Next time I will remember!!!!

[ThrasherGT]

Here's a Good one:

You just /death to meridia, and are standing in front of the barkeep. You go to put on Your haggle item, forgetting it's in the same slot as Your CON item..........*DING*

Friggin' Hilarious!!!!!!

[Strazcha]

67. You rush the boss with your raged barbarian, swingly wildly with a candy cane.

[EKKM]

67. You rush the boss with your raged barbarian, swingly wildly with a candy cane.

I have also done... I mean seen noobs do that with rogues

[CrimsonEagle]

#68.

You go to do the swim in the Crucible and get caught up in the current before you realize you did not put on your underwater action item.

[sirgog]

#38.5 - During WW section 2 of part 1 going AFK (for a minimum of 20 mins for a "smoke break") after rescuing Arlos just far enough back from the exit to ensure it doesn't complete! :eek:


i HATE that!!!

[sirgog]

(Combat): You're Cone of Cold hit Fire Mephit for 12393838 damage
(Combat): You're Cone of Cold Did So Much Damage I Recommend Copying And Pasting This In Your Bio.

LOL thinking of doing that now...

[Grimdiegn]

#69 Enable voice chat but don't have any speakers. That way everyone in the group will think you can hear them, when in fact you can't.

[Shaamis]

#70
Constantly complain how they need to put Eberron races like Kalashtar, and Changelings into DDO.

#71
Constantly complain about all of the spells in teh PnP game, that aren't in this game yet, like "Whispering Wind"

#72
Telling everyone how high your AC can get, how much damage you are capable of doing, and how high you can get your disable device skill, in a quest that really has nothing to do with any of those having to be a factor.

[Altarboy]

67. You rush the boss with your raged barbarian, swingly wildly with a candy cane.

LOL Chuckle of the day fer me

[hydra_ex]

68. You turn in 20 dragon relics to the dragoncraft apprentice, 20 elf relics to the elfcraft apprentice, and 20 ginat relics to the giantcraft apprentice and wonder why you can't get into Gianthold Tor.

[Teech]

68. You turn in 20 dragon relics to the dragoncraft apprentice, 20 elf relics to the elfcraft apprentice, and 20 ginat relics to the giantcraft apprentice and wonder why you can't get into Gianthold Tor.

I vote that the next time someone does this and talks to the giant to get into Tor, there be an option for him to ask, "Why can't I get in yet?"

And the reply would be....

[Kris_P._Letus]

68. You turn in 20 dragon relics to the dragoncraft apprentice, 20 elf relics to the elfcraft apprentice, and 20 ginat relics to the giantcraft apprentice and wonder why you can't get into Gianthold Tor.

lmao..i did this with my first character becouse i was never worried about going into raids. i didnt know a thing about the relics, all i had heard was about scales. so i figured you had to have relics for the armor, and scales for the raid. sooooo...i go and get all the fancy smancy relic armors, brag to my friends and guild about it, then i get told "why did you waste the relics??? you could have gottin blooded and done the reaver"!!!

D'OH!!!

re-farming relics suck. luckly, i do pop enough to be able to trade in enough dragon relics for others. lol.

[Retsam]

http://home.comcast.net/~xantetsu/owlbear.jpg

mean that? lol

[Oxvon]

my list of noobish things to do

#3 - Posted on this forum

#2 - Made a list of noob things to do

#1 - Take this seriously

------------------------
back to the list

69(lols) - Ask a cleric if he has any healing spells

70 - A cleric asking if anyone has any healing spells

[Dark_Helmet]

#38.5 - During WW section 2 of part 1 going AFK (for a minimum of 20 mins for a "smoke break") after rescuing Arlos just far enough back from the exit to ensure it doesn't complete! :eek:

38.75 - Party Leader goes on smoke break after getting 6th guy to join.

[Dark_Helmet]

#55. Trying to jump from one trog-sniper position to the other in the room with the seal in it in Coal Chamber; realizing you don't have your FF item on and doing a perfect 10 landing in the lava pool and dying.

Really. I meant to do that. Felt a bit chilly.

You are an honorary member of the Lava Diver Guild:
Running to POP, you fall into the lava at least 1 per 3 runs. Bonus is if you are running back after forgetting to get the quest while in it!

[Reverand]

69. As if choosing a cleric as your main wasn't bad enough.... You finally hit level 15 and take "Word of Recall" as a short cut to sell weapons... but you put in on your hot bar next to your buff list. Then in the middle of Co6.... Buff away and then POOF... your in house D alone and embarrassed.

Yeah, I got that Noob feeling sometimes myself.

[Freeman]

30. You realize after finishing "let sleeping dust lie" that You were wearing Your underwater action ring the whole quest instead of Your +5 protection ring..............

Or better yet, you wore your underwater action ring instead of your +Charisma ring. On your sorceror. Not that I've ever done that or anything :o

[fatherpirate]

31. If you have never been in the rusty nail.

[Yaga_Nub]

#100 If your name is Yaga then you are a n00b.


And MysticRhythm's toons are gimp especially the dorf pure paladins. :)

[skyking613]

68. You turn in 20 dragon relics to the dragoncraft apprentice, 20 elf relics to the elfcraft apprentice, and 20 ginat relics to the giantcraft apprentice and wonder why you can't get into Gianthold Tor.


I never felt like such a n00b :D

[bloodpaisley]

--> You pay 10,000 GP instead of bluff in Delara's (I was just clicking through all the boring words...)

--> You pick up all the stupid copper and silver pieces that drop from barrels and crates (hate to leave it laying there -- but come on now...)

--> You get flustered in combat spell casting and just start swinging with a +1 scepter of power or quarterstaff of spell penetration and a 12 STR.

--> You cast the same spell that just triggered the little "IMMUNE" flag again... and again... and again

--> You range an exploding barrel next to a wounded second level character and incapacitate them

--> WF characters die while you burn through 4 +1 heal kits trying to resuscitate them

--> You experience disappointment when the redhead elven toon Sorceress_of_Desire has a gravelly deep timbered voice.

[bbwulf73]

# (whatever it is now) - You spell ROGUE "rouge"

[IgorUnchained]

68. You turn in 20 dragon relics to the dragoncraft apprentice, 20 elf relics to the elfcraft apprentice, and 20 ginat relics to the giantcraft apprentice and wonder why you can't get into Gianthold Tor.


Luckily I just did that with Giant relics.....but yeah, probably my biggest Noob moment!




I also love the one above me about the "rouges". I hate spelling Not Sees more than bad spelling, but it really is "Rogue" and not "Rouge"!

[bbwulf73]

I can forgive Rouge if they're french or dont know better but once I tell 'em, they better spell it right!

[bbwulf73]

You might be a noob if you're the leader of a party and 45 minutes after someone has gotten disconnected and not come back, you still don't dismiss him/her. :P

[GlassCannon]

Toon. Character. PC. Avatar. Player. all the same to me....................:D

What if I call 'em my Kids?

heh.

[GlassCannon]

Here's a Good one:

You just /death to meridia, and are standing in front of the barkeep. You go to put on Your haggle item, forgetting it's in the same slot as Your CON item..........*DING*

Friggin' Hilarious!!!!!!

I do this one on my Sorc and Ranger constantly. Coin Belt vs Lion Headed Belt from DQ.

*HUGE LOUD 80db PIANO SLAM NOISE* - my Bose are always at 60% or higher due to a completely BROKEN voice chat system. Yes, all sliders maxed.

[adamkatt]

--> You range an exploding barrel next to a wounded second level character and incapacitate them

.


Now thats funny!!!

[Gunga]

You might be a noob if you started another you might be a noob thread.

[Asirin]

You might be a noob if you started another you might be a noob thread.
You might be a UBER NOOB if ya havent noticed this was posted TWO MONTHS AGO but some of the posts are still frickin hilarious....well to me anyway.....keep em comin :D

[haunter]

Here's a Good one:

You just /death to meridia, and are standing in front of the barkeep. You go to put on Your haggle item, forgetting it's in the same slot as Your CON item..........*DING*

Friggin' Hilarious!!!!!!

How many people have ever been killed by a trainer?

Dwarven barbarian, low on health, reset enhancements, loose 50+ hit points...

[sigh]

Run from tavern to trainer.

[GlassCannon]

--You rush ahead to take point because someone is rushing ahead and you don't want them to die... in a dungeon you have never even seen before. Later you find out they have no idea where to go either.

--You are a cleric and try to cast Cure Light from your Character Stats page on the Spells tab in a level 12 dungeon

--You see an LFM for healing classes and you try to join as a dwarven barbarian

--You think that all dungeons must have a well rounded party for even a remote chance at completion

--You think that Solo awards the best XP for the quest

--You grab a key vital to the quest and find the nearest deep lava pit, then promptly jump right in

--You die from Melf's Acid Arrow despite having Resist Energy: Acid loaded in your hotbar after a full minute of wondering why you are taking damage, and running around in a panic trying to get away from whatever is hitting you

--You take Sleet Storm as a wizard and use it religiously in melee fights throughout a quest despite nobody having Freedom of Movement

--Your Rogue has no idea what the Disable Device skill is, despite having the Way of the Mechanic enhancement line and simply runs through traps instead of trying to find and disable them

--Your sorcerer 12 tries to melee everything in the dungeon because he had plat farmers level his character and doesn't even know the basics of the game

--Your party is in the middle of a large fight and they don't even notice 8 things surround the cleric, then ask why said healer is dead

--You fail against Despair near a mummy, then when you save you take your Will Save item off thinking it will help you get a better roll

--You think that Repair Kits are for your damaged weapons and keep trying to drag them over said weapons to fix them(Betrayal at Krondor reference... but a new player actually did this)

[randallflagg]

**Party leader would rather run the grp with 5 -because he can't get a cleric,
when there are tons of other classes available

**Players who have one capped toon and complain about lack of new content

**Players who pick up a non-guild player and chat endlessly during quest

**same guildies who crack unfunny jokes about added player continuously

**experienced players laughing & joking about turning in relic mistakes in GH,
and then not explaining how it is supposed to be done for the lowbies who
might be reading the posts and could make the same mistake

**Many more to come as I think of em..

[randallflagg]

"All of these things have actually happened"

As apposed to to what?! Making stuff up?

That's as bad as someone who say's "well, to tell you the truth...."

It is assumed that when we speak or post it is true experience. wow.

[GlassCannon]

--You keep bashing your skull against the quest via death after death and great expense in a finished instance to get to the last chest(s) inside instead of grabbing a much more powerful character to clear the way, despite the fact that XP is no longer an issue(Last night, Chamber of Raiyum. Yep. I grabbed my sorc after half an hour of this. I felt SOOO stupid, and blamed it on being tired due to excessive Insomnia.. which happens to be 100% true)

--You send tells to clerics asking "You wanna come do Temple of Vol on Elite? I'll give you a Cure Serious wand!" and expecting them to say yes

--You rush headlong into a fight against Beholders..... as a caster.

--You think the Cleric can solo the quest, and should

--You fail a save on a roll of 16 and complain that the roll was too low

--You have 42+ pieces of Raid Loot, but can't answer questions about content in-game(The new quests are still new... I'll get to them eventually...)

--You have capped 16 characters throughout the mods since shortly after Beta and still don't know how to build a good Rogue(HAH! This is me.)

--You go to open a chest after the rogue screams "TRAP!" and expect to loot and continue on as normal(if you get nailed and can continue... you just might be a Redneck. Guilty as charged.)

--You go to reference a Youtube link and forget to copy it in the address bar, instead posting something embarrassing into Guild Chat and hitting Enter before realizing what happened.

--You still try to solo or duo Raids on Elite expecting Guaranteed Raid Loot for your efforts

[randallflagg]

**you got sooo excited & goofy typing in boring entries not realizing
there were posts in between your posts

[bbwulf73]

You might be a noob if on occasion you lag to the point of not being able to move and you decide cleric would be your best class choice.

You might be a noob if you suffer from terrible lag and decide setting your graphics to their highest levels is the best way to play

[randallflagg]

**You get mad when there is a party in your grp who is the same class as you. So instead of
exchanging the "who has what spells" -you just double cast all the buffs! real smart noob!

(this just happened to me today)

[GlassCannon]

**You get mad when there is a party in your grp who is the same class as you. So instead of
exchanging the "who has what spells" -you just double cast all the buffs! real smart noob!

(this just happened to me today)

Examine.

Click the Name, hit Examine, done and done.

Haste and go(If you are the Cleric, wait for haste then go).

[randallflagg]

You are a lvl 7-8 caster standing in the distance
firing MM at mobs in The Tear of Dhakaan!

You run into an ELITE lvl trap and die as the
rogue is disabling it!... TWICE!

You are a cleric engaging in hand to hand combat
as a member of your party is incap. -3, -4, -5, -6
-7, -8, -9, ...dead!

You are the party leader, you are WARNED ahead of time
that ELITE was too much for current grp--15 minutes
later.....party wipe!
**then after the wipe -everyone quit instead of doing the last
part on normal or hard!**

**All just happened last night**

[transtemporal]

If you forget to tell a newbie in PoP not to pick up the docent at the end, watch him die, then wonder if you can pick it up... LOL

[Twerpp]

I like the bios that say :
(combaat): You kilt Aretrikioos
or some other obvious form of retardation.


My other favorite is the guy that offers up every totally useless piece of loot he pulls to members of the party, with even an explanantion of how it could be the best thing ever for them.

Anyone want this impact heavy mace of vertigo 4 rr warforged? Great if you roll a warforged cleric but cant afford the imp crit bludgeon feat because you took combat expertise so you could get improved trip so you could trip people with vertigo weapons! Anyone? Are you sure???! Oh well guess I'll just put it on AH.

[transtemporal]

My other favorite is the guy that offers up every totally useless piece of loot he pulls to members of the party, with even an explanantion of how it could be the best thing ever for them.

Anyone want this impact heavy mace of vertigo 4 rr warforged? Great if you roll a warforged cleric but cant afford the imp crit bludgeon feat because you took combat expertise so you could get improved trip so you could trip people with vertigo weapons! Anyone? Are you sure???! Oh well guess I'll just put it on AH.

Oh come on, he was just being nice! In a tardy kind of a way. :)

[DoctorWhofan]

"Resistance only blocks 30. I get 120 with Protection. So yeah, my sorcerer took the better one. Why did I die in the lava? Must be a bug!"

"So, you are telling me that you can only heal and remove damage. So there's no FoM for Sorjek, then?"

An LFM: Know your own way, bring your own heals, suck it up. The quest gwylan's stand on elite without a rogue and level 6 beingthe highest person. In quest, the leader runs up the force trap steps to kill the guy at the top and exclaims "That thrap must have been just put in!!"

"The reaver raid is so cool!! I've done it a bunch of times and Gianthold tor is the bomb!! I've like killed the dragons like 200 times!!!" Then to Trissa, " what kind of armour are you wearing?"

Black Dragon Full Plate

"Neat! Where did you get it?"

By turning in scales

"where did you get the scales?"

Gianthold Tor

"What the explorer area?"

The Pre-raid

"Oh, I haven't done that yet."

We were about to do the Reaver Raid. He was flagged. Suddenly, I had disconnecting issues.


Rule #1234533 remember to brag about quests you actually haven't done so everyone can see your uberness. For added benefit, either purchase so plat from a farming site to by the uber loot on the AH or pay to have someone run your guy through it. Make sure, you read up on it on the forums so you sound like you know what you are taking about to the poor minions who will bow to your uberness.

Rule # 1234323 Make sure your lack of knowledge is never expressed in the quest. If you make a wrong turn, walk into a trap, etc. Make sure you blame Turbine for everything. It is never your fault. You have the star, and that protects you from such slander!

RUle #5548904 Latch on the person in the group who is playingthe game for the first time. Throw out acronyms and words that will confuse and astound the newbie. Don't forget to tell him (tall) tales of you great exploits in the Marketplace beyond and feed him incorrect information and sratadgies. Then lead him through a quest and when he dies (or more likely a party wipe) following you ideas to the letter, tell him "Don't worry you will get better. You just a bad player right now, but if you listen to me, you might be as uber as me"

Because, you, of course, are perfect.

Rule # 355345 Blind invites are still cool at level 12. That's all parties should be put together.

[branmakmuffin]

Y0u l00k way more c00ler if you spell "uber" "00ber," y0u kn0w.

1337 5p3111n6 X1cX5 6u77!

Everyone knows that.

[kyebosh]

I'd like to add to the OP's number 2: Also never read party chat (destroy the tab). Noone ever types anything worth reading anyway.

[DoctorWhofan]

Y0u l00k way more c00ler if you spell "uber" "00ber," y0u kn0w.

1337 5p3111n6 X1cX5 6u77!

Everyone knows that.

Stupid phone-ese!!!

[randallflagg]

My other favorite is the guy that offers up every totally useless piece of loot he pulls to members of the party, with even an explanantion of how it could be the best thing ever for them.



Dont forget the other end of that spectrum.....

You hear stuff in a lvl 4 or 5 quest like;

"Anyone want this masterwork half plate"?

It's like just leave the s**t in the chest dude!

[branmakmuffin]

You hear stuff in a lvl 4 or 5 quest like;

"Anyone want this masterwork half plate"?

It's like just leave the s**t in the chest dude!
If you saw a dollar on the ground IRL, would you say "leave that s**t on the ground, dude?"

Although it noobish to offer it up to others.

[Falchion123]

** You know you are a Noob when you pick up that Q-staff of greater elemental bane from the AH thinking finally you can get some nice red numbers on the earth ele.

[cyadra]

-- you run a mid to high level quest and ask the cleric for a DV or two and he responds with "What's that?" and you continue the quest with him. Then find out later that he is in your guild and you continue to be in that guild.

-- you do a goodblades on elite and there always is someone who is so excited and tells the party step by step how to finish the quest.

-- you use the shrine to kill drexelhand

-- you always thought that ramp from the top level to the bottom level of the prison existed

-- you die pulling the levers in PoP (I did that....twice)

-- you take the eschew materials feat as a sorc

-- you rolled a WF Barb with 20 Con and neglect Dex

[randallflagg]

If you saw a dollar on the ground IRL, would you say "leave that s**t on the ground, dude?"

Although it noobish to offer it up to others.

Instead of thinking of your own ideas you critisize someone elses post,.... n00b

[branmakmuffin]

Instead of thinking of your own ideas you critisize someone elses post,.... n00b
So you would just leave a dollar lying on the ground.

[TehSilence]

Originally Posted by cappuccino
#38.5 - During WW section 2 of part 1 going AFK (for a minimum of 20 mins for a "smoke break") after rescuing Arlos just far enough back from the exit to ensure it doesn't complete!

38.9. Your casters are halfway through their 50-second buff-fest at the start of a mission and you figure now's a good time for a bio break and a fresh drink! "AFK"

##. You are wailing on the boss construct, ripping him a new earhole with your +5 Flaming Burst Dwarven Axe of Noobness, wondering why everyone is yelling over one another in voice chat. Man, this guy has a lot of hps!

##. While running away from the vendor after selling/buying stuff, you go to click on the "X" at the top of the window to close it, only to see it disappear as you have left the vendor's range. Instead you consume your last Remove Curse pot which was on your hotbar directly underneath where the window's 'X' was. Note: It was only your last pot because the other ones were consumed during your last few trips to the vendor.


I've personally only been guilty of the last one, and rather than re-arrange my hotbars I just don't close windows anymore. :)

-Silence

[transtemporal]

You're on a "miscellaneous items" mule in the rusty nail thinking "Wow, these brokers have some amazing stuff and its really cheap!" - then proceed to sell everything in your inventory for peanuts... (this happened to a friend, not me... yeah, thats thats the ticket)
You're at the self-same tavern thinking, "Wow, there is some amazing stuff in here!" and go to buy it, then spend the next 5 minutes wondering why it isn't in your inventory, then realise you were repairing... heh.

[query]

wonder why this thread isn't TOTW when you fail to check the posting date of that first thread.

Seem to add a z to rule somewhere....no and it doesn't even have to be the end of the word.

You ask where to buy the lottery tickets in game...wait, that was under the redneck retirement for that earlier post.......no, if somebody asked that it could go here too...thank you Redneck Council *spits tobacco chew in the "Cer-moan-al +5...sumtin' Spit Toon of the Elduhrs."*

You like spending all time in quest from joined to dismi...I mean leaving, how you are the best expert and sage on a(ny) creature, ESPECIALLY the red boss types. Why, you could talk about a Dragon Thesis proved for 30 minutes, then be the first one promptly dead at the end fight.

Accepting that player into your group after you experienced the above and think (especially if you have speakers and heard..umm, let's say 'him' talk the last time so you can name 'his' 'age' and 'maturity', down to the hour, and the latter is 50 times less than the former barely in two digits, if that high,) "It was just a bad accident what 'he' did last time; 'he'll' behave now."

One of the poster of this thread's characters is not on your ban list.

Assuming it is MY pc to put on the ban list.

Assuming it ISN'T my PC (J/K folks, NO SERIOUSLY! :p)

Assuming those last three lines are actually true.

Forgetting about the pathalogicial liar.

Forgetting I'm lying.

Thinking query's posts eventually will be comprehensible.

Wondering how come you never can earn more infraction points no matter how well you post?

Wondering how come you can't report yourself and get results?

You think you're smarter than me.

Missing the gramatic irony joke of the above and thought I was serious, as that would be in violation of the posting rules.....SUCKER! ;)

The only thing you can do to posts is reply correcting the grammar and spelling.

Making the posts worse with your incorrect corrected grammar and post in it's entire posting..........think about it....think about it.

And....

after all that....



http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

[query]

Still clicking on that other link not identified when your join date is more than a month old and/or you actually read Merlask/Tolero before while that dummy just double posted after that.

Insulting yourself ;)

[Lewcipher]

When you accidentally report a guildy's new alt as a plat farmer right after they mailed you good items because they haven't been added to the guild or your friends list yet

[query]

From Thank you to.......well, "you" still is there! :D

If allowed by TOS guidelines, what happened?
Edit: just for...um, "research," which farmers give you free item samples? :p


When you accidentally report a guildy's new alt as a plat farmer right after they mailed you good items because they haven't been added to the guild or your friends list yet

[Tourette]

if you accept the taxi back to Gianthold prior to someone completing the quest and you don't get your end reward from POP - d'oh - um, no, I've never done that ;)

[Tendare]

#43 you jump off the ramp in the twelve forgeting that you dont have your ff item on and go splash in the lava and die, wasnt me i swear:o

You do it 3 times in one day :)

[Asirin]

wonder why this thread isn't TOTW when you fail to check the posting date of that first thread.

Seem to add a z to rule somewhere....no and it doesn't even have to be the end of the word.

You ask where to buy the lottery tickets in game...wait, that was under the redneck retirement for that earlier post.......no, if somebody asked that it could go here too...thank you Redneck Council *spits tobacco chew in the "Cer-moan-al +5...sumtin' Spit Toon of the Elduhrs."*

You like spending all time in quest from joined to dismi...I mean leaving, how you are the best expert and sage on a(ny) creature, ESPECIALLY the red boss types. Why, you could talk about a Dragon Thesis proved for 30 minutes, then be the first one promptly dead at the end fight.

Accepting that player into your group after you experienced the above and think (especially if you have speakers and heard..umm, let's say 'him' talk the last time so you can name 'his' 'age' and 'maturity', down to the hour, and the latter is 50 times less than the former barely in two digits, if that high,) "It was just a bad accident what 'he' did last time; 'he'll' behave now."

One of the poster of this thread's characters is not on your ban list.

Assuming it is MY pc to put on the ban list.

Assuming it ISN'T my PC (J/K folks, NO SERIOUSLY! :p)

Assuming those last three lines are actually true.

Forgetting about the pathalogicial liar.

Forgetting I'm lying.

Thinking query's posts eventually will be comprehensible.

Wondering how come you never can earn more infraction points no matter how well you post?

Wondering how come you can't report yourself and get results?

You think you're smarter than me.

Missing the gramatic irony joke of the above and thought I was serious, as that would be in violation of the posting rules.....SUCKER! ;)

The only thing you can do to posts is reply correcting the grammar and spelling.

Making the posts worse with your incorrect corrected grammar and post in it's entire posting..........think about it....think about it.

And....

after all that....



http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
:D