You know you're screwed when...

[gponto18]

...the rogue announces that he is a dps rogue and thus does not look for / disarm traps

...you get a random invite without LFG and get made the leader upon joining.

...you join a group to see everyone dead, and you hear "Oh this time well get it for sure, we've got a cleric now!"

...the cleric announces he is a "fighting" cleric and tells you to use potions to heal yourself.

...the sorceror is the pointman.

Anyone want to add to this?

[snowydude]

you know your screwed when

the barbarian/frenzied berserker who can't die from damage gets taken down in 1 hit.

when the gm says "dont bother with a saving throw."

the paladin walks into an enemy and anounces your presence to allow a fair fight.

wish "I wish all the bloody people around me would disapear" there goes the party

when the cleric prays and god shows up and says you may ask 1 question...

then some 1 says "all of us?"
"no"

[Necrosis]

You also know you're in trouble when:

The Ranger equips a short sword and says, "Hit me with a bull's strength, I want to tank for a while."

The Sorcerer says, "Can you give me one of those Owl's Wisdoms to help me with my casting?"

As the entire cursed party stands next to the Cleric waiting patiently, he says, "Oops, I prepared bestow curse instead of remove curse."

[gponto18]

...the rogue in your group who already announced hes a dps rogue also does not know how to tumble/dodge.

...the tank says "save your buffs", runs way ahead of the group and prompty starts screaming for heals.

...you keep getting the party message "**** has died." in the marketplace.

...you enter the instance and every party member runs in different directions.

...wizard / sorc tells you (as the cleric) to heal the warforged as its not his job.

[oronisi]

As much as I have to agree, as long as the dps rogue announces his character's role ahead of time, and as long as a combat cleric announces their intentions ahead of time, I don't see the problem. Combat clerics are a great option to those who want to be a tankmage and realize casting fireball and following it up with smacking a guy with a 2 handed sword, yet not wearing any armor isn't a great idea.

Still, you know you are screwed when the DM voiceover says 'uh oh!'

[Sanctus]

Famous last words of adventuring parties:

"Oops."

"I can Turn these, right?"

"Look, archers!"

"Let's just run through."

"I think I can jump this."

"Me? I thought you were the healer."

"Nothing here but some stupid-looking monster with a bunch of eyes."

"Heal! Heal!"

"Let's see what happens."

"Don't worry; I have damage resistance."

"Resist Fire makes us immune to fire damage."

"It'll wear off."

"One more room and then we can rest."

[Stratta]

omg some of these are great and all to true, one of my all time favorites is when you hear the rogue say "oops" from around the corner.

or you see him come running back on fire. :)

oh and one more, when the rogue says "OOO a lever!"

[Shuteru]

Cleric: " wwwwwwwasasdsadawwwwwawdaasadsa"

followed by,

Cleric: "ahh ****.... no one else can rez, huh?"

[Necrosis]

Heard another one:

... the Ranger says, "I'm just going to sneak in a draw a couple of them out to us." Ranger sneaks away... Ranger screams OMG! and health bar drops to zero.

... the Rouge, forgetting he's equiped with Boots of Featherfall, jumps into the big hole in the floor of The Haunted Library and yells up to rest of group, "Jump! It's not too bad." Rest of party jumps and only the Barbarian survives.

[Batezou]

"the paladin walks into an enemy and anounces your presence to allow a fair fight."

Omigosh...that actually happened to me in a PUG. It led to a party wipe. Seriously bad move... :eek:

[cdbd3rd]

< snip >
...the sorceror is the pointman.

Anyone want to add to this?

K, very similar... I build a missile fighter = hi dex, soft armor, repeater crossbow, etc. I join a party who, during the jump-off planning of Redwillow, decides, "Oh, and <my char name> will be the tank." :eek:

[Freeman]

From a PnP game:

The Paladin (Still at full health) runs out of an abandoned building, screaming about the 6 skeletons inside. He was terrified because he couldn't turn them. (Found out later that he had lost his Paladin status, but he just thought they were insanely powerful skeletons if he couldn't turn them)

From another game, with a different group:

Paladin and sorceror are slightly ahead of the bard and wizard. They get hit with confusion spell. Sorc makes her save. Paladin rolls a 1. Paladin attacks sorc. Paladin crits sorc. Sorc drops. Bard ***** his pants. Wizard (In a brilliant move, I might add) cast stoneskin on himself and attacks Paladin to keep him occupied until the confusion wears off. (In PnP, if you are confused, you attack the last person to attack you)

[Brother_Thomas]

These are my own personal newb moves!
When I was Sorc.
(Runs ahead to take a look, died to huge fire trap) "Trap!"
my sorc is fire/charm spec'd... 580+ mana at my disposal, Blackbone skel give the "Immune" messege "Ah ****"

As Rogue, best I've managed is, tumble fighting on a bridge...fell ?? feet to my death avoiding a scorching ray..

I'm curious to know if anyone else had great newb death stories:D

[Viza]

you know you are screwed when...

you are recharging your mana at the inn from the last dungeon, get a group invite, and 30 seconds later 2 of them are in the dungeon dead because they didn't wait.

the wizard insists on running ahead of everyone, scouting and getting hit by every trap, getting aggro'd first by every encounter, and the cleric is out of mana by the time you reach the boss.

you are the last one in the rank, inside a trap filled dungeon, and the rogue is the 2nd last because he's moving silently and no one will wait.

As the wizard, you are at the shrine fitting "protection from fire" (not resist fire) for the elemental, adding it to your toolbar, and you hear "oh ****" over comms because someone just died from fire damage from the fire elemental. Well, if that's all there is you can just cast it to death and put protection on yourself.... In this case everyone but you is screwed 8)

-Viza

[gponto18]

(my personal stupidity death story)

Group leader goes on for a minute or so (over voice) about how we must all move into the room togeather as a portcullis will slam behind us in the room ahead.

(During which time I am fighting with my girlfriend over some stupid ****...something about me not paying enough attention to her)

I waltz right into the room....CLANG...

several explictives follow...

GONG...blackness!

[gponto18]

As much as I have to agree, as long as the dps rogue announces his character's role ahead of time, and as long as a combat cleric announces their intentions ahead of time, I don't see the problem. Combat clerics are a great option to those who want to be a tankmage and realize casting fireball and following it up with smacking a guy with a 2 handed sword, yet not wearing any armor isn't a great idea.


Agree 100%, after I kick them :D

[Sylas]

Cleric: " wwwwwwwasasdsadawwwwwawdaasadsa"

followed by,

Cleric: "ahh ****.... no one else can rez, huh?"

That made me literally laugh out loud. And not just because I've been that guy.

[JackofBlades]

THE #1 thing that leads to a parties demize:

Fighter/Barbarian: "Wonder what this lever does?" *Pulles Lever*

Most embarrasing moment:

Party mate: I'm stabelized, jack, can you heal me?
Me: Im manaless
Party mate: Just use heal
Me: ummmmmmmm. we got a tinsy problem
Party mate: What?
Me: I forgot my med kits. :P

[Necrosis]

Yeah, I did this, then I went and bought a mouse for my laptop....

You know you are in trouble when...

In the middle of a nasty fight the Cleric yells, "I can't do anything!!! I can't select or move or cast!!! Dammit!!!" After 3rd death, Cleric accidently hits Enter Key:"

Cleric (on Party Chat): sssaaddaawswsssssssssss888999999999 (dozens of f1-f6 key hits not displayed)

Cleric (on V-chat): Son-ov-a!

Cleric suddenly can move and cast normally... Group is completely silent.

[Midris]

you know you are screwed when...

you are recharging your mana at the inn from the last dungeon, get a group invite, and 30 seconds later 2 of them are in the dungeon dead because they didn't wait.

the wizard insists on running ahead of everyone, scouting and getting hit by every trap, getting aggro'd first by every encounter, and the cleric is out of mana by the time you reach the boss.

you are the last one in the rank, inside a trap filled dungeon, and the rogue is the 2nd last because he's moving silently and no one will wait.

As the wizard, you are at the shrine fitting "protection from fire" (not resist fire) for the elemental, adding it to your toolbar, and you hear "oh ****" over comms because someone just died from fire damage from the fire elemental. Well, if that's all there is you can just cast it to death and put protection on yourself.... In this case everyone but you is screwed 8)

-Viza

I'll do you one better.
Most of the party is at the rest shrine that we had to carry 3 party members to (death by fireball). The Cleric had a little bit of mana left, so She heals our main tank up to full. So left in the room is me (sorcerer at 3hp, 0sp), Cleric at about 6 hp now 0sp, And the three newly rezed party members. We all sit down to rest, 3 seconds into rest we hear over VC "Oh **** guys, Coming in hot, got 4 minos." The Main tank came running back into the rest shrine room followed by the 4 Minotaurs, Then we hear "oops, you guys resting huh?" Total Party Wipe.

The best was still the first time we did Gwylans on elite, get to first trap.
Me (party Leader): Well do your thing little miss rouge
Rouge: roger
10 Second pause........
Rouge: hmmm
Me: Problem, you need Cat or Foxes.
Rouge: Maybe be, I can't seem to disable this trap.
Me: k, (wand casts both Cats grace and foxes Cunning on her)
Rouge: still no
Me: well ****
Rouge: I know this is elite, but These traps must be mega Hard.
Me: Guess so, Should we run through
Fighter: what is your screen telling you?
Rouge: Hmmm, unable to................ OH ****, I FORGOT TO GET MORE THEVIES TOOLS!!!!!!!!
Me: We gonna die huh
Rest of the party: yup.

We were laughing for hours.

[Kevonovitch]

when the guy with "all the info" of that quest announces that he forgot to mention that we just screwed up the quest. by simply falling into a trap that triggers a bos we cant beat -_-

and then ontop of all that, haveing the entire group fall into a lava pool with no escape.

i swear if pvp was enabled i woulda killed our leader endlessly.

[MoonDragn]

You know you're screwed when :

After you find out the rogue you invited is a dps rogue and invite the second rogue into your party. You make it all the way back to the locked chest :

"Can't unlock it? "
"Nope forgot my tools" ... "Ok We'll wait, go buy them"...

10 mins later...

"Ur where do they sell thieves tools in the harbor"
"I don't know, did you check all the stores?"
"Yup, I usually buy them in the beginning area by wavecrest"
"Ok go back and get them"

10 mins later...

"Ur I can't get back to the beginning area, the guy doesn't have that option"
"Thats funny, I could always get back there.. let me zone out and check"
No option for me either...
"Ok let me log on my other character who's in the marketplace"

20 mins later, he finally relogs back on with the same character...

"The server won't let me log on the other character it is just hanging there, and I couldn't get back in for a while cause the server told me I was still saving my character"

"doh!"

The rogue logs off to try again...
One of the party members pipes up "Hey, I have some thieve's tools in my inventory"

...

...

30 mins later the rogue finally logs back on with his other character...

"Hey I brought the thieve's tools"...

*server shutting down in 30 secs*

[UnReaL]

When you hear a person who has strayed off from the group yell... Whats this switch do.... O ****... *silence*

[Fitzy]

When you announce, if we all charge him at once he cant possibly desintigrate all of us.... forgetting about hold person, finger of death, flesh to stone and the countless enemies in the next room more then eager to prey on held people.

Or:

before battle cry :Im indestructable unless i roll a 1 dont worry.
5 seconds later : what was the odds in that?

[Rine]

In PnP, the ranger in your party suggests that we all go back to the temple of elemental evil. Where its safe

or your party is climbing down a ladder into total darkness, when one pipes up and asks just how far it is to hell, the fighter in the group (without skipping a beat) looks down and calmly states "about 20 ft".

your playing PnP durring a thunderstorm, when you encounter a low lvl demon. a female druid blows a kiss to him just as the lights go out.

[gponto18]

As a cleric...

Everyone in the group is a Warforged...:eek:

[snowydude]

here are some famous last words.


IT DID HOW MUCH?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
They wouldn't dare do that again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
how deep do you think the hole is? *shoved in*
*shout* TELL US WHEN YOU REACH THE BOTTOM.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
well I guees thats it for the trolls... hay why are their limbs still moving?
I must have cut them into at least a dozen peices each they should be dead.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
ugh. I think I just steped in somthing. eww slimey.
aww man its all over my shoe.*sits down* hold on while I get it off
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
spell turning hit spell turning? what happens if a spell is double turned?
*looks it up* ok I threw a 4 for the d100 you told me to throw...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(adult joke. you may not get it)
bard: hay check it out a hot red winged chick im gona go check it out.
cleric: uhh, dude thats a sucubus.
bard: realy? well then...I wounder if she's seeing any 1.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

[gponto18]

And the ever popular...

Unnamed fighter: **** my weapon just broke!
Me: Which one?
Unnamed fighter: what do you mean which one?
Me: ...

[snowydude]

And the ever popular...

Unnamed fighter: **** my weapon just broke!
Me: Which one?
Unnamed fighter: what do you mean which one?
Me: ...

yea thats a funny 1.

[lightfingers]

Thank you all, had me rolling on the floor on a few of these. People at work were looking at me like I had 3 heads

Only thing I can add

You know your screwed when - my bard is invited to a full group including one cleric. Start the WW quest on hard and then find out the cleric is a BC and will not heal and I am expected to be primary healer.

[gponto18]

Thank you all, had me rolling on the floor on a few of these. People at work were looking at me like I had 3 heads

Only thing I can add

You know your screwed when - my bard is invited to a full group including one cleric. Start the WW quest on hard and then find out the cleric is a BC and will not heal and I am expected to be primary healer.

I sympathise man!

I got another one, just happened to me...

Level 6 Paladin: We better do Cult of the Six on Hard or Elite, I it solo hard all the time.

Group: Are you sure?

Level 6 Paladin: Dude I know what I'm doing! Set it to hard or I quit!

Group: Well OK lets try it...


...several minutes later, the group is all eating tiles...


Level 6 Paladin: Dude these guys never cast spells before?! They must have changed it, well later guys...

Group: ...

[Amentat]

Thank you all, had me rolling on the floor on a few of these. People at work were looking at me like I had 3 heads

Only thing I can add

You know your screwed when - my bard is invited to a full group including one cleric. Start the WW quest on hard and then find out the cleric is a BC and will not heal and I am expected to be primary healer.

feel for you had that happen to my bard but i also play a non battle cleric

[Arondos]

When the party can't even stay together and someone dies BEFORE you get to the dungeon.

When the first fight the finger wiggler draws agro and runs in circles around the party while screaming like an 8 year old girl over the voice comms.

When the tank turns down an armor upgrade because "It looks ghey."

When you see rogue "going to try to pull just one with my bow. OH SHOOT!!"
followed by Cleric "afk phone"

When half the party shows up to start a crawl at less than full health and power.

[DJNsomniac]

LMFAO i'm dieing over here guys. LOL this thread should be stickied lol

[Kelthuran]

Cleric: " wwwwwwwasasdsadawwwwwawdaasadsa"

followed by,

Cleric: "ahh ****.... no one else can rez, huh?"
lmao

[Kelthuran]

You know you're screwed when...

Your party is creeping through the damp halls of a dark dungeon. The scout spots a pack of hobgoblins up ahead. Everyone braces for combat, and just as the rogue prepares to strike the first blow...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

*NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED*

***?:eek:

(starcraft anyone?:p )

[packratt]

My personal...i'm screwed... moment actually just came last night.
Doing the steam tunnel quest (Shak - o - whatever) at the flame trap room.
Never been there before, had been warned to prepare flame resist, but didn't have it on cast bar. Took a sec to prepare, while others popped potions and dissapeared. Buffed and off i went.
Flames hurt even with resist on....
Started my usually panicked circle run....
Got all turned around....
Just about dead....
Guys yelling to get to the E wall... no flames there....
Get there just in time.....

Then i hear this....
WATCH FOR THE SPIKE TRAP! That one sucks!

[gponto18]

My personal...i'm screwed... moment actually just came last night.
Doing the steam tunnel quest (Shak - o - whatever) at the flame trap room.
Never been there before, had been warned to prepare flame resist, but didn't have it on cast bar. Took a sec to prepare, while others popped potions and dissapeared. Buffed and off i went.
Flames hurt even with resist on....
Started my usually panicked circle run....
Got all turned around....
Just about dead....
Guys yelling to get to the E wall... no flames there....
Get there just in time.....

Then i hear this....
WATCH FOR THE SPIKE TRAP! That one sucks!

LMFAO! Darn rogues!

You know your screwed when...

...the fighter and sorcerer get into kill score contests. Just never a good thing.

-----------------------

Party sees a green goo spewing ACID trap ahead...

Rogue: Just a second I'll disarm this...
Dwarf: Dwarves have natural poison resistance, no need to disarm it!
...two seconds later, dwarf is a corpse..
Dwarf: ***?! Thats some strong poison...

-----------------------

...every trap blows up in the rogues face...

-----------------------

My personal most hated screwed moment:
Me: Can you disarm that poison trap? Strength damage really ruins my day...
...Boom..
...after an unsuccessful attempt at timing the trap I go HELPLESS...
Me: Son of A! Ill have to run to the tavern now to remove this damage
Group: Your a cleric you can just restore it.
Me: Cant when I am helpless.
Group: Oh just use a wand then.
Me: Cant when I am helpless.
Group: Oh your just burdened, drop some stuff.
Me: Cant when I am helpless.
Group: Oh well dont worry about it just keep us healed.
Me: ...
...two corpses later...
Group: *** man?! Why didnt you heal us?
Me: I CANT WHEN I AM HELPLESS!!!
Group: *** DOES HELPLESS MEAN?!
Me: ...

[Jozan]

I always knew I was done for when the DM began to chuckle from behind his screen...and no one had said anything funny.

Also, when as a main healer, the Warforged barbarian in the group decides that it is better to "Just let me set off the traps, its way quicker than disabling them. Besides, I have tons of HP"...yeah buddy, and no way to recover them(or anyone elses) after dropping half my SP trying to keep you at 50%.

When your fighter charges the "manticles" instead of the "manticore"

Your lucky d20 turns out consecutive 1's

[Gritten]

Its stuff like this that helps get through a Sunday at work lol. Here's mine

Take into consideration we're all level 1's, but still.

Dungeon 1: (can't even remember which)
Me as Barbarin heads into the dungeon with my friend the Bard Tal. I immediately begin smashing all crates and barrels in my sight

Tal: Whoah whoa whoa big guy
Me: What?
Tal: You trying to announce our presence to every critter in here?
Me: Um....sorry?
Tal: We'll empty the place then you can have your barrel smashing fun
Me: Ok
5 minutes later, I see something I've never seen before, and it's clickable, I'm thinking WOO Loot!
*double-clicks*
BONG!!!!!! - DMTEXT "You ring a large gong, annoucing your presence to anything nearby"
Me: *looks at Tal* Oops?
Tal: Stupid Barbarian
*roll in kobald swarm*

The second was on the Millers Basement. We brought along my wife Abby the rogue!

Me: There's a trap between these boxes
Verrin: I think we should go left...
Me: Bah, we should be ok with Abby this time
Verrin: As you wish
Abby: Ok give me a second
BOOM Control box explods
Abby: Oops
Me: Hmmm
I jump down off the boxes and manage to save my checks against the two sonic traps.
Me: Woo! Made it, follow me it's easy!
Verrin has Died (note right in the cross section of the two traps)
Abby: I'll get his stone
Abby has Died
Abby: ****!
Me: *sighs* I'll get you two, always up to...
Dal had died
Me: Well now.
Verrin: ....
Me: Lets keep this to ourselves shall we?
Verrin: Lets.
Me: Maybe next time I'll select Normal, not Hard
Verrin: We should have gone left.


Gritten

[gponto18]

Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Where are all these kobolds comming from?
Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Do these things respawn or something?

[Rossi]

And the ever popular...

Unnamed fighter: **** my weapon just broke!
Me: Which one?
Unnamed fighter: what do you mean which one?
Me: ...


LOL

Rogue(lvl3): "I went for balance, I wanted skills and fighting ability."

-5 min later BOOM
Rogue: "$#!T"

-2 min later BOOM
Rogue: "Well ****."
Rossi: "Are you using your skill boost?"
Rogue: "My what?"

-4 min later...intel Rune
Rossi: "Ok Rogue try it out."
Rogue: "They never work, let's move on."
Rossi: "Uh...what's your intel at?"
Rogue: "Ten"

-8 min later...end of dungeon
Rossi: "We made it."
Rogue: "Yeah I don't know what was going on, I couldn't hit anything."

[Rossi]

Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Where are all these kobolds comming from?
Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Do these things respawn or something?

ROFL!!:D

[Sylexis]

You know your Screwed when

*rogue in the lead*
Rogue: Trap! hold! *in voice*
*3 members keep moving*
Rogue: Trap! stop! *typed in group*
*1 member keeps moving*
Rogue runs backwards just in time to save himself from certain exploding death.
Group to 1 member that moved: Dangit can't you listen!

[rpgronin]

It's a typical day of DDO. Ive just created a new character (a Wizard) and was lucky enough to get a group for Waterworks with a Rogue, two Fighters, and two Clerics. After we get to the second part of the first instance...

Varni(My Wizard): "Hey, watch out for those spike traps guys."
Dana(Rogue): "No worries, I can disarm it. Just wait a second."
Crash(Fighter): "Screw it, Im going in!"
Marix(Fighter): "Me too!"
Both Fighters charge in, both hitting the spike trap several times, then proceed to aggro all the kobolds in the next room...
Crash has died.
Marix has died.
Both Clerics sigh heavily since both Fighters were out of range.
Varni(Wizard): "*** part of WAIT didnt you understand!?!"
Nergul(Cleric): "Idiots."
Dana disables to trap, the kobolds rush us.
The battle insues and Nergul does his heal thing...
Varni(Wizard): "OMG Dale, heal us man!"
Dale(Cleric): "Que?"
...
....
.....
Varni has died.
Dana has died.
Nergul has died.
Dale runs like a little girl out of the instance.

[Kaz_The_DM]

Have had that happen ... and I was a Warforged cleric (Healock) :D


As a cleric...

Everyone in the group is a Warforged...:eek:

[cdbd3rd]

I can'r quote anything because I';ve been in so many of these situations. :o
It's nice to know I wasn't the only one. :rolleyes:

[Kaz_The_DM]

Both Fighters charge in, both hitting the spike trap several times, then proceed to aggro all the kobolds in the next room...
Crash has died.
Marix has died.
Both Clerics sigh heavily since both Fighters were out of range.
Varni(Wizard): "*** part of WAIT didnt you understand!?!"
Nergul(Cleric): "Idiots."
Dana disables to trap, the kobolds rush us.
The battle insues and Nergul does his heal thing...
Varni(Wizard): "OMG Dale, heal us man!"
Dale(Cleric): "Que?"
...
....
.....
Varni has died.
Dana has died.
Nergul has died.
Dale runs like a little girl out of the instance.

Everyone at work keeps asking me what I am laughing at and with this one they I fell out of my chair ... now everyone is asking me if I am okay :D

[Kevonovitch]

wiz: hey i got a smart idea! lets all buff up the tank (me) and send HIM in to spawn the boss and tank him for us!

me: hmm just dont let me die, or il kill you.

rogue: hehe il kill him, screw the boss

group: lawl

*buffadgeing and stuff*

so i trot on in...and whadda ya know!

group: oh ****! he spawned BEHIND us! AG RUN OVER HERE ******!

so after a quick slaughter, i was soloing the boss when dont ya know it, everything failed on me. so now we ALL died, and that smart ass wiz was never seen again. although i did recive some praise for it all. and i did tell the wiz off harshly too.

[cdbd3rd]

here are some famous last words.


IT DID HOW MUCH?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
ugh. I think I just steped in somthing. eww slimey.
aww man its all over my shoe.*sits down* hold on while I get it off
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROFLMAO!!! Yes, this one causes the 'cringe' :D

[Jaxom_Faux]

It's a typical day of DDO. Ive just created a new character (a Wizard) and was lucky enough to get a group for Waterworks with a Rogue, two Fighters, and two Clerics. After we get to the second part of the first instance...

Varni(My Wizard): "Hey, watch out for those spike traps guys."
Dana(Rogue): "No worries, I can disarm it. Just wait a second."
Crash(Fighter): "Screw it, Im going in!"
Marix(Fighter): "Me too!"
Both Fighters charge in, both hitting the spike trap several times, then proceed to aggro all the kobolds in the next room...
Crash has died.
Marix has died.
Both Clerics sigh heavily since both Fighters were out of range.
Varni(Wizard): "*** part of WAIT didnt you understand!?!"
Nergul(Cleric): "Idiots."
Dana disables to trap, the kobolds rush us.
The battle insues and Nergul does his heal thing...
Varni(Wizard): "OMG Dale, heal us man!"
Dale(Cleric): "Que?"
...
....
.....
Varni has died.
Dana has died.
Nergul has died.
Dale runs like a little girl out of the instance.

lol, not that i have anything against non-english speakers but here's a quick story from the other night that's amusing and points out how critical communication is. we had a WF in the group who only spoke japanese and a few words in english so had voicechat off. Poor guy constantly kept jumping ahead or other such silliness cuz he didn't know what the rest of the group was doing and typing can be hard in battle.

Doing the haunted library:

me: "Don't run through the center of the room! the floor falls out on you."

WF: runs into room and falls like a rock throught the floor....

later...

rg: VC "trap!"

other: "WF can't hear you yo"

rg: types "trap!!!!!!!!"

WF: runs into trap, then a mob solo, then types "trap"

doing tempest:

leader: "ok, nobody jump in the portal yet, i'm gonna go in first to scout and take aggro, you guys buff and ready"

other: "WF don't have VC yo"

leader: "****, somebody type quick" jumps in

WF: follows leader

other: "stay WF stay here!!!"

leader: "****"

WF: wf dies....


on it went :P

[lasra]

Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Where are all these kobolds comming from?
Group: Quit ringing the gong!
Barbarian: Do these things respawn or something?


Im sitting here at the computer crying, b/c Im laughing so hard...

[Kaz_The_DM]

this should be a sticky, by far the best I have read on this forum yet.:D

[Edi62768]

On PnP game:

The DM asks everybody to lend him their D6s and proceeds to chuckle to himself as you hear dozens of dice bounce on the table behind his screen...

[Kevonovitch]

dead guild member (aka DGM)

dgm: hey dude? watch out for the monster round the next bend(s)

me: you mean that one? hehe easy stuff ;)

dgm: noo..its like a named

me: were? (runs around randomly)

dgm: ohh the boss that is proly behi-

me: ZOMG***HAX *dies*

dgm: yeah that one...

me: **** head, -_-

[Edi62768]

The next thing he says is ....333pts of dmg, save for half. Btw, we are a 5-6th lvl group....

[gponto18]

On PnP game:

The DM asks everybody to lend him their D6s and proceeds to chuckle to himself as you hear dozens of dice bounce on the table behind his screen...

Oh god yeah its never a good thing when the DM needs to roll more dice then he has...

[gponto18]

You know you are screwed when...

...the caster prepares Quicken Spell

...everyone in the group's name is some variation on l33t speak.

[Shecky]

Best "We Screwed Ourselves Out of Nice XP" moment came when we, a group of 5 7th-level peepuls, got jumped by an adult black dragon and his cronies. We're fighting for our lives, rolling surprisingly well and receiving good karma on the DM's attack and damage rolls. Nevertheless, it gets to a point where we're starting to fade fast - when, suddenly, the dragon just bolts. Takes wing and skedaddles.

The DM asks us, with that barely-concealed gleeful tone, "So does anybody want to take a parting shot at this guy?" (Backstory: Our rogue/sorcerer is out and I'm running his character for the night. He usually plays the guy full of bravado and big cojones, but my one required goal for the night is not to get the loaned character killed.) My dwarven fighter doesn't even carry ranged weapons any more (long story about a cursed dwarven waraxe that makes him drop any item that the axe doesn't approve of, mostly including other weapons), so that's a big fat "no" on his part; the loaned R/S has a wand of fireball but is not really in a position to draw aggro to himself, so I have him beg off. We count ourselves lucky that the dragon got tired of whacking on us and flew off.

Later that night, the DM can no longer contain himself. He HAS to reveal to us that the big black dragon, at the moment he cut and run, had a grand total of 2 HP left. I considered finding a way to break my own leg so I'd be capable of kicking my own ***.

[Wightscion]

Famous DnD last words from Dragon magazine (I dont have the specific reference):

"A dragon, eh? If we beat him we will get lots of treasure and experience!"

"A wizard, eh? I throw my drink at him."

"What does this lever do?"

"Ok now, first push the red button, then the blue one....No, wait!

"Why is my torch flame blue?"

"Nooo...er....I was not reading your module, I was just looking at the pages."

"The DM won't kill us, we are only level 1."

"Oops."

"Death before dishonor...Attack!."

"Why is our canary dead?"

"Does a 3 save?"

"I trust your judgement."

"There is nothing over there...I already searched that room."

"I wish for..."

"A lich, eh? Well, they don't have constitution scores, thus lower hit points. This should be easy."

"I think he is bluffing."

"Pfft! I ain't goin' to die."

"I am not scared."

"I'll go ahead to scout."

"I'll drink it."

"I charge."



That is all I can remember off the top of my head. Enjoy.

[Jaxom_Faux]

On PnP game:

The DM asks everybody to lend him their D6s and proceeds to chuckle to himself as you hear dozens of dice bounce on the table behind his screen...

one time we made it from level one to epic level 28. at one point towards then end when the mages where having too much fun with epic spells the and does a 100d6 damage roll the DM chuckles and in character as the crazy gnome necromancer says "you call that a magic attacK???? lemme show you how it's done." the DM pulls out a bag full of dice and ROLLS THEM ALL straight from the bag and starts counting... the wizzy who hellballed goes "hey uh..... how many dice is that?" DM: "305d6, meet the vengefull gaze of god and yes, i counted this is the right number :P"

[Carlos]

Pnp
you have been on the quest for the better part of 4 sessions (1 month) and you are facing down the main villan, every one in your party has their most powerfull weapons and spells ready to attack. as you announce your attack the dm calmly says
"you REALLY dont want to do that"

[DarkMedusa]

a few i remember from the game, paper d&d.

My favorite of all was in RL D&D ( i know its odd to hear but i mean the original dice game)

We were in Ravenloft ( all hard core fans remeber that module)
The DM had an idea to add magical items into game that were available

So our group comes to a room with a mirror that appeared magical but we were not able to figure out how to work it

Fred, in is infinite halfling wisdow, out of the blue says "I flick a booger at it"

We are all like at what? He say the mirror. After laughing for 5 minutes. DM ( terry) say ok...roll to hit.

A 20 is rolled...

Terry say "ok, roll again" Another 20.. ( we all know the odds of that)

Starting to laugh harder... Tery say ok.. roll percent. Fred rolled a 00. ... Now it get hilarious. Terry rolls . muttering ok..let see magical save vs blunt weapon. It Misses. then it missed saving throw. The damage for the booger was max damage....( owwwww ) 1d4/2 . THe part that got really scary is when terry brought out the random monster selection to tell us exactly what he hit. Apparently it was a mirror to the planes. Fred just hit Pazzuzu in the eye with a booger.....

[Palerider]

:D Man is was the most funnest forum i've red in a long long time ... and i have to say at least 75% of these stories has happen to me .. Dam ..
ROFL >>> :D <<< ROFL ... i was laughing so hard that ..... Man .... i cant even discribe ...

I hope the stories continue...

[Narfolin]

Anytime anyone on Riedra receives a party invite from Rolando (me), a 4Rog/2Ftr, with a perchant for wierd groups. I've had us in groups of 4 (or more) rogues, no cleric, maybe a fighter but often not. It's fun, and, sometimes, we're able to complete short or medium level appropriate quests:).

-Rolando

[Necrosis]

Somewhere in Cult of the Six with a Rogue that's doing it for the first time...

Cleric: hold up please while me and fighter trade and equip...
Rogue scouts ahead...
Rogue: *** is a Fresh Rember?
Sorc: It's Flesh Render - what's your int??? lol
Rogue: Those horns look so dumb, I'm going to get him
Party: No!
Rogue attacks...
Rogue "voice-chat": Wow, he's tuff
Sorc runs to help
Cleric (v-chat): "Who attacked it?!? All my windows are open!"
Rogue has died...
Socerer has died...

[Aninvader]

In a PnP game...

*******************

Playing a strapping, gallant Paladin (aren't they all), the DM's wife's character is flirting with you.

Then, after many darting glances over the DM's screen, you lead the group into a room. The DM's voice perks up, his head raises above the screen and says, "Who steps into the room first?"

Me: "I did."

DM: (trying to fight back his grin) "Follow me into the other room."

You enter back in and roll percentile. 01.

The DM's face sinks, his voice lowers and he says, "Okay, follow me into the other room."

You return to the table, sit down quietly and pull out a new CRS.

The others: "What happened?"

DM: Well, the good news is he made his God check and the rest of you lived.

Moral of the story. Never play in a game where the DM's wife is a member of the party and likes to RP.

*************************

At level one the DM looks up over his screen after rolling a D20 twice in a row, then percentile, then D6 three times and says to you, "How many hit points does your ranger have left?"

*************************

In DDO...

*************************

The leader says, "Well, let's just start it. Somebody is bound to be level 7 by the time we get to that part in Cult of Six."

*************************

I don't know how many times it has happened to me since I've stopped counting, and it has been posted on here several times, but...

You enter the quest - set to Hard - sneaking carefully to make sure you find traps (since the group was warned by the leader and two other party members who have run the quest before - you know, the ones who decided to do it on hard), when suddenly "Spot Danger!" appears on your screen.

VC: "Danger, trap!" / type: "Trap!"

You search, find the box, walk over and in the middle of disabling the Barbarian/Warrior/Warforged/Stupid jerk who won't listen runs past you, setting off the fire trap, knocking you down to half life (since you had a little damage after the entry fight), then runs back through to set it off again and hit you once more (now down to about 5 hp's as the cleric starts to heal) and you roll a 1.

You sit there at the shrine after resurrecting muttering to yourself, "Why the he[[ doesn't anyone ever listen?"

[Midris]

Never Trust A Smiling Dm, Never.

[Lithic]

Never Trust A Smiling Dm, Never.

I have a bumper sticker to that effect. On one side is a smilling skull-and-crossbones, with the message: "when the GM smiles, it's already too late"

[Kevonovitch]

"ever done this quest before?" "nope, you?" "nope..hmm wonder what this does.." *yoink* "erhm...did the boss just kill us withought anybody noticeing?.." "they should NOW.."

[Suzaku]

Heavy role play group with me as Rogue

Rolls a one on search, and I announce to my group ok it's safe lets go. Dm asked if he can borrow some D6s. (All though I did made my reflex save with improved evasion I was standing over 5 corpse).

[Duplicate_11]

Heavy role play group with me as Rogue

Rolls a one on search, and I announce to my group ok it's safe lets go. Dm asked if he can borrow some D6s. (All though I did made my reflex save with improved evasion I was standing over 5 corpse).

Why would you tell your group it was safe on a roll of 1?

[Akismaniac]

i got these in Shan to Khor today, in one run...

you know your screwed when...

...they stand on the door that opens when you complete the puzzle
...they think that you have to activate the 4 outside pillars to get by the same door
...the leader doesnt know that someone else completed the puzzle who said they would and activates the 4 outside ones that release spiders
...the leader said he completed the puzzle last time by leading the energy to all four pillars, wow what a day that was

and some more

...the rogue, or anyone, doesnt know how to use action boosts or take them
...the rogue didnt relize he needs search to find traps and maxed spot and listen
...the wizard with full mana runs up and taps a giant with his staff, maybe kobolds, but just dont, please dont do that, not even fighters like to melee a giant
...the cleric doesnt realize he can wear armor, almost always people coming from WoW too i find
...the character who has some DR thinks they are invicible and gets owned by casters, and the complaining insues, especially after a one hit KO
...you're with a cleric who doesnt at least heal on a regular basis, or at all in some cases
...you're in a quest where you have to hit a specific lever but they hit all of them and set all the traps off
...people who dont block or tumble, especially if they maxed it, or ask the question, what does tumble do?
...the main casters use like to use grease, gliterdust, obscuring mist and/or sleet storm in all the wrong places
...the casters use wands because the spells they picked are completely useless in most situations

and my personal favorite and seems to be common
...one player, especially the rogue or cleric, is the only one without voice chat on

and this one was a once in a lifetime...
...you're with a declaired finesse fighter pulls a greatsword

[Kristof]

Heavy role play group with me as Rogue

Rolls a one on search, and I announce to my group ok it's safe lets go. Dm asked if he can borrow some D6s. (All though I did made my reflex save with improved evasion I was standing over 5 corpse).

Because its a role play group... and if you are playing your character then "you" have no idea what you "rolled". You know you have searched the room and found nothing therefore it must be safe. In PnP, DnD I don't kick people from the group, but if you do a second search simply because you rolled a 1, you won't get invited back to play. We dont let each other see our character sheets, our rolls, and often have secret ulterior motives with the dm. If the party, not knowing what you rolled feels you might overlooked something, they can try and talk you into searching again, as long as its all buyable as something your character would do.

My favorite campaign of ulterior motives was a CN fighter, a CN wizard, a LN Cleric of ST Cuthbert , and a LE rogue.

---The paladin(fighter impersonating a paladin) was on a mission from his chruch to destroy the thieves population in the city as it was getting out of hand, but was actually doing it to gain enough rank with the chruch to recieve lands and a bit of the tithes.

----The rogue joined the paladin's noble question pretending to be lawful good to elimiate his opposition and to devert attention from the small thieves guild he was in.

----The wizard... was actually a spy from the guild the party was trying to destroy and was trying to trick the paladin into attacking the parties rogue's guild and overlook the larger guild he was apart of.

---THE cleric joined the party to oversee the punishment of the warrior for his greed and impersination of a paladin, of the rogue for general roguish things ( like assassination and stuff :P), and the wizard of organizing a guild war, robbery and murder. But instead of executing them outright, he decided to allow them to continue to destroy each other.... in cooperation.

Since we all RP'ed correctly and because we didn't tell in-game secrets outside of the game, it was really awesome. I would rather die a well rp'ed death that to play a gamer where the numbers were all that mattered. I have actually, as a DM, seen rogues look at a 1 sigh and say "all clear" and not set off the traps (because the age of the trap has made it stop working).

But my favorite was, we had a rogue search for traps get a 1 and "opps, i search again". As the dm, i told him if your character thinks you searched well and would have not reason to believe he missed anything, why are you researching. He didn't answer and rolled again. I told him he found a bladed trap in the floor with a pressure plate trigger. He went to disarm it but... I TRAPPED the TRAP :P a second trap was set off in the process of disarming the pressure plate.. wall trap.. he was smashed...

Moral of the story.. If your gonna RP then RP all the time not just when the rolls fit, and if you die ... you die, sorry everyone dies sometimes. If you just wanna roll 20's and not worry about the role playing factor (including experiencing lifes little oppies in-game) then dont join an RP group/game

[Duplicate_11]

I think that reply was meant for me, so...

It's the wording, I guess if the character was played as over confident and maybe a little pompous then it works. There's a difference between your rogue saying "It's safe, lets go" and "I didn't find anything, lets go." One implies an absolute, and one implies the chance that you may be wrong. I was in no way advocating multiple checks...

[ColbyWolf]

to get nosey...
a 1 indicates a critical failure. It's not rollinga 2 where you swing and miss, it's swinging and hitting your own leg. Or hittign the fire dragon with burning hands instead of the kobbolds or something, it's nto failing, it's messign up terribly.

When searching for a trap and rolling a 2.. I'd say the character fidns nothing, but has the right to be at least a bit doubtful of it he found something... maybe he got some dust in his eyes or something... "achk... geh.. *rubs eyes* I don't see anything..."

but on a botch... I'd say the player has /no clue/ they missed anythign or did anything wrong. no dust in eyes, nothing.. just sheer oblivion. ^-^ "hey! looks good! lets go! *charges forth!*

I have a friend working on his own system that works on percentiles.. 00 or 01 is a crit or dire crit.. 98 or 99 is a botch. ..maybe jsut 99. can't recall. anyway..

In our lighthearted game, with heavy magical influences...

My char's a unicorn. I periodically roll my 'virgin sence on people. Critting has gotten me complete info on jsut how PURE they are (sexually, morally and mentally speaking..).. rolling bad gives me a vague "you have no idea' feeling.. and botching has made me look at perverted demons and think they were the most attractive feeling thing I"ve ever seen. Thi s is, of course, bad, because if my virgin sencse says 'yes" I act goofy, grin wildly and seek desperately for this person to feed me fresh white rosebuds. and pet me. please pet me. .. behind the ears, please.

Another fun example.

"Alright.. when you step into the kitchen, you hear.. well.. both you you roll, actually." ((check to see if I hear a HUGE clock ringing and if I pick up any significantce with it..))

"... I botched."

"ooh.. hmm... A large beetle suddenly zooms out of no where and dives into your ear."

".. wait, what?"

so.. yeah.. end rant

[Carlos]

Why would you tell your group it was safe on a roll of 1?

simple cause when your RPing. a roll of one means you found nothing, so as your charactor you wuld believe the coast was clear for the group.

after all in RP games your PC is not rolling dice and saying opps there is a trap here but i cant find it.

Its more like. you slowly scans the area looking at every detail but no hint of danger. "ok guys its all clear lets go"

You know your screwed when:
The DM and the mage in your group pass a note to each other then the DM anouces, "ok everyone roll a reflex save" half fail as a lv 10 firball drops in the center of the group. which is followed by another save and we are hit with chain lightning.

Dm says. " as you fade to black you see blah blah your mage stroll through the smoke and haze and collect such and such item, he sees you looking at him, walking over to you he gives you a kick in the gut and teleports. the sound of his laughter echoing off the chamber walls."

[Kaz_The_DM]

Why would you tell your group it was safe on a roll of 1?

It's called rollplaying ... if a player in my group rolled a one and everyone's character acted like they knew I would punish them for out of character knowledge. No matter what you roll good or bad your going to say you looked and didn't see anything.

DM's are not bastards ... we know are fathers that's why we DM :D

[pallyman]

Here's a couple:

When your a wizard and join a party on a blind invite to find on entering the dungeon that everyone else is a warforged.

Your entire party lays dead one minute after entering a dungeon and the leader says "so thats what elite is like".

The only member in your party (the Rogue) that knows anything about the instance your in doesn't use VC and can't type well. (...sorry, I couldn't type TRAP! before you ran in there).

When the Rogue goes running past the rest of the party yelling INCOMMING...LOTS OF GIANTS!

The only member that can cast fire resistance just died in the middle of a fire trap.

[Ariakhis]

The only member that can cast fire resistance just died in the middle of a fire trap.

Haha that is so me

[cnynridr2]

These are my own personal newb moves!

I'm curious to know if anyone else had great newb death stories:D

DDO
I was in my first big dungeon after coming to the marketplace. Everyone I was with was 2 levels above me but said they could get me through the first 2 parts of the dungeon to get me up to speed with their quest.

We get to the very first ladder and being overly excited I accidentally hit spacebar and proceeded to fall 200 feet to my death.:eek: Needless to say there wasnt a rest shrine for about fifteen minutes while they carried me.

They were laughing the whole time. Pretty embarrassing.:(

Orrikk

[~Randilor]

A member of the group asks the rogue how he got up to a spot in a dungeon with a skeleton and chest in a concealed spot.

'Follow me' ... rogue procedes to run into a trap the he had a critical failure to disarm 5 minutes earlier.

Hate to admit it but that rogue was me :eek:

[OptimusPrimal]

I was in a group last night and I had never been in this place before it was a lvl 2 quest. I am a rogue.

Cleric: Look out for the...

Me: What? *melts*....

Me: Oo the acid trap... :o

[Duplicate_11]

It's called rollplaying ... if a player in my group rolled a one and everyone's character acted like they knew I would punish them for out of character knowledge. No matter what you roll good or bad your going to say you looked and didn't see anything.

DM's are not bastards ... we know are fathers that's why we DM :D

I already covered that, it was the absoluteness of the statement, not the fact it was made :D

And it's called roleplaying :p

[Kristof]

Back to your know your screwed instead of screw with badmojo :P

<Cleric casts water walk as his final spell for the day so he can move to the middle of the lake and be safe.>
<Rogue says.... traps *** MAN i'm just here to backstab>
<Ranger says how do you hide again>
<Level 1 partys fighter says, CR 8 wow that should be good L33TS...>
<Rogue scouting for the party on teamspeak says... SHYT HIDE, RUN, INCOMING......>
<Wizard says, I prepared grease for this advenure> ( only 1 spells with an intel of 12)
<Elven warrior says, look guys i know it will be hard at first but trust me ill be good around level 5 with all my skills, my 18 wis 18 intel will make up for my 6 con>
<Cleric says wow guys we should find somewhere to rest, or atleast get a healer.>
< Wizard in full plate, I'm the off-tank>
< Sorc says, how do I scribe spells>
<Wizards says, How come i cant scribe cure light wounds>
< Sorc or wiz in a WF party says, we got a good group but we should get a cleric or you guys wont last long>
< Anyone on a bad night.. Vengeful Gaze of WHAT!>
< New player says, its cursed huh, well is it a curse i can live with?>
< Fighter says, come on guys, its not a BIG dragon.>
< And lastly my favorite from PnP.... Paladin in a level 1-3 party says... I understand your point but it is evil and therefore i must destroy it, or die trying>

[your-boss]

LOL

Rogue(lvl3): "I went for balance, I wanted skills and fighting ability."

-5 min later BOOM
Rogue: "$#!T"

-2 min later BOOM
Rogue: "Well ****."
Rossi: "Are you using your skill boost?"
Rogue: "My what?"

-4 min later...intel Rune
Rossi: "Ok Rogue try it out."
Rogue: "They never work, let's move on."
Rossi: "Uh...what's your intel at?"
Rogue: "Ten"

-8 min later...end of dungeon
Rossi: "We made it."
Rogue: "Yeah I don't know what was going on, I couldn't hit anything."
actually, ive learned that low intel isnt TOO bad as a rouge... i have an 8! ^.^

[Hawke]

You know you're screwed when ....

1) The party rogue spots a trap, critical failure on disarm, and dies.
2) Party Fighter dies fighting some monsters that he attracted
3) Party Wizard's computer crashes and he goes link dead
4) Party Cleric says "I forgot to recharge my mana before I came in here!"

All happened at basically same time (within about 5 or 6 seconds)
True story.
It hurt.
I have the scars to prove it too. :p

[Kaz_The_DM]

I already covered that, it was the absoluteness of the statement, not the fact it was made :D

And it's called roleplaying :p

I vote for spell check!:D

Oh and anfter i posted I saw the responses before me sorry:(

[Freeman]

In the first session of the campaign, the DM drugs our entire level 1 party and sells us into slavery. Then, while being transported by ship, we are shipwrecked on a beach. Of course, none of our equipment was on the ship, we have little to no food, and no idea where we are. Fortunately, I was the monk. I was out about 12 gold, and my AC, attack, and damage were the same as before. I even found a piece of wood to become my new quarterstaff. (I was a halfling, so it didn't have to be that long) I was the only reason we weren't wiped out by some rats the first night on that island. At least we had breakfast the next morning.

[Mental_Maden]

You know your in trouble when the paladin is the only player on voice chat......and

1. Its on hands free....and
2. His dog is barking.....and
3. His TV is full blast....and
4. His wife/girlfriend is yelling at him while he plays....and
5. He's yelling back while he plays.....and
6. You keep asking him to switch off hands free......and
7. Oh, did I mention neither he nor the girlfriend speak a lick of english????

Makes for a fun treck through tangleroot.

[Necrosis]

You know you screwed when the leader of your party of Level 3's and 4's says, "Hey, let's do Purge the Heretices. It's a Level Six Short, just a bunch of Halflings..."

... 2 party wipes in about 3 minutes (second time party was destroyed by only 3 Halfings in about 15 seconds). Tuff little buggers.

[Kaz_The_DM]

You know you screwed when the leader of your party of Level 3's and 4's says, "Hey, let's do Purge the Heretices. It's a Level Six Short, just a bunch of Halflings..."

... 2 party wipes in about 3 minutes (second time party was destroyed by only 3 Halfings in about 15 seconds). Tuff little buggers.

ROFLMAO! :D

[gponto18]

Somewhere in Cult of the Six with a Rogue that's doing it for the first time...

Cleric: hold up please while me and fighter trade and equip...
Rogue scouts ahead...
Rogue: *** is a Fresh Rember?
Sorc: It's Flesh Render - what's your int??? lol
Rogue: Those horns look so dumb, I'm going to get him
Party: No!
Rogue attacks...
Rogue "voice-chat": Wow, he's tuff
Sorc runs to help
Cleric (v-chat): "Who attacked it?!? All my windows are open!"
Rogue has died...
Socerer has died...

This one is total comedy! I just spilled coke all over my keyboard laughing so hard!


You know you are screwed when...

---------------------------------

Wizard: Lets do this one on hard!
Group: I dont know we dont really know each other too well maybe we should wait till we gel a bit...
Wizard: Screw that I need xp...starts quest on hard...

...Group reluctantly enters...

Wizard: Ok so what do we do on this quest?

---------------------------------

The sorceror announces that he never took web, as he claims he kills everything so fast he doesnt need it.

---------------------------------

Me: All I ask is you dont lead the fight with a fireball...
Wizard: Dude I can cast mage armor on myself, I don't have to worry about mobs.

---------------------------------

Warforged Wizard/Sorc: Im not worried, I can just heal myself if I get in trouble...

---------------------------------

Ranger: I'll just pull one giant at a time with my bow...

*Short Pause*

Ranger: Uh-oh..

---------------------------------

Rogue: Trap!
Voice: ARRGGHH!!!!! *Various Sounds of Crispy Heroes*

[Molydeus]

In PnP (2.0 ruleset), the cleric uses all their spells keeping the party alive throughout the cavern until the end. The end of the cavern is all one huge pool of water with about a dozen or so giant spiders.

The characters enter the pool of water, which is about waist deep, and quickly dispatch all but one of the spiders. The fighter and rest of the group wait for the cleric to use their turn and start charging at the last spider.

The cleric uses their turn, attacking from a distance with a ...

Wand Of Lightning Bolt

rolls a nat 20!!!!

You hear the DM chuckle (never a good thing)!!!!

You find out the DM is a real physics type of DM (the hard way)

The last spider dies. WOOT

Then, (electricity and water are never a good combo especially with Metal armor) everyone in the party is crispy fried and start rolling new characters.

[Tanka]

DDO
When your Sorc cannot, for the life of anyone, figure out how to work the z-axis while swimming.

Basically, we all swim, hit a switch, swim to the other side, hit the other switch, then swim through a gate in the middle, where you have to swim down some then through the gate.

The Sorc continually, when told to follow, would swim down, then over to the other side. At several points, he turned and looked at the gate, then swam to the other side once again.

We were almost done, so we ended up finishing without, finding a Wiz, then booting the Sorc.

If you read these forums dude, sorry, but z-axis is one of the things you learn how to control in any FPS. I did get frustrated and a bit short with you, so I apologize for that much, but... Really.

[Kaz_The_DM]

You know you're screwed when ...

The party leader says: We can do that quest it's easy ... 20 seconds later party wipe

----------------------

Me: There's a trap over here
Party's Rogue: So?

---------------------

Me (cleric): I have to rest hold on
Party Member: Hey I found the leader
Another party member: Charge!
Me (cleric): Wait still resting!!
Party member dies
Party member dies
Party member dies
Me (cleric): I'm here!
Party member dies
Party member dies
You have died

[Necrosis]

From last night...

You know your screwed when you enter the Haunted Library and the Cleric (me) forgets about the chain-lightning arcane casters. After first party wipe,

Cleric: lemme recall and prepare protection from Electricity
Party: k (some recall some shrine)...
Cleric: Heads to Drowning Sorrows and prepares Protection from Cold
Party reassembles near next encounter
Cleric: Casts Protection from Cold (Extended, of course) on group (180 sp pts)
Party: Not one of us realizes the Cleric is an idiot
Sorcerer: Cool, now lets get them!

Party gets raped again, still nobody realizes the mistake.
Paladin: Christ, these casters are tuff
(several want to give up and do something else)
Ranger: No Way! we're almost done!!! (we have two more tombs to find). Party agrees to continue. One person holds instance, all recall, reassemble...
Cleric: Casts Protection from Cold
Cleric: ***!?! ... ... ...
Cleric: No! God&%#*%$&%#@(!
Cleric: I'll be right back... (recalls back to Drowning Sorrows) btw, this is the 3rd reentry, playing for -60%exp
Cleric: OK, now, let me cast Protection from ELECTRICITY and see how we do.

Amazingly, we have no serious problems from that point on (other than Every Single Wraith immediately aggroing the Sorcerer no matter what he or we did)...

[Skaves]

You know you're in trouble when....

the fighter/barb/paladin shows up ready to fight giants with his two hander.

the 3rd section of WW starts, and the cleric, rogue and wizard all take off through the acid trap, down the hall, and through the middle of the flaming corner trap, then each go a different direction at the 4 way.

the rogue of your group has been scouting ahead for 5 minutes in silence, then suddenly starts screaming " Help! Named Giant!"

the only rogue in the group shows up packing a pair of flaming swords.

you offer the wizard a scoll of Web and he responds, "I don't have UMD."

the only way you can get your party together in an instance is to say "Hey a chest."

you're invited into a PUG and in party chat you're greeted with, "d00d ww14 4real" and you're logged in on a 6th level character.

[Zaius]

Surprisingly enough, you think you're screwed when there are only 2 people in your party of Gwylan's stand on hard than can speak english and one that kind of understands words. We died a bit when the one pseudo speaker wasn't communicating for us natives properly, but no wipes on hard so I was impressed. Elite was another story.

[Lilith-Darkmoon]

You know you're screwed when...
...someone says "I sense a demonic presence."
...when someone lays out a brilliant tactical plan, which is followed by ten seconds of absolute silence, which is broken by "Dude."
...when the DM has had a really really bad day/week/month and states when the game session begins, "I need some gratuitous violence. Roll initiative."
...your guide says "I'm lost." And you're playing in the Dark Sun setting. (All desert, for those that don't know).
...the rogue says, "$#!t."
...the friendly archmage who's on your side prepares his uber-spiffy-wah magic spell of DOOM and it goes "Pffft."

[Skyus]

...When a cocky know it all, yet silent type is in group, and constantly rushes ahead,(as he knows the dungeon) not even askin if people know the dungeon forcing people to follow....

[MALLAKIA]

You know you're in trouble when....

the fighter/barb/paladin shows up ready to fight giants with his two hander.

the 3rd section of WW starts, and the cleric, rogue and wizard all take off through the acid trap, down the hall, and through the middle of the flaming corner trap, then each go a different direction at the 4 way.

the rogue of your group has been scouting ahead for 5 minutes in silence, then suddenly starts screaming " Help! Named Giant!"

the only rogue in the group shows up packing a pair of flaming swords.

you offer the wizard a scoll of Web and he responds, "I don't have UMD."

the only way you can get your party together in an instance is to say "Hey a chest."

you're invited into a PUG and in party chat you're greeted with, "d00d ww14 4real" and you're logged in on a 6th level character.




What is wrong with a Barbarian fighting a giant with a 2Hander? (+2 Greataxe of giant bane)

[snowydude]

what the heL does this mean?
d00d ww14 4real
dude ????? for real

[Greywolf]

I'm pretty sure thats Water works 1 - 4.

And the first time I encountered the tube down in Shan to Kor I accidently jumped in instead of getting the ladder. :p

[Englebert_Humperdink]

Throughout my career here in DDO I started to take things for granted that I should not have. The major one bring that up until Shan To Kor, all the ladders had a rounded top to them, allowing me to grab hold of them much more than even I wanted most of the time.if I was next to one, i'd be climbing it.If I was walking past one drinking a coffee, I'd be on it, coffee all up in my face, while i'm wondering what the hell i'm doing on a ladder. In Shan To Kor............not so much. My RL spot didn't show me that those ladders don't have the curve to them which I guess is what lets me grab em in most situations. I also play a rogue with a pretty good jump skill, so i'm just used to moving quickly, jumping about, never taking much damage. So i'm just playing naturally, and naturally, I walk right up and over that ladder in the first tube. I was not alone, than the twelve, otherwise i'd feel really silly. I got a lot of "Well one hell of a way to start the night Engle" and other things like that. Once I recalled and came back (I was not going to let that ladder get the best of me, i'm doin it over!) i did the appropriate jump from the opposite side. I was much more wary from that point on about ladders in general, and now fear them in real life. But on a bit of good luck, we cleared almost to the end with no tank (2 rogue, cleric, 2 sorceror and 1 wiz if i remember correctly) Actually a pretty solid group to say the least. It was a lot of fun and now I can joke about my rogue's "laddephobia)

[Landvaeir]

After accepting an invite to a group you find they are playing musical chairs with the leader position.


Thief: (Who is the current leader) I only got 30 min left to play lets make this quick.
Cleric is now the leader
Cleric: Um no!
Fighter is now the leader
Barbarian is now the leader
Barbarian: No thanks
Ten minutes later…
You are now the leader
Thief: Its late and I have to go to work
Cleric: Same here.
Thief has left the party
Cleric has left the party

[Skaves]

What is wrong with a Barbarian fighting a giant with a 2Hander? (+2 Greataxe of giant bane)

Purely from my experience mind you, but 99% of the two handed weilders also run an AC worse than the mage and have that neato keen Con 10-12. They also tend to have no clue what blocking is. I HATE stepping in the paste that was once the two hander tank when I'm waddling in to fight the giant with my shield and axe.

Granted, I've met a two handed weilder who knew how to block... but then vs giants he'd whip out that handy shield for the extra DR and AC. He also didn't get turned into paste.

[blackty]

As far as noob deaths

I'm sure many of us have had the experience of falling off the cliff on the way to the Dinghy. I remember the first time I did that I almost wet myself laughing.


as for funny quest stories

I remember one time doing the Kobold Assault with a group and I was having some trouble with lag, so I couldn't quite tell what was happenning for a minute.

Suddenly, bang I go incap but I stabilize so while I'm waiting for a heal the rush comes and everyone else dies. So I tell them I'll keep it open while they go back and heal (we killed 68 before that).

So Im just hanging out just inside the gate and they all rush back in. The Cleric heals me but in the mass of kobolds we all die again. Again I stabilize so I stay in again. This time the group actually recruits another person before they come back.

They come back in they push the kobolds back and I get healed up. I fight my way out the gate but eventually I get killed again (was still barely level 2 at the time :D). This time someone quck rez's me as I was once again only incap. While everyones got the kobolds tied up I go and heal up.

No sooner am I healed it seems everyone dies at once. Next thing I know I get swallowed by a wave of kobolds. I'm down but once again I stabilize (I just didn't want to die that night I guess!).

As I'm lying there I see the funniest thing I think I've seen in this game (I know took me long enough to get to it!). The wizard who was late coming back in is now alone as every one else went back to town to heal. I see him come running by in a full sprint with a trail of kobolds hot on his heals. It was like an old cartoon or a Benny Hill skit (dating myself).

I watched him run back and forth across the clearing with his kobold shadows about 4 times before they got him. I was lauging so hard I was crying and I almost fell out of my chair. Meanwhile apparently in the process of running over me I finallly died completely and got to go back to tavern and heal.

I'll never forget watching that guy run for his life, even without my VC on I could practically hear him saying "oh ****, oh ****" as he ran:D .

[Tired_Daemon]

This was several weeks ago when I had just started playing and the game just hit the shelves. I was playing my sorceror in a group of 5 that had just completed the Missing Ward quest. I ended up with most of my life when we exited the dungeon so I ran and jumped down the walkway leading to the Leaky Dinghy ending up with 1 hp left.
Me: "Dont worry guys, you cant die jumping, you end up with 1 hp left"
2 people died from the jump:D

[Lu_Ferigno]

the halfling rogue pulls the lever.

[Varis]

when you are on the last part of cult of the six and the only tank is a 7th level Bard.

It get's all weird when the Bard manages to kill the boss.

[Batezou]

When the other party Wizard decides to go to the frontlines with his Elemental Greatsword in the Co6. (I kid you not.)

[Galrith]

Ok a bit of a set up here.. This takes place in undermountain in a room with a giant mirror. The party has been looking around a bit and is throughly searching the room.

The Party
Tomin - The Fighter
Meric- The Mage
Jeral - The Bard/Cleric
Bombadil - The dungeon rogue who could 1 shot kill anyone in the party and has enough UMD to carry around lots of scrolls of invis and other various spells.

Bombadil: Man this rooms got nothing. We've searched here for over an hour and not a single thing.
Meric: We're almost done then we can go investigate the rumors of the Slad to the east of here.
Bombadil: Man do we have to go after slad? I had a bad expericen with a red Slad before.
Jeral: Atleast it's not as bad as a mindflayer
Tomin: No kidding.
Bombadil. True I guess.. atleast we aren't fighting another beholder.
*Suddenly a red slad appears and the party makes quick work of it*
Bombadil: Where the hell did that come from?
Meric: No clue must be some kind of trap.
Bombadil: what ever it is I hope nothing else comes along.
Jeral: What's wrong Bombadil afraid of a slad?
Bombadil: Nope just don't like them I'd rather take on an army of skeletons.
Tomin: True and nothing would be as bad as an evil version of you Bombadil.
*Suddenly a Mindflayer attacks and takes the party awhile to take it down. Right after it drops a beholder appears.*
Meric: Run!!!!!
Everyone Else: No ****!!!!
*Suddenly the sound of thousands of skeletal feet walking down the hallway followed by the evil laugh of a Chaotic Evil Halfling Rogue*


This caused so much worry from the party that an evil version of the party rogue (Me) that they dragged him to get a tatto on the back of his neck and then went to the yawning portal and put out a 250,000 gp bounty on a halfling that looked just like Bombadil without the tattoo. Turns out there was an evil version of the head cleric of Tymora which Bombadil had become friends with so more then likely the 2 evil copies ended up together.

[cpito]

...Turbine f***** up the loot system

Yeah, we get it. This is a thread on comedy

You know you're screwed when:

The DM opens a portal and sends your druid to Ravenloft

Your cleric rolls a 1 to save against sleep, 3x in a row and ends up with a permanent penalty to save vs sleep

Then there's this exchange

Thief: *busy rifling through character sheet*
DM: you all have 10 seconds to tell me what you are doing
Thief: uuummmmmm
Druid (me): *being called by magical item* I'm reaching into that barrel full of staves and grabbing the right one
Thief: uuuummmmmmmmmmmmm
Druid *nudging thief* I'M REACHING INTO THE BARREL
Thief: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh
Druid: *lays hand on staff* I'm pulling the staff out!
Thief: ummm..... ok
BOOOOOOM
Druid only one left standing, protected by magical staff as alarms start going off in every direction.
Thief: What just happened?

[ristard]

You know your scewed when. The rogue goes to disable the trap and everyone in the group thats played with him before steps back ten paces!

[Mouser420]

Famous last words of adventuring parties:

"Oops."

"I can Turn these, right?"

"Look, archers!"

"Let's just run through."

"I think I can jump this."

"Me? I thought you were the healer."

"Nothing here but some stupid-looking monster with a bunch of eyes."

"Heal! Heal!"

"Let's see what happens."

"Don't worry; I have damage resistance."

"Resist Fire makes us immune to fire damage."

"It'll wear off."

"One more room and then we can rest."

You forgot

"Hold my ale and watch this"

I laughed so hard I almost peed at the one with the eyes.

How about when the DM picks up a couple of dice from behind his screen, shakes them a couple of times, pauses for a moment and then just shakes his head and smiles at you "Ok, so what do you do?"

Great stuff

[EMDEN]

Yeah, I did this, then I went and bought a mouse for my laptop....

You know you are in trouble when...

In the middle of a nasty fight the Cleric yells, "I can't do anything!!! I can't select or move or cast!!! Dammit!!!" After 3rd death, Cleric accidently hits Enter Key:"

Cleric (on Party Chat): sssaaddaawswsssssssssss888999999999 (dozens of f1-f6 key hits not displayed)

Cleric (on V-chat): Son-ov-a!

Cleric suddenly can move and cast normally... Group is completely silent.

Yes, that happend to me a few times with my tank when just starting..... it is just so worng it is not funny.... but I did laugh out loud since someone else knows my pain.

Left UO after 6 years and never going back. Truck on DDO

[Galrith]

You know your screwed when the halfling who would disable traps by setting them off and laughing turns around and says "Aww "Otyugh" thats a new trap!" followed by the click of some mechanism....

[Omni]

Thank you for sharing these. I laughed so hard I buttered my cheeks.

[Dieter]

...(PnP)the DM starts the session by setting out a stack of fresh character sheets.
Takes out his laptop, hooks up a printer,turns to the person playing the cleric and says,"I can make more when I need to."
(/\ True story)

DDO

Doing Tempest Spine on Elite

One of the Clerics says "Hey let's go clear this shrine over here past the Fire Giants"
1 hr later
"I was sure there was a shrine over here, everyone spread out and look for it"
Total Party Kill(except for the people smart enough to leave group prior to horrible rapage)

[Okkam_Fresleven]

Lone cleric with 3 fighters all wielding two handers:

Me: Hey guys, a one or two of you wouldn't mind pulling out a shield to help me out with the healing now would ya??

All three at once: ohh I don't have one..

Me: Ohh okay..

Fighter 1: Do you have an extra or something?

...

[Culgan]

...you're a cha-based arcane caster and the vault of the night requires 2 int casters with 25+ int.

[Lithic]

...you're a cha-based arcane caster and the vault of the night requires 2 int casters with 25+ int.

...and the 2 wizards in the party are weilding greatswords while telling everyone to hold back while they tank the dragon "for just a round or two"
(bonus points if you get the 2nd ed rulebook ref).

[Houdini]

When half the group quits after the inclusion of a new member.

When the blind invite is for CO6 on hard and the inviter is lvl 4.

When you are attempting anything on elite with a group in which no one has a mic.

[Hellreike]

You know you're in trouble when....

the fighter/barb/paladin shows up ready to fight giants with his two hander.


though im really enjoying reading this thread, and everyone has some hilarious stuff to say......why not a 2-hander?
Dwarven Barbarian with dodge and mobility, using full dex bonus of a breatplate and timing his tumbles propperly....has a high enough AC to get by just fine, against giants anyway. I know cause thats me described, and i know im not getting the most heals in the group. Haven't been hit with a stomp (when i was awake at the keyboard) since lvl 7(lvl 9 now). I certainly won't claim to be a tank though. i play a damage dealer barbarian. but at least i back it up with 23 con.

[Necrosis]

though im really enjoying reading this thread, and everyone has some hilarious stuff to say......why not a 2-hander?
Dwarven Barbarian with dodge and mobility, using full dex bonus of a breatplate and timing his tumbles propperly....has a high enough AC to get by just fine, against giants anyway. I know cause thats me described, and i know im not getting the most heals in the group. Haven't been hit with a stomp (when i was awake at the keyboard) since lvl 7(lvl 9 now). I certainly won't claim to be a tank though. i play a damage dealer barbarian. but at least i back it up with 23 con.

OT - but yes, I can attest to Hellreike's skills. When I was the Cleric in a group with him (I think it was in Stormcleave or Redwillow), he was killing things so fast I had spell pts aplenty for Buffs and Searing Light (had to find something to use all those points on).

[Sertrynus]

While doing STK last night

When you go i'll just go down the ladder and make sure it's all clear...

Me: *** I just fell while climbing down
Grp: You failed ur climb
Me: Well that friggin tickled, anyone got heals???
Clereic: Yeh there u go, but thats all my mana gone
Me: Oh this room looks clear, except for the 2 earth elementals in the corner and oh yeh that really big dude......

[OptimusPrimal]

Me: Trap! *begin searching*

Barb: Don't worry i have trap save and high reflex save!... *dies* Hmm must of rolled a 1.

[ccheath776]

though im really enjoying reading this thread, and everyone has some hilarious stuff to say......why not a 2-hander?
Dwarven Barbarian with dodge and mobility, using full dex bonus of a breatplate and timing his tumbles propperly....has a high enough AC to get by just fine, against giants anyway. I know cause thats me described, and i know im not getting the most heals in the group. Haven't been hit with a stomp (when i was awake at the keyboard) since lvl 7(lvl 9 now). I certainly won't claim to be a tank though. i play a damage dealer barbarian. but at least i back it up with 23 con.

Hey. I'll heal two-handed WF any day. Unfortunatly Im on Aundair. Sorry.

Elayne T. - Aundair 6 Cleric

[Nexmal]

When grp leader tells everyone in grp to type



/death






And they do

[Lu_Ferigno]

When grp leader tells everyone in grp to type /death
And they do
That always turns out about as well as a group leader getting the brilliant idea to do lvl 6-8 long quests with a group with highest lvl char of 4.

[Ziegler_Von_Strahn]

This one is from PnP:

When the DM asks if he can borrow some of your D6...he doesnt have enough to roll dmg. :eek:

[Nightstarr]

On STK just before the drop to puzzle room.

Me sole cleric. Top off everyone and rest at shine. Group had move down to puzzle. Jump off last pipe as someone finished puzzle. Lived with 3hp.

Been watching rogue have problems with trap boxes all night. Group goes in on hard quest. I say everyone stand back due to AOE of failed traps. Rogue and 2 party members die as trap is failed.

[Kaz_The_DM]

There is a curse on all die rolls that are associated with rogues:( Must be a glitch.

[Urguloth]

just a PnP reference!

You have a Kender in the party, all is silent, then one word stuns the balance of the known planes, shattering the psyche of the Druids everywhere as everything is thrown out of line...


That word is "Oops".

[Molgrath]

I've never posted/joined/viewed a forum thingy before. But ever since i started playing DDO and reading some of the posts i finally see the advantage and entertainment of them.

So here is my first post to the BEST thread ever:

You know you're screwed when....

You are invited by a person and the first question they ask is "So this is Warcraft, right? It's not so Violent i guess"

Maybe not so funny, but it happened last night to me and i lost it laughing so hard....ended up talking to the person for 5min, found out they are a parent and they promised their son to play Warcraft to see what it's like. lol

[Ashlar]

A 20 is rolled...

Terry say "ok, roll again" Another 20.. ( we all know the odds of that)

Starting to laugh harder... Tery say ok.. roll percent. Fred rolled a 00. ... Now it get hilarious. Terry rolls . muttering ok..let see magical save vs blunt weapon. It Misses. then it missed saving throw. The damage for the booger was max damage....( owwwww ) 1d4/2 . THe part that got really scary is when terry brought out the random monster selection to tell us exactly what he hit. Apparently it was a mirror to the planes. Fred just hit Pazzuzu in the eye with a booger.....

Glad to know I'm not the only one that ever got into trouble for those three rolls, in sequence...

My very first PnP D&D session, 2nd edition rules...

This crazy wizard that myself and three friends meet sets us on this quest to find some 7-part staff and bring it back to him. A couple of hours later, we are in a dungeon fighting an orcish shaman. The whole party is silenced, one is held, and the dungeon is in total darkness, leaving us all essentially blind.

Newb that I was, I panicked. I remembered a staff that the gelatinous cube we nuked earlier had dropped that the DM had called a "Staff of Wishing." Break it, and it grants a wish. So I figure, I'm blind, silenced, and about to become orc food. I'll break the staff.

I wish to have all 7 parts of this crazy rod and be back where we met the crazy wiz.

DM chuckles (I did not yet know how bad that was.)

"Roll a 20" he says. I shrug and roll exactly that.

"Roll another." Once again, 20-side up.

He chuckles again. "OK...roll percentage." Double aughts.

I think, "****, I just rolled zero." He looks at me and says, disbelief etched on his face, almost screaming, "Do you know what you just did?"

1st 20 was to see if I broke the staff. Second was to see if my "wish" was strong enough. (DM BS, but whatever). Third? The rod had 99% resistance to magic. My low level wiz now has the Rod of Seven parts, and weeks of campaign prep is down the drain. DM is angry.

My character is forced to go to sleep. Second newb mistake? Of all the great new powers I've been given, I chose Globe of Invulnerability (cause it sounded like it made me invincible) as my sole protection before going to sleep.

My hand is removed while I am sleeping, leaving me handless and without the rod.

I did eventually play again. But never with that DM.

[Lu_Ferigno]

The barbarian gets the brilliant idea to say, "Hey, Kord! Shove it!"

[Pantheon]

You know your screwed when half the party is dead, the cleric (me) is out of spell points, everyone is really low on HP, and the rest of the party wants to push a little further into Tangleroot to complete the optionals...party wiped.:mad:

Or when you get a blind invite, party going into a dungeon you've never been. Sure, sounds like fun...Do I (the cleric) need to remember any specific resistances/protections? Party leader.."no, we should be fine". Get to the end boss and hear "Can you cast Protection from Fire and Electricity"? We are going to need it.

[Lancing]

when the cleric is using all his MP healing himself.

*Cough*Cheesman*Cough*

[Okita]

Cleric: " wwwwwwwasasdsadawwwwwawdaasadsa"

followed by,

Cleric: "ahh ****.... no one else can rez, huh?"
ROFL I swear if you hit w 4 times in a row if should erase the wws and let you start running forward

[gimhalos]

... when a male voice gets on teamspeak and makes your ears bleed from the treble.

... when I search, find the trap box, point it out the the rogue, and he runs into the trap anyway.

... when someone complains because you are using mana inefficiently (as a cleric) then takes 40 fall damage and makes you waste mana healing him.

... win teh claric/rouge/othur importent role spels like this.

[starfire_one]

the paladin walks into an enemy and anounces your presence to allow a fair fight.I play a paladin and I never did this (Well, once, but it was a duel I had to do). I know the utility of good tactics, and alerting everything to your presence is not among those.

[Yomo_Kimyata]

when the cleric who invited you to the PUG says, "Ok, now all we need is a cleric and we can start."

when the same cleric is dual wielding elemental swords.

[Mahlik]

When the Sorcerer you recruit for damage dealing announces they modeled their character after a necromancer in 2.0 rules and is bestowing status effects the whole time.


When the Ranger forgets to buy arrows before a long instance. (i've done it myself many a time :( )

[pallyman]

You know your screwed when fail to save when your wizzard casts grease and you slide gracefully towards the 30 mobs he's trying to crowd control.

[Ruri]

You know your screwed when...
The barbarian in the group keeps telling the group to slow down and use some strategy. As the cleric I was not able to keep up with them, in part everyone was going off all different directions.

[Sovolis]

Doing cult of the six. On the Jail break part of the quest and we finish all the rooms and kill all the mobs when:

Me: Who picked up the key?
Cleric: What key?
Me: The key that opens the cells and releases the ogres.
Cleric: I still don't know what key your talking about?
Me: The one that should have dropped off the Jailer.
Cleric: Oh, that one. Doesn't everyone get one of those?
Me: No.
Cleric: I thought they did, so I destroyed it.
Me:...

That really sucked.

And you know your screwed when you hear Gary Gygax's voice. Not because the quest is tough, but because it should be a crime for that guy to speak.

[ALTRego]

lol... this one happend to me the other day....

get tell asking for cleric help... i say np

join group, start stormcleve on hard... lev 10 for me so im koo with it

we take the right turn an slide down to pillar

dogs show up and everyone including the mage decides to chase them up to the other side... where the other ogre pak is...

after eliminating the threat, and rezzing the party, i drop the party only to get hate tells from the leader... lol

2 days later he tries to reinvite me... LOL.

[jefferylgreen]

You know when your screwed when you are invited to join a group to find out they are already waiting in the instance.

When you zone in you find out that they have brought most of the mobs to the entrance.

And everyone died while you were loading.

[saphyrea]

As cleric, I do the traditional healing and buffing of people.....at least I try to. So, when a group member asked for restore during a battle, I went over and cast restore on him while trying to dodge the mob boss. At this point, there were only three party members left alive. He still keeps asking for a restore and I'm casting them as fast as I can. Then he says, "forget it, just heal me.....I'm incapped." I say, "You can't be incapped, I've been casting restore and healing you......oh wait."

[jcnmesa]

From PnP

A deck of many things? what's that???

One of the party members sees one of the dragon kings on dark sun, the DM shows us a picture and he says "that looks like barney" Two minutes later in character he says "hey what's up Barney?" ...

Another one from dark sun, halflings on Dark Sun are cannibals. Me the halfling cleric says when our party member, an elven psionic dies... "I wonder what he tastes like..."

[Freeman]

From PnP

A deck of many things? what's that???


I had a PnP bard well known for his bad luck with dice. One day, he got a chance to draw a card from a deck of many things. We were using a regular deck of cards to simulate it. I draw a card and show it to the DM. He looks at it and starts flipping through the book to look it up. As he's doing this, this is what I hear: "Well, that isn't the worst card you could have drawn...Wait, yes, actually it is the worst card you could have drawn." I believe my soul was sucked out of my body into the void. It would have taken a major wish just to locate my soul, and it would have been a very long, tough full-party campaign to try to get it back. So I rolled up my dwarven monk, which leads to my next story...

As a 10th level monk, I had improved evasion. During one fight, I got hit with delayed-blast fireball. For those not familiar with PnP, it means you get hit with a fireball, then 6 seconds later, you get hit with another fireball. Well, when the first one hit, I rolled a 1, failing my saving throw. The DM rolls around 40 for damage, so I take 20 points of damage. (Improved evasion says you take no damage on a successful save, and half on a failed save) As I look down at my character sheet, I realize that I only had 19 hp left to begin with, bringing me down to -1. Since I was unconscious, I didn't get a save for the second fireball. The rest of the party was nice enough to gather my ashes and spread them where I would have been happy. Of course, the tavern owner swept the mess off the bar fairly quickly :)

[Lu_Ferigno]

the halfling rogue throws a card from the Deck of Planar Summoning at the demon lord, and randomly generates a Balor.

[Nesrath]

I will not mention any names, but a certain newbie rogue on his first trap disable in the harbor quest " healing elixer". "Hey all watch this, my very first trap disarm!" Bard: "sweet, GL dude." The rogue kneels to disarm the trap. In character:"Never fear ******* the incomparable is here!" There was a bright flash and a loud kaboom, followed by much laughter from his party members. Critical failure on his first disable, is this a bad omen or what?

[Divaria]

Lmao

[Kaz_The_DM]

I will not mention any names, but a certain newbie rogue on his first trap disable in the harbor quest " healing elixer". "Hey all watch this, my very first trap disarm!" Bard: "sweet, GL dude." The rogue kneels to disarm the trap. In character:"Never fear ******* the incomparable is here!" There was a bright flash and a loud kaboom, followed by much laughter from his party members. Critical failure on his first disable, is this a bad omen or what?

No, it is the life of a DDO Rogue, the D20 is notorious for giving us horrible rolls on our disarms even with 30+ in the skill!

[Skunkweed]

when the cleric prays and god shows up and says you may ask 1 question...
then some 1 says "all of us?"
"no"

Had similar happen many years ago in pnp. Adventured for several games to find oracle to get info on something, we only get one question. Find the oracle and fighter goes up and says "are you the oracle"? :p

[jsni]

Can't exactly remember where it happened, but two party members (tanks) got blinded near the mushroom area. We attempted to talk them through the jumps, but the ultimately just gave up. I'll never forget standing on a 'shroom about half way down looking up and getting ready to give my next instruction, when he said, "Ahh, the heck with it"....funniest **** thing I ever saw...his toon with his blue name falling past me going about 100 mph! It was hysterical!!

Unbelievable they made decent tanks the rest of the way by using their little window on the bottom right to attack.

We lived!

[kuro_zero]

Laughing so hard from some of these.

Pretty much a day after the dragon module came out I join a PUG who hadn't decided on what to do. Deciding to try one of the new quests, we pick The Xorient Cipher...

Half dozen party wipes later we finally finish it lol.

And just today running STK with two clerics, me (wiz), a paly, a fighter, and a rogue. Figher leaves the party early on - NP we press on. Part 2 the rogue disconnects and never comes back on. Hmmm.... with two clerics and resist we should be ok...

Even with fire resist the party dies except me (LOL!). I'm able to grab all their stones when I get up to the part with the minataur.

Web, web, and more web. Then MM like no tomorrow. I actually did it too :)

party rezzed at the shrine, we head towards the boss. I type "stay to the left." Again, the rest of the party dies...

I hold it open, one cleric leaves so its me, a paly, and one cleric left standing at the entrace to the boss. Both me and the cleric say "Well this should be interesting..."

First try wiped - but second time they properly shield blocked while I MM'd him to death. :)

[Tober_Smiles]

You have no tank and there's a cross-class rogue in the party that runs ahead completing all objectives but the kill ones and goes unconcious and stabalizes and stays that way thoughout the quest knowing no one could reach him to heal him. :mad:

[Majere_Aumar]

......when you're standing back from the group which is fighting 10'ish spectres and a stack of skellies. You accidentally hit the fireball button instead of magic missile and 15 damage scores float up from the fight.

10 White shapes start floating your way.....

[SlickNick]

When your quest log says, "LOL you again?"

[Manx]

You know your screwed

PNP
When your wife playing a Wild Mage in Return to the Tomb or Horrors looks across the table at you and says "I'm so sorry". :eek:

[deadpool090]

You know screwed when......

the Wizard uses all his spell point in the first two fights and when getting to the int rune at lvl 6 does not have more then 14 int to work it.

[Guildmaster_Kadish]

4 party members just wiped and only a 1/3rd health warforged barbarian and a wizard with 72 mana remain.

The warforged says, "ok I'll go up and tank these three giants up here; you just keep me healed, ok?

Wizard: "Wait, I can't even see you, you're running too fast."

Barbarian is smited mightily by three giants. "Why didn't you heal me?!?!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the ironic end to the story:

Wizard runs up, casts 3 hold monsters in quick succession and melees the giants to death with his lightning rod.

[Ishturi]

4 party members just wiped and only a 1/3rd health warforged barbarian and a wizard with 72 mana remain.

The warforged says, "ok I'll go up and tank these three giants up here; you just keep me healed, ok?

Wizard: "Wait, I can't even see you, you're running too fast."

Barbarian is smited mightily by three giants. "Why didn't you heal me?!?!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the ironic end to the story:

Wizard runs up, casts 3 hold monsters in quick succession and melees the giants to death with his lightning rod.

lol!

But you definitely know you're screwed when...

(dnd)
the DM says "oh dear...."

(ddo)


half the party dies going down teh first ladder in stk

the necromancer blinds everyone in the party, so you drink a remove blindness potion and the only person who didn't get unblinded is the rogue...

you're doing WW on hard and the bard (the sole healer in teh party) uses up all his mana and half his wands in one fight (tru story, I was the bard)

fighter(v-chat): help! I can't move! I've got serious lag! help!
party(v-chat): whoa! minotaurs! pull back!
other fighter has died
rogue has died
fighter: wwwwwaaaaaddssadassww sasds wasdwwww wwwwwww8wwwa w
fighter(v-chat): oh so THAT'S why I couldn't move
sorc has died
wiz has died
cleric has died
fighter(v-chat): uh...oh....

[HeathenYak]

On PnP game:

The DM asks everybody to lend him their D6s and proceeds to chuckle to himself as you hear dozens of dice bounce on the table behind his screen...


hehe, I used to dm and play darksun. I have like 45d6 ;)

[HeathenYak]

......when you're standing back from the group which is fighting 10'ish spectres and a stack of skellies. You accidentally hit the fireball button instead of magic missile and 15 damage scores float up from the fight.

10 White shapes start floating your way.....

I die more on my sorcerer from wraiths and ghosts than anything else. Ghost skellies and spectres, ghosts, and wraiths seem to swarm the party a lot, when the going gets tough the tough cast empowered fireball.


You know your screwed

PNP
When your wife playing a Wild Mage in Return to the Tomb or Horrors looks across the table at you and says "I'm so sorry". :eek:

I played with a DM in high school who had a campaign rule "If it doesn't cast spells you cannot play it" players could only be wizards, clerics, or psionicists. He let me roll up a Wild Mage with the Dragonslayer kit....it was interesting. I didn't live long enough to fight any dragons really.

[Shamguard]

(my personal stupidity death story)

Group leader goes on for a minute or so (over voice) about how we must all move into the room togeather as a portcullis will slam behind us in the room ahead.

<snip>

I waltz right into the room....CLANG...

I've been that party leader, but I also repeat the instruction in party chat. I get an ok response from everyone then just as I start to enter, the mage charges ahead. Triggering the gate and the two of us are in a room full nasties and the rest of the party is locked out.

My favorite was a time in the first quest of Delera's when we get the to set of rooms at the bottom. We've just beaten the two arcanes in the first room.
two people see the shrine to the right and two people see the chest to the left. After preaching all the way through this dungeon "Stay together or bad things will happen." Two people go left, two people go right. My low mana sorcerer and the rogue get left behind. TPK. Even on a good Scorchem is no match for 8 wraiths. (the 4 spawns + the 4 dead party members)
Then after we recall all four of the people who went running off quit the party becasue no one would help them when they were in trouble.

And yes I will take some cheese with that whine. :)

[Niles_of_Oakville]

Maybe by now I'd have learned that saying, "I'll draw their fire" is a sure way to send all of the baddies charging straight at our weakest member...

That phrase is usually followed by "****! Sorry - they went straight past me again!"

But still I keep trying :-P

[Atlantis]

You know you're screwed when...


Lord Soth asks you "What the hell are you looking at?"

or when

You wake up in a stone walled castle with a little gnome writing something at a table. You ask the gnome what he is writing, and he replies "it's a biography I'm going to call: I, Strahd" (And then hear soft footsteps walking down the hall and a man asks "Keebles, how is my biography coming?"

[Dartor]

You know when ....

When you are desperate enough to get into Threnal South Excavation that you take two parties through Threnal East Excavation Part 3 (the 15 min fight), and either get them all killed or kill the person you are supposed to protect ...... over and over and over and over etc. again and end up almost erasing any progress you made through level 9.

Unfortunately for me this is true and to the players that stuck it out with me thanks

[Evilton]

You know you're screwed when... Your only Cleric Tells your group "I'm more of a fighter then a healer."..... Even better when hes 9/1 Cleric/Fighter.

[tlstar]

i have a pearl of power 8 and a mumified bat(feather fall).right after tempest spine people jump off the edge and feather fall down while recalling, so i did too. but i had my pearl equiped instead.plop into a pool of lava.

[Andrys_Quickfinger]

This is usually a bad sign for the guys I play with:

[Rogue1]: I can't find any clerics for our group.

[Rogue2]: Can't find any fighters to tank, either.

[Bard]: OK, here's the plan. I'll be the healer, and [Rogue2] will be our tank.


It's all downhill from there. It's beautiful, don't get me wrong. It's beautiful in the way that only a ballet of slowly unfolding disaster can be beautiful.

[Molydeus]

That always turns out about as well as a group leader getting the brilliant idea to do lvl 6-8 long quests with a group with highest lvl char of 4.

Sorry just seeing the low lvl stuff makes me laugh. Mainly because my current Ranger is one that does all the higher level content at lower levels. At level 3 he was in a rougeless group that successfully did Delera's Tomb/Necro's Lair series. As well as at level 2 he was doing Tangleroot.

LOL just sucks that he has level 6 gear in the bank he can't use yet :D

And no, on both he didn't die that often and added to the hack/slash/bash of DT/NL (3 times 2 to necro and 1 to the frost/poison area traps) and did both range and hack slash on Tangleroot.

[guidarr]

That was me with JSNI, blinded, doing cannon-balls off the bridge in STK. Ironically, my character's name is Jeronimo. I loved that bit. Somehow we actually made it through, recalled, and wandered back to the Rusty Nail and, like literal blind-beggars, asked any near-by charitable healer to fix us up... fortunately we found help. My second-best favorite is when 3 of us (Ftr, Rogue, Cler) are in some dungeon I cannot recall, all newbs at the time...our healer went AFK and we were all certain we were in front of the shrine door... I open it and unleash a swarm of mobs that ate the healer for lunch. Me and the rogue ran like hell, but the healer wasn't very happy (ironically, again, his character's name was HAPPY...I suggested he should name his next alt ****ED)

[ShadowScyther]

I remeber, me and a party were doing bonebite on hard. We had already done it on normal so we didn't worry about anything. So this trap goes off infront of us, i had seen it last time and it had only gone off once. So on party chat:

Technis(me):Don't worry it only goes off once.
Leader:If you say so...

Me and the rouge were for some reason taking up the back when...

*Fire trap activates*
Technis has died
Litha(rouge) has died

Technis:****!
Leader:hehehe

I'm not sure if it wen't that way but I did get owned by trap....

[Kaz_The_DM]

In PnP ...

The rogue walks into the Tavern on a cold night bu!! naked because his cloths were stolen...

(then he ask if he can slight of hand the nearest person next to him ... he rolled a natural 20 :eek: )

[Villia]

You know your screwed when the DM rolls a bunch of dice and starts to giggle.
When your facing a small army of bad guys and the cleric says "Hey that is my last heal"

V.

[studentx]

<snip> Nevertheless, it gets to a point where we're starting to fade fast - when, suddenly, the dragon just bolts. Takes wing and skedaddles.

The DM asks us, with that barely-concealed gleeful tone, "So does anybody want to take a parting shot at this guy?" Later that night, the DM can no longer contain himself. He HAS to reveal to us that the big black dragon, at the moment he cut and run, had a grand total of 2 HP left. I considered finding a way to break my own leg so I'd be capable of kicking my own ***.

OH No, its a DM trick! One Time.... no really, the DM said want a parting shot as it flies off? Rogue Sniper answers, "Heck yeah." Aims. Bard screams, "NO!"
Arrow flies and hits, dragon drops ...on top of the whole party. ....Yup, gravity works.

Cora

[roguebunny]

I have to say that is one of the fun things I like to do at the end of my gaming day. I love to go to a tavern and sit about and heal people and fix people with my cleric. Its good to be charitable and help when you can.

in case you see me
im on mabar server
Clerics name is Chewie
LvL6 so ill do my best


if your cursed blinded doomed afraid whatever and ya see me send me a tell
glad to be of service.
;) :)

[roguebunny]

STUDENTX

DOOH!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:

[Thame]

Funnyt thing......I've been one of those rogues that forgot thieves tools. lol

[JASON9]

i got the same probs, team running evrewhere and losing hp while me and rouge find hidden chest than entire arty comes to get theeir(not deserved)loot, and guess whats behind theme. yup 2 bosses and about 15 monsters.THEY JUST DONT LISTIN.oh and how do i get a dragon avatar:cool:

[Reveers]

upon accepting an invitation to a WW the first thing you hear/see is,
"This party is doomed playing like this." and then the speaking party member drops the party. Consequently two other party members also leave.
You and leader are left staring blankly at each other. That's an awkward silence right there guys.

[Khukhullen]

Fighter: Acid trap, be careful. *quaffs a potion and runs through*
Sorcerer: KK.
*fwap*
*fwap*
*fwap*
*fwap*
*fwap*
*fwap*
*GONG!*
Sorcercer: ***
Fighter: What happened?
Sorcerer: I dunno. I was looking through my pack for an acid resist pot and just died.
Fighter: .....

[DaranRendall]

In Shan-to-kor, bunch of level 3s. Most of us were playing Alternate Characters except for the Bard, who had just started playing (but was very good).

We come to a four way hallway and the following occurs:

Leader: "ok, for the next part the bard goes in first, we'll follow."

Bard: "Got it!" *runs in to the room*

Party: *silence*

At this point the gates slam down, leaving the bard alone in the room with the minotaur guardian.

We all are laughing about this as the bard deftly tumbles and swoops out of the way of the minotaur.

The gate reopens and the bard hits Diplomacy

The minotaur changes direction mid-run (I didnt even know they could do that), and one shots the leader dead.

Me: "Now THATS Karma!"

[Jaggon]

Playing Flinty, who is an archer build, I join a group and since I am only fighter in group switch to melee. Die once cuz our cleric is saving mana or something. Get to the Guardian and one of the party rogues and I go over the strategy because our wizzy is new. Get down to the Guardian and our cleric starts meleeing the Guardian, I'm reduced to using my cure light wounds wand to try to keep the wizzy up. He dies, the group eventually gets wiped and we release to heal up and come back. I say something like "this works better if the tank is not the one healing instead of the cleric" and our cleric drops group immediately. I guess he didn't like my criticism.:confused:

[Krumme]

i saw this comment attached to a L9 Cleric who was looking for a group
L9 Cleric - I'm only 10 years old using my dads account have no experience.

[fat_mike]

i saw this comment attached to a L9 Cleric who was looking for a group
L9 Cleric - I'm only 10 years old using my dads account have no experience.
ROFL

[Venjamin]

Your rogue uses her bra as a makeshift slingshot...
More than half of your party are Kenders...
The Kenders go first...
Your Kenders are all thieves...
... with very little dex...
... who like to pick pockets...
... of drows...

[Justian]

A cleric, rogue (me) fighter, wizzy entered sewer rescue on elite. We were going to do this quest till we got no more then 250 xp. Just a fun time and a bit of a challenge. Oh, did I mention we were 3rd lvl?

4 spiders said we shouldn't. 1 arch skelly said we shouldn't. Trap cost us most of the cleric's SP. Wasted a rest shrine rezing. Hobgoblin didn't like us, nor did his accomplis(?). total results after completing...including some recalls individually...I was -100 xp after completion.

[Thorisaz]

Clerics name is Chewie


CHEWIE!!!! (and Toastmaker/Majorchord et al) What's up duuuuuuuude! It's Shaado.

You know you're screwed when you have Chewie (the zerger) as your cleric.




Just kidding buddy.

[Syrien]

After accepting an invite to a group you find they are playing musical chairs with the leader position.


Thief: (Who is the current leader) I only got 30 min left to play lets make this quick.
Cleric is now the leader
Cleric: Um no!
Fighter is now the leader
Barbarian is now the leader
Barbarian: No thanks
Ten minutes later…
You are now the leader
Thief: Its late and I have to go to work
Cleric: Same here.
Thief has left the party
Cleric has left the party


OMFG!! LOL!!! I dont know how many times that happened to me!!

Ok here it goes:

You know your screwed when:

-The rogue asks, "Can I get Bulls strength? I cant get this trap disabled?"
-The same rogue then proceeds to say, "S#$t! That didnt work... Think I need one of those Intel buffs? *Looks to Pallly, "Dude, your the Charisma type, Hit me with an Intel buff"
(This happened in Von1)

-You stand in front of the "Cleric" with 2hp's, and wait.....and wait.....and wait........... and wait.......... *Cleric runs AROUND you, loots chest*
Me: *Stands BY chest* "Can I get a heal Please??"
Cleric: *Casts a single shot of Cure Light then runs PAST me to fight*
Me: *Franticly trying to invoke my Cure light wounds wands with a UMD of 4while cussing fairly loudly at my desk before dying two seconds later by slime*
Me: *Screams every cuss word in the book*


-Last fight, only one shrine,
Me: "Can I get DV please?"
*Cleric starts DV'n the Warrior*
Group: "Dude! Dont waste them on the Warrior?!? Use it on the Wizard!"
Cleric: "Why not?!?! The Warrior needs his Action point back more than the Wizard and dont tell me how to play my class"
(Yes this really happened)

Me: "Im blinded guys"
*Waits patiently for fight to be over*
*See blue names moving around, then out of range*
Group: "Sy you coming?"
Me: "Im blinded >< Can I get a potion or cure or something please?"
Cleric: "Oh **** we dont have a potion?"
Group: "Nope, Cast Remove blindness on her"
Cleric:*Casts Dispell.....Casts Restore......* "Nothing is working!"
Group: "You have to cast Remove Blindness"
Cleric: "I DONT HAVE IT! Stop telling me what to do!! Or I am going to leave!!!" (Someone obviously didnt get their Meds)
Me: "Its ok I will just run back from the Inn"
Me: /death
Cleric: "She did that on purpose cause I didnt cast Restoration on her"
Cleric has left the party

[Stranger]

Ok, I've got one. I'm a cleric, one of the cleric types that puts on the most powerful armor available and keeps healing even if she's being attacked. Sometimes I can count on the fighters to help. Most of the time, they come back to help me as an afterthought. But anyway...

We had just gotten pwned in a dungeon, so I released to heal up. They told me to come back in and help, so I did. Unfortuantly, as I tried to get to them I was ambushed by 3 giant spiders and 2 zombies. Since I didn't have the strength to fight them off, I called for some backup.

Let's see... everyone recalled and left me there. It took the monsters 10 minutes to finally kill me. (They had me cornered.) Needless to say, I got out of that group as quickly as possible.

Only one of my many horror stories, I'm afraid. ^^;;

[Toadmoss]

A wizard knows he's in trouble when you hit X and notice you have more kills than anyone else... and no mana...

I'm a Wizard JIM, Not a Tank ;)

But its all fun... now lets go quest and find some more you know's.




Have no Fear Toadmoss is here

[Seluvian]

Just a PnP funny moment:

We gain the trust of the lord of the town we're trying to take over and our fighter approaches him in his throne room, as he kneels before him, he quickly draws his sword and cuts off his head. Unfortunately, he's not quick enough to take care of the guards and he gets his leg chopped off by one of the two royal guards in the process. Our NPC benefactor (played by our DM), comes in to help us finish off the town guard since our fighter is out of action. Hack, slash, cast, blood, heal.... fight finally ends and we're reaping our rewards. The fighter happens to pull a ring of 3 wishes and immediately wishes for his leg back.
Without skipping a beat, the wizard picks up the fighters leg and hands it to him "here's your leg back... care to wish for anything else?"
"Yeah, I wish that guy hadn't cut my leg off"
Leg doesn't re-attach
"***!!!"
"It was the other guard that cut your leg off... care to wish for anything else?"

After 10 minutes of careful thought, he finally wished for a perfect and complete fighters body (I forget exactly how he worded it, but it was acceptable enough for the DM). The DM gave him the body of a Titan. Unfortunately, that was the last wish, and the Lord we killed was the lord of Shadowdale (anyone ever seen Elminster ****ed off?). We could have really used those wishes. Besides, we couldn't bring our now 25ft tall fighter in any more towns, including most dungeons.

[Shizzie]

The DM knows he is screwed when:

this was a ruleset 2 pnp night. The party consisted of 6 players levels 10-13.



DM: as you enter the room 6 Ice devils appear from behind a large curtian dividing the room. Roll for iniative.....

Barbarian: I rolled a 20

the ice devils rolled various numbers but none of them gained iniative over the barbarian.

Barbarian: I grapple the closests Ice devil to me.

DM: Roll a d20

Barbarian: I rolled a 20

DM: Nice grapple, now what?

Barbarian: I Pile drive him!

DM: Roll a d20

Barbarian: I rolled a 20

DM: !@#@!@, let me see your roll

DM: @#$@#!!!

Dm rolls some dice

DM: The other ice devils flee in panic.

Party stunned in silence

Barbarian: what happened?

DM: I did a morale check for the Ice Devils, 3 out of the five got a 1, one rolled a 2, and the last rolled a 4.



I dont know where the DM and the barbie got thier dice from, but the DM was cussing the rest of the night.........I guess he never figured out he was screwed..

[Frostess]

....As the entire cursed party stands next to the Cleric waiting patiently, he says, "Oops, I prepared bestow curse instead of remove curse."

I did that.

Stop laughing... :(

[Atelemarketer]

You know you're screwed when...

Your party is creeping through the damp halls of a dark dungeon. The scout spots a pack of hobgoblins up ahead. Everyone braces for combat, and just as the rogue prepares to strike the first blow...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

*NUCLEAR LAUNCH DETECTED*

***?:eek:

(starcraft anyone?:p )

my spot skill wasent high anuff to detect the ghosts... sorry

[pjstechie]

My best death story:

Few years ago in PnP I created a half-orc barb, strong as an ox and dumb as a rock. My group had a habit of planning the death out of every single encounter, so I played my barb to his appropriate int and wis and would charge into every battle. It was going great, forced the others to roleplay a little more to keep me in check, all until we hit this sewer. I start charging down this wet pipe-tunnel (i think i might have been raging at the time) so my DM makes me roll a reflex save (wet floor) and I, of course, roll a 1. So I fall on my face and slide down the tunnel into a pool where the waiting giant croc immediately critically hits me to -7/8. the paladin, in a valiant, yet stupidly futile effort to save me,dives into the pool and gets critically hit to -9. And with the two tanks unconscious, drowning AND dying, the rest of the party kills the croc...barely.

[Lydia]

...the cleric announces he is a "fighting" cleric and tells you to use potions to heal yourself.


But what's worse, is when he *doesn't* announce that he is a "fighting" cleric, and the party promptly wipes. ;)

[SpaXe]

You know you're screwed when-

Your cleric you just invited agrees to be the healer and immediately wastes all his SP on offensive spells. He then follows up by asking why his mana isn't regenerating anymore.

[Veet]

My first toon was a cleric by the name of Hiegrath. I had not really ever played dnd before, except when I was 8 my brother used to try and dm me to no avail. Anyway, this is my first mmo and first real experience playing a live rpg of sorts.

Hiegrath was of course a battle cleric before I knew what a battle cleric was. I have saved a picture on my computer of Hiegrath my 1st lvl cleric in WW wielding a greataxe. Hiegrath would always run to the front of the pack and mix it up with the kobolds. I didn't know I was supposed to heal all the time. I thought that was for me and everyone else had the same stuff I did. Needless to say I was yelled at for my actions and was told that I was a cleric and I have to stay in the back and heal. I wasn't happy with this situation. I wanted to fight. I kept on fighting too. Well the party wiped twice on the first part of WW. The leader on the party kicked me, lol. I rerolled Hiegrath the next day. I wanted to fight ******!!!!

[jsni]

You know you're screwed when you invite a new toon into a PUG and the first thing out of his mouth is "Oh, hey, there's so-and-so, she's a rotten player and gets killed all the time". What? And to boot he sounded like he was 10 yrs old.

So, true to form, so-and-so aggro's a giant on the way into Threnal Ruins and dies. The 10 yr old rogue laughgs at her.

We finally get into Threnal West, kill the opening slimes, spiders, mephits. All the while listening to a running dialoge from the 10 yrs old as to how great he is at the game. He basically ran around and capped off all the near dead monsters and after each battle pulled up the kill list and ranted and raved that he was better than our two lvl 10 figther types. We finished Threnal West and left party without a word.....

Can't we get an 18 and over server only?

[Converse02]

...when you cast summon monster and your teammates rush to attack it, wondering why they can't land a hit.

[Kaz_The_DM]

You know you're screwed when you invite a new toon into a PUG and the first thing out of his mouth is "Oh, hey, there's so-and-so, she's a rotten player and gets killed all the time". What? And to boot he sounded like he was 10 yrs old.

So, true to form, so-and-so aggro's a giant on the way into Threnal Ruins and dies. The 10 yr old rogue laughgs at her.

We finally get into Threnal West, kill the opening slimes, spiders, mephits. All the while listening to a running dialoge from the 10 yrs old as to how great he is at the game. He basically ran around and capped off all the near dead monsters and after each battle pulled up the kill list and ranted and raved that he was better than our two lvl 10 figther types. We finished Threnal West and left party without a word.....

Can't we get an 18 and over server only?

I felt the same way but the last time I was on we had a 16 year old that was so mature he made this 24 year old seem immature. It is the luck of the draw we shouldn't discrminate by age. :D

[Tradain]

I'm a fairly new player so I haven't had any major odd deaths, other then the usual people continuing to move when i either say or type trap. But I found a good site of RPG deaths that may be old but their funny. http://users.tellurian.com/dano/hallname-cd.html.

Here's my favorite

Cumulous Icyfingers: Luke Harris
Male Elven Ice Mage , AD&D
CAUSE OF DEATH: The party discovered a glowing pool. Initially cautious, one PC sipped from the pool. The lucky sap gained full HP and "bonus" constitution, raising HP even more. Upon seeing this, every other PC leaped in greedily, bathing in the pool. Their HP began increasing exponentially. Initially overjoyed, the celebrations began. Suddenly, Cumulous exploded into gobs of glowing flesh. We deduced that once HP doubled, extreme positive energy caused the PC to blow up. We panicked and began beating each other with full force to stave off spontaneous combustion, all for naught.
EPITAPH: All from the of curiosity of a fool, the party succumbed to a pool.

[Jaywade]

I'm a fairly new player so I haven't had any major odd deaths, other then the usual people continuing to move when i either say or type trap. But I found a good site of RPG deaths that may be old but their funny. http://users.tellurian.com/dano/hallname-cd.html.

Here's my favorite

Cumulous Icyfingers: Luke Harris
Male Elven Ice Mage , AD&D
CAUSE OF DEATH: The party discovered a glowing pool. Initially cautious, one PC sipped from the pool. The lucky sap gained full HP and "bonus" constitution, raising HP even more. Upon seeing this, every other PC leaped in greedily, bathing in the pool. Their HP began increasing exponentially. Initially overjoyed, the celebrations began. Suddenly, Cumulous exploded into gobs of glowing flesh. We deduced that once HP doubled, extreme positive energy caused the PC to blow up. We panicked and began beating each other with full force to stave off spontaneous combustion, all for naught.
EPITAPH: All from the of curiosity of a fool, the party succumbed to a pool.

^^^^ great stuff ^^^^^

[Indel_Eventine]

"the paladin walks into an enemy and anounces your presence to allow a fair fight."

Omigosh...that actually happened to me in a PUG. It led to a party wipe. Seriously bad move... :eek:

Man, I always hated people that thought being a Paladin meant I AM STUPID.

[Osharan_Tregarth]

...... when your cleric(me) goes to use his brand new shiny Res spell for the very first time....

Ummm.. Ooops.... Haven't picked up any level 5 spell components yet.... Sorry guys I'll be right back...

[Anton27]

Oh my word, I just couldn't stop laughing, I am still LMAO

There is sooooooooooo much truth to every post and what realy makes it funny is either I have been in that situation or been the cause of it.

I find it realy funny when playing my claric I get "we have a healer now, lets go do butchers pass" and everyone is at lvl1. In the end I get "why weren't you healing us?" and laughing so hard I could get my composure to tell them that running off in different directions away from me doesn't help.

I just hope I have time enough to recall before I am -100xp......., still LMAO :D

[Kaz_The_DM]

Was on last night and one of my guild mates told me this ... I had to ask over and over "Are you kidding me!?"

You know your screwed when the party fighter/tank has a ranged weapon and is wearing a robe :eek:

[Nefahrin]

LOL

Rogue(lvl3): "I went for balance, I wanted skills and fighting ability."

-5 min later BOOM
Rogue: "$#!T"

-2 min later BOOM
Rogue: "Well ****."
Rossi: "Are you using your skill boost?"
Rogue: "My what?"

-4 min later...intel Rune
Rossi: "Ok Rogue try it out."
Rogue: "They never work, let's move on."
Rossi: "Uh...what's your intel at?"
Rogue: "Ten"

-8 min later...end of dungeon
Rossi: "We made it."
Rogue: "Yeah I don't know what was going on, I couldn't hit anything."




I ran with this guy LOL

[Riatha]

You are walking up to an intersection in the Tempest Spine..your leader is Riatha. You are the only person who has never run Tempest Spine. You hear Riatha say--"you, go pull that level" amid barely held in laughter...The next thing you hear is...WHooooooooshh of the fire trap..


Did that to a guildie last night and the night before..it makes me smile just thinking of the charred corpse and ghost standing there.

[Huebacca]

You are walking up to an intersection in the Tempest Spine..your leader is Riatha. You are the only person who has never run Tempest Spine. You hear Riatha say--"you, go pull that level" amid barely held in laughter...The next thing you hear is...WHooooooooshh of the fire trap..


Did that to a guildie last night and the night before..it makes me smile you thinking of the charred corpse and ghost standing there.
I never get tired of seeing this happen.

[Return_To_Forever]

when you send a tell to someone for a pug to do a specific quest, and they answer with "I guess"

or when your trying to kill a creature with a heal wand

[Frzblaster]

You know you're screwed in DDO if:

...You're party leader assembles the group and says "Ok, I've never done this so someone take point".

...the cleric announces that they are all healing and actually do more buffing/fighting than healing.

...you hear a 3+ lvl wizard say "I was supposed to have Magic Missle prepared?"

...you spend over an hour talking out a detailed plan of attack in a raid party, describing everyone's individual job and task, fielding question over question, and making sure everyone understands and is prepared, then go into it and have the exact same conversation again while fighting.


You know you are screwed in PnP if:

...the pyro sorc thinks summoning his elder fire elemental is a good idea after already catching the wooden basement on fire that the party is fighting in.

...the DM relaizes that the disingration spell = 100% on disarming you of your weapons.

...the DM says "But you didn't say you were actively looking for traps."

...the party spends half an hour trying to disarm a trap with a dead kobold on a stick, only to have the monk jump through and take no damage.

...when you've already hit level 8 and your party is still lvl 3 cuz they are still trying to disarm a trap with a dead kobold on a stick.

...when the DM throws Chuck Norris at you as a random encounter.

[Ekaj]

In regards to Frz's post, i'm in his Guild (Black Wind) as well as in his D&D PnP Group...

...he has told me he's made the Chuck Norris NPC...and if we get too out of line...ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

[Sefuss]

You get invited to do TS on elite, and when you get there, there are two rogues, 2 non-rezzing clerics, two magi (neither one 9th lv), and five people asking where you get the quest for TS. Needless to say, that was a long run.

[Anton27]

You get invited to do TS on elite, and when you get there, there are two rogues, 2 non-rezzing clerics, two magi (neither one 9th lv), and five people asking where you get the quest for TS. Needless to say, that was a long run.

LMAO

[Zok]

when you get into an SC group with no cleric:
when eveyone is lvl 7 and their first time.
when half way thru you find out some idiot zoned it on elite.
when the wf refuses to use a shield an goes 2 handed only to find out his best weapon is a +1 junk greatsword.
when everyone is using mkt tent weapons without mojo.
when the ranger is hxbow repeater build with only 22ac an 42 health,
cant understand why he's pulling aggro off the tanks an dies in 1 hit.
when everyone runs off in different directions.


I've had some pretty bad groups, an i'll usually stay if it gets me out of the hole at least, but some people......

[Return_To_Forever]

you know your screwed when, a bunch of people who have never done a quest before can actually open it on elite:eek: jk

[deadpool090]

You know your screwed when there are 2 fighters in the group and one of them say I don't really carry melee weapons, I just use a repeating crossbow so dont expect me to tank.

[Tarran]

You know you're screwed when you think you wanna have a go at the Titan!

[SpaXe]

You know you're screwed when you are in a party, and everyone else the leader invited asks: "What are we doing?"

(blind invites, if you didn't catch it.)

[Irongutz2000]

You know you're screwed when you are in a party, and everyone else the leader invited asks: "What are we doing?"

(blind invites, if you didn't catch it.)when u jion a TS raid an 2secs later u r passed the leader star.

[Kaanyr]

you know you'r screwed when;

turbine community relations rep starts a thread saying we fix the lag.:eek:

[Kaanyr]

you know your screwed when;

you tell the wife 20 more min and i'll be done (2hrs later)

[Kaanyr]

you know your screwed when;

you join a group and see a smokey's guild member in the group.:D



sorry guys but 9 times out of ten it's true

[Kaz_The_DM]

From DDO PnP ...

You know your screwed when you have someone on your shoulders trying to stab your face and your party member says "I charge the assasin!" :eek:

[Freeman]

When the 7th level druid in your party charges a gelatinous cube. He managed to survive, thanks to the rest of the party, but we didn't know what to do with a naked druid with no equipment at all.(What wasn't eaten was still inside the cube, and no one was volunteering to go back for it.)

[Kaz_The_DM]

When the 7th level druid in your party charges a gelatinous cube. He managed to survive, thanks to the rest of the party, but we didn't know what to do with a naked druid with no equipment at all.(What wasn't eaten was still inside the cube, and no one was volunteering to go back for it.)

See, don't make the cube angry :D

[Freeman]

See, don't make the cube angry :D

I said "a gelatinous cube", not "The Gelatinous Cube". The second one would obviously lead to a total party wipe if they so much as thought about crossing it.

[Indel_Eventine]

One of the lines I fear most is the Paladin saying:

"I only fail on a one."

For the gods don't like braggarts, and a one shall verily be rolled.

[ShadowScyther]

Hmm doing Stormcleave on hard with my wizard, a few level sevens being highest lvls, a recipie for diasaster if you ask me. So anyways we're doing Pious when I get all trigger happy with my wand of invisibilty, then it goes somewhat like this.

Me:Can I turn off the portal while invisible?
Leader:Sure
Me:hehehe *turns invisible*
*Turns of portal, not only coming visible but releasing mephits and sicking skellies on me*
Me:OMFG!*invisibilty at 1 health*
*everybody but me dies*
Me: ooooops
*Party comes back and kills the mephs, but gets owned again by skellies, skip one or two more attempts...*
We finally get a good attack postion when all three tanks run up and DIE!
Me:uh-oh! AHHHH PIOUS IS ATTACKING! *other two die, and I run like hell*
Me:Phew I made it! *Drops to -1 HP from Pious*
Me:****! *Arcane Skellie comes down and puts me at -46*
Me:...........

And to the you know your screwed whens!

You know your screwed when...

...the cleric reses the rouge for the third time because he got fried by a trap he was trying to disarm.

...everyone in the party has spellpoints, and there are no rangers, paladins, bards or multiclassed spellcasters.

...everybody's potions are nearly gone and the only cleric has to go at the boss.

...the cleric spends half an hour trying to figure out why inflict mass wounds healed a skeleton rather than killing it.

[lemur]

From PnP. I was the DM. The paladin had spent the last few gaming sessions being whiney, not helping out the group and wandering off by himself. (He and his girlfriend, the druid, were fighting IRL.) It got so bad that one of the minions of his deity showed up to give him a talking to about the duties of paladinhood.

So the party infiltrates a keep through the cellars. They come up into a room with about a dozen brigands. The psionic tells the brigands that their leader has hired the party as security specialists and they're very displeased with how easy it was to get into the keep. The brigands buy the story and take the party on a tour. Next room, more brigands. Room after that, more brigands and several slaves chained to the wall.

One of the slaves asks for water and one of the brigands slaps her. Suddenly the Paladin remembers he's a paladin. Shwing! Out comes his sword. :eek: Had they tackled the brigands one room at a time they would have probably been able to take the brigands out without too much fuss. Now the entire keepful is on them at once. They just BARELY survived.

[ElfHugger]

One of the lines I fear most is the Paladin saying:

"I only fail on a one."

For the gods don't like braggarts, and a one shall verily be rolled.

so so very true. :) (i know that from experience ><!)

DDO:

You know your screwed when...

....your lying on a geyser of cold spewing goodness (XC's ice mephit room) continually saving while bleeding out from -2 as the cleric stands next to you while you repeatedly ask for heals in party chat and voice chat then proceed to bleed out and have to ask 4 times to get a rez. >.> (true **** story, needless to say, wont group with THAT cleric anymore)


PnP:

You know your screwed when...

...the party member with the bag of holding full of the dragons treasure gets distinigrated by a trap and the dragon couldnt see this as it was on the other side of 2 walls that had slammed together and not reset; while the dragon is still alive and me(a 9 cleric) is trapped in his lair. The dragon says " Give me my stuff back, and your stuff, and i MAY let you live..." as i was completely boned, i said "Uh...your stuff..was on that guy." Needless to say, the green dragon was not very happy with my answer. Our DM used an open-ended critical roll, and i dropped the dragon from 105hp to 15 in 2 swings (double crit one for x4 the other for x3 with a +2 Warhammer), he then proceeded to beat my intitiave and make me tiny tiny scraps of dwarf jerky :eek:

[Kaz_The_DM]

...when you invite a Fighter and he shows up as a halfling with a bow and tells you "why do I need a shield?" Then you sit there wondering how he made it to level 10 :eek:

[Jolani]

I'll probably get killed for this, but....

...you're standing at the last door in von5, everyone gets back, ready to go, just waiting for the rogue to unlock the door so the party can go in, and you hear "Oh ****!" and the rogue recalls for more thieves tools.

...the wizard hits a gong in shrieking mines, only cleric dies, party hurt badly. Cleric, "what the heck just happened?" Silence. Wizard, "Its ok, just one more overseer." Party, "oh ok"

...the kiter falls off the bridge, "Well looks like I'm out too."

...someone says, "Trust me, Wizards kite the best."

...you join a Wizard only LFG and hear, "and here's our healer!"

...a Wizard leads the kill count in tempest spine.

...the rogue critically fails the first trap in Healing Elixer on an 8.

...your Sorcerer turns out to be a Dwarf wearing plate armor.

...you're playing a warforged, give the Wizard a repair wand, ask him for a heal, and get "Sorry I can't spare any charges"

...you're blind-invited into a guild by a 7-year-old girl named Purple.

...you're in von5, and the Warforged Rogue says "For the last time, I'm on your side!"


These have all happened around me. Every one.

[Sue_Dark]

You know you're screwed when you put up a LFM with the name and difficulty of the quest you want to do and have a full party form up, with the first words out of 3 peoples mouths at nearly the same time being, "what are we doing?"

I didnt send a single invite that time, everyone requested to join. How do you request to join a group, with the given info in LFM and NOT have a clue about what theyre doing?

[Ziggy]

...you're in von5, and the Warforged Rogue says "For the last time, I'm on your side!"


this happens to me all the time. MY WF barb gets swung at by the party, then we all laugh.


oh and ill add one.

When your in VON5 elite and the WF gets teleported into the room with the rust monster emperor, after duel wielding muckbanes at the fire door saying over chat let me at 'em.:D

[RPGcop77]

You know you're screwed when you put up a LFM with the name and difficulty of the quest you want to do and have a full party form up, with the first words out of 3 peoples mouths at nearly the same time being, "what are we doing?"

I didnt send a single invite that time, everyone requested to join. How do you request to join a group, with the given info in LFM and NOT have a clue about what theyre doing?

I like to refer to it as the intrinsic stupidity of the human race, but I work in public safety, so I get to see the best and brightest (right) humanity has to offer...

[ArcaPisces]

Im beginning to wonder if stupidity is a disease because it seems to be contagious.

Maybe its something in the water!!

[RPGcop77]

They're's stupid in the air and too many people are breathing it. :)

[Robi3.0]

You know ur scerwed when U a warforged hands ur wizard a wand of repaire moderate damage and ask.

Can i get a heal?

Wizard responds:

I can't use this.

warforged responds

yes u can

wizard equips wand and stands there then says:

see doesn't work

warfordged responds

u have ot put it on ur shortcut bar and chick on it.

wizard than proceeds to heal u.

U know ur scerwed when the same wizard (different group)
when asked to use the heal skill to bandage up the incaped tank replies. I cant heal i am a wizard

[Clawstorm]

... when you tell the party that we should "body pull" one or two and the wiz/sor or ranger/rogue uses ranged to hit a critter - drawing everything into the room including the boss.

...when the "squishies" draw aggro first instead of letting the high AC team members get aggro - it's much easier to clean up the mess than it is to make the mess.

[ToeTank]

There have been some very funny and very recognizable stories here.

I have a couple.

1. I know I was screwed when I (rogue 1) invited a Paly to tank for me in in one of the Goodblade quests and the Paly always waited for me to attack first. Even when I was purely defensive (block), Paly just waited for me to kill creature. I asked if he had lag, and he said no, everything working just fine.

2. Very early on, finishing WW, I was playing a rogue and didn't know what FO meant. Everyone had disappeared on me. They told me what FO meant. I recalled the first time and was attacked by respawning kobolds. Died.

3. Same rogue doing Tangle Root. Crossing the bridge and I start shooting. Leader says "don't aggro anything". I start shooting first and then ask "what does aggro mean"?

Still learning as I go. After all the mistakes I have made, I try to take it easy on people with less knowledge than me (there aren't many since I am such a noob)